A/N: Hello and happy Monday! I know there was a bit of chaos at the end of the chapter last week, maybe there will be more this week? Let me know what you think!
Jay sat at the table in Molly's by himself nursing a beer. His eyes were trained on Hailey sitting at the bar talking to Stella as he replayed the events of the afternoon in his mind.
His gut had always known she wasn't going to stay with him forever, but his heart really wanted her to. He'd gotten used to having her in his space. It wasn't even his space anymore - it was theirs.
Her razor was next to his in the shower. Her pajamas were balled up on his bed. Her water bottles were in his cupboard.
His shoes were next to hers. His Blackhawks hoodie was now hers. His favorite coffee mug was used by her more than him.
They'd combined their homes into one, and yet now it was going away.
She was taking the apartment. That hadn't even been a question. He didn't even blame her for doing so, it made sense, but part of him was still thrown off by it.
After she'd told him what the call was, they'd both stood there on that bridge in shock just staring at each other. A minute before they'd nearly kissed, and suddenly she was ready to pack her bags. In no universe did it feel fair.
It certainly wasn't fair that they then walked back to the truck together, drove to the apartment, changed into comfortable clothes, and silently continued their Marvel movie marathon that had started after they watched Iron Man the week before. There was no mention of the kiss, nothing about all the hand holding they'd done that day or the way they'd both brushed their fingers to the other's cheek…nothing. They were moving on without acknowledging their feelings and it sucked.
Maybe it had all been a dream. Maybe Hailey's trial hadn't happened and they were still waiting to see if Tarik was guilty and she was still staying in his bed indefinitely. Maybe that was the better option.
Because in that universe where they hadn't almost kissed, Jay hadn't almost confessed his feelings and hadn't embarrassed himself in front of the girl he had said feelings for. It all felt like a mistake. He had known it was too soon to say anything or make any sort of move, but his dumb ass and his overly confident gut ignored his brain and began laying out the cards for Hailey to see. His feelings for her were right at the surface only to have been pushed away by some old landlord who wore too much cologne.
What a great situation.
"Hey, how'd today go?"
Jay blinked and turned his head to see Kevin settling onto a barstool across from him. "What do you mean?" he asked quietly.
Kevin raised an eyebrow then said, "Back at your place. How'd it go after the trial?"
"Oh." Jay let out a breath and shrugged. "It was fine. Just watched some TV."
Kevin stared at him for a moment as he took a long sip of beer. He then glanced over his shoulder at Hailey now talking to Vanessa, Kim, and Adam, and said, "What happened? Did you two fight?"
Jay rolled his eyes and stated, "No."
"Then what the hell?"
Jay's lips tipped up, but he just continued drinking his beer.
"Jay, come on," Kevin said under his breath, "What happened?"
He sighed before leaning forward to say quietly, "An apartment opened up a couple floors above me and she accepted. She's moving out next week."
"Good for her," Kevin said with a nod, "I'm proud of her."
Jay shook his head and picked at the label on his bottle.
"Clearly you are too," Kevin mumbled.
"What? An idiot?" Adam joked while settling into the seat next to Jay with his own beer in hand.
"You're really hilarious," Jay snapped back.
"What's his deal?" Adam asked.
Kevin smirked then pointed at Jay with his beer bottle as he explained, "He's fallen for Hailey again and pissed she's moving out."
Adam chuckled and sipped his drink. "Cool."
"No – I…" Jay sighed and shook his head. "You two are both assholes."
"Assholes who care about your roommate," Kevin corrected, "You can't live with her forever. Let her free."
"She needs this, man," Adam added, "We get it – it sucks – but it's time. You got her back on her feet; support her as she walks away."
Jay said nothing and just finished his beer. They were right. He knew it. She needed her own space again to really recover. And maybe if they didn't live together anymore, they'd go back to being friends – perhaps that's all they needed to be for now like he'd originally thought.
Kissing her today would have caused a lot of issues. There were too many layers within their relationship that made a simple kiss extremely complicated. Like he thought weeks before, friendship needed to come before romance. It was the only way this could work.
