It took an instant to lose you, and it will take my entire lifetime to grieve the loss of you. Grief never ends because love never ends. I will love you, and ache for you until my very last breath.
Angela Miller
Chapter II
She stirred in her bed in the pale pre-dawn light. Sleep had not come easy the night before, she'd lay awake rewatching the short clips for hours. Soaking up the old memories so they were fresh in her mind again.
The happy moments, the time when she was so ignorant to what real pain would feel like. Oh, how she wished that she could give herself away to that bliss again. She had thought living through a war was impossible. She'd thought sending her parents away with the possibility of never seeing them again was pain.
Regardless of everything she'd loved through in her life, none of it came close to the haunted dreams she lived with now.
"Hermione?" The sound of Theo's baritone echoed through the halls of her nearly empty flat. Hermione couldn't help but shrink away at the concern laced in his voice. Theo, sweet and kind Theo, didn't need to be here and see the selfishness that she'd cocooned herself into. Though, she sighed, knowing that regardless of anything else, the man was loyal to those he cared most about.
A month ago, she'd sat Theo and Draco down asking them if she could take them to dinner at the Potter's, and even though Theo had been a bit apprehensive about it, he'd ultimately agreed. The dinner had gone smoother than she could have imagined, but that was in large part due to Luna and Draco's already established relationship.
It was shortly after the war; Luna was visiting with her father when he gifted her diaries that her mother had left behind for Luna to be given when she was of age. In those diaries, Luna had learned that her mother had once been Pandora Malfoy, the younger illegitimate half-sister to Lucius Malfoy. After the discovery, Luna, in true Luna fashion, hadn't been shy about wanting to get to know her cousin better. Draco had been equally enthusiastic about building a relationship with the younger witch. Therefore, the two of them had already begun the process of mending all the hurt that had been caused in their youth, and Harry was much more accepting of Hermione's connection with Theo and Draco than he would have been without that.
Hermione rolled to her side and lifted the remote in her hand and hit play on the television as the video of Rose resumed, again. Her toothless grin as Ron bounced her around on his shoulders and how she squealed with joy as she tangled her little fists in his messy red hair to hold on.
She could smell the coffee from the other side of her door before she heard two knocks against the hollow door. "Hermione, are you awake?" Theo's voice sounded worried, but he need not worry about her. She hit play on the next home movie on the DVD. Rose was younger in this one and Hermione had set up the camcorder so that she was recording herself holding her tiny daughter.
'Mummy loves you,' she heard her voice cooing at the little auburn-haired girl, only seeing her side profile, but she'd maneuvered Rose so that there was a clear shot of the infant. Her eyes were sparkling, the bright blue looking in complete awe of her mother. It was as if Hermione hung from the moon, but Rose was the stars in the sky. The little pudgy hands held onto Hermione's cheeks as she pulled her mother in and gave her an open-mouthed kiss. Hermione's laugh rang out and Rose went in for a second kiss just as the camera fell to the floor. 'Oh, Crooks! You naughty boy…' Hermione said to her old cat, just before the video ended.
The door creaked open, and Hermione willed herself to end her pity party. It was one thing for herself to feel the crushing sadness, but she didn't want to drag Theo into it with her. Today wasn't about her anyway, it was a happy day. One to celebrate the life of a very special little boy, a little boy who had beat the odds and had, in his own right, a very rough first year of life. And that's why after Draco had taken him off to bed, Hermione had rushed to the floo and disappeared back to her empty flat. None of them, Draco, Theo, and especially Scorpius deserved to have her selfishness impede them celebrating his first birthday.
Theo and Draco deserved to have some private time together as well on the eve of their son's birthday. While Hermione knew that Draco was deeply grieving Astoria from what he shared in Grief Group, despite the blonde's reticent nature, it was clear that the two men were devoted to each other. She hadn't come out and asked what their relationship was, but it was clearly something deeper than a rebound after the death of his wife.
"I'm coming in, I hope you're decent," Theo said, stepping inside. "Actually, that's the last thing I'm hoping for to be completely honest." Theo amended his statement just as his large build took up the entire doorway. "Biscuits," he sighed, "and here I thought I might get a peep at those perfect tits of yours."
"Hey," she whispered from her cocoon - a mass of blankets that had swallowed her.
"Hey," he answered back, moving over to the bed where she was hidden. "We were looking for you at breakfast, and when you didn't show we started getting worried. Want to tell me what's going on?" Theo didn't wait for the invitation, he perched himself at the foot of her bed. Unwinding the blankets until he found a foot, taking it in his hand, he began to gently massage her arch.
Hermione shook her head for a response, not trusting her voice. She was fearful that she would sound like a selfish cow if she spoke about what was bothering her. How do you explain to these men, who have opened their home to you for the past four months, that their son's first birthday had crippled her? It wasn't that she didn't love Scorpius, no that wasn't it at all, but she didn't trust herself to be able to voice how she felt.
Every ounce of her loved the little towhead baby. There wasn't anything that she wouldn't give him. In the four short months since these men walked into her life in a muggle grief group, she had felt a piece of her coming back to life that she thought had been lost when Rose had died. However, that didn't take away how much watching him reach milestones that Rose never had, hurt. It was bittersweet; her daughter was in an urn in her bedroom. She was not going to have birthdays and live, the hurt she felt was indescribable.
