True to what Ranger had said, Kai dosed me with morphine twice more during the night. I slept until noon, and when I woke up I smiled at Kai. "Didn't I see you many, many times during the night?"

Kai smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. More in control."

"You were pretty upset last night."

"I know. I knew my parents were upset, and I blamed myself for it. How's Ranger?"

"Better. He had a good talk with your parents last night. He said you were basically awake during it, but he didn't know how much of it you'd remember."

"None of it."

Kai smiled. "The power of morphine. What pain level are you at?"

"A zero on my nose and throat, my lungs are congested and my muscles are sore from coughing, but otherwise they are about a zero. My muscle tear is about a seven again, and my legs are about a fifteen. What the hell did I do to them?"

Kai smiled. "You did a good job. From what Grant said, you rolled rather aggressively over to your stomach and, as you did, your feet and lower legs hit and rubbed against each other. Large areas had the scabs knocked off, you started other areas bleeding, blisters burst and started to weep, and other parts had the skin stressed. It will take a couple of days to regain the level of healing that you had."

"Does this mean that grafting is now an option again?"

"I hope not, but I don't know."

I shut my eyes and concentrated on breathing.

"Tell me what you're feeling?"

"I feel like this is all my fault, that I screwed up again and got hurt. No one else got hurt. Only me. I feel like a loser. It's like Val says. I am always the one that lands in doggy doo-doo."

"Okay, let's fight back against those thoughts. Yes, other people didn't get hurt – but they didn't have to walk across a large area that was on fire to perform their rescue. Your rescue was much harder. Second of all, do you think that Ben thinks of you as a loser? You saved his goddamned life. Ranger? Grant ? Miguel? Dirk? Nick? Julie? me? We all think that you're a hero for what you did."

I sniffled. "I'm sorry. I'm feeling sorry for myself."

"The pain is getting to you."

"Yes."

"That's understandable. You're in agony, and we know that."

I swiped the tears from my face.

Kai sat on the side of the bed and picked up my hand. He started to massage it. "Relax and concentrate on your breathing. Do you want more morphine now?"

"Not yet. I want to see Ranger, probably should talk to my parents, see the kids and so on."

"We'll see how you do after talking to Ranger. He's the most important one out of everybody."

"Can I see him now?"

"Yes. Just let me call him." He picked up the phone as I concentrated on my breathing, and he said into the phone, "hey, Ranger. She's awake and asking for you." He listened for a second, then hung up the phone with a smile. "He said he'll be up in a minute, but I'm predicting thirty seconds."

I grinned. "Thirty seconds? Ha. I'm predicting twenty."

The door opened and Ranger walked into the room. His face suffused with joy as I smiled at him. I turned to Kai. "That definitely was a twenty-second time."

Kai laughed as he got up. "I'll be over here if you need me."

Ranger sat down on the chair, and I looked at him. "Can you lie down on the bed with me, and give me a cuddle?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't think I could hurt much more than I do now. Just try not to hit my legs and you're good."

Ranger carefully climbed onto the bed. He snuggled in, and I sighed with relief. "Thank you", I said. "You make me feel better."

Ranger smiled. "Lindsay and Heather and Angus are here for lunch. They brought you a present, so if you feel up to it you might want to invite them into the bedroom for a minute or two."

I smiled. I liked surprises. I liked giving them and I liked getting them. They didn't have to be big – could be a chocolate bar or a picture the kids had made me. However, I liked the fact that it showed that people were thinking of me.

"I heard you talked to my mother and father last night."

"We were figuring out what to do about Val, but we didn't want to come to any conclusions until we had talked to you. We figured you deserve to have a say in it."

I swallowed back tears. "Thank you", I said.

"The biggest problem is that your parents have learned a lot about you that they didn't know, and they are wondering why you didn't tell them. I think they felt a little hurt. So I told them that you had told them more about what mattered than you had told anyone else, and that you didn't tell them about Val because you were protecting them. However, when Val crossed the line two months ago in the hospital, you decided that Frank and Helen needed to know what was going on. Since then, you'd been trying to tell them."

"What did they say?"

"Your mother started crying and said that she never would have expected to hear anyone at all be so vicious in their comments, let alone someone who was related to her. I told her that I could understand that, and that without hearing it, it is impossible to understand. Your dad said that, if he had known about Dickie, he would have hit him. I just told him that they were there for you when you needed them after you left Dickie. They supported you, made you feel loved, and helped you pick up the pieces and move on in your life, secure in the knowledge that they had your back. I told them that telling them about Dickie would only have upset them, and you were protecting them from that. So your mom asked what else you had protected them from. I told them that they'd have to talk to you about that."

"What other things did I protect them from?"

"The yelling and lack of support from Joe? Your suicidality?"

"I didn't protect them from that."

"You didn't tell specifics either. You glossed over things so that they didn't worry."

"I hate making people worry."

"I know. Isn't that the main reason that you don't want to take more morphine?"

I blushed.

"It's okay, babe. I understand. However, sometimes you do deserve to have people worry about you and that's okay."

"You can tell them about Joe and about the suicidality."

Ranger smiled. "Uh-uh. Your parents, your story. That is definitely the kind of thing that you need to tell."

I sighed.

"But you don't have to talk to them about it today."

"Okay."

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay. Tired."

"Do you want to go to sleep?"

"No. Not tired as in sleepy. Tired as in tired with life. Tired of trying so hard. It just seems like there are so many people pulling at me, and I don't have enough to give."

"Who is pulling at you?"

"I need to smooth waters with my parents, I have to look excited and healthy for the kids, I have to look interested for Angus and Lindsay and Heather, and I have to look like I am recovering for Ben and the team."

"Why do you have to look like you are recovering for Ben and the team?"

"So Ben doesn't feel guilty and so that the team doesn't worry."

