She gasped, the apparation had knocked the air out of her lungs when she landed in front of the small house. Rose stumbled towards the door in the darkness that had now fallen over the village, before stopping in her tracks. It had all happened so fast, so painfully fast, although she now understood what it all had meant. And somewhere somehow, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it, she could feel a small shard of happiness gently striking her heart over and over before seeping into her blood. Her mouth threatened to break into a smile as she went through the events that had occurred only minutes earlier. Rose stared at her reflection in the little window in the door, and disgusted with herself, she sighed. Tonks needed her, or someone at least, and here she was celebrating as if the Auror wasn't in shambles. Rose grabbed onto the handle, not bothering to listen for signs of the escapee, for the only thing she could hear at the moment was her own heart anyways. As tiny drops of rain started wetting her hair, she stepped into the hallway.
Tonks's house was...small, to say the very least. And very, very colorful. From the yellow kitchen table to the pink lamp with blue tulle around the edges, charmed to move in little circles when turned on. Rose looked up at the lamp she'd threatened to throw out when Tonks, with a weak attempt at confidence, had asked her to move in. As roomies, of course, nothing more nothing less. Her nervousness made a lot of sense in hindsight, the poor woman had basically been stumbling over her words after all. Rose could kick herself, how did she manage to miss all the signs?
A few steps into the house were all it took for her to arrive at the living room, where the sound of someone struggling to breathe reached her. The hiccups, low mumbling, and the sound of flesh against flesh caused her to elongate her steps. Feeling like she just couldn't get there quick enough. Tonks's hands trembled as she ran them through her hair over and over again, face turned against her feet with cheeks that burned brightly red.
"You shouldn't have come here" she croaked without opening her eyes. "Molly's gonna go bloody ballistic" Her voice threatened to get stuck in her throat as if the mere embarrassment of being was lodged in there. Stopping any further attempts at hindering Rose's entrance, Tonks turned away as the other girl carefully sat down beside her, and tried to continue.
"I don't, Rose... I don't want to-" the rest vanishing in a faint whisper Rose couldn't quite catch. She hesitantly hovered her hand over the young auror's back. Unsure if her touch was welcome. Yet she couldn't help but start rubbing small circles into her back when she noticed the angry tears that were making their way down Tonks's cheeks. Rose looked around in the small house, catching sight of the scarf of hers that must've gotten lost in the mess that was Tonks's closet during their time at Grimmauld plan. She glanced at the auror, who had yet to open her eyes, breath hitching every now and then as she tried to suppress the tears. It all felt like it was eons ago, millions and millions of days and years separating the young girl she was then and whatever she was now. Why did the sky always have to come crashing down when things were finally good, she thought.
Beside her, Tonks hair rapidly changed color multiple times, settling for brown for a fleeting moment before changing to deep green and then dark purple.
"I am so fucking sorry, Rose, you wouldn't even know." But Rose did know, and with every fiber of her being she wanted to just clutch the auror in her arms and show her just how much she knew. Instead, she settled for something a bit more productive, at least so she thought. Grabbing Tonks by her upper arms, forcing down the thoughts of skin against skin, fingers again soft, soft warmth, she gently turned the woman towards her. Tonks's eyes were still closed, although her features had softened a little. Despite the redness still painting her face and neck, the anger seemed to have fainted away. Instead, the little twitch in her left eyelid, the way she was biting her lips hard enough to rid them of any blood, told the story of a dam about to burst.
"Tonks...-" Rose began in a low voice.
"You shouldn't touch me" The auror responded in a high-pitched, broken voice. "you shouldn't even be here, not after what I've done to you... These feelings I have for you" Her hands wandered to her upper arms, shaking off Roses's hands with a frown, before digging her nails into the soft skin. Her hair changed from purple to a soil-like shade of brown.
"Tonks.." Rose whispered again. The auror hugged herself tighter, still with tears running down her cheeks, shaking her head. The both of you knew well enough what the other was thinking. Despite having been at war, neither had missed the disease that had spread amongst the muggles during the 80s. "Among the fags, you mean?" Fred had told her once when he'd forced her to explain the situation after stumbling upon a muggle newspaper. Rose knew well enough what they said about men that liked men, having a quite outspoken uncle had made sure of that, and while no one had been particularly bothered to write about what gay woman had been up to during that era, she figured that she was as much of a target of disgust as the men.
Looking at Tonks's face, she could read in the painful expression that she too knew. If only she could shield her from the past. So Rose did what she should've done from the beginning, pulling her into her arms. At first, Tonks tried to escape the embrace, crying and banging on Rose's chest with her fists, but Rose held her just as close as before, and after a while, Tonks gave up. Words that seeped of hopelessness and despair were murmured against Rose's chest, the warm breath of the auror a constant reminder that all this was real, unreal. She could, with great effort to not focus on the person whose heat she was engulfed in, pick up a word or two.
