A/N: Happy Memorial Day! I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. We're heading back to November in this one, but who doesn't love turkey and cranberry sauce? Enjoy!
It wasn't lost on Jay that Hailey came back into his life right in time for the thing he'd looked forward to most with her: Thanksgiving. They were eating lunch together the day before it in the surveillance van when he decided to bring it up.
"So, doing anything tomorrow?" he asked after they'd both taken a few bites of their subs they'd quickly grabbed to eat.
"Um, I don't know, probably not," Hailey admitted. She wiped her mouth with a napkin then asked, "You?"
"Dinner with Will," he said, "I'll make a small turkey with stuffing, get a can of cranberry sauce, and make some rolls; he'll do the rest."
Hailey smiled and nodded. "That sounds nice." She took a sip of her water and turned back to the monitors.
Jay's heart broke. He could tell the light had flickered in her eyes and that the idea of the holiday seemed to sting her. Part of him felt bad for even bringing up – he should have known she wouldn't have plans after that fight she'd had with her mom – but he was also glad he did because now he was more sure than ever about what he wanted to do.
"Would you want to join us?"
Hailey's head snapped up and she breathed, "What?"
Jay nodded and said, "You should come over. Will won't mind. We'll have more than enough food, that's not a problem at all."
Hailey sucked in her bottom lip as her eyes darted across his face. For once, he had no idea what she was thinking, and it worried him. Part of him was actually thinking she was going to say no, especially when she shakily reached back out to her sub. Her fingers toyed with the wrapper as she continued looking at him until she finally nodded her head just the smallest amount.
"Okay."
Jay smiled in response and reached out to squeeze her knee. "Great," he said, "I'll let Will know."
"What should I make?" she asked.
"Nothing," Jay said and waved her off. He took a bite of his sub and swallowed it before adding, "If you really want, you could come over to my place tomorrow morning and help me out with the bird, but it's really fine."
"I can't go to your family dinner and not bring anything," Hailey argued.
"Family dinner?" Jay chuckled, but still raised an eyebrow, "It's me and my brother, you've met him – he's the cocky doctor at Med who's obsessed with his hair."
Hailey softened with a quiet laugh. "Jay," she said, "I'm serious. It's a holiday; I want to bring food over."
He tilted his head to the side and let out a teasingly soft sigh. "Okay," he said, "You can bring whatever you want, but don't go crazy."
Hailey hummed softly then said, "I'll think about it. Is Will allergic to anything?"
"Just shrimp, that an issue?" Jay asked.
"Shouldn't be," Hailey said with a shrug, "I'll make sure to avoid shellfish."
"You like seafood, don't you?" Jay said before taking another bite of his lunch.
Hailey smiled and nodded as she ate.
"It has to be cooked right, but I could definitely go for some too," Jay agreed. He bit his lip and took a breath, feeling a question at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask, maybe they'd reached that eventually, but part of him was still slightly nervous because what if they hadn't reached that place yet?
However, like the other night, Hailey seemed to be on the same wavelength as him regarding the question, but not the hesitancy. She closed her eyes for a brief moment before setting her almost finished sub on the desk and asking, "Would you go out with me to get some?"
Jay raised an eyebrow as a smile teased at his lips. "A seafood dinner?"
"Yeah," Hailey said softly, "I think it'd be fun."
Jay nodded and put his hand out. "I'd love to," he said.
Hailey's smile widened and she placed her hand on his. "Should I call it a date? Did I just ask you on a date?"
Laughing softly, Jay tilted his head to the side and said, "Would you like to call it a date?"
Hailey squeezed her lips together with her eyes practically twinkling when she nodded.
"Then I think we're going on a date," Jay said as he squeezed her fingers, "Next week? Say…Monday? Give us time to recover from Thanksgiving?"
Hailey laughed and nodded. "Perfect for me."
"I want to pick the place," Jay said and began to rub his thumb in circles over the back of her hand, "And I want it to be fancy. You may have been the one to ask, but I want to be the one to show you off."
"Oh, really?" Hailey laughed again.
Jay nodded and squeezed her fingers again. Taking a moment to debate his words, he finally admitted, "I've been waiting to take you out for a while – ever since you said we'd eventually go on a date."
Hailey blushed slightly then said, "I've been waiting too. Why didn't you say anything?"
Jay breathed in then said, "I just wanted to make sure you were ready."
