You Don't Know How to Have Any Fun at All
Chapter 1
LESTER
"So that's a total of around 250k in revenue for the year we've lost as a result of that whole situation," Ranger summarized.
"Shit," I said, looking at Bobby, Tank, and Steph who were all sitting around Ranger's office. They made noises of agreement.
"It's really that bad?" Tank asked.
"Yes," Steph said. "Lester and I have been doing as much damage control with clients as we can, but we've had to comp months worth of services to keep our domestic accounts happy, and the corporate ones…"
"Let's just say they know when it's a good time to renegotiate contracts," I finished smoothly.
"I had Steph do some research, and I like what she's proposed," Ranger said. He passed around dossiers to Bobby, Tank, and me. "I've done an initial interview over Zoom, but I'd like to bring her in for a panel later this week."
"Parker Kelly?" Tank read aloud. "You're bringing in a fixer?"
There was no way. No fucking way my cousin would be considering this shit. He guarded privacy above all else. How would bringing in a stranger – one with absolutely NO security background at that – help matters at all?
"It's a good resume," Bobby murmured, paging through the dossier.
"She's open to relocating?" Tank asked.
"No exactly," Steph admitted. "But I think with the right offer…"
"So, we're bringing in someone with no security background, no clearance, that we don't even know if we can trust, and we're going to overpay her on top of that?"
I tried to keep the incredulity out of my voice. No doubt Ranger wouldn't be happy that I questioned one of Steph's ideas. Not that she usually had bad ones. I'll be the first to admit that Beautiful can and has had some of the best ideas to streamline operations and make things run more smoothly. And she's a kickass researcher. But there's a reason Ranger is our Commander and Lead Strategist. The man is the best. I'd jumped at the chance to buy into Rangeman at the beginning. So had Tank and Bobby. And the four of us had never had problems agreeing on a course of action in the face of a problem.
"No offense, Beautiful, but…" I started, but I hesitated when Ranger shot me a searing look. Me and my big mouth. "I'm just wondering if there might be a less drastic option to try first."
"You're not worried about mitigating further damage?" Tank asked.
"You think we can continue on the growth track we're on without the monitoring accounts?" Bobby asked.
"You don't think a woman is qualified to do the job do you?" Stephanie asked, crossing her arms.
Jesus H. Christ.
"No, I said. It has nothing to do with the fact that she has tits. But she has no security experience. She has no military experience. We have no idea what kind of strategy she brings to the table."
"Hence the interview," Ranger said mildly. "Does Thursday work for everyone? I'd like each of you to spend a little time with her to show her the way things run and get to know her better."
Tank and Bobby nodded. I hesitated.
"What if the vote isn't unanimous?" I asked finally.
"We'll reassess at that time," Ranger replied, his face blank of all emotion.
"I chatted with her a while setting up the call for Ranger," Stephanie said. "Remember all the restaurants that lost customers during the shit-storm with those Duck Dynasty guys?" We all nodded. "Remember the nationwide chain that wasn't dragged through the mud about it?"
I nodded my head thinking about the burger place that somehow had come out without getting dragged into that news cycle.
"Yeah, so?"
"So, guess who was responsible for that?"
OK, I'll admit that was an impressive task.
"Remember when the Fair Labor Standards Act changed the base-pay and requirements for exempt and non-exempt workers and the restaurant industry was hit particularly hard losing workers?"
"Yeah." I begrudgingly answered when none of the other men did.
"And one restaurant group came out with zero turnover, despite changing their managers from salaried employees to hourly employees, and then back to salaried again when they realized they were paying them way too much hourly. Want to take a guess who they hired to run all that shit for them?"
"I'm free Thursday all day," I said instead of answering the question. "Send me a meeting invite for the interview and whatever time you want me to spend with her."
"Steph, why don't you go work on the travel arrangements for Parker to get her here in the morning?"
She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind herself quietly.
"I think it's definitely a balls to the wall option, man," Tank said. "I'll be interested to hear more from her."
"It makes a good statement optically, bringing in another woman in a high-profile position, given what started this whole mess," Bobby added.
"Ric," I said, trying to make sure I worded this correctly.
