A/N:TRIGGER WARNING (Domestic violence)
Beca woke before Aubrey the next morning, wrapped in her arms. She smiled softly and snuggled further into her Wife's warm embrace. It was only a few seconds later that the events of the previous night flooded her memory and her body stiffened.
They had a fight. A bad one, worse than ever before. Aubrey hit her. She felt the memory, the sting of Aubrey's slap wash over her like a bucket of ice water being poured over her head. She carefully inched her way out of Aubrey's arms and got out of the bed, walking across the ridiculously large master bedroom into the bathroom.
She hadn't taken her makeup off the night before. She hadn't even gone into the bathroom. After Aubrey had begged her for her forgiveness and promised to never do it again, they slipped out of their dresses and got right into bed where they both fell asleep.
She turned on the light and looked at herself in the mirror. She had light smudges of makeup under her eyes, and she turned the hot water on and prepared a washcloth while scanning the rest of her face.
Aubrey's hit didn't leave a mark. She sighed in relief. The last thing she needed was a visual reminder of what had happened. She cleaned her face before turning around and turning the shower on. Glancing into the bedroom she could see that Aubrey was still asleep, so she closed the door before stripping out of her underwear and bra and getting into the shower.
The warm stream of water felt good against her skin and she allowed it to wash away the feelings of the previous night.
After her shower, she dried her hair with a towel and went into the closet pulling out fresh clothes. When she left the bathroom, she found Aubrey was still sound asleep. She didn't want to wake her yet, wanting to enjoy the morning as much as she could before the calm would inevitably be ruined.
XXXXXX
She was on the back patio, a half a cup of coffee in one hand, and her phone in the other, enjoying the sunshine and the sounds of the birds chirping.
She had just opened an email from her boss when a hand touched her shoulder. She couldn't help but tense up before looking up at Aubrey standing behind her.
"Good morning." She said softly looking up at the blonde. All she could really see was a silhouette of her wife as she blocked the sun, making her hair look like a golden halo of light around her.
"Good morning, my love." She said and moved around to stand in front of her. Beca looked down as she did so, and felt a hand under her chin. Aubrey gripped her face lightly and angled it to look at her.
"It didn't bruise." Beca said, pulling away from her and sitting back in her chair, her posture rigid. She had hoped to be relaxed enough by the time Aubrey woke up that they could maybe just forget it even happened. No such luck.
"I never should have touched you like that Beca. I am so sorry; I don't know what came over me." Aubrey said, sitting in the chair across from Beca.
"I do." Beca said looking up at her as she set her phone down.
Aubrey looked at her curiously. "You do?"
"What did your dad say to you, when I left the table?" She asked.
Aubrey looked down, shame covering her face.
"Did he tell you that you are the one calling the shots in this relationship? Did he tell you to put me in my place?" She asked, anger lacing her words as the reality started to set in now that Aubrey was sitting across from her.
Aubrey didn't answer her. That was all that Beca needed to know she was right.
"Aubrey you are not your dad. And I am not your mom. I know she stayed with him through years of abuse. I won't do that."
"You aren't being abused Beca." Aubrey said looking up at her.
"You hit me last night, Aubrey." She said leaning forward.
"I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to, I lost control."
Beca shook her head. "Well, if you lose control again, I'm leaving." She said and stood up grabbing her phone, abandoning her coffee and walking back into the house.
XXXXXX
That evening, Aubrey walked up to the third floor of their home. It was completely sound proof and Beca used it for work. It was Saturday so she usually wouldn't be up there, but that is where she had gone that morning and Aubrey hadn't seen her since.
She knocked on the door and a few seconds later it opened. Beca looked at her for a minute before turning and walking back to her desk, leaving the door open. Aubrey followed her and looked around the room. She wasn't in their often, as she had a busy work schedule and when Beca was in there she was working so Aubrey didn't bother her. It was darker than any other room in the house but they had installed dimmers for the lights and Beca kept it low and made it feel comfortable. There were at least a dozen candles lit around the room and the smell of coffee had her looking at the coffee bar Beca had put together so she didn't have to go down two flights of stairs every time she wanted a cup.
"Uh, have you eaten today? Or have you just had coffee?" She asked, her voice light.
"Haven't had much of an appetite." Beca said, not turning away from her monitor.
"I was thinking about making something for dinner, would you like some?"
"No, thank you. I have a lot of work to do, to prepare to take over for Kate." She said and Aubrey could feel her patience slipping. She was trying to make amends, why couldn't Beca see that?