"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered into the blankets, still hiding her face from Theo. It was in vain, as he pulled them down and cupped her face in his warm hands. The tears she never let herself shed in front of the men in her life couldn't be held back as he reached out, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight against his chest.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered into her hair as the flood gates opened and the tears, she'd been holding back for so long began to fall. "Rose should be here to celebrate with us," his words kept coming. He never dismissed her feelings or called them silly. He just kept validating that her pain was real and that it was okay to not be okay, that it was okay to be sad watching another little one having their first birthday.
Hermione tipped her head up to thank Theo at the same time his lips were coming down to kiss her forehead. Their lips met instead, just a brush, but that was all the spark they needed. Four months of looks, slight touches, flirting…A fire neither could contain erupted between them.
In a frantic frenzy, they began ripping at each other's clothes, Theo's jumper falling to the floor and Hermione's pajama top quickly following. Theo's strong hands wrapped around her now exposed waist and pulled her from the blankets, discarding them to the carpet as well. The shorts that she'd put on for bed were torn from her legs, the sound of the fabric being ripped making a hunger burn in the pit of her stomach, leaving her completely bare to Theo's wandering eyes, his curls falling into his face.
Hermione bit her lower lip, staring up at Theo. One, two, three seconds ticked by before their mouths crashed together again. Hermione's trembling fingers reached for the belt buckle, and she began to fumble with the clasp. Theo's larger calloused hand covered hers, aiding her in removing his trousers and silk underpants that she could feel her fingertips brushing against. "Theo," she breathed against his jaw as he dipped down to cover her mouth with his again.
His fingers brushed through the soft curls that settled at the apex of her thighs. She could already feel the warmth gathering there when he rubbed at her entrance. A moan fell from his lips as he slipped his tongue against hers and he slowly entered her. Hermione couldn't help herself, grinding against his hand, chasing the friction that she knew she needed. It'd been a long time since anyone had touched her this way, and she found herself desperate for anything Theodore Nott would give her.
His finger easily slipped inside her, and Hermione couldn't stop throwing her head back giving him access to her throat. Theo's mouth latched onto the pulse point, and she shuddered at the pleasure his mouth was bringing her. "More, please, Theo. I'm not going to break," Hermione was begging at the feel of his single finger pumping in and out of her. Gathering some of her own slick, he ran his hand up until he reached the bundle of nerves and circled it, causing Hermione's hips to buck against his hand. "Theo…" Hermione begged again, looking up and meeting his sapphire watching her so closely that it made her feel like he was studying her.
"I have to get you ready first, I don't want to hurt you." Theo groaned out as Hermione pushed her hips into his hand again. Using a second finger, he teased her center before letting the two-slide in. His mouth moved down past her collarbone until it was over her exposed breast. His tongue flicked out, circling her nipple getting it damp before he blew a cool breath over it.
Hermione's entire body was trembling as her climax began building. She was going to shatter, a third finger entered her and when Theo brushed her G-spot and clit at the same time she couldn't hold out any longer. Her entire body exploded and clamped down on the fingers inside her. Theo's mouth latched onto her skin and began sucking, making Hermione scream out his name as her orgasm took over.
He didn't give her a chance to come down from the high before he was sliding the tip of himself into her slick folds. The sensation of him at her hot core made her realize what he meant when he said he didn't want to hurt her. He was thick, much thicker than anyone she'd ever been with, and each time he pulled out, he slid in just a little deeper. It took a few times before he was fully sheathed to the hilt inside her, unmoving, letting her body adjust to the intrusion.
When her walls began to flutter around him, Theo quickened his pace and began slamming his hips into her pelvis. The friction was perfect, rubbing right over her clit, her second orgasm building quickly. Hermione spread her legs, grabbing behind her calves and pulling them towards her head to give him more access. At her flexibility, Theo groaned and was ruthless in his thrusts. Hermione rocker her hips the best she could in this position, meeting him thrust for thrust. "Fuck!" Theo grunted, moving his hand and brushing it against her clit. Shortly after, making Hermione scream out her next release, as Theo pulled out, sending spurts of his seed all over her stomach, leaving Hermione's body to flutter around her emptiness. She was left wishing he had finished inside her, filling her, and the thought had her trembling beneath him as she looked up into his hooded eyes.
The reality of what had just happened between them came crashing down around her. Shoving Theo's body off her and onto the floor of her bedroom floor, Hermione cringed as she felt the juices from her own climax dripping down her thighs as Theo's release dripped into her pubic hair. "Oh, my fucking Merlin…" Hermione gasped, looking down at Theo, who was tangled in the sheets and their clothing. "Theodore Alexander Nott, you're in a relationship with Draco!" Hermione hissed at him, covering her face with her hands as she began to feel the panic rise in her chest. "What have I done…"
Naked, Hermione sank onto her bed, hiding her face in her hands, unwilling to meet Theo's beautiful eyes. Everything that she'd come to cherish, she'd ruined in one swift movement, letting her emotions run away with her just long enough to wreck it all. "Don't even try to deny it, I know you and Draco are together." Hermione sobbed, her breaths coming in broken. "I see the two of you together, when you think I'm not looking. Good Godric, this is going to destroy Draco, Gods, he's never going to let me see Scorp again." Hermione's vision had started to blur, tears falling making it impossible for her to make out anything happening around her.
