Sometimes its not easy, nothing is

by Longlive Imagination

Kaeya is dying while making his way to Angel's share for the last time to see his ex-brother. So many things he wanted to say. Why didn't he when he had the chance?

3. And we come to an end

There was no dreaming this time.

And when Kaeya stirred, there was no one with him. He noticed the door slightly ajar.

The dark hung all over in his room and only the light from the hallway entered.

A small sliver of warm hit face.
He turned away from it.

Kaeya saw Diluc's jacket hang lopsided on the chair.

And Kaeya's breath shuddered as he pinched his nose.

Thankfully Diluc wasn't there because he was just so-

Upset.

And upset wasn't even the right term to explain it.

He was happy he could move his arms again without having the horrible sensation of such intrusive heaviness.

But he did not feel much better.

The aches of Celestia danced all inside him.

Spitting, mocking, hissing in his blood.
It pained him so.

It made the abyss in him anger and Kaeya was hyper aware how his mood became foul whenever he did have to heal before those statues.

Tall statutes that ran over the leylines. The leylines that his people invented.

True, Celestia's magic had enveloped all over the world.

But there were no rivers for that vast ocean of magic.

His people made those rivers and dams.
He still remembered.

Another bitter sensation made him tense.

He was angrier than ever before.
Those statues mocked him.

Of course, the archons would rip out the flower his people made.

A flower so gorgeous it could inspire thousands of hymns and evoke such sorrow, adorning whomever gazed upon it to let go plenty of tears.
Your eyes could get so lost in their iridescent splendor.
And the smell.

Just.

The smell was something so pure and precious. It was like eating cloud. Like living hand in hand with your dreams. Bliss.

Kaeya was sure that Celestia didn't like how mere mortals could change, craft, and mold their magic in such a way. But then?

Why did they give it, if it wasn't supposed to be used?

And the flowers, why did they have to put the statues right on top?

Much to Kaeya's disdain, he was sure that the magicals above hated the fact that they had never made such a thing.

A dream, a flower, a power, without their consent. Their word. Their dictatorship.

It hurt him.
It hurt him how only he knew.

How only he remembered that beautiful blossom of magic.

The elemental magic was already running in the world.

IT was just his people who channeled it and tamed it into pathways and rivers.

And when you walked into a leyline pulse, you can still sprout the shadow of this flower. Not even a true vision of what it once was.

No flower blossom can exist for long now as the magic dissipates back to the leylines and redirects itself again to the teleportation points and statues.

"Maybe the archons just took back what was theirs?"

There was no answer back to him, just as usual.

He hated himself whenever he became like this.

He wouldn't be able to think straight for at least a couple of days.

He was good at pretending, but his body was having none of it.

He was tired.
Really tired.

Tired like he never felt before.

And it made him more spiteful than ever.

He didn't like their magic in him.

He hated yesterday.
He hated everything.

HE hated the ice he used. But…It was something he had to hold onto. It was his ambition, after all.

"Frozen in time, right? I wish…I wish so many moments in my life were frozen in time…but…they can't be. Nothing can…and it just keeps…running away... whatever I want to stay…"

Frustrated, he knit his brows at whatever feeling he was dealing with right now.

The anger pulsed in his eyes unchecked.

Sadness lingered.

"Sadness, welcome my old friend, shit."

And for the life of him, he couldn't ever pinpoint where that quagmire arose from.

It could have been everything before Mondstadt.

The deaths for certain.

The plentiful copious amounts of death he faced and how there was no funeral for any of them.

Kaeya was sure he had forced himself to forget a bit too much.

That was why that sadness pinned him down from time to time, in order to make him face it.

To confront it and he was having none of that.

He wasn't sure…he'd survive that. Or maybe it was the cowardice just talking?

Who knows?

This sadness he recognized was the same sadness he faced on those awful days.

He'd have to drink at least 6 bottles to numb the pain. In order to not cut. To not hang. To not suffocate. To not run into danger.

But it had been better. It had been better with his new friend.

"Shit. No. I don't want to think about him. Not yet," he shrilled as he clutched his chest, already hyperventilating.

Anger rose once more as he felt the need to curse every word, he could think of under his breath.

How he hated flowers so much right now as one flower came to mind.

The one on his chest before he tore it away and let it crumple to the ground, as he dragged his ass into Mondstadt yesterday.

"Shit."

He tried to calm down by closing his eyes miserably once more, almost pleading to the nothing, to just make him feel okay.

Cause he didn't feel okay.

He didn't feel okay.

But it kept gnawing away like that physical pain he had in his chest and hips yesterday.

He breathed in hesitantly, unsure why everything was so hot once more.

Gods, he hated it when he wasn't in his right mind, when his heart refused to listen to any logic, he spewed its way.

He let it fester in his gut, hoping it would pass, as he swallowed the air in hard.

The word "suicidal" was the only thing he could remember.

It started to echo violently inside his head.

"Shut…up."

He vaguely remembered talking to Diluc for a quick second.

But the words were warped and the memory was faint.

Everything blurred together painfully and it picked up a couple of dials of more misery as Kaeya remembered the tears on Diluc's face.

He didn't like that.
He didn't want that from Diluc.

He didn't want Diluc screaming out his name like that while they went up those steps.
His dirty name.

He didn't like how close Diluc suddenly felt.

How kind those red eyes were.

That wasn't what he wanted. He just wanted his brother to stay the way he always had been. Distant, cool, cold.

Kaeya was upholding his promise to their father to stay by Diluc's side.

And after all those times he tried getting close, he failed spectacularly.

Diluc shut the door in his face every time, hurting his heart just a little more. A little more each time.

Till Kaeya took the hint.

And only allowed himself to ever have but at least 15 minutes of conversation day to day and that was it.

Nothing more.
Unless he was drunk.

Then he was sure he was probably clinging onto Diluc, wishing, wishing they could be family again.

Wishing for his older brother to return to him once more.

How he missed him.
But he was too far away.

"Dammit, s-stop it heart. S-sTOP!"

And Kaeya thought he had shut him out too.

He'd be okay with this twisted and messed up dance they made, where they never spoke their true feelings or intentions with each other.

But it was painful today.

Because something Kaeya thought he buried right and correctly, stuck its hand out of the grave.

How he still had longed and yearned for Diluc to be his big brother once more.

Truly.

And to see Diluc part his hair away from his vomit, have his shaking hands on his shoulders, with such attention and care.

IT hurt.

It hurt him so much and he didn't even know why he hated this new kindness so much and he didn't want to know.

"Gods, I'm so messed up. What the fuck," Kaeya cried dismally.

To finally have the attention and care so present felt so frightfully fake.

Like a slap to the face.

That even his heart couldn't understand.

And it hurt much more than he ever realized.

How could the love he hoped for from his last sibling left alive…hurt that much?

Why did he have to feel this way?

Every emotion felt messed up.

And even more so his actions up to this point.

Why did his friend have to betray him?

Why was he so stupid? Always just so, stupid?

Why did Diluc have to accept him that quick?

It was out of guilt and shame, right?

Guilt.
Shame.

Was him being nice to him and so tender just out of pure guilt?

He didn't want Diluc to fake it. Not if he didn't mean it. He really didn't want him to do that.

Not at all.

Kaeya tried to breathe deep breathes counting up to 20.

Not a lot of his emotions were making sense and he knew it was because of the healing.

Or maybe he was flat out suicidal.

That made so much more sense. Much more sense than anything.

"Shit. I'm losing it again. Fuck. Kaeya…just relax. Don't do anything you're going to regret. Everyone saved me. I can still feel Jean's and Barbara's magic. So please…don't…don't act on impulse. It's just a moment. It's just emotion and this will pass. Okay? It always passes. Just…sleep it off, okay? Just…tomorrow…is gonna be a lot better. So, shut it off, please? Please?"

He felt a little clarity wiggle its way into the quagmire of emotions that were swirling.

But like a candle with too much air, it simply blew away.

Dull and confusion grabbed his face and shoved him into the mattress.

He…he just wanted to say goodbye to Diluc.

Diluc deserved a goodbye. At least a proper goodbye.

"Shit."

He thanked Barbato's for having Diluc not be there.

If he had been there, he was sure he would have been hysterical. At least, he could make sense of everything alone for a moment.

He was failing rather wonderfully.

But still, he was trying to reign in his emotions.

There was this pulsing anger in his eyes as he looked at his own hands.

He quickly pounded the bed for good measure before sitting himself up, his shoulders buckling under some immense weight like the brewing of a storm.

His angry blue eyes just receded into a darker place, becoming cold and sharp like permafrost.

It felt like all the misery he felt in all the years of his life just bundled up into this horrid ball in his throat.

He wanted to hit himself so hard for surviving.

Seeing Diluc cry made him so mad.

And it hurt because he was so sure that his brother didn't care anymore.

Kaeya felt so miserable for so long, feeling so pathetic for going to the tavern where the bar owner just didn't care for his presence or not.

So how could Diluc just give a damn so suddenly?
How could Diluc talk to him like that so suddenly?

"Why care so suddenly? Dammit Diluc. I don't think I could continue to live if you break my heart again…like he did…"

Gasp.