"I appreciate that, I do," Hailey said, "But promise me something?"
"Anything for you," Jay said quickly.
"Next time, you're the one who asks me on a date. I landed the first one, you need to get the next," Hailey explained, a smile returning to her face.
Jay laughed as her fingers lightly dragged along his arm with her words. He nodded and said, "I can absolutely promise that; however, I did just ask you to my Thanksgiving dinner, so-"
"No, nope, Thanksgiving is not a date," Hailey interrupted with her own laugh, "That's us hanging out with your brother. You can't have this one, Halstead."
"All right, fair enough," Jay chuckled. He glanced down at her fingers swirling over his arm and smirked.
"Thanksgiving together tomorrow, seafood date next week," Hailey breathed, "Finally, huh?"
"Finally," Jay agreed softly with his eyes fixed on hers.
Hailey's hand came to rest on his shoulder, and she raised an eyebrow.
Jay laughed softly and leaned closer to her just for the radio to go off with a call from Voight saying they needed to move. "Dammit," he breathed and quickly pulled away to jump in the front and drive off.
They were so close, but at least they'd reached their eventually.
Work exhausted Jay and Hailey to the point that they did decide to split up for the night as they were already planning to spend the next day together, but it didn't stop Jay from starting his cooking the second he got into his apartment. He wanted everything to be absolutely perfect for Thanksgiving…and Hailey.
He studied his recipes, prepared the brine, and seasoned the turkey all before completely passing out on top of his sheets close to three in the morning.
In his head, he'd only been asleep for a quick five minutes, but it was much later than that when there was a knock on his bedroom wall that startled him awake.
"Jay, are you okay?"
He sat up and blinked his eyes quickly while looking around. Hailey was walking over to him in his bedroom with the biggest, most concerned eyes he'd seen in a while.
"What's going on?" she asked while sitting on the bed next to him, "Are you sick?"
"No," he said then cleared his throat. Sitting up, he repeated, "No. I'm good."
"I was knocking on your door for five minutes," Hailey said, "It's almost nine. What the hell? You never sleep this late."
"I was just up late," he explained, "Everything's fine."
Hailey shook her head and put her hand on his forehead.
"Hailey," he laughed softly and nudged her hand away, "I'm fine. I was up pretty late getting things ready for today. Actually, I should go mess with the turkey some more."
She huffed, but nodded slightly and sat back.
Jay wiped the sleep from his eyes before yawning and finally taking Hailey in. She was sitting right there next to him dressed in leggings and a sweatshirt with her hair in a ponytail…very covered. On the other hand, he did not have a shirt on and was only wearing a pair of boxers.
Hailey seemed to clue in on the situation as well because she quickly wet her lips and backed away further on the bed. "Do you…do you need me to do anything?" she asked.
"Um," Jay hummed while slowly standing up, "You said you wanted to make something to bring?" He hesitantly reached out for his t-shirt while holding her eye contact, not quite sure what to do.
"I can do a dessert," she suggested and stood as well.
Jay nodded and cleared his throat then said, "Cool. Have at it in the kitchen, I'll go get ready then work on the turkey." He moved to walk around her just for her to have stepped in the exact same spot.
"Sorry," she breathed and put a hand on his chest.
"You're good." He smiled slightly and held her arms to keep her still enough so he could walk around her toward his dresser.
As he searched for a pair of jeans, Hailey said, "I'm going to change later, just so you know."
Jay laughed softly and glanced over his shoulder to say, "That outfit's totally fine with me."
Hailey rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. "Jay."
"I know, I know," he chuckled and pulled out his clothes, "I'll probably change too."
"Even though it's just you and Will?" Hailey teased.
Jay laughed again and turned to face her. "Yes. Will likes when you look nice for holidays. I would truly be fine with you wearing that today. Hell, you can wear it next week when we go out to dinner."
"Stop acting like a man," Hailey said through her own laugh.
Jay felt his eyes widened as he countered, "What does that mean?"
"This?" Hailey gestured toward her outfit and said, "You want me to wear this when we go out for seafood?"
"I just want you to show up."
The words seemed to freeze in the air between them with the smile half-formed on his lips. It came out faster than he'd intended and was partly a joke, but Hailey's similar frozen expression told him she didn't really take it as such.
"Jay," she breathed and took a step closer to him, "I will always show up for you." Her hand once again brushed over his chest before she finally left the bedroom for the kitchen.
