I wake up to a wet tongue licking my cheek, and I laugh as it tickles my face. It takes me a few seconds before I remember. She tends to have that effect on me. No matter how dark it seems, she has a way of pushing through it and making me feel a little better, at least for a moment. But then reality always finds a way of reminding me that I don't have anything to smile about. I know that's not entirely true because I have BaekSoon, who nudges me with her nose so I'll get up and let her outside. I think about the others too as I finally sit up and stretch. Sensei, Soo-Jin, Min-Jung, Lina. The cluster. But despite those whom I know care about me, I still can't help but to feel utterly alone.

I shake my head to dispel that train of thought. I've decided that I'm going to take today off and try to enjoy it as much as I can. The job hunt hasn't been going well, which is to be expected. Employers take one look at my name and decide it's not worth the risk. Bak Industries has been all over the news, and despite clearing my reputation after rightfully putting Joong-ki behind bars, no one wants to hire someone charged with embezzlement, even if they were wrongfully accused. But even though I anticipated the struggle, I'm anxious to stand on my own two feet again. I hate being dependent on Sensei, even though I know he's happy to help me in any way he can. Which just so happens to be giving me a place to live and paying all my bills. This is such a nice cabin too, secluded so the press won't find and harrass me. Yet despite my rush to be independent again, I need a break from the rejections. So with a huff, I finally drag myself out of bed and open the sliding back door for BaekSoon. I leave the door cracked and head to the kitchen, knowing she won't run away and will let herself back in when she's done.

I shuffle to the kitchen to make food, still a bit sleepy and groggy. I put a kettle on the stove for some tea and dig out ingredients, making a mental note to pick up some more rice and kimchi. I finally settle on the couch and decide to watch some Netflix. I pick up where I left off on The Cravings, thinking it's a pretty fitting show to watch while I eat. I scarf down my food as if I haven't eaten in years. The food was nowhere this good in prison. I try to savor every bite, but it's still gone too soon. I leave the empty dishes on the table in front of me and slouch over on the couch, BaekSoon snuggling up at my feet after trotting back inside. I smile down at her and give her a scratch behind the ears before turning back to the TV.

A Netflix binge seems like just what I need, but my mind quickly starts to wander as I drift from watching Jae-yeong's life back to thinking about my own. No matter how hard I try, I can't get Joong-ki out of my mind. His betrayal hurts more than I want to admit, even to myself. I don't know why it stings. It's not like we were ever close. I may have raised him after Mother died, but he never adoringly called me Nuna. We didn't share our childhood secrets with each other. But he was still my brother, and I cared for him. He was more than a responsibility to me. Now? Mother and Father are dead, and he's dead to me.

I suddenly sit up, realizing watching Netflix isn't helping me right now. I turn the TV off and look around. I still don't feel like showering or going out, so I contemplate what I can do to keep myself busy around the house. I could tidy up a bit. The floor definitely needs a good sweeping as BaekSoon's been shedding a lot lately, and I've been too busy job hunting to do much housework. I open my laptop to pick some music to listen to while I work, thinking I should finally check out the music Will recommended last week. As the first notes start to play, I force myself to stand. I only half listen to the songs as I start in the kitchen, cleaning my dishes and wiping down the counter. Some of the lyrics finally register, though, as they hit a little too close to home.

Well, many a night I found myself standing with no friends near

All of my days

I cried aloud

I shook my hands

What am I doing here

All of my days

For I look around me

And my eyes confound me

And it's just too bright

As the days keep turning into night

I hear a heavy sigh and sniffle from the couch. Before I even turn to look, I know it's Lito. Of everyone in the cluster, he's the most emotional, and he always turns up when I'm particularly depressed. I pivot to face him, and sure enough, he's in his pajamas, ice cream tub and spoon in hand.

"You should've stuck with Netflix," he says. Typical, I think. As an actor, of course he thinks TV will make everything better. I just give him a frown in response. "What?" he mumbles around an impressive bite, spoon still in his mouth.

I shake my head. "What are you doing here?"

He looks down into his ice cream, making a face as if he's just now realizing how much of it he's eaten already. "I don't know."

