Last time...

"He'll smell like that foreeeever!" Jareth gasped, crying laughing now. "Even if Frigga manages to get rid of it, he'll always smell like that, just a little."

"What about the other two?" Tony asked, breathlessly chuckling.

"Those two are immune!" Jareth admitted gleefully, trying to calm down with little success. "They even…They even make it a point to find things to add to the stench!"

"I have spoiled potions and things that could add to the ambiance of the place," Severus added, and it doesn't take effort to hear the absolutely malicious glee in his voice. "if they're taking suggestions."

Chapter 49

Tony wasn't sure what to expect when he looked into Hera's room, but he found her sleeping on top of the covers with a large and healthy black wolf on the other side of the bed that seemed to be as long as she was tall. The sword rested against the wall, and damn if that wasn't the largest ruby he'd ever seen. Jör was sprawled out all over the gigantic tree branch set up Hera had bought at that magic pet store. Hedwig didn't seem to be too bothered by the new addition, though she was mildly curious. Perhaps she had been able to watch over her charge in the Underground, and thus knew what had happened already. He wondered what else Hera was going to collect while here, and made a mental note to set an appointment with MACUSA in the morning, as he had a feeling she was going to want to register the World Eater as a familiar too; maybe a visit to the vet, just in case.

...

"So…He followed me home. Can I keep him?" Hera offered as a way of greeting, shuffling into the kitchen, expecting to only see Tony. Instead, she sees a mountain of pancakes. "Ugh, thank Merlin, I'm starving."

"Good, because I made a fuck ton of pancakes." Someone, who was definitely not Tony, said.

Hera peeked around the kitchen island containing said mountain of pancakes, and stared at the red and black suited intruder for a moment, before it finally dawns on her who this is. "…Wade?"

"Huh. Was not expecting that." The masked Merc commented, only absentmindedly looking over his shoulder at her before getting back to the pancakes. "Do we already know each other? I thought I was early."

"You are." Hera yawned, before gathering a few of the pancakes onto a plate. "I just have a lot of future memories from people who aren't me inside my head. I think we might have met before this, but I haven't looked too closely at the filing cabinet. It's a bit extensive, otherwise I'd end up loosing the plot somewhere. I'm just amazed I haven't had an identity crises yet."

"Happens to me a lot. Don't worry, you haven't even hit the fifth movie yet." Wade nodded. "JK writes you as a boy, and Daniel Radcliffe plays your character. Fantastic job, by the way. Five stars! I could tell you how it ends, but I feel like somehow it wouldn't apply to you. Plus, who likes spoilers? The only reason I even give them is no one understands them for what they are, and just shrug it off that I'm crazy. I mean, I am, but still-"

"Wade, can we hold off until after I eat? I'm not going to be able to keep up with you mentally until I've had breakfast…or at least tea. I'm British. I need my tea." Hera replied with a sigh, remembering that Dead Pool tended to break the fourth wall with the multiverse a lot. She set down at the kitchen table, and started eating. "You should visit more. These pancakes are amazing."

"Hera?" Tony called out as he shambled into the kitchen, looking like the walking dead, but freezes upon seeing Dead Pool. "What the hell?"

"Well, good morning to you too! Really, you should mind your fucking language. There is a child present." Wade commented, causing Hera to snort.

"Tony, this is Wade Wilson; otherwise known as Dead Pool, or the Merc with a Mouth. He made us pancakes. Don't ask. Just accept it. They're delicious." Hera stated, making the introductions. "Wade, this is my brother Tony Stark. It's early for him too, so try not to ruin the big reveal, okay?"

"What is he doing here? What are you doing here?" Tony asked, switching from Hera to Wade.

"Thought I'd see the sights before the alien invasion." Wade shrugged.

"Speaking of which, you wanna help with that? The kicking alien arse, not the invading, just so we're clear." Hera floated the idea out there. "Both of me will be there, so double the fun."

"Wait. He's serious?" Tony asked, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes, before heading over to get some pancakes and coffee.

"I did mention something about that." Hera nodded. "Somewhere around 2012, but it's fuzzy about the day and month right now. I really should start writing stuff down."

"It must be bad if you're recruiting me." Wade shrugged, finally done making pancakes.

"You don't have to play nice with the secret spies or the powered up boy band, but I figured you could go for killing some Chitauri. Plus, what comes after will be way worse, but I didn't get to see that part." Hera replied. "Also, you're eating some of these pancakes, and doing the dishes."

