tw:selfharm

Mary Alice Cullen was very, very nervous. Usually, she was used to feelings too big to handle, excitement, happiness, lust… She knew that it was comical for her siblings to see her nervously walk up and down in their driveway, she just didn't know how to turn it off.

Angela Weber's wedding was not something she was expecting, but she was happy about it for the sole purpose that it gives her an excuse to convince Bella to come to their home for the first time since they came back. She tried her best not to be overbearing or insulting. These days Bella was so inclined to get everything they say in wrong way. But she managed to gently suggest her to come and raid her wardrobe to find them something to wear to the wedding. Her original idea was to invite her to shop but she quickly got a vision where Bella burst out in tears in the shop. So, she changed her course and told her that there were lots of dresses she didn't wear in her wardrobe, and it was logical that she didn't spend any money and just barrow one dress from Alice.

They heard her truck come; it was impossible to miss. She went to her side, ignoring Edward's warning glance, and smiled brightly. "Hello!"

"Hello Alice." Her reply was quiet as always.

"Are you sure you don't want me to tag along?" Edward said, his hand gently caressing Bella's. She shook her head. "It's ok. Go and hunt with your brothers, we are going to just try some dresses."

"Ok." His voice was nervous, he never liked being away from her but after her stay in hospital, his anxiety was getting worse and worse every day. He was gone to join Emmett and Jasper, who were waiting for him in the forest after a quiet goodbye.

Bella looked very nervous also, but she smiled to Alice. Her nervousness turned into shock as they entered the house. It was completely different. The floors, colors of the walls, even the furniture were entirely different. Esme said that they renovated but she didn't expect this much. As Alice lead her upstairs to her room, Bella tried to decide if the change was good or bad. On one hand, the best summer of her entire life was mostly spent on this house. It felt like a loss, to see it gone. On the other hand, a little weight was lifted off her shoulders as she wasn't reminded of the night of her birthday. She was confused.

Alice's walk-in closet was pretty much the same, it gave her a little bit comfort, to see that at least something remained. She had already selected a bunch of dresses; Bella felt a bittersweet smile forming on her face. Alice trying to be overbearing was a failure, but it was so "her", she chose to enjoy the familiarity.

They tried a few dresses, most of them long with conservative necklaces. Until she handed her a dark green mini dress. It was long sleeved, but it was so short that Bella felt uncomfortable even holding it.

"I can't wear this." She murmured, putting it aside. Alice was surprised, she had tried to choose the ones she knew Bella would like. The dress was short, yes but Bella had killer legs, she didn't understand why she refused to show them off. So she told her. Bella's guarded face turned to a sad one. She gulped, trying to find an excuse but the truth just rolled out of her mouth.

"I have a lot of scars on my thighs, Alice." She frowned.

"Did something happen? You didn't have anything in your thighs even after Phoenix. Does Carlisle know? Maybe he can give you something to make them dis-"

"I can hear your stomach from my room." Rosalie's dry, emotionless voice interrupted her rambling. "Esme has some food for you downstairs."

Alice watched Bella sigh in relief and practically running downstairs. She looked at Rosalie in confusion, she knew that Bella's stomach didn't rumble! And Rosalie never wanted to interact with her before, what was going on?

"She cuts herself." Rosalie said quietly.

"B-but why?"

"I guess it's a pain that she can control, unlike the others."

"And she told you this?"

"Didn't need to. There is a faint smell of blood in her arms or thighs sometimes. But the good news is that it didn't happen for the past 3 weeks. I think drawing really helps." She didn't wait for her sisters reply, turned on her heels and went back to her room.

Alice Cullen finally understood, why Jasper and Carlisle constantly told them that they had to form new bounds with Isabella. She looked at the dresses around her in disdain, she felt so naïve, for thinking that fashion could bond them. It felt like putting a band aid on a severed finger, childish and completely ridiculous.

AN: This is probably the last chapter where I'll touch to the issue of selfharm. It's not something I feel comfortable writing in depth so I prefer it to be something that she used when she was feeling horrible and stopped doing when she doesn't feel just as bad.