"In case you were wondering," Ranger interrupted me, which was highly unlike him. "Iasked Steph to find the best Communications and PR person. She had many of the same reservations you did. And to be honest, I think in a weird way she enjoys being the only woman around here besides Ella."
We let that hang in the air for a bit.
"And if you ever tell her I said that…" he trailed off, not needing to finish the threat for it to be enough to keep the 3 of us quiet about it for the rest of our lives. It had taken Ranger and Steph a long time to get to the point they were at, living together and in a permanent partnership. It had just taken pointing out, repeatedly, that they were already in a relationship, they were only arguing over semantics.
"So, should we put her in an apartment on 4 while she's here?" Tank asked.
"Yes, I think it would be good to get her fully submerged. We'll all meet her in the morning when she arrives, and I'll have her spend some time on the control room floor and monitors tomorrow afternoon, and maybe even going out with one of the patrols. Steph and I will spend time with her Wednesday evening. The 4 of us will do her official interview Thursday morning," Ranger said. "Then each of you can some time with her before she flies back Friday."
"Steph's not sitting in the interview?" Bobby asked. I had to admit, I was surprised too. Steph had a way of looking at things differently from the rest of us, and I found I got a fuller picture of things when she weighed in on them.
"She's not Core Team," Ranger said.
"But she's proven time and again that her Spidey-sense and way of looking at things is quite useful," I said.
Ranger raised an eyebrow. "So, you want her to be present?"
"I would like her to be present and give her opinion," Bobby said diplomatically. "So, the 4 of us consider all the angles before we take our vote."
"Agreed," Tank said.
"Yes," I said.
Ranger nodded. "Fine."
"I'm still not convinced this is the answer," I said honestly. "But I'll interview her with an open mind."
"Noted," Ranger said.
We spent a few more minutes discussing the most recent series of social media shit we'd taken since the incident. Seven days ago, we discovered that Tommy, a technician who had been with us for around 8 months, had been accessing some of our home account feeds and watching them without authorization. It seemed off, so we'd done some digging and within 48 hours, Hector had uncovered a slew of fake social media accounts which had been messaging and talking to several of the teenaged daughters of our clients. That in and of itself would have been enough for us to give Tommy an exit interview on the mats, but by complete chance, a random security feed audit had caught him climbing into bedroom window of the daughter of one of the town councilmen. She'd sworn up and down it was her idea and that she hadn't been "taken advantage of." But, at the end of the day, she was 17, and he was 25. So, Tommy was currently sitting on some nasty charges, which all seemed to be true. The councilman had pulled his account, of course, but also went public with the story which headlined the Trenton Times Sunday Edition, and then caught nationwide attention where it practically went viral. We'd lost accounts in Trenton, Boston, and Miami, and put all plans to open an Atlanta branch on indefinite hold.
It was nearly 7pm by the time we finished, but I double checked my voicemail and email before heading downstairs to my apartment. I hung up my utility belt and toed off my boots, scrolling through numbers on my phone. I needed to get the fuck out of the house tonight. I needed to find some company. The digital "little black book" that lived in my phone was ripe for the picking. When I'd found out my girlfriend Arial had been sleeping around on me a little over two years ago, I'd decided I didn't need the hassle of being tied down in a long-term relationship again. I'd wasted nearly 18 months with Arial and had even been thinking of buying her a ring. Actually, I'd put a down payment down on a 3-carat princess cut.
After walking in on her deepthroating a pasty-ass white guy on our living room couch, I'd moved out, sold the house, got a refund on the ring, took an apartment at Rangeman, and kept things casual and fun with women ever since. And I've found my life was much easier without the added drama that women tend to bring. I meet a woman, we mutually agree to some no strings attached fun, and we both walk away in the morning satisfied, and uncomplicated. And, as it goes, there is no shortage of women eager to agree to this arrangement, especially since I've been told I have a tongue like a lizard. I'm not just saying that for my ego, it's actually true.
I paused on a name in the address book and smiled. Talia. Yes, Talia was just what I needed to get my mind of off shit. I texted her, smiling again when I got an immediate reply.
Talia: Come on over, Sexy.