What if they did kiss today and begin some sort of relationship that only had to stop because Hailey had PTSD or something because of him? What if that led to her not even wanting to have a serious relationship right now? He thought he did want a serious relationship, so that could harm them in the future, right? She'd tell him to just move on without her, he could try dating someone else, it wouldn't work, Hailey would find a new guy, she'd fall in love, and then she'd marry him leaving Jay by himself forever.
"Tequila?" he mumbled while standing up.
Not even waiting for an answer, Jay sulked over to the bar and ordered three tequila shots. Perhaps he was over reacting – actually, he knew he was – but this was all sending him into a spiral he didn't want to be in. He had wanted to spend this night celebrating Hailey and her win; he had not wanted to be focusing on her dating someone else.
He wasn't even quite sure when Hailey living on her own turned into her dating someone else, but it made sense in his mind. She was going to become her own person again which really was good. He was proud of her. He'd said it multiple times that day. He just didn't want to have to let go of her just yet.
Then again, would he ever really be ready? What did letting go of her mean? An obvious thought was that they'd no longer be cuddling in bed at night – not that they did it often, but he did like waking up with his hand in hers or her hand on his chest. It was nice feeling like he wasn't alone at night.
He also wouldn't have anyone to come home to after work anymore. Sure, she'd be back at work with him soon enough, but then he'd still go home alone. He'd still eat dinner on his couch by himself and then shower and then go to bed on the left side forever leaving the right open for Hailey.
Maybe they'd see each other occasionally outside of work for a beer or a whiskey – that probably wouldn't change. It still wasn't an everyday occurrence, though; it was just something they did when they had a bad day.
Funnily enough, he hadn't had a bad day at work since Hailey came to stay with him, or at least he didn't realize he'd had a bad day. Thinking back on all the 'bad days' in the past, what made them worse was that he'd gone home alone. Perhaps he did have some bad days, but having Hailey waiting for him on the couch just softened them a little bit.
Stella placed three tequila shots in front of him, but before she could ask him if he needed anything else, he'd already tipped one down his throat.
It was for the gang shooting he'd witnessed last week while doing surveillance. There had been a lot of blood for two smaller boys.
He picked up the second and stared at it. Originally, he'd bought the extra two for Kevin and Adam, but three days ago he had to interview a rape victim for three hours because she refused to talk to anyone else. She'd said something about him looking like her older brother who had died in a car accident the year before.
The alcohol burned his throat as it slid down.
He knew he shouldn't do the third shot so soon after the other two. It wasn't healthy and would probably give him a buzz he didn't need. And yet he picked up the glass watching the clear liquid slosh slightly inside it.
"Jay."
He glanced to his left at Hailey settling into a seat next to him.
She raised an eyebrow before slipping the shot glass from his hand. "Let's not do three tequila shots in a row," she said softly.
He quietly chuckled while watching her finish the shot herself.
She coughed then asked, "What the hell did you order?"
"Just the cheap stuff," he explained.
"Clearly," she said with another shudder. She quickly sipped the whiskey sour she'd brought over and shook her head. "Why were you doing that?"
Because he was pissed she was moving out.
Because he was happy she won her case.
Because he was annoyed at their friends for teasing him.
Because he was embarrassed for almost kissing her.
He licked his lips and settled on a shrug as he mulled over that kiss again.
She was the one who'd grabbed his hand. She was the one who went up on her tip-toes to get closer to him. She was just as willing in the entire situation as he was.
He didn't know if that made it better or worse.
Hailey glanced around then whispered, "Is this about earlier?"
"Isn't this all about earlier?" Jay asked with a gesture toward the bar.
Hailey rolled her eyes and clarified: "The bridge and the phone call. Is that why you're all moody?"
"I'm moody?" he asked.
Hailey scoffed and nodded.
"I'm just…" Jay trailed off with a sigh, "I don't know. I'm…I'll…I thought…"
He grew frustrated at his lack of words. His mind went completely blank with what to say to her. Earlier, he'd been so ready to admit everything to her – in fact, he practically had: he did tell her she was more than a partner. Now, though, even with the bit of alcohol coursing through him, he couldn't exactly say the same words again. Maybe it was because their friends were around, or maybe it was because they'd almost kissed last time and he didn't want to feel so rejected again. Whatever it was, he just stared at her and slowly shook his head.
