She was sitting on the kitchen table with Charlie when her vision cleared again. She didn't remember if he said anything, but he didn't seem like waiting for her answer, he was eating his pizza quietly. She blinked, trying to get familiar with her surroundings again. He got up a few minutes later and went to the sitting room without saying anything. She climbed up the stairs to go to her room.
It happened a lot. It was like there was a switch in her mind, when she felt like she was dying it switched off and everything disappeared. She didn't decide to go or come back, it just happened randomly. She didn't remember anything afterwards. The first time it happened was after he left. When she woke up and learnt that 2 months passed, she was shocked. How come she didn't remember anything? How come nobody noticed? But it happened again and again; and then she got used to it. She liked it. It was easier to appear to be listening when voiced got deeper, like under water.
Everything was difficult for her now. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't get up in the mornings. She couldn't eat, when she did, everything came back within ours. Having to take medicine for basic human obligations was making her feel even more like a failure. What kind of human couldn't manage to be a human? Isabella Swan, that's who. 2 orange pills to keep her coffee and maybe an apple she has at lunch in her stomach. One pink pill to keep staying awake during her classes. Two yellow pills to "help" her sleep. So, it was much easier when she wasn't really there. Her body functioned better when she was not in the driver's seat. Therefore, she liked it when her vision disappeared. It was better than being forced to go back to her mom, or worse, a mental facility.
She tried to take a shower, but her hands wouldn't stop shaking. She couldn't take off her shirt. It happened sometimes. It'll pass. She just sat down in bathroom floor and tried to breathe through the sobs shaking her. Everything hurt. She just wanted it to stop. Nothing else. Just stop. She didn't want to be happy, no. She just wanted to be numb, like when she first arrived to Forks. She came to accept that it was supposed to be her normal. She got greedy with happiness. She got greedy with love. And this is what happens to the girls who want more than they deserve.
Maybe he would've stayed longer if she didn't keep pressuring him for the things he obviously didn't want. Maybe they would've stay if she didn't go to their house every day, demanding to be entertained like a f*cking queen.
She bit her lips to keep herself from screaming, Charlie was already considering shipping her to a mental facility, she found booklets in his hands one time when he fell asleep in the sitting room, watching TV.
No, she wouldn't go. So she had to look like she was keeping it together.
The only problem was that she wasn't sure if there were anything left to hold onto.