I snort, and his head jerks up. He rolls his eyes and nods to the cushion beside him. I wipe the soapy water from my hands and join him. He's always so sensitive and dramatic. I know I usually seem annoyed, but I secretly love it. It gets me out of my own head for a while and reminds me that other people have problems too. Focusing on my own issues makes me feel selfish. So I clear my head and prepare to listen.

He looks surprisingly serious, and I realize he's not just being dramatic this time. "Hernando left." He pauses, twirling the spoon around in his hand. "I thought I could win him back by saving Dani from Joaquin, but it's too late. The damage is done, and I don't think he'll ever come back." He shovels another bite in, continuing to talk around the ice cream. "Joaquin leaked the pictures like he promised, and Hernando is denying that it's him. He wants his students to take art seriously, but we all know no one will listen to a fag." He spits the word, and I can tell he's quoting what Hernando told him.

I cringe at the cruelty and injustice. Lito was willing to give up his career, his dream, of being an actor so that they could be together, but Hernando isn't willing to put in the same effort or make the same sacrifices.

"I know I have Momma," he continues, "but it's just not the same. I thought Hernando was the love of my life. Now I don't have a job, and I'm all alone." He takes a particularly big bite of ice cream, as if it'll fill the hole inside him. He looks at me as he swallows, really looking at me as if he hadn't truly seen me until now. "But you know what that's like."

I shrug my shoulders, trying to be strong enough for both of us. "I have friends," I concede. But we both know it's not enough.

"Do you want me to stay? You can talk to me." He offers the ice cream along with his invitation.

I hesitate, surprised. Most people wouldn't even bother to ask and aren't good listeners, but something about him makes me think he actually cares enough to truly hear me, his face and words so earnest and sincere. Still, I've never been a very emotionally expressive person, and I don't find it easy to talk about myself. So I shake my head and look away. "No."

"Why?" He looks hurt, as if I'm just one more person who doesn't want him around, and confused, as if he doesn't understand not wanting to talk about your problems.

"I've always been alone," I explain. "Even as a child. I'm afraid I will always be alone. Because I don't know how else to be."

"Tell me," he insists, turning to fully face me, one leg bent under him as he sits sideways on the couch next to me.

Even though I declined, I'm surprised to find myself talking, the words bubbling up and out before I can hold them back. I don't normally share anything about myself, at least not so freely. But it feels good to get it out, and once I start, I can't seem to stop. "I feel so conflicted about Joong-ki. I promised our mother I would take care of him, and I've tried. I even tried to alleviate his sentence, even though it's his own fault and he was cruel enough to let me go to prison for his mistakes. I want to keep my promise to Mother, not only because I loved her so much and don't want my last words to be a lie, but also because it makes me feel good to help people. But I also want someone to take care of me for a change, even though it makes me feel like a burden. I just want to feel like I'm worth something to someone. I'm tired of making all the sacrifices and being the strong one for everyone else. I want Joong-ki to care enough about me to admit to his crimes and take the punishment he deserves instead of putting it off on me. I want him to have cared about Father and appreciate how much Father loved him. I want my father and mother back and a little brother who loves me. I feel like he owes me that much." As I slow to a stop, I realize there are tears sliding down my cheeks, and I wipe them away, startled. But what's more surprising is that I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed. I feel … connected. Finally.

Lito smiles warmly at me and sets the melting tub of ice cream to the side. He opens his arms wide, gesturing with his hands to come in for a hug. I've never been one for physical displays of affection, but I give in and lean my head on his shoulder, allowing him to pull me in tight. And I realize I feel better. Our situations are different, but he understands how I feel. I'm not so alone anymore, and I look forward to learning to let him in. For now, it's enough that he's here, and I find myself smiling as he reaches for the remote and ice cream again.

Now I see clearly

It's you I'm looking for

All of my days

Soon I'll smile

I know I'll feel this loneliness no more

All of my days

For I look around me

And it seems you've found me

And it's coming into sight

As the days keep turning into night

As the days keep turning into night

And even breathing feels all right

Yes, even breathing feels all right

Now even breathing feels all right

It's even breathing

Feels all right