He sighed, looking at the fairy lights around them and the happy couple dancing slowly to the beat of the music. Going to high school repeatedly gave him many opportunities to see teen pregnancies and shotgun weddings; they rarely ended well. He was happy to see that both Angela and Ben were determined to make it work, their eyes and thoughts were kind and hopeful, it gave him hope for them, too. Under this happiness, however, was a layer of burning jealousy. This is what he dreamed about when he was human, and even after his change, whenever he dreamed about finding his mate. He knew that in the past century humans' view of marriages enormously changed, not everyone found them romantic or desirable, he knew. But his beliefs were carved deep inside him, he wanted to get married. His mind jumped to a different time when he first decided to leave Bella. He tortured himself for days and days, imagining a faceless human men standing next to his Bella, while she was dressed in white.

Now, though, even that seemed impossible. He bitterly remembered the first night he spent with her in his arms, when she asked if it was possible for them. He panicked, and told her no. He knew that bothered her, but he was never brave enough to talk about that and tell her how much he wanted to.

"Edward?" He turned to her, meeting with her guarded, sad eyes. It was one of the things that bothered him a lot: The stark contrast of how her eyes used to look at him and now. "Will you dance with me?" He was momentarily stunned, Bella hated dancing; this was why he didn't ask her since ceremony! He shook of himself, smiling happily and leading her to the make-shift dance floor in the garden of Weber's house.

She wore a dark blue dress that came to her knees, to Alice's delight, she actually accepted and wore high heels. This was the second time he saw her in heels, they suited her. She looked so beautiful; she took his breath away. He held her tight when she sighed and relaxed into him. His attention, however, was cut when he heard Angela's mother talking to her relatives.

"She's dancing with the boy just now, see?"

"He seems into her. Why would she just give the dress, she should've tried harder!"

"Angela said that she is not in a good place mentally, this is why she tried to refuse when Bella brought the dress." One of the older women snorted.

"Honey, the dress looks super expensive, she saved you a lot of money. After the wedding she can just give it back." Mrs Weber shook her head.

"No, we had to make some alterations. Besides Isabella lost a lot of weight, it wouldn't fit her anyway."

His confused mind quickly switched to Angela's, she was already watching them dance. What he saw in her mind made him stop and freeze. For a moment, he couldn't process what he just learned. It seemed impossible, it seemed out of character…

Bella, who had also stopped, was trying to understand what's going on. She called his name a few times.

"Is it true?" He whispered. Still standing like a statue. "The wedding dress. You-you bought it?" She immediately looked down and sighed. She nodded and urged him to start swaying again, people were looking at them, she didn't like the attention.

"It's nothing, Edward."

"How can you say that?" he asked, not believing his ears. "Why you never told me that you changed your mind? I thought you never wanted to get married?!" He tried to catch her eyes, but she was determined to avoid him.

"I did not." He waited. "I-I just thought that it was important to you and since we would be together forever in my mind, I thought you would convince me someday." She hurried before he could get in a word:

"I know it sounds super stupid now. Because you already told me that it wouldn't be possible and it's not like I went to shopping for the dress. I saw it purely coincidently, and bough it on a whim. Please don't think about it, it's Angela's dress now." If he wasn't in a state of shock, he would've laughed. Because his mind was already watching Angela sway with her husband, laughing, and looking at him with sparkling eyes and it was already replaced with Bella's face. The dress was beautiful, and elegant but most importantly, from his time. His throat felt like closing, he could imagine them getting married even back in 1918 with that dress. His mother would've gushed over it.

He felt her small hand reaching up and tentatively touch his cheek. "Please stop freaking out." She pleaded. "It's not your fault that I got caught up in my fantasies. I swear, I'm not thinking that now. I know you never wanted to spend the rest of your life with me."

After that, it was like he was pulled behind a curtain. He wasn't himself when she kept calling his name. When Emmett came and lead her to dance, joking and laughing so humans wouldn't notice him. When Rosalie forcefully pulled him away from the garden, into their car and drove him home. When Carlisle kept asking what was wrong and Esme brushed his hair with her hands. He saw them happening, but it was like he was far, far away.

Her last sentence, and the dry, factual way she said it turned into a small, black creature. It forced his ribcage open, pulled out his dead heart and sat right where it was. It didn't let him forget; it didn't let him breath. He looked down at his dark blue shirt, maybe the black spot was visible from outside-it wasn't.

To spend rest of his life with her.

He heard people describe marriage thousands of times with this exact sentence. He just never thought that it was what she was asking for when she pleaded for him to change her.

To spend the rest of his life with her.

All the times he scoffed at the idea of changing her. Thought that she wanted marble skin and fast, strong body, immortality… He refused to listen, maybe she'd have told him if he did.

Maybe she'd keep her dress.

Maybe she'd wear it, laughing under twinkling fairy lights and looking up at him with sparkly eyes full of love.

Maybe she'd wear his ring.

Another fact creeped slowly into his consciousness.

All through their relationship, he refused to change her but told her countless times that he'd be there until she stopped breathing.

Before, he thought that he was selfish because he wanted her, loved her. Now the pretty mask he made his arrogance wear fell. Forcing him to look at his own ugliness in the face. He was selfish because he kept asking her to spend the rest of her life with him, he kept refusing to spend the rest of his life with her.

The black, heavy spot in his chest got bigger and bigger.

To spend the rest of his life with her.

I know you never wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.

It kept ringing and ringing in his ears.

AN: Phew, this chapter was brutal to write. I hope I can make the shock and despair transfer to you, dear reader.

This is the second chapter I talked about before, the one I thought about when I decided the plot of the story.

Given the events of Eclipse, I always thought that "forever" meant different things to Bella and Edward. For Edward, it meant marriage, for Bella it was the change. Their bargain seems to prove it. And I thought that if something is going to make Edward understand why Bella wanted to be changed so bad, was through something he associated with forever: marriage.

I don't know, it makes perfect sense in my head but maybe you'll find it stupid. Just write it gently, okay? :D