Somehow, Hailey understood. She smiled slightly and nodded. Looking down at her glass as her finger traced along the rim, she said softly, "I've really liked living with you and I'm going to miss you a lot. Like you said, I like having you in my life in this way. It's been fun."
Jay smiled to himself then glanced up at her. "We have had fun," he said.
"And we haven't finished all the Marvel movies, so you know we have to continue our marathon," Hailey added as her smile grew.
"Of course," Jay chuckled.
"I'll just be upstairs," Hailey said softly, "It's really not that far."
"Yeah, I know."
Hailey's eyes searched his for a moment before her smile turned into a smirk. She leaned against the bar and asked, "Is this really about me moving out or is it about not being able to see Psári as often?"
Jay laughed loudly and nodded. "That's it. I'm gonna miss the fish."
Hailey laughed with him then nudged her shoulder to his. "It's going to be okay, I promise you," she said softly, "You're not going to get rid of me."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"I make your life better."
"Oh, of course."
Hailey's smile seemed even brighter as she again laughed. She finished her whiskey sour and took a deep breath. "You, Jay Halstead," she began and made sure she was looking at her before continuing, "Are a good man."
He felt his cheeks burn and those butterflies from earlier returned to his stomach. He'd been called 'good' a few times before, but it seemed to mean more and definitely felt better when Hailey was the one saying it.
She then tapped the side of his nearly empty beer bottle and said, "Would you like another or are you gonna slow down after that tequila?"
He managed a laugh and said, "I'll just do a water. Thanks, though."
"I'll still get it for you," Hailey said while standing up. She hesitated before she could turn away then looked up at him.
There was something familiar in her eyes that brought Jay back to the Columbus Bridge. He raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to ask if she needed something, but then she closed the distance between the two of them and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
"Thank you for letting me live with you," she whispered. Her left hand gently squeezed his thigh before she walked away and ordered another drink leaving Jay sitting there in disbelief.
She'd kissed his cheek when he thought she was going to kiss his lips. What if that's what was going to happen earlier? What if there wasn't actually going to be a kiss on the bridge?
He sure felt stupid.
He'd gotten himself all worked up over a kiss on the cheek?
Sure, maybe they were friends, but it seemed like a line had been drawn. More than work partners, yes, more than friends…no.
Shaking his head, he gathered himself and stood up. It wasn't that he was angry, he was just disappointed. He really thought she liked him more than a friend. He could have sworn he read so in her body language. Maybe it had all been clouded, though, by his own feelings.
Nothing felt fair.
Unfortunately, those same feelings he had weren't just going to disappear, and he still felt something toward her right now. He wanted to make sure she really was happy and enjoying her win; he couldn't just leave her at the bar when he had been her ride, so he walked over to accept his water from her and sit with her and the others in the corner of the bar.
She kept shooting him smiles as everyone talked, which he did return – he really didn't want to be a monster. If she wanted to giggle and goof around tonight, he wasn't going to stand in her way.
She also grew a little touchier with each drink that passed her lips. Hours before, maybe he would have taken it more seriously and thought she had meant something by it. She'd brush her hand to his thigh or grab his arm while telling a story about her fish. It did feel good; he just hated it. Each time her fingers would trail along him, he had to remind himself that they were just friends: Hailey was simply someone who liked to touch others to remind them she was there and liked them. He paid enough attention to her that he noticed she'd also jokingly grabbed Kevin's arm and had brushed a piece of hair from Kim's face. Sure, she was rather tipsy, but it was still her; she was still Hailey.
His Hailey.
His Hailey who was as beautiful as ever, filled with confidence, and really starting to become happy again.
She was telling Vanessa about her past in Robbery-Homicide when he took a deep breath and finished his water. He needed to remember that his Hailey hadn't always lived with him. His Hailey had started out as that Robbery-Homicide detective with an incredible amount of sass and more determination than he'd ever meant. She was driven, a boss in the best way, and the most caring person he'd ever met. Her humor had matched his wonderfully and she had his back from Day 1. Thinking about it, that was the Hailey he'd fallen in love with because he really had fallen in love with her. It wasn't that she became interesting and perfect after she'd gotten hurt; it was that her latest relationship made him realize just how much he would do for her.
He didn't regret any part of his relationship with her at any point in time, so while maybe he was disappointed that it didn't seem like she liked him in the same way, he was never going to stop caring for her.