"I thought that's why you had those little guys." Wade suggested, but headed over to the kitchen island for an obscene amount of pancakes for himself. "They're so cute, like chihuahuas."

"Just this once." Hera warned, acquiescing. "Winky?" - pop - "Would you mind doing the dishes this time? Wade made a mess of pancakes. You and Dobby should probably take some, if you want. There's plenty."

"Of course, Little Miss! Winky is beings happy to do the dishes. Little Miss should call us more." Winky insisted, lightly scolding her, and got started right away.

"I figured you two would be busy sorting out the old Potter Estate." Hera admitted. "How's that going, by the way?"

"There is much workings to be done." Winky nodded. "Goblins will be speakings with you about it soon."

"I appreciate it, Winky." Hera smiled as she thanked the House Elf, before turning her attention to Wade. "You do plan on taking your mask off to eat, right? How bad can it be under there?"

"My friend said I looked like an old avocado had sex with an even older avocado, and he was being kind." Wade warned. "It's not pretty."

"Can't be worse than snake-face. He was missing his nose, both his eyebrows, and went with the Ken doll option." Hera commented. Wade shrugged, taking off the mask and began eating pancakes, only pausing once to see what Hera's reaction was. "How long were you in the water before your body decided it was going to stay permanently pruned like that?"

Tony, having been praying next to the coffee machine or something for God only knows how long, finally sees Wade without the mask. "Dear God, you look like Ryan Reynolds got mutilated with a sharpie."

"Who's Ryan Reynolds?" Hera asked, clueless as usual when Tony references someone he thinks she should know, and of course he looks completely betrayed.

Wade just snickered. "I should definitely visit more."

"Why are you here exactly?" Tony asked, getting over his shock, choosing to sit in the closest available seat. "Don't give me that sight seeing answer again. It was a crap answer, and we both know it. If you're going to lie, be better about it."

"I'm trying to remember." Wade admitted with a shrug, going back to eating his pancakes. "Is this before or after that thing with Spider-man and Daredevil?"

"Which one?" Hera asked. Tony looked so confused, though Wade had turned thoughtful, and Hera figured she should help Tony while Wade sorted out his thoughts. "Oh, Wade breaks the fourth wall a lot. He can travel the multiverse, and I'm pretty sure time travel is involved somehow, but I'm not entirely sure how he does it. He comes off as insane a lot of the time because he's talking about things that don't apply to this universe, or won't happen for a while, but while he is insane, not everything he says should be taken in that context. Some of it is relevant to this universe, or important to the specific person he's speaking with no matter what reality he's in. I find it's best not to think about it too hard. The only reason why I can follow him at all is because of the low-key stuff and the secret agent brains."

"Low-key." Wade snickers. "I really don't know what I'm doing here. Your kitchen is excellent for pancakes. I might stop by again. The potential job was reason enough, but pancakes are especially nice too."

"Tacos later?" Hera suggested, to which the two fist bump.

"…What is she drinking?" Tony asked, eyeing Hera's drink with suspicion.

"Mead." Wade replied easily, causing both of them to start choking on their perspective drinks. "Speaking of which, I hope you like goats, because you now have a few in your back yard."

"You didn't." Hera protested, realizing what he'd most likely done. "Wade!"

"What did he do?" Tony asked. "And why are you still drinking that?"

"Wade stole goats from Ásgarðr." Hera explained, looking at the merc with incredulity. "They produce mead from their utters. Mothers give this stuff to their children practically from birth. In a weird way, this is him trying to be nice and take care of me, along with the pancakes. Wade, we can't keep the goats. I'm not technically old enough to drink on this planet, and Tony's an alcoholic. Giving him a goat that can produce actual alcohol is a very bad idea."

"But I stole them for you!" Wade insisted, pouting. "Why do you think you're still so short?"

"Wait, what?"

...

"Jarvis, buddy, what happened?" Tony asked, once Wade had gone. If there was ever a bag of cats crazy, that guy was it, and he needed to know how the man got in.

"Mr. Wade Wilson insisted that he was only acting in the best interest of Little Miss." Jarvis answered. "He sounded genuine, and as you programmed me with the proper algorithms to predict such things, I thought to agree to allow his entry. If he was not sincere in any way, he agreed to let me test out some of the more stringent security measures. I believe he wished to test them anyway, but insuring Little Miss' health seemed more important to him. Was what I did wrong, Sir?"