Everything felt vicious.

The walls, the curtains, the moon blaring outside, creaking into the room in thin lines.

And what was worse was that Kaeya couldn't quite unsee it.

The Albedo without the star on his throat present in his mind.

"No. I…refuse to remember yesterday. I'm going to go back to sleep and I'm gonna be fine. Albedo…dammit."

Albedo and fake Albedo.

Kaeya knew the differences between them both well. And he had so much fun teasing and testing both of them.

Kaeya felt like he had stumbled onto a wonderful secret he could just enjoy like any other drink.

And for quite some time now, the real Albedo had not said a single thing to Kaeya about it.

Even when Kaeya paraded the fact that he was going to go hang out with "him" later on, Albedo only wore worry and concern in his eyes, but his mouth would become thin and shut.
The need to stay quiet instead of reprimanding him, was ever present.

And Kaeya knew this.

This was another reason why Kaeya took his time out of his schedule to do activities with the fake Albedo. Kaeya wanted to watch and monitor this one.

If it put the real captain so on edge, just from the mere mention of this fake Albedo, of course Kaeya would monitor the threat.

And what better way to monitor a threat by hanging his arm around the others shoulders and befriend them? Bring your friends close and your enemies closer.

It was like every other gambit he had done.

Except for the one mistake Kaeya did.

He began to think he was the double's friend and the double did too.

Somewhere along all these past few months, Kaeya found himself forgetting his true intentions with the Albedo without a star.

He just treated this twin as an extension of the other.

All the things the real Captain had no time for, this one did.

And not to say that Kaeya was lonely, but he was kind of lonely.

After doing all the responsibilities of being a quartmaster and a captain, manning all floors on deck in each branch of paperwork, making sure the budget was alright for the food rations and toilet paper in the dorms, to making routines for the new recruits and training along with the other knights, there was always work to be done.

And Kaeya did have friends. But a lot of time, they were busy or too tired to catch up with him when he finished his work at 7 pm or 8 or 9.

Eula would be unwinding from the day of work by baking or knitting. She also painted on tiles and sold it under an alias giving her plenty of extra mora to drown her worries in. He drank with her so he knew.

Rosaria would drink and also train with Eula at times. Rosaria also took up her vigilante duties in the night and couldn't just shoot the breeze with him all the time.

Amber wasn't really his friend although they were polite coworkers with each other.

Fischl would stay home after adventuring. She would write stories and share it with him sometimes. They were always fantastical and wonderful to read. He was the first fan and he'd stay that way. Waiting for another chapter to come out. A sly smile always escaping his lips when he'd receive a package addressed to his name by Fischl.

Bennet would be forced to stay home after adventuring lest he hurt himself out in the wilderness at night.

Razor would be with his lupical hunting in the night for meat for his animal tribe and family.

Diona would already make her way back to Springvale at this time.

Lisa was with Jean always working on paperwork.

Noelle was up for some training with him sometimes. But she was always busy as well. Lending support to everyone else.

Aether would come back and have dinner before heading into his teapot.

Klee was already up in Dragonspine with the real Albedo by this time.

Guy and Swan and Lawrence would be at the knight dorms, always ready to play darts, pool, train or anything. But being in the dorms felt a lot like he was back at work, and Kaeya just couldn't deal with that unless he'd go stir crazy.

Venti was only up for ever drinking.

And Diluc.
Well, Diluc.

And so, to have this new Albedo just be ready to go adventuring in the night; from swimming to ponds and lakes and the ocean. To raiding Treasure hoarder camps and hilichurls camps just for fun. To unlocking new domains and venturing to plunder some forgotten treasures in the old ones, it was fun to fight alongside this new companion. To even going to Liyue for the night, just to eat some random cuisine and then come back in the morning for a day's work. Kaeya knew that this fake Albedo wouldn't actually be the one who showed up to work. But still. Everything felt like fun.

And Kaeya couldn't get enough of this new friend.

The false one was the first to begin approaching Kaeya in all earnestly and Kaeya felt mildly surprised and warmed by this fact.

All Kaeya's life he had wanted to be someone's best friend.

As a kid he wanted friendship with all his siblings. And the few he did have, he held dear to his heart.

His knight was his best friend.
His mom.
Diluc had been.
Kaeya's imaginary friend had been.
He thought Aether could be but…Aether's attention fell everywhere.

Not that Kaeya would ever be selfish like that.

He let everyone be free to walk away or to him.

That's the way it always was.

But now friendship was harder than ever to create.

One look at him, in his steady but sharp calculating eyes, people automatically shifted into two distinct piles.

The first pile being of people being attracted to his mysterious nature. His allure and wanting to know him because of his beauty and smarts.
The other was anxious, forced themselves to be indifferent around him although they were worried, and hostile towards him. Anyone who is a liar and a bad person could tell that Kaeya was no prey and a hunter. And all hunters are wary of each other.
Rarely did people automatically go into neutral ground when they laid their eyes on him.

And Kaeya was a bit frustrated about that.

But he was a special being. He knew that too.

And so, what could he do?

Hide or parade himself out in plain sight?

It was safer to be in the obvious. Everyone overlooks common sense.

And he'd become that.

Hence, to have the threat come to him with such open eyes, as if he himself was also excited to make a new friend, it was comforting.

It was shocking. And something he welcomed.

And that comfort killed.

It killed him.

They'd wander all around Mondstadt and Liyue, just shooting the breeze. It was bliss from all the weight he had on his shoulders.

"Fresh air," Kaeya hummed as he closed his eyes in the comfort of this memory.

It had been 7 months already and it was still enjoyable.

Be it collecting specimens, supplies for the knights, or fighting, Kaeya fell into a place of comfort with false Albedo. And he saw it too.

Kaeya made the mistake of placing his trust again in the wrong place and…he should have known.

When would he learn that saying the truth was a mistake?

The real Albedo and him had been coming back to Mondstadt from a mission in Dragonspine yesterday and it were a late return.

The sun was already setting when they were nearing the gates.

Kaeya felt the push to make fun of Albedo again by reminding him how he was going to meet with his double.

"So, fishing tonight right or treasure hoarders? Your pick? Or we could swim in the ocean again. That was fun."

Kaeya was feeling bad because the real Albedo was starting to panic.

Albedo just stilled so quickly coming to a complete halt as he stared at the ground before them, thinking hard.

"What?" Albedo looked up looking lost, almost wishing he wasn't going to receive an answer.
Kaeya closed his eyes and hummed playfully, "Well, you know we hang out after work. We always do."
"Do we," Albedo gritted painfully, "now?"
"Yeah?"

Kaeya could almost see Albedo curse under his breath as he looked up again but with a stern disapproval that a mother would wear.

Kaeya waited but the grass only bristled in the breeze and Albedo was definitely fighting something within him, but none of it was being voiced out.

Kaeya was tired.

It was just going to be another day of silence, huh?

"Well, I'll be seeing you later, right? At our usual meeting place?"

Albedo's eyes sharpened as he blinked quickly, his calm composure in check.

"What do you mean Captain Kaeya?"

"Well, since you haven't decided yet. Let's go fishing. We'll get a good haul with the weather today. The wind is almost calm and the moon is quite high. Sounds good? Alright then. I'll bring the bars so no need to worry," Kaeya said slyly already knowing he was just alerting the real him of their quality time together with the fake one.

Kaeya was still waiting for the real Captain to man up and say something.

Anything as to why this double was so intimidating to the real Albedo and so casual and nice to everyone else.

Kaeya felt the clock tick inside his heart.

And he could almost hear Albedo's clock many ticks louder, almost clanging away.

'What is it that you're so afraid of Albedo? It surely can't be the other one? He's just as nice and as mature and gentlemanly as you. You'll have to spit out the truth eventually.'
Silence passed and he decided that time was up.

They both walked in silence as they reached the headquarters and filled up their reports and paperwork in their respective rooms.

An hour later Kaeya finished and was surprised to see Albedo being gloomy, leaning on the desk where all reports would be placed on for Jean to look at the next day.

"Oh? Waiting for me dear friend? That's new. Does it have to do with Klee?"
Kaeya walked over with a grin on his face.

He was sure he was going to finally get an answer now.

Why was there a twin?
Why are they not on good terms?
Why is the twin pretending to be you?
Tell me.

He didn't rush as he placed the neat stack of folders onto the faded wooden desk.

Silence again.
Kaeya frowned and sighed.

Quickly he hid his frustration as he waved jovially towards Albedo, wearing his signature smile, "If it isn't important then…Well, see you later?"

Albedo only could muster the strength to say, "Kaeya…. I don't like fishing."

'Oh boy, really? Is that the most you can say, the best you can do,' Kaeya thought bitterly.

Kaeya hummed patting off imaginary dust off his jacket, "But we go fishing every Thursday and Friday? What caused you not to want to fish anymore?"

Albedo let out a shaky breath while trying to find it in himself to finally tell Kaeya the truth.

Carefully Kaeya left his gaze on the other man's unraveling expression.

This was fun to Kaeya. To see his friend also becoming uncomposed.

