I woke up three hours later. I was hooked up to an IV of fluids, and I looked at it in surprise. Kai sat on the bed and held my hand. "You aren't drinking enough and, because I am giving you morphine in a minute, I wanted to make sure you were getting enough fluids."

"Okay."

"How do you feel?"

"Okay."

"Pain levels? Okay doesn't mean anything."

"Hunh. Tia seems to think it means quite a lot when I say it to her. 'Mom, can I stay up another ten minutes?' 'Okay'. 'Mom, can I have another cookie?' 'Okay.' See? It means a lot."

Kai grinned. "Yes, but now I want something quantifiable."

I laughed. "I'm feeling okay, I guess. My muscle tear is still a six, which I am pleased about, and my legs are about a twelve. I'm more embarrassed about making everyone upset. I was being silly, and now everybody is worried about me. It's not fair to them."

"First of all, you weren't being silly. You were upset about something that was very valid. And that's okay. Remember, you are allowed to say you hurt and that you need some TLC. Did you have a panic attack?"

"Yes."

"Remember when I told you that was common for people who have suffered from severe burns? Give yourself a break, Steph. And remember to talk as much as you can. It will help."

I thought about that for a moment. "Is Ranger around?"

"Yes. Do you want me to get him?"

"Yes. I need him. When he comes, can you stay and listen, and then I don't have to say it twice?"

"Yes, if that is what you want."

"I think so."

"If you change your mind and want me to vamoose, just let me know."

I smiled. "Thanks, Kai."

Three minutes later, Ranger ran into the room. He looked frantic, and I smiled at him. "You okay?" he said.

"Yeah. Sorry to scare you – I just need a hug." I turned to Kai. "Could you help me roll onto my side so that I can get a proper hug from Ranger?"

"Absolutely", said Kai. He helped me turn and put the rolled body pillow behind me for support.

"Get on the bed, soldier boy", I said. "I need a hug."

"I don't want to hurt you", said Ranger.

"Then don't touch my legs. But I desperately need a hug from you." Tears came to my eyes. "Please?"

Ranger carefully crawled onto the bed and gathered me into his arms. I could feel my body relax as I sniffed his scent. After some time of Ranger just holding me close, I said, "Ranger? You make me feel safe."

"You are safe."

"When I heard that call, I remembered a horror movie – the one and only horror movie that I ever watched – and in it someone was being interrogated. Eyeballs were punctured, and eyeball juices were squirting out, fingers were cut off, toenails were pulled out, and so on. I was so upset at watching the movie that I threw up all over the bed that night. I still periodically have nightmares over it. It made an impression."

"How old were you when you watched the movie?"

"Seven. I was at a friend's house for a sleepover, and I had to watch the movie because I didn't want to admit that it was too much for me to watch. Joyce Barnhardt was at the sleepover, you see, and she would have made fun of me for the rest of my life. My school nickname would have become Scaredy-Pants Steph. I told everyone that me throwing up was the result of too many chips. It wasn't true. My stomach has always been far more junk-tolerant than that. Even though I was grateful, I was actually a little insulted that my friends would believe that too many chips would cause me to chuck."

"You still have nightmares about it?"

"I don't like the word 'interrogation'. Please don't let them interrogate me."

"Babe, I would never let them interrogate you. You're safe. I can't emphasize that enough. You are safe. You have a guard on you at all times and the strike team is patrolling the grounds twenty-four hours a day." He paused. "Do you remember me telling you that I got Felix to agree to let me question you?" he said tentatively.

"To stop them from coming and getting me?" My breath sped up.

"Shh, it's okay, babe. Do you want to know the plan?"

I thought for a moment. "Yes."

"Felix wanted us to locate you and Ben, and then he wanted to send in his own strike team to capture you and interrogate you, and I suspect to kill you afterwards. I offered to let him do it at arm's length and have our team 'locate' you, 'capture' you and 'question' you. I told him all the interrogation methods that I remembered from movies and said I would use them on you, but when he made me promise I crossed my fingers behind my back. By saying we were going to do it, we have stopped him from looking for you and have therefore made you safer."

I started to cry. "Thank you", I said. "It's hard. I hurt so fucking much, and I keep telling myself that I am getting better and I keep looking for the miniscule gains to tell myself that I am getting better. It's the only way to keep my spirits up. But my legs hurt, and I feel like I am existing from pain reliever dose to pain reliever dose, and even then they don't work very well. I feel like I am letting everyone down because I'm not getting better faster, and everybody is so scared and worried, and I feel bad because I am having trouble finding my happy. I'm in too much pain to remember jokes. The kids are terrified, and I just want to pull them up on my knee for a hug and I can't." I shuddered in a breath. "And then there is the whole thing about not feeling safe. Now that I know that they are after me, I feel like a sitting duck. I can't protect myself, I can't even perform my infamous move. I'm just stuck, so I'm scared and I'm stuck and I don't feel safe. I feel out of control and I want to roll over and kick and scream, and I can't scream because it would upset people and I can't roll over and kick because that would hurt like hell. I don't know how to cope, Ranger, and I'm trying so hard not to cling to you and whine in your ear. I'm trying to be strong for you, but it is so hard and I feel like I am failing."