"Want another?" he asked her while standing up.
"Um," she hummed and looked down at her empty glass. "Sure," she said after a moment, "If you don't mind."
"Not at all."
He almost brushed his hand along her back, but decided against it and headed toward the bar. He asked Stella for another beer and a whiskey sour, then looked around. A couple months before, he'd sat at these same stools and briefly flirted with Coral. Months before that, he'd been at another bar and spent a while talking to some blonde he couldn't even remember. All he knew was that she wasn't Hailey. Perhaps Coral had been close to Hailey as she'd then been her nurse, but she was certainly not the same – no one could come close to Hailey. For one second, he wondered what Coral was up to.
By some miracle, Hailey never caught on in the hospital that she'd seen Coral before. He could remember Hailey noticing her in the bar and saying she was cute. Then again, she had more important things to think about in the hospital than if she'd ever seen her nurse before.
Was he really ready to move on from her, though? Did he actually want to get back in touch with Coral? She really hadn't been that bad. He liked when she'd kissed him.
He froze slightly when he realized that was the last kiss he'd had.
All his relationships and prospects of some sort of love life really came to a halt that night. They'd slowed significantly within the past year as his feelings for Hailey had grown, almost came to a complete stop the night Hailey met him, and then was put on an indefinite hold after Coral. He didn't miss it, though. Maybe it was because Hailey was living with him, or maybe it was just because he had Hailey in general. His feelings for her were so strong that no other girl crossed his mind at any point.
That thought twisted his stomach and felt like a knife in his side as he again reminded himself that Hailey hadn't felt the same way. She'd just friendzoned him, and he needed to accept that.
Eventually.
Ignoring Stella's concerned eyes, he grabbed the drinks from her and brought them back to the table with all his friends. Hailey had a rather strong buzz by now after doing a fireball shot with Adam and appeared relaxed. It really did make him happy in turn. He hoped more than anything that her happiness would never end again.
They spent another hour at Molly's before everyone began splitting up. Jay led Hailey out to his truck and helped her into the passenger seat. It wasn't that she was super drunk; she was just grabbing at her ribs and mumbling that she should have taken a pain pill earlier. He felt bad because he'd been there; he knew how painful broken and bruised ribs could be, so he didn't mind in the least. Plus, it helped break the tension he was feeling now that they were alone again.
In the quiet of the car, Hailey automatically put her hand on the console once Jay started driving. He didn't put his on top of hers, though, and just kept driving. She didn't say anything and simply frowned before looking out the window.
Jay winced at himself. He didn't think she wanted to hold hands, but it'd become this thing between the two of them that they'd at least put their hands next to each other on the console as he drove. He'd always assumed she found some sort of comfort in it, and right now just confirmed it.
He was just two blocks out from his place when he gave in and put his hand near hers. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her body relax in the seat. Just a second later, her pinky finger reached out toward him. Smiling at the road, he hooked his pinky over hers for the rest of the drive.
Their new thing was kind of nice.
Once parked, Jay turned and finally spoke to say, "Think you can get inside?"
Hailey rolled her eyes, but laughed softly as she replied, "Yes."
Jay chuckled and got out of the truck.
He jokingly began walking toward the building without Hailey only for her to open the door and yell out, "Jay?"
"Yes?" he asked as he turned to walk backwards.
"It hurts," she said simply.
Laughing again, Jay jogged back over to her and helped down from the truck. "There you go," he said as he helped adjust her coat.
"Thank you," she mumbled. She closed the door then walked with him into the building. "It's not an alcohol thing," she explained, "It really does hurt. I thought if I took a pain pill before we went out that it would all mix and turn out bad, so I didn't, but…Jay…it hurts."
He smiled down at her and nodded. "I bet it does," he said softly while placing a hand on her back and leading her into the elevator. "We'll get you into your pajamas and then bed, okay?"
"Or we could watch another movie," Hailey countered as they jerked upwards to Jay's floor.
"Really? You're not tired of Marvel yet?" Jay asked.
She rolled her eyes again and said, "No."
"No," he mocked with a laugh then softened and said, "Okay, then. We can watch another. We're on Age of Ultron. It's not a bad one, I think you'll like it."