But he didn't want to push Albedo to reveal a truth that he didn't want- so he just interrupted, "It's okay. No worries, friend. See you later then."

Kaeya turned around on his heels when Albedo just tugged at his sleeve causing him to stop.

Kaeya turned to see a look of pure worry etched all across Albedo's otherwise normal face.

He opened his mouth and then looked Kaeya dead in the eyes, "Captain…no, Kaeya."
"Hm? Yes?"
"How…many times do we hang out after work?"
"Are you being forgetful," Kaeya coyly chided.
"I'm being serious. We only hang out when we're on missions, in Dragonspine at my workplace when we are with Klee. When we are with Klee babysitting together and sometimes, I'll be with you at the pub."
"You're kidding right?"
"Kaeya…I'm not."

"Be careful with me when I'm not…with you in those instances. Please."

Kaeya frowned.

He wasn't getting the true answer today.

Kaeya shrugged trying to play off this sudden tense sensation suddenly looming on his shoulders.

Then he decided that he was just going to go for it.
He had been waiting long enough.

"Albedo…Do you have a twin?"

With this Albedo's eyes just shot up, in clear distress and with some heightened hostility.

Kaeya felt like he walked on some sort of landmine as he quickly put his hands in the air and felt the need to chuckle hard.

"I'm just kidding! I mean, I just feel like you have a secret twin! I'm almost positive that you do! Just tell me if I'm right?"

Albedo scoffed bitterly as he declared, "Are you going to tell others?"

Kaeya actually felt pained and miffed as he crossed his arms, "No, of course not. This was a secret I've been waiting for you to confirm with me for a while. Why were you silent about it? He's a nice guy."

Albedo spat bitterly, his blonde hairs rising frightfully high, as his blue eyes crystalized with fury.

"KAEYA!"
"?!"

Albedo put his arms on his other Captain's shoulders and sternly echoed, "HE's DANGEROUS. And you're just…being buddy buddy with him and I've w-wanted to tell you for so long now. I- I j-just…I couldn't. But this…Kaeya. Please refuse him. Refuse him if you care for me and yourself. Never talk to him again. Never."

Kaeya felt a mix of hurt as he lashed out in defense, "Albedo, I don't get it. He's your brother, right?"

"NO, HE'S NOT! He's an abomination and something that should not exist!"

Kaeya felt like it had been Diluc talking back at him right then and there.

He felt like he had been slapped.

Kaeya rose with an edge to his voice, "That's really not a nice thing to say about your brother, Albedo! No one should cease existing! No one is simply an abomination! Even if they're a spy!"
Shit. Why was he talking about that?

That slipped?

When did he feel like he was the one who was being personally attacked?

Shit.

Kaeya felt his blood become hot as he kept hearing the word spy jumble and tangle on his tongue. A slip. But whatever! He saw that Albedo didn't catch on or even focus on that, thank be.

He wasn't an abomination so how could this other nice person be?

"You know what, I'm done talking with you right now. We're friends and I don't want to say anything I will regret towards you. But just so we are clear, I'm also friends with him too and I will continue to do so until stated otherwise. You're going to have to respect that Albedo."

Albedo felt distraught as he stepped forward almost in hysteria, "No, Kaeya, you don't understand!"

Albedo made another attempt to grab Kaeya's wrist but he took a large step back, eyeing the real one angrily.

Kaeya clipped frostily, "I think I do. You're being just as rude as Diluc was."

"Diluc," Albedo blithered confused.

"Diluc also rejects me as a brother. I don't even know why I keep returning to his stupid tavern where he makes the best drinks in all this frickin world. I don't even know why every time I look at him, I just still see my father in his eyes and his hair. I see my stupid ex best friend, who is never going to return to me! And to see you just outright reject someone who is just as nice as yourself, it really just hurts Albedo! He's super nice and awesome to talk to!"

Kaeya walked out quickly to much of the dismay Albedo had.

Albedo ran quickly after Kaeya, even after Pothos and Wood looked at the two Captains with confusion, as they strode on past them in their hissy fit.

A few "goodnights, sirs" were voiced after the two, but the goodbyes fell deaf on both pairs of ears.

Kaeya burst the doors to the outside open and felt tears run down his face.
The cold air hit him like a damp towel.
Everything was miserably hurting.

His ears were throbbing from all the blood rushing.

Albedo grabbed him one more time as Kaeya spun around, feeling his chest constrict.

"Albedo, what? Please. I don't want to talk till tomorrow. Good night," he scoffed.

"Kaeya, that guy is actually a homunculus…just like me," Albedo stated in the smallest voice he ever heard from the man.

Kaeya's eye widened, the star slightly shaking as his frosty azure met with cerulean.
"What?"

Albedo felt everything throb of danger telling him to stop talking, to not delve out the truth.

But he had to reveal the truth now.

He had only revealed the truth to Aether and Alice. If it was going to prevent the other Captain from walking into danger anymore, then he had to voice it out now.

Albedo blinked slowly, defeat in his eyes as he looked at Kaeya's chest and was unable to meet his eyes.

"I'm not a human. I'm a homunculus. A creation made by another Khaenri'an, just like you. A descendant from your nation and scientist. My mother."

The wind passed through them lightly ruffling their hairs and uniforms.

Albedo met Kaeya's gaze and held it for a moment. He'd not look away.

"That twin you call to be mine, is not. He can change forms at will. He can take on anything from a cyro regisvine to another me or another you. He'd need to study you for a long time and be close to take on your form. And he's actually dangerous. I mean it. He has tried to kill me many times in hopes to truly take my place. And he'll kill you once you let him know…that you know he isn't me. Please. Please stay away from him. Or fight him. Make it clear that you know. So that he may steer away from you. He won't show up before you if he knows that you know. He doesn't harm those that don't know. HE has that at least in principle. He manages to trick this whole town and I rarely ever find him slip up. I've tried to find and fight him, but his subterfuge knows no bounds. Thus, please, Kaeya. Don't meet up with him ever again. And if you choose to fight him, find me and we'll fight him together."

Kaeya wasn't expecting this at all as he found his mouth wide open.

HE blinked trying to register everything in his mind as they both stood still in the dark.
The lights overhead just staring down at both the captains, casting them in shadows.

They just stared each other in varying degrees of disbelief.

Disbelief because Albedo couldn't believe that he actually confessed and told his secret to yet another person and Kaeya who was just so shocked at this revelation.

It was cascading into Kaeya's mind all the laughter he had shared with the other.
All the jabs and taunts and playful chatter they both had shared.

That was all fake?
No, it was true!

And suddenly Kaeya understood why Diluc would never open up with him again.

It was clear like how in the daytime the sky was blue and the grass was green.

How he had fucked up so bad.

And why Diluc would never open his heart up with him, ever again.

It made so much sense.

How could one ever trust the other, if all the kind and warm memories were a fucking and disgusting lie?

Kaeya bit his lip and trembled.

Sick and swarming feelings washed all over him and he felt like he wanted to vomit.
"I made Diluc feel this way," Kaeya quickly mumbled, his hand hovering over his mouth.

Albedo snapped out of it as he saw Kaeya inch away.

"Kaeya, where are you going," Albedo shrilled.
"Home. Home. Cause I need to think," Kaeya smoothly lied.

Albedo trembled because he was feeling no security or stability right now.

It wasn't the feeling he got when he told Traveler, who just hugged him and accepted him wholly.

Kaeya picked up on his tenseness and said carefully, trying to sound even, "Albedo. I really appreciate what you told me. More than you know. And I will mind what you said. I just need to think about things. Not on you. I accept you as you are. You are my other Captain who I will continue to be friends with. It just…hurts what you said because…I probably have come to like this other version of you…and it conflicts with everything you said. I will need the night to ponder and I have off tomorrow. You work tomorrow. So why don't we talk more after work the day after tomorrow?"

Albedo felt the worry wash off in radiating waves as Kaeya saw the man calm down and almost let out a shudder of relief.

Albedo smiled a small smile as he laughed quietly, "Oh god, Kaeya. You almost made me have a heart attack."

Kaeya smiled falsely, already planning how he was gonna go to the meeting spot and go fishing with the fake one tonight.

He would gauge the other intentions and then drop the bomb once they were coming back to Mondstadt. Kaeya needed to see how real their friendship even was now. Because it felt so real.

"I'm sorry for your concern Albedo. No need to worry. I will be safe," Kaeya lied.

And he lied.
And he lied.

Kaeya clapped on a hand on his smaller Captain's shoulders as he felt so guilty then. He felt dirty.

He was a traitor.
He was the teller of lies.
He deserved to die.

And if the other was as deadly as Albedo had warned, maybe this was the time to figure it out.

Could he protect Mondstadt and rid everyone of this threat that was now his friend?

Or would he fall before his friend just as he fell before Diluc?

Would his friend not finish him off? Just as Diluc did? Diluc had been in the same position as he was now.
To kill off the threat… that was a friend?

Kaeya hoped and prayed this with all his heart that Albedo's twin was not like him or exactly like him.
He couldn't tell what he hoped for.

He just wished…tonight to pass. And tomorrow to come. (author: SAD LMAO)

Kaeya lied once more almost cursing himself why he was so good at pretending to be okay when he was falling apart.