After a night of fun, my head was on straight, and I headed back to Rangeman. After a workout and a shower, I dressed in my "client visiting" uniform and headed to my office. I needed to make some client visits, but I could do calls until after Parker's arrival so I could meet her as Ranger had planned. After two hours, I was irritated when she hadn't arrived yet. I stalked over to Tank's office.
"Are we not meeting the communications princess this morning after all?" I asked.
"Steph just got a call a few minutes ago," Tank replied. "Her plane was delayed because of a thunderstorm, but she should be arriving in about half an hour."
"Great," I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice.
"Why are you so against this hire?" he asked.
Hell if I knew. I just was.
I grunted and rolled my eyes. "The Santos Charm is running strong today," he snickered.
I threw up my middle finger over my shoulder and stalked back to my office. I really was trying to keep an open mind, but there was no way this little girl from the south was going to be able to hack it in Jersey with a bunch of former military guys. And I had a bunch of shit to do today, I really didn't have time to hang around the office much longer.
Forty-five minutes later, after spending all of a minute and a half introducing myself to Parker Kelly, I headed out to my afternoon meetings. Thankfully, they seemed to go a little better than the prior week's meetings, and I didn't lose any more accounts. I was, however, completely surprised when I pulled back into the garage to see Steph strapping a Kevlar vest to Parker's chest before they climbed into the backseat of one of the fleet Explorers.
Yeah, I'm sure nothing is going to go wrong with that. Two beautiful women on a takedown after dark. Great plan.
I spent the next few hours catching up on paperwork in my office before finally hitting the breakroom for some dinner and heading to my apartment around 7. I wanted to read through the rest of the dossier on Ms. Kelly before the interview tomorrow. I snagged a Corona out of the fridge to go the beef stew and fresh bread Ella had filled in the Crock Pot in the kitchen. I made myself comfortable on the couch and started reading. Half an hour later, I was admitting that this chick did come with some damn impressive credentials. But I honestly didn't understand why we would pay someone a full-time salary to do the shit we are all capable of doing. It's talking to people. It's not fucking rocket science.
The next morning, after three miles on the treadmill and an hour sparring with Bobby on the mats, I was beyond ready for a shower. I jogged up the stairs to the 4th floor, and just as I was reaching for the door handle, it flew open, and I found myself face to face with Parker Kelly. She had been looking down and didn't realize someone was on the other side of the door until she crashed into me. I reached out to steady her by the arms, deciding no good could come from acknowledging that it felt I burned my fingertips where they touched the bare skin on her forearms.
"Oh, shit," she said, big hazel eyes looking up into mine. "I'm so sorry!"
"It's fine." I gave her a cursory once over, taking in her wavy brown hair pulled into a messy bun, and not allowing my eyes to linger in places they shouldn't be before asking if she was going to the gym. She nodded.
"Stephanie and Mr. Manoso said that I should feel free to see how everything in the building works and runs," she said. "Plus, I like starting my day off with endorphins."
"We don't have little dainty weights or Pilates equipment, and there's not a place for yoga or Zumba downstairs," I said, knowing it was rude but saying it anyway.
"I'm sure I can find something to keep me busy," she said easily and headed down the stairs.
Why did this chick irritate me so much? And why did I find her attractive.
After a fast shower, I hit the breakroom for coffee and breakfast, bumping into Steph when I turned to leave. She looked half asleep, and I reached out to make sure she didn't.
"You ok there, Beautiful?"
She yawned, and I suddenly realized I didn't want to know why she'd gotten no sleep. But I had my answer when Ranger walked into the Conference Room with her a few minutes later, looking smug as fuck. And without meaning to, I had a flash of Parker Kelly stretched across my bed, hair wild, wearing a just fucked expression on her lovely face. Way to keep it professional, Santos.
Bobby and Tank were already seated at the table, and Parker entered a few minutes later, wearing a sky-high heels and a tailored black pantsuit with a gray pinstripe and a hot pink camisole peeking out from beneath the jacket. She took a seat at the end of the table in front of the white board.
"Good morning, Parker," Ranger said. "Are you ready to begin?"
"Good morning, yes," she replied professionally. "I know you've all seen my resume. Where would you like to start?"
It wasn't often I was in an interview where the interviewee threw out a question from the top, but damn if I wasn't a little impressed by the size of the cajones on this woman.