"I'm trying to be nice Beca. I'm trying to fix what I did, you think you could help me out here?"
Beca spun around in her chair and looked at her. "I shouldn't have to help you fix this Aubrey. I didn't do anything wrong. You did. And you must be out of your mind to think I am just going to pretend like it didn't happen." She snapped standing up and walking by her.
Aubrey let out a breath and turned grabbing her arm as she passed her and pulled her back to her.
"God damnit Beca." She growled. "I tried to apologize, I tried to make things right and all you could do was walk away from me and lock yourself up in your damn office!" She yelled in her face and Beca tried to yank her arm free but couldn't.
"Let me go." She said through gritted teeth.
"You want to play victim?" Aubrey asked and Beca could feel her grip getting tighter. "You want to talk about my mom leaving my dad?"
"Aubrey stop it, you're hurting me." She said and struggled to get her arm free.
"Well, you didn't leave, just like my mom didn't leave after the first time my dad hit her." She loosened her grip just slightly and Beca was able to wretch her arm free.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She demanded stepping away from Aubrey and toward the door.
"Get out." She said opening it, and blinking back tears. "Get out now."
Aubrey shook her head, and walked past Beca out of the room and the door slammed behind her. She could hear the lock click into place immediately.
XXXXXX
Aubrey was sitting in bed that night, her bedside lamp on and a book in her lap when she heard a noise downstairs. She looked at the time to see it was well past one in the morning. She set her book aside and put her robe on, leaving the room.
She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to see Beca sitting at the center island, her eyes red and swollen. She was eating a sandwich and looked up as Aubrey entered. Aubrey watched as Beca seemed to make herself appear smaller in her chair, looking down and setting the sandwich down on her plate.
Aubrey felt a pang of sadness shoot through her chest. She caused her Wife to look like this. She had been in her office for sixteen hours, no doubt crying the majority of the time wondering what she had done to deserve Aubrey's treatment of her.
Aubrey knew Beca had struggled most of her life with not feeling good enough. Her self confidence was low, her self esteem had only just begun to get better and she had Aubrey and her job to thank for that. Aubrey knew Becas weaknesses. And being unwanted was something she feared. She adored Aubrey; she would kiss the ground at her feet if asked. And Aubrey knew this. She knew that Beca would never leave. No matter how bad it got.
She walked into the kitchen and moved behind her, gently turning her stool so Beca faced her.
The younger woman wouldn't look up at her, and Aubrey stepped into the space between her legs, prompting Beca to wrap her arms around her. And she did. And she cried into Aubrey's chest.
"Please," She sobbed. "I just want things to go back to the way they were before yesterday."
Aubrey wrapped her arms around her and shushed her while softly stroking her hair.
"I've got you, Beca. You're safe with me."
She held her wife as she cried uncontrollably into her chest, drenching her pajamas in hot tears.
She couldn't help the small smile that tugged at her lips. Beca was as loyal as they come. And she knew that. Beca would do anything to make her happy. And she would make sure of it.
XXXXXX
That Tuesday found Beca and Aubrey at a fertility clinic. Beca had her blood drawn and was currently laying back on a bed while a doctor she had just met performed a vaginal ultrasound.
Aubrey was by her side, holding her hand and whispering sweet nothings to her whenever she winced.
A week later they received the phone call that she needed to go in for something called a colposcopy. Basically, they were going to check her cervix, take a bit of it and do a biopsy. She was given a prescription for Xanax and told to take it an hour before the procedure as it could be painful.
That landed on the night of the weekly dinner with Aubrey's father and she was glad to have a good excuse to miss it. However, she had also missed the week before, due to having to work later than normal to make up work she missed for the initial fertility appointment.
John wasn't pleased about this and gave Aubrey an earful.
Beca was laying on the couch, aimlessly scrolling through social media, still amazed at how many people followed her on Instagram, and why they cared about her life she would never understand. Her thoughts were far away though.
She was cramping and had some bleeding after the procedure and was laying with a heating pad, reminiscing over the last two weeks. It had been two weeks since Aubrey first slapped her. Thirteen days since they had the argument in her office. Twelve since they sat down over breakfast and Aubrey promised she would seek therapy, and get the help she needed. Beca had agreed to go through the tedious appointments to find out if she was able to carry a baby.
She hadn't agreed to do it. But she said she would get checked and that was good enough for Aubrey.