"No worries. Your secret is safe with me. And I will have a secret to share with you. I'm aware you know I'm Khaenri'an and well, I have never been able to tell Diluc my full story. He…he didn't let me finish…and well, I'd like to share it with you. Would you listen to my story? My princely story? About a king? About a city? About a boy's life? About a nation that is gone and all the things within it? And about a grudge that the boy didn't want to hold onto, but had to?"

Albedo nodded feeling tremendous relief. His eyes sparkled as he felt like Kaeya was being more open with him than ever before.

He needed to hear Kaeya tell him that his secret was safe.

He was glad he told Kaeya the truth finally. And that it may protect Kaeya from mingling so much with such a dangerous creation.

Albedo nodded and nodded crying happy tears.

It seemed that finally telling his secret to another and alerting Kaeya about the truth on his dangerous waltz with the other, just set the guilt free.
And Kaeya felt it as his heart twisted.

Then Albedo hugged Kaeya as he felt the bitter guilt just close down on him, threatening him to blurt it out, how he was going to go straight into the fire as soon as he left the gates.
He wanted to apologize to Albedo.

The thought died in a few blinks.

He relaxed in this embrace and brought Albedo closer into his arms.

They hadn't been that close.

Not even with Klee always latching herself onto Kaeya.

Who knew how Klee just made it up in her mind one day and was like, "I'm gonna be his little sister!" And she started targeting Kaeya everywhere he went.
Kaeya didn't mind this in the slightest.

She reminded him of his 2 little brothers. They were also sweet and kind just like her.

They never grew up.

He only put two rocks near the water as their grave by Starfell lake.

And all the other children of his father, the King, and harem of aunts also died. His older sisters and his older brothers all perished.

And the 2 older sisters that he loved. His 2 older brothers that he loved. His 2 younger brothers. All gone.

Only he remained.

HE blinked and the world he knew ended.
He blinked and everything was being torn.
Everyone in the library was turning or screaming. The world was shattering and jolting up and down.
The walls were cracking.
The books were falling heavily onto the floor as rows and rows of bookcases crashed onto others and the walls.
All the knights were running.
Timothy hadn't been there.
How Kaeya wished he had.

All his aunts and brothers and sisters running in the hallways.
Monsters killing everything.
Everyone fighting for their dear lives as gardeners, chefs, security, elderly, young, all turned and began to kill each other as new monsters of the abyss.
Some of the turned monsters held their sanity. They took others to safety. They fought off the ones who went berserk and insane.
Kaeya blinked and everything hurt.
He blinked and he saw his mother turn right before him when he finally arrived to their apartment.
He blinked and he was in his father's care and his father's knight guard.
That guard hurt him every night.

And he blinked and he was in the future.
He blinked and he had a new brother. Someone he wouldn't let down this time.
But he was always going to let him down.
He blinked and he had a new father this time. Someone important like his old father. But someone who was actually there for him for once. Someone he began to love with all his heart.
After all the pain and loss, those two redheads and all the kind people in the manor were just like flowers ripped out of heaven, given to him to find comfort in.
And again, Kaeya was blinking with some tears in his eyes.

He had made a new friend. He was getting closer to the real Albedo, but the real one was always one step away.

Holding his hand out to distance, just like Kaeya always did with everyone else.

It still stung.
It always did.

To have this other Albedo who didn't mind following any of Kaeya's whims and reckless behavior that others would frown upon, he was…so glad.

He was so utterly glad to have finally found someone he could delight in their presence whole fully again, just as he had done with Diluc, Childe, and Aether.

It was like hanging out with Childe again. But Childe was always out and about on missions these past few years now.

His time of feeling stable with a companion was always short.

Still Kaeya valued each fight, drink, and time he spent together with the hydro battle maniac.

And Childe was an enemy of his city. Kaeya didn't care. Childe would always be his friend.

This new interaction was a breath of a fresh air and …he was blinking again.

It was lies?
In the very same chord of misery that he strung along for Diluc?

But he hadn't wanted to lie to Diluc and Crepus. Not ever.

And he didn't. He told his father and Crepus accepted him.

Diluc did not.

Now Albedo was telling him the truth and he was just doing what Diluc did.

He was not accepting the truth.

He needed to hear the truth and see it from the fake one.

And it hurt those stinging lies.

They said goodnight while Albedo smiled at him with relief.

IT hurt so much.

But as Kaeya turned and walked away, he'd have to do what he was going to do.

He has to confront the eyes of his friend, fake Albedo.

And there he was.

Fake Albedo waited for Kaeya under the same sunsettia tree near the teleport close to the bridge.

Albedo would wave cheerfully and smile at him just like always.

And Kaeya didn't miss a beat, waving to him with two bars of fishing rods and a bucket in his arms.

They fell into step as Albedo began to chatter on his studies and stories of Klee, Sucrose, and Timaeus.

Kaeya nodded like usual.

They went fishing together as they always did.

This Albedo always smiled more and joked more than the real Captain, like usual.

Kaeya felt miserable and all the same, happy.

If this was going to be the last time, they hung out together, he wanted it to be something that even he could remember.
A great memory. Because Kaeya knew how resilient wonderful memories were.

Hence, if everything ever turned to shit, at least you could rest on one strong and wonderful memory.

Like a mast, in your broken ship, it could ease you onto some land and save you from the suffocating darkness.

Yes. If this was going to be the last time, they spent joyfully together…Kaeya would make tonight last.

Kaeya brought up some new domains and Albedo agreed that they should raid them tonight.

After coming out of 2, still very much alive and with some treasure in their pockets, they laughed.

Afterwards they set up camp and fried their delicious fish, chatting away, and ate the apples they would take from the trees.

And they were coming home near Springvale when Kaeya decided to drop the kindness.

A star shot in the sky as Kaeya looked up and made a wish on that lonely flinging rock.

'Please, let everything be okay,' he prayed.

Then he spoke as he watched Albedo's back, walking slightly behind.

"What's your real name?"

Albedo halted. And he looked back at Kaeya.

The smile was gone. His head hung low. But he regained his smile in an instant.

"My name is Albedo? Hah. You know that. Did you drink before coming to hang?"

Kaeya darkened.

He pressed onwards, putting the bucket of fish down and the rods.

"No, your real name. You're not him. But you're my friend. I want to believe in this. Please tell me your real name."

Albedo hesitated as he looked away, giving Kaeya that same feeling that the real did when they thought hard about something.

Albedo asked mournfully.

"Kaeya…since when?"

"When do I know?"
"Yes."
"Since I first met you."

"…"

"Albedo told me to stay away from you. But…I can't. I need to hear from you. Are you dangerous to Mondstadt really? Are you dangerous to me? You're…a really nice person. And I almost can't believe what he-."

Albedo bore a dark glare onto Kaeya.

"No. He's right."

"Wha-?"

"Since you first met me…wow. You must be the first one to ever notice. And of course, you would. It's because you're Kaeya. Hah. Kaeya…I actually…like you too. All the memories we've had together…they are the most precious that I've ever had. I never had someone who would protect me from harm or laugh and console me. You were like a brother I never had."

Kaeya slightly smiled.
And it was cut off in an instant.

"I'll always remember you. After all, you're my first true friend…and you'll be my last one. A shame, really. A shame you must be silenced now. I'm sorry."

Albedo closed his eyes, as if he was almost sad for what he was going to do, as he manifested his sword and held it in his hands.

"Wait a second."
Fear instilled as all his hairs pricked up.

His blue bangs lifting like a cat's fur does in the face of danger.

"Sorry. I really am. You should have just pretended not to know Kaeya."

"NO! WAIT! AH!"

A slice. A thin line of red blossomed over Kaeya's shirt.

"Sorry Kaeya."

"AHHHH!"

"I'm sorry."

"Albedo, no-urgh! Stop, please. I don't want to fight you. Gods. No…it's happening all over again. I didn't want to fight him either that night, gods! Shit! STOP! ARH!"

Kaeya was forced to defend himself again.

In that lonely night he lost another friend, while his killers kept only crying then, holding the same sorrowful and dangerous looks their eyes as they both slashed away at Kaeya.

And the fake Albedo could only keep apologizing, "I'm sorry Kaeya. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Kaeya," like a broken record as if he couldn't himself believe he was cutting off his friend's life away.

Each swing spilt more blood on the dirt and grass.

Each clang of metal as Kaeya miserably parried while sobbing, only made Albedo hunt him faster.

"Die Kaeya, please. You're making me want to stop…you're making me want to be more than this. To stop my vengeance. To stop going after Albedo. You are not going to stop me. I've been fighting alone for far too long…Please…please die. Please."

Another swing hit Kaeya's chest as skin ripped off making him bleed much more profusely.

It must have hit a vital artery.

Kaeya fell back hard on his back as he twisted himself out of the way when Albedo brought his sword with full force down making an indent on the dirt.

Kaeya hovered there for a second as he coughed off blood and then sloppily dodged away from the next swing of death that had been aimed once more in the place he had been.

Shakily he whimpered, "Please. Albedo. I don't even know your real name."

Albedo had tears as he mouthed silently, "I don't have one."