His gaze followed her and watched as she sat at the counter to look through her phone. He swallowed against his dry throat then shook any thoughts from his head.
That eventually that they'd talked about…maybe it didn't just involve going on a date, maybe it could involve being in the apartment and spending the holiday together too.
By the time he'd brushed his teeth and put some clothes on, Hailey had the start of a pecan pie going in the kitchen.
"Looks good," he said as he walked in to start the pot of coffee.
"Thank you," Hailey replied then leaned closer to her phone to read the recipe. Her lips silently moved as she read through the directions once more.
Jay smiled at her before going into the fridge for his own ingredients. Together, they quietly worked in tandem preparing their meals. It felt peaceful and reminded Jay of holidays when he was growing up. It wasn't that Hailey reminded him of his mom, but that being in the kitchen with her felt like home – like something he was always meant to do.
He was lost in the memory of his dad teaching him how to make stuffing as he chopped celery when Hailey broke through his thoughts and said, "All right, it's been an hour, I need to ask."
Glancing up at her, he hummed, "What?"
Hailey pointed her dirty spatula at the now completely stained easel in the corner that he'd finished making a couple days before after coming home from her apartment.
"Oh."
Jay chewed his lip slightly then set his knife down. He'd been so excited to make it, but hadn't yet figured out how he was going to give it to her. A small part of him had admittedly wanted to break into her apartment and set it up while she was out. He'd also considered going out to buy a big bow to put on it and just carry it up to her door. In the end, he'd been so tired the night before after preparing for today that he'd completely forgotten to wrap it somehow or even just to hide it since they had planned on her coming here to make the food.
"I made that for you," he finally said after perhaps ten seconds of silence too long.
Hailey's confused expression completely softened and she breathed, "What?"
"Yeah," he weakly laughed. He slipped the spatula from her hand then gently tugged her fingers to bring her over to the corner that she'd once claimed as her own to paint in.
"You made this?" Hailey repeated.
"Yes," Jay said, now much more confident than he was a minute ago. He stopped in front of the easel and said, "Is it okay?"
Hailey reached out her shaking right hand to run her fingers along the light wood. She dropped her other hand from Jay's so she could slowly walk around the easel and examine it. She tested out the hinges and spring function by folding it up then setting it back down on the floor.
"You made this?" she said again.
Jay nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets.
Hailey finally faced him and stared at him with wide eyes.
He tried to smile and raised an eyebrow.
In response, Hailey shook her head, and, for a brief moment, Jay thought she was pissed or that something was wrong with it, but then she was burying her face in her chest and gripping onto him.
"You didn't have to do that," she mumbled.
"But I wanted to," he replied softly, "Consider it your housewarming gift."
He could feel Hailey smile into his chest as she slid her hands over his back.
"Do you like it?" he asked while wrapping his arms around her.
Hailey scoffed and pinched his side. "Yes," she said before looking up at him, "Of course I like it."
Jay smiled back at her and slipped his hand around to cup her jaw. "I'm glad," he said, "Sorry it's not wrapped or anything. I kind of passed out last night."
Hailey laughed and shrugged then turned back to stare at the easel. "I don't care," she said, "It's perfect – beautiful actually. I love it. Thank you so much."
Jay easily stroked his hand over her ponytail and replied, "You're welcome."
At the feeling of his hand in her hair, Hailey turned back to him and smiled. No longer was it a smile that could be described as excited or teasing or even just happy; she almost looked shy in that moment and slightly nervous as she stared up at him. He smiled back and tilted his head to the side.
Hailey gave him a small shrug then returned her hand to his. He squeezed her fingers before rubbing his thumb along the back of her wrist once covered with a black cast. Just when he thought she was going to step closer to him, the oven beeped tearing them apart.
"That's my pie," she breathed without moving.
"Already?" he asked softly.
Hailey nodded and wet her lips then took a step back. She held onto his fingers as long as she could before dropping his hand and walking into the kitchen.
She was about twenty feet away, but it certainly felt much too far. He watched as she went into the fridge to retrieve her pie crust and begin working at it. Every once in a while she would wipe at her eyes or glance up at him with a small smile on her face. He couldn't help but smile back as he took several deep breaths before returning to the kitchen with her.
He kept working at his stuffing and turkey all while thinking that this Thanksgiving already was pretty great just because he was with her.
