She stayed in hospital for 3 weeks, Charlie visited twice and watched the news from his phone all the time. Carlisle came nearly every day, even though he avoided her eyes after his outburst that day. Thinking about it hurt her. For she knew Carlisle's gentle nature. She remembered that one time Emmett joked that Carlisle didn't even know how to get angry. He probably never raised his voice to any of his children before. But the way he shouted at her broke her heart. Was it because he knew that she couldn't shout back? But he was a doctor who treated humans, she was sure that he wouldn't shout at the other patients.
Her mind went to the time where she was around 5, she got thirsty when she woke up in the middle of the night, she went downstairs to get some water. Renee was on the phone with her friend, phone was on the speaker while she painted her toenails.
Bella stopped at the stairs when she heard her name.
"I swear to God, she's so difficult to love!" Her mother exclaimed. "My mom told me that I'd love her the moment I take her to my arms. I'm telling you, 5 years and still counting!"
"Come on, Ren." Her friend said from the other end. "I've met your daughter; she is not that bad."
"That's the thing! She is not good, she is not bad, she is just… nothing! I can never get her interested in anything! Always wants to just sit. Honestly, I sometimes think that it'd be much better if she was one of those trouble kids. At least then she would be like a kid, not a grandma!" Her friend laughed. She went back to her room after they changed the topic.
Maybe that was why. Maybe Carlisle just had a bad day and needed an outlet. And she was just… there.
She wiped her tears to her sweater, Edward got upset when he saw her crying. But he also got upset when she faked smiles. He got upset when she touched him, he got upset when she tucked her hands between her legs when sitting. She didn't know how to keep him happy, how to keep him there. It was like everything she did was wrong. She knew that it was because she, herself was wrong for him but she was terrified to ask him. Maybe he'd stay longer if he didn't notice that he wasn't happy because of that fact. He'd stay longer if he thought there was hope that she could turn into someone he could at least tolerate.
In her first night home from hospital, she let him hold her as close as he used to before. But even that didn't keep the nightmares away. In her dream, she was watching the Cullens, all of them were seated around in their dining room. She saw Edward laughing, "I'm supposed to love her, right? I thought she was my mate! But she's just so difficult to love!" Rosalie joined with her sparkling laughter and Alice with her tinkling one. "Come on, Ed." She heard Emmett, though he was smirking too, "She's not that bad."
She didn't remember anything from the nightmare when she woke up. She just couldn't get warm. She layered up, Edward blasted up the heater in the car while they go to hospital for checkup, nothing helped. Carlisle raised the dosage of one of her pills, it must have been why she was so cold. Must have been that.