Desperately Kaeya tried, tried to appeal to any sanity this other had for him.

Their friendship had to have meant something.

"T-t-then it can be anything you w-want. I can give you a name. We can keep being friends. Please. Please. I won't tell anyone about this or your secret."

"I'm sure he told you to stay away. You're really stupid Kaeya."

"Gods. D-d-dammit."

"I apologize for this. Don't hate me too hard."

"Ah?!"

With that moment, the sus Albedo just leapt forward and dug to sharp blades into his chest and sides.

Where did they even come from Kaeya thought, but the pain was too much.

He clutched Albedo's shoulders as they both fell into an embrace.

Kaeya coughed while then doing what he thought he'd never do in any instance.

He just…let the knives dig deeper as he brought the fake Albedo into the same embrace, he had given the real one just a few hours ago.

IT didn't make sense.
But it didn't need to.

Nothing in his life ever did.
He knew that.

Kaeya only knew that this Albedo was lost.

That his journey for revenge was only like poison.

He saw how the poison spilled out of his father's eyes and in everyone else he had survived the abyss with, as they sent him away into the future.
Kaeya could not hate the future.
He could not hold their hate.

Even though they latched it onto him, threatening him to never let go of it.
He just…could not hate anyone, even after all what had happened in his life.
Like something was wrong with him.
Like something was broken.
He couldn't hate the outside world.

He could only turn that hate inwards.
He could only hate himself.
How he sure hated himself.
For so many things.

Kaeya just held Albedo close and stroked his hair in the manner he did with Klee's hair sometimes.

The same we he stroked Lisa's hair when she was napping sometimes.

The same way he stroked young Diluc's hair when Diluc was sick or had a bad dream.

The way he stroked Aether's hair when Aether became so depressed after meeting his sister for the first time after so long. Rejection always hurts. He knew the pain. So how else could he stop Aether from doing something he wasn't going to mean?

The way he stroked Jean's hair when Jean broke down from all the stress of this work. How much she loved her city and her position…but sometimes it wore her down…and only he was there. A snake. A liar. A traitor, but nonetheless one of her best friends.

Suddenly Albedo was screaming as found himself sobbing.

He stuck out the knives and drove them back in with fury.

Sobbing louder and louder each time he plunged the knives back in.

Kaeya just held him tightly wincing every time, blood spilling from his mouth like a waterfall…as he only said, "I'm sorry you were in such pain all this time Albedo…I would have…take you away on a vacation…I could have told you to turn into someone else. Someone you wanted to be. That you didn't need to take anyone else's role. That you could be free and make your own destiny. I'm sorry Mondstadt hurt you. I'm sorry Albedo hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt you…cough."

Kaeya knew that desperation. How he too longed to be free. To not be a prince.

To not be the last prince.
To not have been someone from his old land.
To not that been sent into the future.
To not be such a wretch.
But to have been someone else.

Someone free like the birds in the sky, and the wishes in the hopes and ceilings of people's dreams.
How he wished.

So, he knew why Albedo cried before him.

HE didn't even have a name.

He was like him.

And it hurt. And this hurts. It hurts a lot.

How it hurts.

Why?

Kaeya slipped back not feeling much strength at all anymore.

But before he fell completely back the fake Albedo grabbed his wrist. He let the knives clatter on the ground as he lowered Kaeya to the dirt.

Kaeya looked up at him…already seeing the sword swing up once more.

Kaeya smiled.

There was nothing else that he could do but to smile.

What Diluc didn't finish, Albedo would.

He could be free from everything now.

Finally.

"Set me free, then. Cough. I too am in a cage. Set me free so I can that I live in the nothing and forget I ever was Kaeya."

Something must have stirred the fake Albedo because he did not swing down.

He only kept look at Kaeya in horror.

Kaeya wondered then why Albedo's face contorted in such pain and misery as he began to tremble.
The sword in his hands began to sag as he let it fall down beside him in defeat.

"I thought I could kill you…"

"…"

"But I practically did, didn't I? But then, why I am sad?"

"…"

"Why does my chest hurt? My heart? Why did I meet you so late?"

"…"

"Oh god. I'm so sorry Kaeya."

"I (wheeze) f-f-f-forgive y-you."

"Kaeya."

"D-d-don't w-worry about it. I d-d-deserved to be s-slain," Kaeya whispered breathily.

"You did M-m-mondstadt a favor, really. And…Cough. You c-cry because you have a s-s-soul of your o-own Albedo…you were always j-just you…and not h-h-him. Cough. S-sorry."

Kaeya must have passed out because the next thing he knew he was closer to the walls of Mondstadt with a flower of khemia stuck into his chest.

At first, he was startled to find himself alive.

But as reality hit, he felt numb? As if there was no pain?

Kaeya looked at the bright glowing white flower placed into his wound and the relief it was giving him.

It was numbing all his pain and he had a dark grey cape draped over his body.

The flower held power of abyss and it felt so familiar.

Soothing almost.

He coughed. Everything numbly ached and hurt.

Kaeya was leaning against the wall as he realized…that Albedo had put him here to save himself.

Kaeya would be able to survive if he just went to the statue of seven. Albedo was counting on him to save himself. He wouldn't dare face Kaeya again.

And Kaeya knew that intuitively.

Still. Kaeya felt like he did the right thing today in his confrontation for the truth.

"I'm so crazy, cough."
"I actually hugged (cough) my killer, huh?"
"Cough."

Kaeya hacked out blood and he felt hot tears spill out. His hands felt the warmth of his insides pour out as he coughed into them intensively.

"Cough!"

He looked at his palms miserably. Blood glistened under the pale moonlight.

"That's a lot of blood. Wow."

He almost was in shock.

He never had seen so much spill out of his body before.

It was curiously exciting as well as alarming.

He smiled sadly.

"I don't think I've ever seen myself this way before. I WILL die if I don't go."

Kaeya's eyes glassed over with a misty delirium.
"To…save m-m-myself."

An idea popped in and he was determined to see it through.

"I think…I want to end t-though. Everything can be o-over. I j-just…I want to see Diluc. I want to hear his voice. I don't k-know why…I'm a-afraid, but if I can just…talk to him one more time… I'll be fine. Then…then I'll drown. Like the rat I am. Cough. Mom. Dad. Wistera…Crepus…I want to go home to you. I'm really tired. I really am. You won't mind me coming home, will you? Brothers…sisters…everyone?"

The silence of the night answered nothing as the trees only looked at him indifferently.

The sweet flowers said nothing as the bushes with berries looked away.

Kaeya laughed. He decided it then.

He got up much to his amazement and draped over the cape as he dragged himself forward.

He passed by a small ditch of water and went towards it. He cleaned his face best he could.

His palms and chin and neck. Some signs of blood remained but it was alright.

He limped forward taking breathy huffs, as everything felt harder to take in.

The flower that he left behind had power of healing. He had been slightly healed. Enough to survive had he wanted to.

"Khemia. You too used Khemia."

Kaeya bit his lip as he laughed, "Guess, your heart wasn't made of stone like geo. Those memories…hold onto them. And don't regret killing me. I forgive you. J-just as I forgave Diluc. J-just as Diluc will n-never forgive me. And I won't f-forgive me either…Hahaha. I'm a t-terrible p-person. So of course, I must meet a terrible end."

But Kaeya was none of those things.

He was a kind person to those he needed to protect and respect.

He was harsh in his kills, but he always tried to make it merciful.

Kaeya always prayed each night to every single face and their eyes he'd wreck down.

Some hoarders were bad. Some Fatui were bad. Some Abyss were bad.

But Kaeya didn't let their faces slip.

He needed to pray for each person or monster that he killed.

He would not become a monster so unfeeling that he'd forget each time his blade took a life away.

Be it of necessity or strife.

He would not ask for forgiveness but he'd ask any archon out there, to at least give everyone a resting place.

Even if they were enemies of Mondstadt or to himself. Even if it was for a mission, a commission, or to defend himself… he knew his hands were painted red too.

And he'd carry those sins to the grave with him.

And he'd let those sins just smother him down.

Then he went to Angel's share and asked for a drink of grape juice.
And all he saw was Diluc's angry eyes. Then his eyes of fear and concern.

And his screaming as Kaeya felt him haul him up those blasted stairs up and up to the statue.

But the statue hurt everything and messed everything up in him each bloody time.

Diluc cried for someone like him.

HE just…wanted his brother back.

But not like this.
Not born out of guilt.
Not that.

Kaeya let the memory hold him down as he felt the fury ebb down. He hadn't even known that he had manifest his reliable sword in hand.

He hadn't been aware of his motions and blind fury.

He hadn't been aware that he was out of his bed now and that Diluc was now in the room with him.

Kaeya had stabbed himself going for the heart.

And Diluc had placed his hand right above his heart to protect him. The sword plunged into his chest in a diagonal instead. Right into his chest.

A finishing blow for all the misery.

Kaeya just wanted everything to shut up.

But holy shit no.

"No no no no no no," Diluc cried.

The angle that Diluc deviated with his bleeding other hand trembled frightfully.

Kaeya blinked, letting everything converge as he coughed once more.