"And looking interested for Angus and Heather and Lindsay?"

"Because they are trying so hard to make me happy, and I'm not cooperating."

"And the kids?"

"They're worried and are scared that I am going to die. I don't want them worrying about that."

"And your parents?"

"I dropped a huge problem in their lap that they don't deserve to have to worry about. Out of my selfishness, I decided to stop protecting them, and that doesn't sit right with me. I feel so incredibly guilty, so selfish, so embarrassed. I love my parents, and I feel like I let them down by not protecting them."

"Babe, they aren't little kids that need protecting. They don't deserve you lying to them or treating them as though they aren't strong enough to tell the truth to. I know that you are an incredibly protective person. However, by letting them know what is going on, letting them know the extent of the problem in a way that they understand the issue, the three of you will be able to move forward and work together, and potentially get through to Val that what is happening isn't fair. Just think about how much you hate it when I keep you in the dark. Your parents are no different."

I sighed. "Ranger? I don't think I am up to that conversation today."

"And you don't have to have that conversation today. But you do need to have it before your parents go home."

"Okay. Ranger? I love you."

"I love you too. So fucking much." He kissed me on my nose, and I smiled at him. "How about you have Lindsay and Heather and Angus in, and then have some more morphine."

I sighed. "More morphine sounds good."

A few minutes later, Lindsay and Heather and Angus came into the room carrying a large gift bag. I pasted on a smile. "Hi!" I said. "I'm sorry I didn't have lunch with you."

Lindsay smiled. "It's okay, lass. How are you feeling?"

"Been better. Apparently I bumped my legs last night and that is why they are so painful. I knocked my healing back a few days, which means they are as painful as they were when I first burned them."

Lindsay grimaced. "Ouch." She handed me the bag. "Hopefully this will make you feel better."

I put my hand in the bag and pulled out a plastic zipped bag. Inside was an incredibly light down throw in a white. It was two-sided – one side was a smooth and silky soft polyester that was decorated with gray flowers on a white background, and the other side was a comforting low-pile soft plush. It looked fantastic in the room. It was literally the lightest blanket that I had ever seen, and because it was oversized it was the perfect blanket to sleep under. Unlike the other blankets on my bed, the weight wouldn't hurt my legs.

I sniffled. "That was incredibly thoughtful", I said. "It is like a cloud, it is so light."

Lindsay smiled. "I thought you could use it now. The smooth side won't stick to your skin and the fuzzy side will be comforting. Also, it is washable and dryable, which will be good as well if you choose to use it a lot. I hate using dry cleaning chemicals."

"This is incredible. Thank you", I said. I brushed away some tears. "This is exactly what I need." I smiled. "Angus, can you turn around? I want to take off the heavy blankets and put on the light one, but I don't have pants on."

Angus hurriedly turned his back. "Right away, Steph."

I giggled at his look of discomfort, and Ranger pulled down the blankets for me, and spread on the light blanket. When I was covered, the smooth side down, I sighed in relief. "That feels incredibly better, thanks. We had horseshoe pillows around my legs to protect my legs and lift the fabric, but the blankets were still heavy and sagged down on my legs. This blanket is warm and so light that you can hardly tell that it is lying on your body. This is fantastic, thanks!"

"Do you like the color okay? I could have also gotten you a pink shade or a dark purple or a dark rose or navy or yellow or green."

I grinned. "They have it in a pink shade?"

"Yes. It's quite a pretty pink, more of a pink blush."

"I think you picked perfectly for my blanket. It looks amazing in here but Tia's birthday is in another week, on May 17th, and I've been worrying about getting her a present now that I am sidelined. I've been looking online but haven't found anything suitable. Would it be possible to ask you to go back to the store and get one for Tia? I can easily tell that the girls are all going to be trying to steal my blanket. Maybe even different colors, but ones for Grace and Alix as well? Their birthdays are on the eleventh of October, but we could maybe keep them for them. I don't want the store to run out, and if you can get them to coordinate with their rooms, they would love them. That way they won't steal my blanket."

"You really like it that much?" said Lindsay with a pleased expression on her face.

"Are you kidding? I love it", I said, "and I know the girls will like theirs just as much. Do you mind though? I know it's a big favor to ask you to do, but it would make my life a lot easier, and I know that it is something that Tia will like just as much as I like mine."

Lindsay grinned. "I don't mind at all. I'll get the purple for Alix, the dark rose for Grace, and the pink blush for Tia. That will coordinate with all their rooms."

I sighed with relief. "Thank you. I wasn't sure what I was going to do about Tia's birthday. I didn't want Ranger to leave the castle but, at the same time, I knew that I couldn't leave the castle either. As I said, I've been looking online but I haven't found anything right."

Lindsay smiled. "I don't want to step on any toes. However, if it was okay with you, I'd like to plan a birthday party for Tia and the children. Would that be okay?"

I wiped away another tear. "You don't mind? The children are so scared, and I think a birthday party would do good things for them, just some time to let down their hair and have some fun."

Lindsay grinned, leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You look like you need more morphine. However, I will have a ball planning her birthday party, I'll ask Heather and Helen and Kate and Cindy to help, and the kids will have a great time. If I have questions, do you mind if I come to you?"

I grinned. "Not at all."

"Excellent. This will be fun."

"Lindsay? Thank you. I've been worried about it."

Lindsay grinned again. "Oh, no. The pleasure is all mine."

Angus and Heather and Lindsay all gave me hugs and kisses, and after they left Ranger looked at me and groaned. "I think we'll be having an extravaganza for her birthday, the birthday party to spoil our kids for all future birthday parties."

I laughed. "And somehow, I think that the organizing team will have a ball."

"A ball! Don't say that too loud. It might give Lindsay ideas."

I laughed hard.