A\N I've always found it unbelievable that in New Moon, Bella immediately healed from all the emotional scars of the past events. Especially considering all her trauma from childhood and their mating bond, which was strong enough to surprise Marcus Volturi. I don't think it would be that easy to recover from such a huge betrayal. So this is my darker and sadder version of New Moon.
Volturi and the wolves are not a big part of this story so I will be changing many canon events, starting with Edward's return. In my story, Bella never became close friends with Jacob and Edward never went to Volturi, he came back after 6 monts on his own.
P.S English is not my first language and I don't have time to work with a beta reader so please excuse possible mistakes, I'm hoping that they won't be enough to put you off the story. Since the chapters will be drabbles, I'm going to try to update regularly and frequently.
"Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway."
New Moon, Stephenie Meyer
She truly thought that it'd have gone away if he comes back. She thought that it would've been like the huge hole in her chest never existed. That she could go back to being that girl. Except, a part of her mind didn't let her forget that he didn't want "that" girl. He left. He said he was tired of pretending to love her. He was tired and she just didn't fit into his world. She thought how ironic it was, she never felt like she fit anywhere else more than his arms. Even now, held tightly in his strong arms, her head resting on his chest, his whispered words in her ear; the hole felt like it still got bigger with every breath she took. She didn't say anything, just let him hold her and whisper how sorry he was, that he lied when he said all those words in the forest, that he just left to protect her.
She leaned into him, letting his scent fill her nose, knowing that she might wake up tomorrow morning and find him gone again. She always knew that he-they were good liars, she knew that he was lying now. He was probably lonely again or couldn't find anything else to distract himself. Or maybe Alice got bored of buying clothes for herself and Esme missed cooking or maybe Emmett couldn't find anyone else to make fun of. She didn't know why he came back. But she was tired, oh so tired. Her stomach clenched, throat still itchy from screaming during her nightmare, her eyes were burning, begging for sleep. She let him lie. She let him soothe his loneliness in her warm arms. She let him apologize.
"I'm so sorry, please forgive me." He whispered. There was nothing to apologize though, not really. Not loving her was not a crime.
"Please take me back. I swear I won't ever leave you again." If she had the energy to do so, she would've laughed. Just because she believed him easily last time didn't mean she would do the same mistake again.
"I lied, Bella!" He begged. Her heart didn't jump at him uttering her name this time. She knew it bears no meaning, this time. She knew it was just a name for him. She knew his voice didn't caress her name as she thought before, no, she knew it was just her stupid human mind playing her tricks again.
"I swear I didn't mean any of the things I said! I swear!" She knew that in fact, he meant them.
"I love you." In a way, yes, she remembered that part. He said he'll always love her in a way. In a way, yes.
She closed her eyes and let the sleep take her over.