"Steph brought you up to speed on the details?" he asked. At her nod, he continued. "Then how would you recommend we approach things at this point?" Ranger asked. "We've lost clients, reputation, prestige, and trust. No matter how you slice it, we employed a pedophile. That's not going to go down easy for some people."
"No, it won't," she agreed. "But this is your basic 'whipped cream on an onion' scenario."
"What?" I couldn't help asking.
"We can't change the situation, but we can make some strategic moves to make it a little more palatable for the public," she said, launching into a couple of real-life examples of work she'd done for other stories. "We change the narrative and take back control of the story. Then we go on the offensive, with things like additional training, checks and balances, and a whole lot of transparency."
"How specifically?" Tank asked.
"I'd start with sensitivity training," she began, and I tried not to roll my eyes.
"We have training scheduled in each of our offices taking place over the next few weeks," Bobby said.
"Are you bringing in an outside trainer?" she asked.
"How would that be superior to our leadership completing the training?" I asked.
"For one, your leadership was here when this all went down. You didn't know about it, but it still happened under your purview."
"Fair," Ranger said. "So, the optics improves if we are also seen taking this seriously and getting the retraining ourselves?"
"Yes," Parker replied. "Exponentially so. I'd also recommend putting access to a security feed of the monitor station up for clients to access."
"What?" Tank asked sharply.
"Kind of like a nanny cam. Showing you have nothing to hide by inviting clients into the Control Room. I'm sure you could set up a shot where they could see that nothing untoward is happening during the monitoring shifts. You'd make it accessible through a password, and probably even a retinal scan if you wanted to go the extra mile, and of course you'd make them sign some iron clad NDA and Confidentiality agreements, to protect the privacy of other clients."
Ranger was nodding slowly, and even I had to admit that wasn't a bad idea.
"You've been doing personal follow ups with clients?" she asked.
"Yes," I jumped in. "Steph and I handle client relations, and we've been personally making contact with every account."
"That's a good start," she said. "But you need to do more than that. It's not just about saving the clients, but about showing them that you have nothing to hide. Don't go to them, invite them here. Give individual tours while the Control Room is live. Introduce them to the men, and let them see these are good men, and not just mindless or perverted robots. How often does your team introduce themselves when they're on calls in the field?"
"Rarely," Tank admitted.
"They're intimidating guys," Parker pointed out the obvious. "So, you need to work to make them seem approachable and more human."
"Thugs and mercenaries versus soldiers and protectors," Steph murmured, and Ranger reached over to brush the backs of his fingers against her cheek.
"Exactly," Parker said. "Of course, this is just a small start, but with a few strong moves in the next couple weeks, I think you'll be able to get back on track. Once the negativity has died down, you'll then move into the phase of putting yourself back into the spotlight, but for the right reasons."
"We're a security business," I disagreed. "We never want to be in the spotlight."
"You already are. Even if no one mentions you again, your profile has already been irrevocably elevated. So you change the narrative, get involved in causes that make people proud to be associated with you."
I raised an eyebrow challengingly, but Ranger shot me a look, so I stayed quiet.
"Any other questions?" Ranger asked us. Bobby asked a few questions about her background, and Tank asked about her willingness to be trained on weapons.
"Why are you looking to leave Tennessee?" I asked when it was my turn.
"It's a long story," she said vaguely, and I was surprised, because she'd had nothing but candor since the interview started. I waited, maintaining eye contact with her. She blew out a sigh. "I'm looking for a fresh start following a bad breakup. I don't plan to tell anyone where I'm going, and I've already given notice on my apartment. I've been doing consulting for the past 3 months, but I've wrapped all my current projects. Speak of which, would you require a non-compete agreement?"
Ranger nodded. "Yes, for other firms like ours. I have no issue if it you're free lancing for a company in another industry."
"That's good to know."
"Why don't you take a few minutes, grab some coffee, feel free to roam the Control Room," Ranger said. "You'll spend some time with each of these guys this afternoon to learn more about what we all do, but that's all the questions we have for now."
She nodded, and excused herself, her long legs carrying her out of the conference room in just a few strides.
"Any thoughts?" Ranger said, opening the floor for discussion.
"Yeah," I said. "We should definitely hire her."