What?

Hadn't he been in bed?

Wasn't he recalling last night?

Why did he?

Shit.
Shit.

Kaeya could only wince as he understood what happened.

He raged blindly…just like Diluc did.

He.
He.

Acted on impulse?

Except that…this felt like-

He just-

Well, damn.

The only enemy he wanted to rage against was himself and not the fatui like Diluc had done.

This would be his mistake among so many others that he made and it hurt.
IT hurt.

"Why…are y-you here now w-when you never w-w-ere brot-," Kaeya coughed out weakly as he felt the same familiar sensation of drowning pull him down.

Blood spilled once more as he blinked and felt like he didn't even register any of this.

Kaeya felt his legs slip down as Diluc held onto him screaming.

Kaeya didn't hear anything but he heard desperate crying and begging to let go of the sword.

Kaeya suddenly didn't want to dig it any deeper as he let go.

He just looked at Diluc's pained face.

He couldn't believe what he had just done.

He couldn't hear anything but only blink as time seemed to slow down once more.
So slow.

His face. Kaeya could only look at his brothers face and he was just so sorry.

Albedo then entered the room quickly after hearing Diluc's terribly and wet shrieking.

His eyes clearly have been crying.

He had no star on his neck as he stared wide eyed at Kaeya.

Face aghast molding into utter and pure sorrow.

Kaeya's eyes met with his as they rolled back. His neck felt lax as he couldn't move anything anymore.

'This is.'

They both screamed, Diluc and fake Albedo.

"Kaeya!"
"Kaeya!?"

He felt himself slack as Diluc shook him.

But Kaeya couldn't hear anymore. His vision was grey and Diluc howled.

Kaeya was faintly aware of himself after he passed away.

He stood apart from his real self, slowly registering everything.

How could he be watching himself? He did not know.

But he felt no energy or power to move or even say a single word.

He just watched as all ghosts did after they passed.

Bitter and numb.

Diluc wouldn't let him go. Jean and Barbara tried everything in their power to save him.

Venti came and cried.

And much to everyone's surprise, another Albedo came rushing. Both Albedo's stilled as it felt like the world was crumbling.

"YOU! HOW DARE YOU BE HERE," The real Albedo roared, his golden flowers ready as they unleashed with a rippled fury.

There was a fight.

Venti blew the fake out of the window, shattering all that beautiful old glass, decadently onto the cobblestone outside. Shrieks of nuns filled the hallways.

Footsteps of knights ran. Venti flew after the other.

And Kaeya just stood there watching everything unfold.

He was a ghost.

Everything was real.
And everything sucked.

Diluc had to be peeled away as he shuddered and cried into Jean's arm as he shouted, "He died thinking I hate him! He'll never know now! Celestia why!"

The real Albedo just kept kneeling before Kaeya shaking his head.

"Kaeya, why?"

Jean kept sobbing, unable to be strong. She shed so many tears as she painfully looked onto Diluc and back to Kaeya.

She couldn't believe it as she also broke down and hugged Diluc tighter. As if she could be blown away like a dandelion in the wind.

And then the knights began to circle the room as they held tears and howls of their own.

How could this be happening?

Then as the pain resounded, the knights and everyone around just cried away. Not caring for public image or disposition. Everyone wept.
Everyone hurt.

Eventually, the storm of emotions took a toll as everyone stared at this senseless death of their beloved Captain.

Desensitizing all emotion, Diluc got up and picked Kaeya up, ready to take him to the morgue.

Everyone parted ways, not being able to say another word or sound as he took his body away.

Every knight there held their heads down while weeping freely once more as Diluc left with Kaeya once again in his arms, away from the room.

Barbara wailed; her face so red she couldn't stop humming such a sad song.

Albedo clutched his face, unable to stop trembling and wanting to scream.

Kaeya walked behind himself, feeling utterly devastated.

He took one look behind back towards the room he had died. Towards the room he had finally offed himself in.
His sword that he had use forever to protect everything, Mondstadt, and all others had failed to save him.

"You're the traitor," he mouthed silently to his bloody sword that laid mockingly on the ground.

But he corrected himself as he looked back to the sea of knights following his broken body.

"No, my heart was the traitor all along. My mind," he said as he looked up towards the ceiling, wondering why he hadn't floated away. Why he had to stay behind and see all of this?

The worst thing about it all was that this was way worse than becoming nothing, than feeling nothing.

He remained as a ghost as he watched the next few days unfold.

He saw everyone's tears and felt very one's grief carry into each syllable and word.

The town mourned.

His name held such a weight that even he wanted to sucker punch whomever that name belonged to.

He was so wrong in thinking people didn't care about him.

He had been tired but he should have been tired in the arms of friends and family, who would be able to nourish his spirit and soul with what he needs, heart. Love.

And the funeral happened.

And the whole city showed, everyone in black with flowers in their hands. So many beautiful flowers.
Everyone paid their respects to him from young to old.

He had no idea how much Mondstadt had prized a traitor like him.
Even among all his lies, people chose to believe his truths and the tells of his good nature.

The flowers were in abundance. It seemed to him as if every flower that had blossomed in Mondstadt was now being carried to his grave.

So much care?
So much respect?

Why? He had just been doing his job. Nothing more.

But this had not been what the city saw. They saw someone young and truly dedicated to their home. He had been an outlander but he loved this town and everyone knew that.

And Kaeya didn't know.

The wine bottles littered the streets and around his grave.

And Venti had not came back with the other Albedo.

And Kaeya just had to endure all of it.

As they said, "This was the most beautiful ceremony I've ever seen."

Diluc paid his debt of love for his end.

His funeral was plush with such extravagance that Kaeya could already face palm on the amount that Diluc must have paid.

That didn't make him feel bitter though.
He was glad his brother had cared in the end.
And now.
He had to pay as well.
By being dead but still alive.

To watch the events, unfold but be unable to do anything more about it.

A nothing lingering in the world of true memories.

Klee and Noelle cried.
As his friends sang a hymn.
As Aether held onto Diluc for strength.
As Bennet and Fischl sobbed.
As Razor whimpered.
As Diona and Eula hugged, weeping mournfully.
As Rosaria stomped her heel into the ground over and over again, spitting out all the curse words she could think of.
Angry for Kaeya and angry at Kaeya for leaving her.
Jean cried in silence as she recited the first versus of his grandor and friendship and dedication to their home, citizens, and friends.

Everything hurt hard.

Diluc stayed the whole night.

No one being able to calm him as he slept on Kaeya's grave begging and begging for forgiveness towards a tombstone that could not talk back.

The scent of calla lilies all around Diluc gave him no comfort as he grabbed onto the freshly placed grass, beseeching for death onto himself.

And Kaeya just miserably sat beside him unable to give any word.

Eventually Diluc fell asleep and Noelle with Jean took him away in a stretcher.

And Kaeya was left alone under the beautiful stars once more.

If he had been told a week ago that he was going to let himself die, he would have laughed in your face.

If you had told him a week ago that he was gonna kill himself, he would have broken down laughing in your face.

And yet, there he was- standing over his very grave.

The candles were still lit, dancing in the wind as everything felt surreal as fuck.

Kaeya sat there for many days.

Not moving.

Not wishing to hover or see anyone's grief.

He didn't want to pass through the walls and see their cries for him.

He deserved it not.

Many people visited him.

So many faces he didn't recognize as well. How much did his knighthood affect the daily lives of the common folk? He never knew. But people of Liyue and Inazuma came as well, baring gifts, telling his grave the instances they had met or clashed.

Childe was there on the 5th day and he grieved just as much as Diluc did.

Kaeya held onto Childe knowing the other would not feel his embrace.

It hurt to see his tears and the frustration and pain collapse onto Ajax's face.

Childe looked at the sky so longingly as he bitterly cried into his palms then, unable to restrain those rising sobs.

Kaeya held onto him tighter and tighter, wishing and wishing, he had been in his right state of mind.

How he was so sorry.
Sorry to everyone.

It hurt seeing everyone he had let in, hurt over him.
They had loved him.

Love him.

Absurd.

He pondered how love could be such a bitter double edge sword.

IT would have been better had he never arrived to the future and died on that fateful day of the cataclysm when everything turned to heck.

Then maybe all these beautiful faces that he adored, would not crack with such an expression of sadness and pain when they visited. Every friend of his let themselves release before his grave, the torrents of miserable rain drowning them on the inside.
They felt no closure and that was gonna haunt them for a long time.

Kaeya knew this and felt so sour and ashamed.

IT was only on the 6th day did Venti return and when he did, he saw Kaeya's ghost.

Kaeya sat there right before his grave as if he were any other person.

Tired. He was tired of this, but could not move.

And he feared he might never be able to move from this spot ever again.

Venti's iris brightened as he called out to Kaeya.

And he tilted his head up, almost in a trance.

Stunned.

He turned, flabbergasted, wondering how he could be hearing his own name ever again?
"Venti?"

Venti walked up to him, just out of reach, as tears streamed down the archon's eyes.

"Kaeya Alberich Ragnvindr. I see your soul still lingers. Why didn't you go back to the drawing board?"