That's the thing. Tony wasn't sure.

"Let's just play it by ear, okay, buddy?" Tony suggested. "We've got it set up that people can't just…I don't know…teleport in or something, but I want to be alerted next time someone comes in like that, even if it's Wade. I can't be a good host if I sleep through the visit."

Hera was camped out on the living room couch, happily sipping on Asgardian goat mead, penning a letter to send to Gringotts about the potential business opportunity. She was also working out what she wanted to send to Aberforth the bartender at the Hog's Head, and Tom the Barman at the Leaky Cauldron. She insisted all three would jump at the chance this presented, and if that wasn't another way to stick it to Ásgarðr, she didn't know what was. The World Eater, who he was not so secretly calling Jimmy, was happily curled up with Jör, and no longer injured the way he had been when they'd seen him through the view screen. Tony wasn't really sure what to think about letting Hera drink the goat mead, but he could swear she already looked a little taller, and wondered if perhaps it might help him recover some height too: He might actually kill just to be a little taller. A knock at the door proved that at least the goblins' security measures were working, as Tony found a rather grumpy looking Severus Snape waiting.

"Do you have any idea what's going on outside your property right now?" The man demanded as he glared, by way of greeting.

"Wade said he brought a few goats." Tony sighed. If anything, the man glared at him harder. "I'm guessing there more than just a few?"

Instead of answering, Snape pulled him roughly out the door, and pointed sharply in the direction of what could loosely be called his backyard…which was covered in goats.

"Heraaaaaaa!" Tony shouted for the sake of volume, already panicking as he hauled ass back into the house, practically sliding through the kitchen, and skidding to a stop when he got to the living room. "Hera, we have a problem! Wade didn't just steal a few goats from Ass-Guard. I think he stole all of them!"

"I feel like I'm missing something." Snape sighed, following Tony into the house at a casual pace. "Who is Wade? How did he get into Ásgarðr? Also, why is Potter drinking mead?"

"Wade Wilson is Dead Pool, otherwise known as the Merc with a Mouth. I have no idea how he got into Ásgarðr, but it's not using the pathways of Yggðrasil, and I find it's best just to nod and accept it. Wade said Asgardian goat mead would make me taller." Hera answered each question in order, before taking another sip of mead through the little umbrella straw she'd somehow found to put in the glass…for reasons. "He also made a mountain of pancakes, if you're hungry."

"You shouldn't have started drinking mead from an alien realm until it's been tested!" Snape objected. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I'd like to be taller." Here admitted frankly, before taking another sip; causing the man to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, which just made Tony start laughing at them both.

...

It isn't until the business with MACUSA is done, the goats are sent to Aberforth – as she didn't for a second believe the rumour that he abused the goats already in his care. He seemed jaded and bitter, not lecherous – , and the professor taking samples of the mead for testing, that things settle in Hera's mind. The night before had been real. She'd been wished away, and damn it if she wasn't still mad about that, but she wasn't sure she should tell Tony. She'd almost lost him, and just thinking that had her bursting into tears, plowing into Tony to hug him in an effort to make him feel real again. He didn't ask questions, just awkwardly wrapped his arms around her to hold her as she cried, waiting till her tears had subsided a little to talk with her.

"I know. It's okay. I know." He assured her. "I had a meeting with the Goblin King, and wow that was a sentence I never thought I'd say."

"Really? How did that go?" Hera asked, trying to wipe her tears away with her sleeves.

"I punched him in the face." Tony replied unrepentant, causing her to giggle. "Other than that, everything went fine. We got to watch parts of your adventure via some kind of magic viewing screen in an office of Gringotts."

They swapped stories about what had happened or what they'd seen. Hera still didn't understand Tony's fascination with her telling him stories like this, and she still wasn't sure what a Dungeon Master was, but she found that she loved sharing these things with him almost as much as he loved hearing about them. Her favorite part of Tony's stories on what he'd seen was Thor's dip in the Bog of Eternal Stench, and Professor Snape's offer of future contributions. It scared her, the anger she held for Thor, the anger she held for Dumbledore; that anger had ruled over her once, in the life she tried not to think of as her own, and she didn't want to make that mistake again. Tony, perhaps recognizing her need for distraction, began telling stories of his best friend Rhodey, and all the crazy things they got into over the years; embarrassing nicknames included.