"... will be fired… he didn't die for this… will hate me, I'm sure .. Fuck...don't think I can do this…" Tonks fell silent, resting heavily against Roses's shoulder as if two of them sat in silence for a while, as the minutes ticked by. Without being able to place her finger on what, she knew that something had shifted. As on cue Rose enchanted a kettle of tea from the kitchen from over Tonks's shoulder, as the witch quietly began to cry her heart out over the friendships she seemed to believe to have lost that day. It broke Rose's heart to hear her apologize to her, to everyone, for her very existence, but with the exception of a few calming words, she kept her mouth shut. Otherwise, she'd blurt out everything, and she certainly isn't ready for that. Rose stroked her hair and she once again felt her try to pull away. It was now dark and the owl outside the closed window, not so patiently waiting to drop a letter off, hooted angrily. Abruptly as if awoken by the sound, Tonks stood up and took a few wobbly steps away from the couch. Cold air filled her place in Rose's arms.
"I need to shower." She said, her red eyes locked on something right behind the girl on the couch. Rose rose from the couch, her hands reaching for the auror, who only shook her head as she backed away. An apologetic look flashed across Tonks's face before she turned around, muttering something under her breath. With a few steps, and the bang of the bathroom door slamming shut she was gone.
Rose sank back into the couch, trying to process what had just happened. Her hands traveled up to comb through her hair in a defeated gesture as Tonks's last words finally caught on. A sob escaped from the bathroom, and then the sound of running water filled the house.
"I just feel so dirty, Rose."
In lack of better things to do, Rose moved to the kitchen to prepare something to eat for the other girl. She was almost grateful for the opportunity to put her hands to work and let the thoughts she'd suppressed for the last few hours run free. Rose searched the kitchen for something, anything, edible and settled for the lonely cartoon of eggs she found in the back of the fridge. She mindlessly cracked them on the side of the pan, not having to worry about bits of eggshells due to her many years of experience when it came to making fried eggs. Dudley had demanded them one morning when he was 7 and Petunia had turned to Rose with a raised eyebrow. The rest was history she supposed.
She shook her head, as the sizzling began, wondering if things had been different if she'd come clean about her feelings before all this had happened. Not that she had any plans to. It was at Grimmauld plan that she'd been smitten by the young auror. The first 'Wotcher' had intrigued her, Tonks was quite unique after all with her pink hair and goofiness, but it wasn't until she'd gone back to school that she'd understood how she really felt. In fact, she had been positively mortified of her feelings. (especially since it confirmed that she'd enjoyed what she saw when she'd accidentally walked in on Tonks changing after having gotten lost in the many hallways of the old house. Rose had immediately turned around, spluttering out an apology before rushing off with her heart in her throat, unsure if Tonks had actually noticed her or not. Ever since then, to Rose's great embarrassment, the glimpses she'd caught would play in her mind every time she tried to have an intimate moment with herself. Coming to the thought of the young auror left her more satisfied than ever before, although the shame and disgust over her actions would linger for days afterward.)
Rose hummed quietly and pulled out a plate from a cupboard to put the eggs on, checking them an extra time before setting them down on the table. Now all there was left to do was wait, much like she and her poor heart had done the last three years. soft
Minutes passed, hours even, but the door remained closed and Rose's anxiety grew. So she knocked, because what else could she do?
"Tonks," she said, "I'm coming in". She paused, listened. No answer.
And there she found her, sitting in the bathtub with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Much like if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. Like she didn't want to be seen. Rose took a few steps forward, enough to gently close the tap without scaring her. Tonks turned towards her, and for the few seconds that her hair wasn't covering her face Rose could pinpoint both fear and disgust in her blue eyes. 'Oh, my poor darling Tonks' she thought to herself, before sitting down on the edge of the tub, inspecting the foam here and there in the young woman's hair. The steam and Tonks's discomfort made the air hard to breathe. Rose started brushing her hair out half expecting her to stop her, but she didn't utter a sound beyond a small whimper. She took her time shampooing it, letting her finger softly move over Tonks's face to pull the strands back in what she hoped was a reassuring way. Without putting any thought into it, Rose began murmuring comforting words which seemed to make Tonks relax a little bit except for the occasional shiver. Although half of it was lost when it fell off her lips, she hopped that Tonks could sense that there was love behind every word.
She grabbed the showerhead and turned the water on to the lowest pressure setting, massaging the now blue-haired aurors scalp under the running water to rid it of the shampoo. Rose turned around to move the bathrobe closer to the tub before she nudged Tonks gently to make her stand up. As she moved the showerhead up and down Tonks's body, occasionally brushing a hand against the skin to help rinse the soap away, Rose's gaze was steadily focused on Tonks's face as to not make her feel uncomfortable. She grabbed the auror's hand and helped her out of the tub, giving it an extra squeeze before she turned around to give her some privacy. A small sniffling sound let her know that she could turn back, and her heart dropped when her eyes met Tonks's. The before so confident auror's whole being spoke of a hopelessness that Rose knew weighed heavy on her shoulders, yet she was also well aware that time, time, and love, were the only remedies she could provide. And even so, Rose feared that the broken look in Tonks's face was there to stay. She couldn't help but jump as seemingly the whole house trembled around her when someone rang the doorbell multiple times in a row. Tonks inhaled sharply beside her, eyes glued on the bathroom door. She quickly turned to Rose, before pushing her towards the exit.
"You shouldn't be seen here…" Tonks bit her lips hard enough for it to turn white before she continued.
"Rose…I think it's Molly."