"When do we get to Paul Rudd's movie?" Hailey asked.
Jay laughed harder than before and said, "Really?"
"Really," Hailey said with a nod, "I think he's cute."
"Really? Paul Rudd?"
"Compared to…"
"I don't know. Don't girls like Brad Pitt?"
Hailey shoved Jay's chest and said, "No. Not always. I mean, he's fine, I wouldn't say no, but Paul Rudd has a special place in my heart."
"Why's that?" Jay asked as they stepped off the elevator and began walking toward the apartment.
"Friends, obviously," Hailey answered, "You know how much I love that show."
"Fair," Jay said. He unlocked the door and held it open for her while saying, "Want to know who I liked on Friends?"
Hailey hummed and kicked her shoes off sending one flying into the kitchen.
Jay raised an eyebrow, but didn't acknowledge it any further. Instead, he simply answered, "Jennifer Aniston." He whistled and continued, "She was hot. She still is."
"All right, big guy," Hailey said under her breath.
Jay chuckled while walking into the bedroom. He nudged the door closed before pulling his shirt off and searching for a pair of pajamas in his dresser. "What'd you think of Vanessa?" he called out.
"She was sweet," Hailey replied, "Cute too. Did you see how Kevin was looking at her?"
Not at all. He'd been busy looking at someone else himself.
"You think?" he replied.
"Duh. Wanna bet they'll date?"
He'd rather bet on someone else dating.
"I don't do that."
"Oh, shut up."
He could talk to her forever.
"No thanks."
"Also, Adam and Kim. I think they slept together."
Jay's mind went blank.
He tugged on his pants then hurried over to stick his head out of the room. "What?" he asked.
Hailey glanced back at him from the couch and laughed. "Yes," she said, "I may have had a bit to drink, but they slept together, I know it." She got up and walked into the bedroom right past Jay standing there shirtless. She didn't comment on it, though, and just grabbed her pajamas from underneath her pillow.
"How'd you know?" Jay asked.
Hailey finally looked at him and her eyes seemed to widen just slightly. With a blush rising in her cheeks, she said, "Their…their body language. They kept smiling at each other and…and touching…"
Jay raised an eyebrow and pulled his t-shirt on. "We smiled at each other and you couldn't keep your hands off of me." Joking about it didn't make it feel any better like he'd hoped. In fact, it made his smile fade just slightly, especially when he added, "And we haven't slept together."
Hailey cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair before softening and pointing to the bed. "Technically, we do sleep together," she said then walked out of the room leaving Jay speechless in the doorway.
He took a breath and shook any wrong thoughts from his mind because she was technically right. Not everything had to be some sort of euphemism all the time. The really did sleep in the same bed. He frowned thinking about it again, though, because it was just two friends sharing a bed. Nothing more.
Still.
He ignored the negative thoughts and headed to settle on the couch. Turning on the movie, he looked forward to relaxing for the night. It'd been a long, draining day and he was ready for it to come to a close. Tomorrow was the beginning of the end of their roommate era. He wasn't ready for it; he just wished he could make the thought of it hurt less.
Hailey was at his side a moment later with her purple blanket that she threw over their legs. She then grabbed his Blackhawks hoodie from its place on the back of the couch and pulled it over his t-shirt she was still wearing to sleep in. Once comfortable, she gestured for him to start the movie and winked.
With a quiet laugh and a gentle nudge to her leg with his foot, he sank back into the cushions and pressed play.
As the movie played in the background, Hailey's buzz got the best of her and she was asleep about an hour later. Jay found himself occasionally glancing over at her. She wasn't a snorer, but she did make quiet noises. He'd gotten used to it the past couple weeks, though he hadn't given it too much thought until now.
Now, he wondered if he was going to have a hard time sleeping without her soft breaths just a few feet away from him. In bed, he could always tell if she fell asleep before him or if she'd woken up in the middle of the night perhaps from him getting out of bed for the bathroom or even just her own reasons. It was strangely comforting and always reminded him that he wasn't alone.
If he thought hard enough, he realized that he hadn't had any of his own nightmares with Hailey in the bed next to him. It wasn't a normal occurrence for him by any means, but it also wasn't rare. He didn't think it was a coincidence. Hailey had always made thinking about the war a little easier, so it made sense that she even kept him calm at night.