"I don't think I've ever been to Will's," Hailey said as she and Jay walked down the hallway toward Will's apartment.
"Eh, you're not missing out," Jay chuckled and stopped at a door. He adjusted his hold on his insulated cooler to knock on the door as he said, "Happy Thanksgiving!"
"You're so loud," Hailey laughed and leaned against the wall holding her pecan pie.
Jay winked at her just as the door opened revealing Will wearing almost the exact same outfit as him: a navy button down with the sleeves rolled up over a pair of jeans.
"That's cute," Hailey commented. She smirked and added, "Happy Thanksgiving," while walking into the apartment.
Will scoffed and accepted the turkey from Jay. "You have an extra outfit?" he asked.
"It's your house," Jay replied as he followed Hailey, "Change your own damn shirt."
Will laughed and said, "No, I'm keeping it. Mom would have loved this."
Hailey looked up from taking the aluminum foil off of her pie and smiled.
Jay sighed, but didn't argue because it was true: their mom used to dress them in matching and coordinating outfits all the time when they were younger. Being so close in age, it often meant they were mistaken for twins, which just made her smile.
"Speaking of Mom, I made that cauliflower and broccoli bake you like," Will said as he entered the kitchen.
Jay groaned and grabbed a beer from the fridge. "I don't like it, I tolerate it," he corrected.
Hailey laughed softly as she asked, "That's your mom's recipe, right? The one that's in your binder?"
Jay glanced at her and finally smiled. "Yeah," he said softly, "That's the one. She was worried I wouldn't eat vegetables after she was gone."
"Little did she know, it'd become all you eat," Will said with a roll of his eyes. He grabbed his own beer then offered one to Hailey.
She accepted it and said, "He's a bit of a health nut, huh? Almond milk in the fridge and everything."
Will snorted a laugh and said, "Yes! Annoyed the crap out of me when I lived with him."
"You lived with him too?" Hailey asked while making her way to the couch. Once she was settled, she continued to say, "When was that? You share a bed with him too?"
"Hell no," Jay mumbled and leaned against the counter to look over at her, "He couch surfed about a year ago."
"Whoa, share a bed too?" Will asked, "I didn't realize-"
"Shut up," Jay whispered.
Will smirked against his beer bottle.
"He wouldn't let me take the couch and I refused to let him sleep out there either. It didn't seem like it was meant for sleeping on," Hailey said.
"Because it's second-hand because he's cheap," Will said with a nod, "But wow, I guess…yeah, makes sense, you were there for a few weeks, right?"
"Mhmm," Hailey hummed.
Jay stared at them then said, "I don't like this. I regret it already."
Hailey laughed and shook her head before taking a long sip of beer.
"I don't know," Will said teasingly, "This could be really good for your friendship." He walked over to a bookshelf in the corner of the living room and pulled out a photo album.
"Will," Jay warned.
Hailey's eyes lit up and she set her beer down to go up onto her knees on the cushions. "Show me," she said.
Jay sighed while walking to sit next to her. "He's a jerk, remember?" he said. Throwing an arm over the back of the couch, he shot Will a glare and shook his head.
"You were cute," Will argued before passing Hailey the photo album and dropping himself into the recliner.
Hailey smiled at Jay as she ran her hand over the cover of the album. "Only if you're okay with it," she said, "But I will say, this is pretty much a dream of mine."
He raised an eyebrow and poked the back of her head. "A dream of yours?"
"I've been dying to see little you," Hailey said with a nod, her smile growing with each passing second.
"Fine, but then I want to see little you," Jay countered.
"We can do that," Hailey said and finally opened the photo album. Immediately, she laughed softly at the baby pictures she was met with. "Oh my goodness," she breathed, "Look at you."
Jay looked over her shoulder and couldn't help but smile with her. Will had picked one of the photo albums he'd grabbed from their dad's house; this one in particular had a picture of them together nearly every month until his Army Basic Training graduation. At that point, it was all individual pictures, at least for the last few pages that were done until his mom died and stopped filling it in.
Hailey's smile didn't leave her face the entire time she looked at the pictures. She didn't talk much, just remained quiet and occasionally laughed at what she saw. Jay briefly wondered if she had similar memories from her own childhood.