Ranger swiped the tears from my face and he kissed my nose. I looked at him and saw relief in his eyes. "Okay, let's take this one at a time. You are safe, and I will always do what I can to keep you safe. You are my life, babe, and I couldn't exist without you in it. I need you, okay? And for you, for me, I will keep you safe." He paused and kissed me again on my nose. "Do you trust me to keep you safe?"

"Yes", I said immediately. "You have always kept me safe."

I could feel the tension seep out of Ranger's body. "And I always will do my best to continue to keep you safe."

He snaked his hand under my hair and massaged my neck muscles. "About you being in pain. Babe, I want to know when you are in pain, and Kai and Grant need to know when you are in pain. You can't lie."

"I'm not really lying." I paused. "It's just if I report a twenty out of ten every day, it is depressing and makes me feel like I am never going to get better. I am already scared enough, and I don't need to be scared more. And the pain is terrifying. I mean, I'm on pain relievers but I seem to sleep through their relieving parts and wake up when they aren't working any longer. The acetaminophen with codeine doesn't work as well, but it at least lets me be awake part of the time. It only takes the pain down to a ten at best if I also distract myself. So I concentrate on the smallest, most miniscule gain and talk it up to remind myself and convince myself that I am getting better. It seems to make other people happy as well, so there is a double positive about that. It's hard. People are so worried, and I feel like I have to be my own cheerleader and a cheerleader for everyone else."

"Don't worry about other people, babe. Just take care of yourself."

"But I care about all those other people. I am glad the Gurus are staying for a while, but I don't want to send the strike team home when they are worried about me. And then I have to be ready to protect myself when they go, and they are only here for another week." I sobbed. "I don't think that I will be enough better in another week."

"We can keep them here longer. In a week, we might not be ready to have them stop patrols, anyway."

"I feel like I'm not getting better fast enough."

"Babe, you are getting better incredibly fast. You are severely injured, and it is going to take you a long time to recover. And that's okay. Take the time you need."

"Everyone keeps saying that a second-degree burn should be healed in three weeks. It's been a week and I'm not sure if I truly notice a difference."

"For a small second-degree burn that wasn't so severe, then yes. I'd agree with the three-week quote. However, you had more like a 2.8-degree burn and it is over a significant patch, and in some parts it is a third-degree burn and those can take a long, long time to heal. It's not a little burn from touching the oven. I don't know how long it will take to heal. Neither do Grant or Kai. But it could take months, and you have to be prepared for that. And you have to give yourself a break if it isn't healed in three weeks."

There was a silence for a moment, and I guess that Ranger knew that I wanted to say something because he just continued massaging my neck as he waited. "Ranger?" I said finally. "Do you think that I am being wimpy?"

"What?" said Ranger in incredulousness. "What on earth would have given you that idea? The guys on the strike team are the toughest soldiers I know, and they are all wondering how you are doing it. They said that they wouldn't be able to be as upbeat as you are, as positive and interested in other people. They say that they don't know how you are faking it so well – and neither do I. And no matter what you say and do, the guys all know that you are faking it. This type of injury isn't new to them, babe. They know what it is like. Eduardo actually came to me today to tell me that he'd had severe burns on the battlefield as well. His weren't as extensive as yours, but he would have a better understanding as to the pain that you are experiencing than many would. He also reminded me that, because of his experiences, he became a certified Trauma Counsellor and that, if you want to talk to someone, he would love to chat with you."

"That was nice of him."

"The guys are worried about you because you are their little sister. Let them worry about you. That's what families are for."

"I feel like I am letting down the girls. They are scared, and I'm not helping them."

"Yes, they are scared. However, you're doing the best that you can."

"I was wondering if tonight, I could be woken when the kids are going to bed, and the girls can each read me a bedtime story? I miss them, and I need to move this to a more normal pattern. If this could last for months, we can't stay in crisis mode for forever. We need to move it to a long-haul approach."

"I think the girls would love to read you a bedtime story each."

I sighed.

"You okay, babe?"

I sighed again. "Yeah. Just tired of hurting."

"I understand."

"I'm going to give you a shot of morphine in your IV, Steph", said Kai. "In about an hour, I'm going for a run and Grant will be with you, okay?"

"Okay. Ranger?"

"Yes?"

"Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course."