He just hoped he did the same for her.
She hadn't mentioned anything at all about being haunted by nightmares. He'd thought she might have some, but maybe she'd been too drugged at the hospital to have any dreams and maybe she really did feel safe in his bed. He hated thinking that she was hiding any fears from him; however, he wouldn't have been surprised if she was. He knew he'd done exactly that in the past.
She sighed in her sleep and sank further in the couch. Her legs stretched out slightly so that her feet were pressed up against his thigh. He smiled over at her and adjusted the blanket to cover her better.
He hadn't had the chance to watch her sleep the past couple weeks because it'd always been rather dark in the room when she would be asleep. Maybe that was for the best, though. Friends probably shouldn't watch each other sleep and, with a knife to the gut, he reminded himself that that's all they were.
Eventually the movie ended and Hailey was still asleep. It was just after midnight and he didn't want her to sleep on the couch when her ribs were still bothering her, so he headed into the bedroom to turn down the covers. Once he had a bottle of water on the nightstand and the pillows set up how she liked them, he returned to the living room and carefully lifted her up.
She sleepily mumbled at the movement, but didn't wake and just tangled her fingers within his shirt.
"I've got you," he whispered while carrying her into the bedroom. He gently tucked her into the blankets then let his hand brush over her hair. He was very happy that her bruises were fading significantly – without a doubt, he knew she'd be back to looking like herself in no time minus the cast still on her wrist.
While watching her sleep there on the mattress, he debated what to do. He was pretty tired as well, but the sting of her kiss on his cheek was still present in the back of his mind. In no way did he want to be petty, but he agreed with his earlier thought that they were going to need to get used to being without each other.
With one last adjustment of her pillows, he left the room and closed the door behind him. Grabbing her purple blanket, he got himself comfortable on the couch and let out a breath. It's what he'd planned on doing originally when he'd wanted to keep the distance between the two of them. He knew he would have been right to keep his feelings to himself. It would have avoided any of the awkwardness he felt that night.
He fell asleep wondering if Hailey also felt awkward after their almost kiss on the bridge. It would have been a good kiss. That was something he didn't have to wonder about at all.
"Jay. Hey, wake up. Come to bed."
Jay woke to a hand rubbing at his arm and a quiet whispering. He slowly blinked his eyes open to see Hailey standing over him.
"What're you doing?" she added, "Let's go to bed, come on."
Her hair was a mess and her eyes looked barely open through the dark, but she was still wearing his hoodie and had a slight look of confusion on her face.
He groaned while sitting up and pushed the blanket off of him. "What time is it?" he asked.
"Two," Hailey answered and grabbed his arm to tug him up, "Come on, what were you thinking?"
"Thought you'd want space," he said quietly as she led him into the bedroom.
She scoffed and gently pushed him toward the bed. "Lay down, you're not supposed to be sleeping on the couch," she said.
"'M fine," he mumbled, but still got under the covers.
"Jay, I was never meant to push you out of your bed," she said quietly while joining him.
He hummed and pulled at his pillows. He could have easily fallen back asleep, but Hailey was suddenly much closer to him on her stomach. Opening one eye, he could see her getting comfortable amongst her pillows. She tugged the hood over his sweatshirt over her hair then rested her hand up near her face; however, she was so close to him that her fingers were resting on his bicep.
"Hailey," he whispered.
"Yeah?" she yawned.
"Are you still drunk?" he asked.
"Never was," she mumbled, "Just a buzz. It's sort of still here, so let me sleep since it's gonna wake me up in a couple hours."
Jay chuckled softly and nodded. "Okay," he breathed.
Hailey tapped her fingers lightly on his arm before yawning again and pressing herself closer to him.
Jay closed his eyes and realized that his earlier thought was correct: he really did think he could fall asleep easier to the sound of Hailey breathing next to him.
And yet when he woke in the morning to Hailey somehow still asleep next to him with her hand now over his heart, he laid there for just a minute before rolling out from underneath her. He gave her one last look curled up in his bed then walked out of the room to start a cup of coffee.
It was the beginning to the end of their time as roommates, so he might as well get used to being alone again.
A/N: Are we good? Make it up to you next week?