Eventually, Hailey made it to that last picture of them together and paused to stare down at 18 and 19 year-old Jay and Will at the army base. The smile flickered on her face and Jay immediately knew why: the picture was haunting. Will's smile in it was actually very similar to how Hailey looked right now: like he was smiling because of the camera, not because of the situation. Jay for sure wasn't smiling. In all honesty, he remembered dreading this day.
He had actually been proud of himself. He finished training and did well. He finally felt like he had a true purpose in life.
But his dad had been pissed. He'd known people who went to war, had several friends who were vets, but the thought of his own son going to Afghanistan?
Apparently ruined his life.
"You're really going to put your mother through this?"
"What made you want to throw your life away?"
"Did I not raise you right?"
No part of him wanted to see his dad on that graduation day. If he thought hard enough, he could feel his sweat dripping down his back underneath his uniform and the way his hands had twitched at his sides.
When given the chance to take any of it back, his dad didn't say anything and just shook his hand. He had a tight-lipped smile as he said 'congratulations' before stepping back to allow the others to greet him.
His mom had cried upon seeing him, but was still very much supportive. She continuously expressed how proud she was and that she couldn't believe how grown up he looked. She'd hugged him so tightly that it felt like his back was going to break, but it was the best feeling in the world.
Then there was Will. Will gave him a hug as well, but he was clearly uncomfortable. Why? Jay found out years later that their parents had had a quiet and hushed argument on the drive there about the vast difference between their futures. At the time, though, it stung more than he would have wanted to admit.
It led to him lying in bed that night staring up at the ceiling forcing himself not to cry. He'd graduated basic training; there wasn't time for tears.
The lump that had been stuck in his throat that night returned right now here on the couch in Will's apartment. He hated looking at this picture and all it represented, so he shakily reached out and closed the album on Hailey's lap.
The movement broke Hailey's concentration, and she looked up at his face. He could see her concern in her eyes, but ignored it and stood up to return the photo album to Will's bookshelf.
By the time he'd turned back around, Will's face matched Hailey's with his gaze having followed him across the living room. Jay shook his head and cleared his throat before walking into the kitchen.
He tried finding something to do, but everything was either already finished or in the oven. After searching the fridge and freezer for something he could make, he settled on simply opening the can of cranberry sauce.
"So you guys eat that stuff?"
He looked up at Hailey's voice and tried to laugh. "Yeah, we do. You don't?" he replied.
Hailey shrugged against the door jamb before walking over to him. She waited for him to plop the jellied sauce into a bowl to say, "It kind of grosses me out. I'm not big into cranberries."
"Well, this isn't cranberries, is it?" Jay asked while grabbing a spoon from the drawer. He cut off a piece of the sauce and held it up to her lips. "Eat it," he said.
Hailey laughed and pushed his hand away. "I can't do it."
"Yes, you can," he chuckled and gently grabbed her waist so she couldn't move away. "You just looked at all those baby pictures of me, you can do this too," he added.
"Oh, okay," she scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"Do it," Jay said and tapped the spoon to her lips.
She smiled before hesitantly eating a piece of the cranberry sauce. Instantly, she winced and jerked away. "Jay!" she yelled through a cough, "That's disgusting."
"It is not," he laughed and finished the spoonful he'd gotten for her.
"I can't stand you," Hailey teased with a smile on her face as she recovered from the food.
Jay laughed harder and set the spoon in the sink. "Your loss," he said with a wink while leaning against the counter.
Hailey shook her head as her smile widened. She softened after a second and glanced out of the kitchen toward Will before stepping forward and lowering her voice to say, "I wanted to check on you."
Jay felt his face fall. He closed his eyes briefly then tried turning away toward the oven, but Hailey grabbed his wrist.
"Jay," she whispered and rubbed her thumb over the hair tie still wrapped around him.
He sighed and faced her.
"It was that last one, huh?" Hailey asked and took a step closer to him. Her free hand came up to rest in the middle of his chest. "Talk to me," she breathed, "Please."
"It's Thanksgiving," he whispered back.
Hailey shook her head and said, "I don't care. I want to know-"
"No, you don't," Jay interrupted. His voice came out almost like a hiss causing him to wince. It broke through the armor he knew he was starting to put up which led to his shoulders sinking down.
"I do," Hailey said without hesitation. She rubbed her thumb over his shirt and shrugged. "I've wanted to hear about it for a while now," she continued, "You're strong and brave, and I want to learn about how you got to this point. You saved my life, Jay, and I trust you completely. There's nothing else I want in this world than to get to know you – all of you. I want to know every piece of you whether you think I can handle it or not because – spoiler alert – I can, and I will."