Kaeya just stared, boring holes, unscrupulously in suspicion.

"Of course, Archons could see ghosts. Makes sense. And you're not really that sad either. You must be quite used this, aren't you?"

Venti cried but laughed at the same time.

"Not all the time. I only see ghosts right after they die. Then they go up to where they will restart again. It hurts every time anyone dies. The pain is always the same. Huh? You still have your same pep. That's good to know."

Kaeya felt out of place.

It felt absurd to even talk to anyone for the last few days. And he felt tired still.

He just gestured the bard to come sit with him.

Because this was shocking to him to.

Being seen once again.

Venti obliged much too happily as he sat himself down, putting his lyre onto the grass.

Kaeya was too tired to make sense of everything. He just talked, motioning his hands towards his grave.

"So? What do I owe you for the visit, oh Archon Barbatos?"

Venti looked at his grave solemnly.

"Kaeya, souls usually go straight to the notebooks of Celestia…but I forgot…your kind made the sins we cannot forgive. Of course, you're rejected. I'm sorry."

Kaeya shrugged, not letting any of the words affect him.

"I can't change the past. They did what they felt they had to do most likely. And I'm dead now. So. Honestly, this freedom doesn't feel free."

Venti plucked his lyre suddenly as the winds changed.

Kaeya saw anemo shimmer surround him as he was being lifted into the air.

Venti stood himself up, tears overflowing in his eyes.

"Barbatos?" he demanded fearfully.

Where was he going?

HE hadn't…he hadn't said goodbye to anyone.

"Kaeya, you're really special, you know that?"

He scoffed playfully as he trembled at that remark.

He was afraid of passing onto the next now. But Venti was going to do that for him.
The drawing board or whatever it was.

Venti shut his eyes as he looked down.

"Celestia can be so cruel and so can the abyss. But, you? Who have both Celestia and Abyss's blessings…you who can become a god like me…would you like to become a god now?"

He just shut up and gawked like he had seen a rifthound in a dress.

"What?"
Venti smiled.

"Kaeya… You can't return to the reincarnation cycle. You'd usually become a new person. But what you can do…what I can offer you…is that you can be a god of you. You will be able to willingly walk into any parallel or paradox you that lives. I can't say the same for those of you that died or are dead now in some other remix tale of our lives. But for the you's that live in the ripple of the pond of thought…I'll make you a god of you. The fabric of imagination touches everywhere. The cube of our universe divides our realities into endless possibilities."

With a hum and a harsh gust of wind, the clouds turned grey and the bells of the cathedral clanged.

People broke out of their homes and local businesses watched the skies in horror as they feared Dvalin make another rampage.

Venti held onto Kaeya tightly in his anemo grasp as Venti had the ground underneath him shudder.

An earthquake occurred.

And then there was noise of alarm and panic all over the town.

He simply stuttered, "V-V-venti! S-s-stop!"
"No," he seethed.

Venti dared him to say another word.

"I won't. I hate what they did to you. What Celestia did to you. I hate what I did to you… what I didn't do for you…So let me do this Kaeya. Your bloodline makes it easy to become a god. Your vision as well. And your soul…its brighter than any other soul I've ever seen. More physical. More real. A special being like you…I won't let you rot away and be doomed to forever linger the land as all Khaenri'ans do. Or they fade away."

Kaeya's mouth was dry as he felt the immensity of Venti's soft words cut through him.

Everyone then? Faded into nothing?
All of his everything's from before just gone?
Everyone from Khaenri'ah?

Light poured down from the sky in a manner so mystical and ethereal that it blew Kaeya's mind away.

Abyss soared from the ground swirling around his grave and his soul.

Diluc ran out with Jean and Noelle.

"Venti!" What are you doing," cried Jean using her most authoritative tone she possessed, snapping like a cold torrent of exasperation?

Diluc simply asked one thing, "Are you? Bringing him back?"

Venti smiled sadly towards them as Noelle cried.

"No. But I'm allowing his soul to walk into another other life where he's alive. I'm giving him that push."

Diluc bitterly spat, "Is Kaeya here? Why can't you? Revive him?"

"He's already dead, Diluc," Venti explained woefully in a slow manner.

"But he can live again somewhere else. Say goodbye. And be happy he lives in another life with another you."

Diluc wretched out a guttural sob.
He so desperately wanted Kaeya back.
He didn't deserve him. He never had.

But Diluc looked at the place where Venti's palm twisted anemo. It seemed that both light and dark were twisting and encircling upon one place right above his palms.

That is where Kaeya's soul was. He was sure.

Diluc walked forward, not letting the anemo push him back.

Diluc stood beside Venti then as Venti dulled the blast of air where Diluc stood tall and proud.

Kaeya looked onto Diluc like he couldn't understand why.

Why he was still looking at him like that? Like he cared? Like he loved him? Like he was family? Like he was a friend?

Diluc gulped and cleared his throat, trying to sound strong.

"Kaeya, you left me again. Are you really that tired of the Tavern? I'll make you a better drink, I promise. I'll listen to you. I won't shut you up or walk away anymore."

"Diluc…"

"I'm sorry for everything I never did with you. I'm sorry for pushing you away and not being there for you. For hurting you. For ignoring you. For not being your brother. For not listening. For not being there when father passed and for not reaching out afterwards…."

"Diluc…"

"I hate that you killed yourself. I shouldn't have gone to get a drink…I should have stayed in your room and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for making you feel so insignificant. If I had been your friend…I wouldn't have let you become that way. So suicidal and sad. I wish I had reacted faster. I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough. That I couldn't…parry your attack."

"Diluc…"

"I'm…sure father will be happy to have you by his side…so please go into a life story where he's alive and I'm your brother. Please…forget if you must. Or if you want to remember me…please keep me in your prayers. Please visit me from time to time in my dreams."

"Diluc!"

"Kaeya, I'll always regret not telling you how much I love and forgive you. Could you forgive me before you go, brother?"

"Diluc, oh my god dammit."

"Kaeya…Don't go. B-brother…my baby brother…Don't leave me."

And Diluc crumpled unable to say another word as he fell to his knees and cupped his face. The tears were hotter than anything Diluc felt before. All his sorrow was ripped right open.

And Kaeya said this to Venti, "Is there no way I can reborn in this timeline?"

Venti looked so sad as he held one soft hand onto Diluc's shoulder and stroked his red shaking hair kindly.

"Sorry. No. Usually your reborn right after you die as someone else to populate the world of Teyvat. But…how about this? AS you'll become the god of you and a walker through realities and dreams… Of the ultimate leyline that runs throughout all fabric of all…why don't you gather power? And maybe if you do…maybe when we die here…old and gray…you'll be able to whisk our souls away into another story. And we'll be with you again? How does that sound?"

Diluc just shuddered, letting go of his hot hands, his cheeks red and eyes and nose. Tears and snot dripping down as he looked up.

Kaeya felt it then…he materialized and wore something akin to an Archon's clothing.

The sky above him felt like they were angry.

The ground below him felt like they were celebrating.

And Diluc's eyes shot open, wider than he had ever done before.

Noelle just shouted Kaeya's name as Jean also rang out, both in unison and in shock.

Kaeya was see-through but practically visible now as he finally wore something that was not like his last bloodied outfit.

The clothing swayed unnaturally with him, in concert and power.

He felt himself ascending as Diluc, Jean, and Noelle reached out, tears pouring down their beautiful cheeks and chins.

Their eyes glistened with hope as Diluc shouted out once more, "Kaeya, b-brother! I'll love you f-forever! Tell dad I said hello. Forgive me. Bring me home to you when I die!"

Jean shouted towards the sky matching Diluc's strength, "Kaeya, you better get my soul when I die of old age! So, we could live together again or so help me Barbato's I'll ground you along with Klee again!"

Noelle shouted, "Kaeya, please be my Captain again. Please be my friend again. Please bring us all back with you someday. Please wait for us. We'll make you proud while we remain here. We'll never forget you!"

Venti didn't say anything but he kept ascending Kaeya up to the clouds the same way Kaeya had lifted the frosty bubble in his dream when he first thought he died.

And then he understood.

That had been a wish.
A wish he made.
A favor from the gods.
A curse from his blood.
A blessing in a vision.
A relic of the past.
Thrown into the future.
He wished for something more.
And he had to die twice for it.

But he would never throw it away.

The wish that made him special and not cursed.

Diluc's red hair was all Kaeya could focus on in the end as he felt the pain surge from all the things, he had failed to tell Diluc.

How he wanted to be friends with him again.
How he forgave him, but could not forgive himself.
How he wished to be family again.
How he mattered so much to him even when Diluc's heart was hard as a raging fire, melting all the ice he held.

Still.

He would make sure to not muck it up the next time they met.

He would find every way to become the best god he could and reunite with all the souls of his friends once more.

And then he was there.

HE woke up again in his old bedroom sheets. This was another room having belonged to another younger Kaeya.

He felt his cheeks and hands. Everything felt familiar and the different.
He felt solid.
He was real!
And he let himself watch those tearful faces replay before him.

Diluc.

Jean.

Noelle.

Venti.

Even the fake Albedo had gone to check up on him in his final moments.