Things had been great since. They hadn't fought, they hadn't had so much as a disagreement. Aubrey had actually been extremely loving and had been dotting on her. She would randomly give her kisses and bring her flowers. Cook her favorite dinner and bring her Coffee to the label. It was almost like that night had never happened.
XXXXXX
Beca woke with a start, having fallen asleep on the couch. She looked up to see Aubrey standing above her.
"I said, have you made up your mind yet?" Aubrey asked, her words slurring together and Beca felt her blood run cold. She sat up and looked at Aubrey.
"Oh, love. You drank more than you ate tonight, didn't you?" She asked with a soft smile as she stood up and took Aubrey's arm gently. "Let's get you to bed."
"Don't," Aubrey said pushing her away. "I asked you a question."
Beca looked at her in worry. This couldn't be happening again. "What did you ask?"
"Have you made up your mind? Are we going to have a baby or not?"
Beca sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Aubrey, lets talk about this in the morning, okay? After you've had some sleep, I know you've had a long week at the firm."
"Answer me." Aubrey said. "Now."
She shook her head, wondering what thoughts Aubrey's father had no doubt drilled into her head over the course of dinner and too many drinks.
"Aubrey I really don't want to have this talk while you are drunk." She said and moved past her wife walking toward the kitchen. Aubrey followed her and stopped at the island while Beca got her a bottle of water and some Tylenol.
She set it on the counter in front of her and Aubrey took it, drinking the water and setting the bottle down.
"I'm doing what you asked. I'm seeing a therapist." Aubrey said.
"And I am doing what you asked, I'm getting all these tests done." Beca countered.
Aubrey pointed a finger at her. A wobbly finger, but a finger at that. "Don't talk back to me."
"You're not my Mother Aubrey. I wasn't talking back, I was- "
The next thing she knew she was on the kitchen floor; her ears were ringing and her mouth was full of warm blood. She spit it out, and tried to stand up, her vision blurring, only to feel another blow to her face and she fell again. Aubrey was shouting but she couldn't make out what she was saying. Her head was throbbing, the blood in her mouth was there because it was coming out of her nose. She spit it out again, choking on it before she felt a sharp tug and she was being pulled out of the kitchen and into the living room by her hair.
She landed on her stomach on the carpet and all she could see was the red stain on the white carpet. Aubrey was still shouting, and she felt another pain in her arm.
XXXXXX
Aubrey was breathing hard and stumbled out of the living room and back into the kitchen. She grabbed the bottle of water from the counter and drank the rest of it. Then walked back in to see Beca laying in a crumpled heap on the living room floor. Her face was swelling, her nose pouring blood. She was clutching her arm where Aubrey had kicked her moments before.
She stepped back, looking at her, realizing what she had done. "Oh, fuck, Beca." She gasped. The sight of her Wife and what she had done sped up the process of sobering up.
"Oh, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck." She said and dropped down beside Beca who could only muster enough strength the whimper and try to move away from her.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry."
She pulled Beca up to a sitting position and that's when her wife started to sob.
"Please, don't," She cried trying to get away from Aubrey. "Please, don't hurt me anymore, I'm sorry."
Aubrey watched her cower away from her, begging to be left alone. She felt a new feeling go through her. This wasn't like the last time she did this. Beca wasn't telling her off. She was apologizing. She knew Aubrey was right. She knew she had done wrong.
"Come on, love. Let's get you cleaned up." Aubrey said and stood up, her legs still wobbly and pulled Beca up to her feet. She too was unstable but didn't fight as she was led up the stairs and into the master bedroom. There she was stripped of her bloodied clothes and Aubrey filled the tub with hot soapy water and turned on the jets.
Before she knew it, she was submerged in the giant tub, Aubrey outside it, kneeling next to her wiping the blood from her face with a wet washcloth.
"I-I don't understand." She cried softly.
"Shh." Aubrey hushed her as she cleaned her face. "Its over, now." She spoke.
"You said you wouldn't hurt me again." She said carefully dodging the washcloth.
"Just relax my love."
Beca did as she was told. Unsure of what might happen if she didn't. She was in a tub of water and Aubrey was out of her mind. Would she drown her?
It took thirty minutes to clean the blood from her face and hair and Beca sat at their shared vanity, in her pajamas while Aubrey applied a cream to her bruising eye. Then she massaged some into the deep purple bruise on her tricep where she had kicked her.
They were quiet for a few moments before Aubrey spoke.
"So," She started. "Have you made up your mind yet?"
A/N: Please review?