"Hermione," Theo's tone came, not as a request or a question, but as a command. "I didn't cheat on Draco by sleeping with you. Hermione, I need you to do your breathing and calm down." The tears in her eyes were still coming but had slowed as his words began to wash over her.
Looking up, Hermione felt so lost and confused as she sought out the comfort that always came with those sparkling eyes. A hiccup ripped through her chest as she desperately gulped at the air, "explain." She whispered her own command at him.
"Draco really should be here for this, fuck…" Theo said, running his fingers through his curls before looking up at her. "Draco and I are in a relationship and have been for years." He started, moving so that he was between her legs and holding her hands in his. "It'll be six years this coming June to be exact…" Theo said, looking up at Hermione with large round eyes.
"He was cheating on Astoria their entire marriage!" Hermione exclaimed, trying to jump from her seat, but Theo held her still shaking his head at her.
"Draco and Astoria started dating a couple months into our eighth year, when she was a sixth year." Hermione nodded, because she remembered the pretty brunette sitting with Draco for every meal and basically being the only person tethering him to reality that entire school year. Hermione had testified at his trial, against Ron's wishes and had been a huge part of the reason why he'd had to return to school instead of going to Azkaban with the rest of the marked Death Eaters.
"Well, Draco and I had always been close growing up, and I had always had a bit of a crush on him to be honest, but with my father I buried those feelings. By the time my father was no longer a risk factor, Draco and Astoria were together and I figured my chance to be with him had passed, and I was content with just being their friend." Hermione nodded along, remembering the terror that was Thoros Nott. He'd been killed at the battle, and it was after the Christmas holidays when Theo had come out of the closet as gay by openly dating Justin Flinch-Fletchley.
"It was Draco's twenty-first birthday, and we were out celebrating when Astoria basically told Draco to be with me as well as her. Astoria was, gods, she was my best friend in the world. Her and Draco were already living together, and Draco told her that he was in love with me, and she encouraged a relationship between the two of us." Theo explained, rubbing circles on the tops of her hands with his thumbs.
"So, you three were a triad?" Hermione asked, vaguely remembering reading about triads and their place in the wizarding world.
"Not exactly. We were a V, with Draco being the apex. He was with both myself and Astoria, but Astoria and I weren't together. We were happily living in sin, much to Narcissa and Anita's– that's Astoria's mum- dismay. They didn't like that we were in a polyamorous relationship, and they especially didn't like Draco and Astoria living together and not being married. That was until Astoria found out she was pregnant with Scorpius, and they found out for Scorpius to be considered Draco's legitimate heir, they'd have to be married prior to his birth." Hermione nodded trying to fully understand.
"So, you don't think Draco will mind that the two of us had sex together because that's the type of relationship you had in the past?" Hermione questioned, raising one of her eyebrows, not totally convinced by this explanation. Just because it had been a past exception, did not mean that Draco would automatically be okay with Theo and Hermione crossing that line without first discussing it with him.
"Hermione, do you really think Draco, who has known me since we were in diapers, doesn't know that I have feelings for you?" Theo asked, looking up into Hermione's eyes as she cocked her head to the side making a face of disbelief at him. "It's true, it started in eighth year when you came storming into our dorm ranting about how inadequate the runes textbooks are. Your hair was literally letting out blue sparks as you shoved the reference book you'd found in the library with discrepancies from the translations in the text. I'd never fancied a witch until that moment, but you were with the Weasel, and I wasn't going to stand in the way of your relationship by saying anything." Hermione's mouth dropped open as she remembered that interaction with Theo. It was right before the holidays, and she'd been writing a paper and kept finding errors in the text while she was cross referencing her sources.
"You started dating Justin though…" Hermione whispered, covering her mouth as she spoke. "As soon as we came back from the holiday break, I thought I was going mad thinking that you were about to kiss me that day." Hermione finished saying, looking up into those devastating sapphire eyes.
"Granger," Theo chuckled, looking up at her through his lashes. "I'd given up on the hopes of ever telling Draco how I felt about him because he was with someone and then feelings for you, someone who was a part of the golden couple, slammed into me like an angry Hippogriff. I needed a distraction, desperately."
Theo stood up from the floor, cupping Hermione's jaw in his hands, holding her gaze steady. "So, yes. Draco and I have discussed my continued feelings for you since you crashed back into our lives four months ago. He is well aware, and we have his complete approval to be happy, if the chance ever was to present itself." He leaned in, softly brushing his lips against hers before pulling up to standing. "Now, come along my little witch. We have a tiny wizard who is very much missing you and I think you might very much be missing him too."
As sad as it made her that Rose never got to turn one, Hermione did miss Scorpius and couldn't wait to shower him in all the love she had within her for the little boy. She would do everything in her power to make sure he had the best first birthday ever.