And how he was…. somehow…grateful for that…

His friend, his slayer, couldn't stay away.

Did he want to apologize?

Shame he was not in his right of mind.

Fake Albedo had gone to check up on him because he cared. And that was all that mattered to Kaeya now. He'd forgive him.

Even Diluc looked like he was going to turn over a new leaf.

And he just went and took his life.

Then a young Diluc bursted through the doors as he held Calla Lilies and Cecilia's in a bouquet and a present in his arms.

He ran up to Kaeya's bed and just flat out pounced on him making him squirm and yell out, "What the heck dude!"

And his eyes brightened. Astonished. Bewildered. Floored to the bed.

He had just yelled at…Diluc?!

Diluc was young. Bright red eyes, soft and brilliantly radiant, he just smiled sloppily towards Kaeya. His hair was down only up to shoulder length as they fluttered into his face.

No hesitation or hate or regret.

Only love.

Diluc hugged him tenderly as he giggled.

Kaeya stilled and paled holding in a breath not wanting to break this dream, if it was a dream.

"Silly! We let you sleep in and you just keep remaining in bed? Come on! Get up! It's your birthday! Here! Happy birthday! We have so much to do today!"

Diluc shoved his gifts that he carefully prepared and even hiked for- to him.

Master Crepus came through the door holding a gift as well as he smiled brightly at Kaeya.

"Good afternoon Kae. We let you sleep in since you were sick last night. I'm glad to see you're better."

Kaeya just stilled. Everything was too fast. Nothing was making sense and yet it all made sense.

Crepus walked over with poise and tranquility just the same way Kaeya always saw him walk in all the memories he had of him.

He had longed to see Crepus in a dream for so long.

Now, his father that had accepted him and loved him was right here, all over again.

A miracle.

Crepus buried his beard into little Kaeya's nook and he breathed in deeply as he held in his arms both his boys.

"Diluc. HE had a fever yesterday. So be gentle. And Kaeya, you look better. Good. But how are you feeling? Son? Ah. Here. Happy birthday my son."

"Sir…"

Diluc nodded as he scooted aside to make space for his dad. His father bumped his shoulders playfully towards Diluc as he beamed.

"Sir?" Crepus questioned back.

Crepus tussled Kaeya's hair.

Crepus frowned narrowing his eyes.

"What do you mean, sir? Maybe that fever did you make you strange."

Quickly he held his hand on Kae's forehead as Kaeya felt himself burning up from all these sensations.

"Oh no, you are still warm. Stay in bed. I'll call your mom to come from up to the surface then. She's still upset you chose to live with us than stay in your kingdom."

Kaeya was shaking.
Nothing was making sense now.

"Mom?" He asked quietly- almost in disbelief.

Diluc hugged him, "Yeah, Prince Kaeya, the 27th prince," Diluc playfully teased.

Then Diluc frowned.

"Oh, you are warm! I'll get the towel and medicine. Dad, maybe we should call the doctor to come over again."

Kaeya shook his head, "No, no." He stuttered. "I'm alright." He waved his hands exasperatingly.

Both looked at him wondering when Kaeya just crumpled under the pressure.

"Both of your eyes burn. Your stares are too much. Ouch, b-b-brother. F-f-father."

Amazing. He could call them by those titles again. How utterly wonderful.
Such a dream.
Reality.

Their worried gazes softened as Crepus once again played with Kaeya's blue hair.

"Your dad wanted to make a banquet today but its our year with you again. Such a pushy man."

Kaeya could only laugh.

What was all this?
This was real?
How absurd.
And how delightful.

He wanted to cry but he wouldn't dare cry. Not after all the tears he had seen released for him in the past few days.

He just laughed and laughed till his ribs started to ache.

There was no stopping Kaeya as he heaved forward letting tears fall.

Diluc and Crepus were startled but let Kaeya giggle with no abandon. And he cried. Something had clearly flown over their heads.

But to see their family member just in so much joy, made their hearts well with warmth.

And he laughed and laughed till Diluc laughed and asked what was so funny.

Master Crepus sat on the bed as he watched lovingly his son's laughter, both his eyes shining free, of gold and blue.

Kaeya just caved into himself as he trembled shaking his hand into his hair and ruffling it so much.

"Venti, you're absolutely crazy. You know that? I can live in a world where both my families exist and there is no war between them? I love you, you crazy stupid bard."

And Kaeya cried then one more time much to the dismay and concern of his two loved ones.

These tears were heavy and painful now.

Not of the light hearted laughter Kaeya had done a few seconds before.

These tears felt painful as they rolled down and Crepus and Diluc came close to him, trying to understand what was wrong.

Soothing murmurs of what's wrong, what happened, are you okay, kissed Kaeya's ears as Diluc clung onto him and his dad.

Kaeya was going to look for Albedo and the twin.

He was going to look for Venti too.

He knew that these were not his people.

But for now…he was gonna live his new life with pleasure and the freedom he had never had before.

He was gonna smile and mean it.

He was going to go walk into Angel's share today and replace that door with his new Diluc and Father by his side.

Kaeya held the handkerchief that Diluc had pushed lightly into his hands as he blew his nose.

He nodded at them stating to them that he was okay now. They both inched back trying to take Kaeya in.

"Sorry…about that. I just…had many emotions lately. Um. Can we celebrate my birthday at Angel's share today?"
"Of course, Kaeya. Whatever, anything you want, we'll do."
"Yeah, brother! Are you okay? You scared us there. Why'd you cry?"
"Cause I'm just so bloody happy I can exist. I'm going to be a good god to myself. For sure."

Diluc wrinkled his nose as he laughed, "What do you mean by that? How can we be good gods to ourselves?"

"Just by living day by day and wishing for our dreams to become reality. And for reality to become our dreams."

Kaeya looked to them both and smiled brightly.

He was going to make every him happy. That was what he was gonna do.

And then he was gonna make every him who suffers to either have a swift end if they are truly not savable. And if they are struggling to survive, he'd help them rewrite their-his, stories.
He'd rewrite his fate and his world for every single one if he had to.

He was going to make them all pay. All the evilness that haunted and lingered in every him.

He was going to win for them all and for himself.

But for now.

He was starting to feel hungry for some sweet cake and sunsettia juice.
Maybe even grape juice for the simple heck of it.

He was feeling so blessed that he landed somewhere where it was his birthday and where all his favorite people were alive. All his siblings…he wanted to go to Khaenri'ah immediately. He wanted to see their faces!

But for now.

"Dad, Diluc? Can I open my presents later? I want to eat a little."

Diluc quickly shot up and took out Kaeya's lilac slippers from under his bed.

Kaeya slipped into them and hugged his brother fiercely, wishing he'll never let go.

Kaeya was going to make this moment last. Frozen in time.
But melting like a spring dew to create new beginnings.

"Brother?"
"Hmm, yeah Kae?"
"Will you be my brother, forever?"
"Hehehe. What's wrong with you today?"

Diluc squeezed him tighter letting Kaeya make a little squeak.

"I don't know. Just, please humor me, please?"
"Okay. Yeah Kaeya, I'll always be your big brother. For absolutely ever! For all time, probably. Ahaha."
"Cool. Do you forgive me?"
"For what?"
"For everything that I have done, did, and will do?"
"Gosh! Jeez, yeah Kae! We'll always be together. I'll always forgive you, but only if you forgive yourself first."

Kaeya's star eye trembled as he let that sink in.
He bite his lip as he lowered his guard. "I will try...but if i fail, will you hold me up?"
"Forever Kae. You're that important to me, to us. Right, father?"

"Absolutely."

Master Crepus reached his hand out as Kaeya held his hand.

"You asked me to hold your hand all day for your birthday yesterday, remember?"

"Nope. But I'm sure glad I made that request."

"I thought it was strange why you asked me that."

Kaeya paused.

He knew exactly why his other self had requested that.

"Hmmm, I think it's because I just really love you, Father. Thank you for existing in my life. I'd have given my life for yours any day."

Concern fluttered in both the Ragnvindr's eyes before Kaeya hugged them both, whisking them out of his room and into the hallways to head down for the kitchen.
"Let's have a splendid day. After all, we're alive, aren't we? We're meant to sing."

And he hummed and danced all the way down the stairs, his blue hair twirling free like he never had been before.
Diluc laughed and Crepus kept holding onto his hand.

Yes, may all our happy endings, middles, and beginnings fade into the misery that burns harder than any star. And when we collapse, may we remold, stronger, purer, clearer than ever before. May we find the peace and harmony we always knew and beheld in our hearts. May we unleash all our potential onto this fabulously loving and harsh world. May our hopes resound and sing, biting through all the darkness. Enduring, resilient, fleeting. May our swords of light and pens of creation, write our story with much love as possible. For love multiplies my dear. Love multiplies when its cast out onto others and how much more does it soar, when we learn to truly love ourselves, our lives, and all around us.

And may we hold our lives with purpose and with a terrible hug of never letting it go. Resist the pain. Resist the end. It comes for us all, but when it does, we'll be buried with all the happiness of having held all of our dreams.

Kaeya would do his best.

And he was.
And he did.
And he is.