Jay managed to crack a smile at her final words and slowly nodded. "Okay," he whispered.
Hailey smiled back, but didn't say anything and just hugged him. She pushed up on her tiptoes to get his head into her neck as her hands brushed along his upper back. Squeezing him tight, she whispered in his ear, "Tonight. Back at your place, okay? I want to learn."
Without any hesitation this time, Jay nodded into her shoulder. He knew he didn't need to say anything to get his point across.
He also knew this wasn't a lie or a simple obligation to answer Hailey's question: he was telling the truth. He was going to tell her his story that night.
All the food was delicious. Opposite of the night Hailey made Jay Greek food, Jay spent the meal filling Hailey's plate with all the food he and Will had prepared from their mom's recipe book. She tried fighting the two of them off, but they were so insistent and convincing that her arguments were hidden through her laughter.
"Hey, you want the Halstead experience, this is how my mom would treat you," Will said while spooning more of his cauliflower and broccoli bake on her plate.
"Oh, really?" Hailey laughed with a glance to Jay who'd just finished sneaking another small spoonful of cranberry sauce on her plate.
"It's true," Jay chuckled, "She loved making food and making sure everyone was filled and satisfied."
Will raised an eyebrow before snorting and shaking his head.
"What?" Jay asked.
Hailey laughed harder and put her hand on his thigh. "Babe," she said.
At that, everyone paused and Jay breathed, "What?"
Hailey blushed and looked down at her plate to poke her food. "Nothing," she mumbled, "Sorry."
Will smirked against his beer bottle and returned to eating his dinner.
In turn, Jay looked down at Hailey's hand still on his thigh. His lips turned up before he placed his hand on hers. Rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, he relaxed in his seat and took another bite of turkey.
Will sent him a wink across the table then nodded, and Jay understood.
He had his blessing, but it was more than that…he had his mom's blessing, and that was everything.
Despite only having three people for dinner, there was more than enough food and Will, Jay, and Hailey managed to eat the majority of it causing all three of them to slowly move about the apartment while cleaning up.
"Go sit down," Jay told Hailey as they both stepped up to the sink to wash the dishes.
"I'm good," she replied and grabbed the sponge.
Jay raised an eyebrow and reached for the water sprayer.
"Whoa, whoa," Will said while putting a hand out, "You two are not having a water fight in my kitchen."
Hailey laughed softly and easily stepped around Jay to grab some of the tupperware. "Fine," she said, "We've done that before anyways."
Jay smiled at the memory as he began rinsing off their plates.
"A water fight?" Will whispered to him, "And you're not dating? And also adults? I was kidding."
Jay shrugged, but said nothing as he continued doing the dishes.
Hailey heard and laughed softly while spooning the stuffing into the container she had.
Glancing up at her, Jay couldn't help but let Will see him smile even more. She looked perfect right now and all she was doing was the mundane task of saving all their leftovers. After spending the last couple hours with him and his brother while the latter didn't waste a single opportunity to embarrass him, she was still sticking around and spending more time with the two of them. She didn't seem to mind in the least that she was spending the holiday with two of her friends and not her family.
But maybe that was it; maybe she considered them her family – not in a brotherly or sibling-like way, but in the 'I can trust these people and like spending time with them' way.
And in that same lane, Jay felt the same way. Hailey was family to him – a different type of family than he had with Will. This was the type of family where you depend on the other person and love them no matter what.
He loved Hailey. He trusted her. He wanted her in all her faults and imperfections. He wanted her highs, her lows, her boring moments doing dishes in the kitchen. Hailey was it for him and right now cleaning up Thanksgiving at his brother's apartment, he couldn't see his future leading him anywhere else.
Earlier that week, she'd so willingly been open to listening to him about his past fears and trauma and then reiterated that again today. He hadn't had someone ever do the same thing, having been used to people pushing him off on others or saying he needed to handle it on his own. Hailey was always willing to listen to him, even before these past few months. This wasn't some sort of repayment for her, she actually seemed to want to get to know every part of him in the same way he wanted to know every part of her.
It was everything he never knew he wanted or deserved.
He'd never even considered that a woman would want to know the darker moments of his past. He honestly hadn't given it much thought. Part of him figured if he never brought it up and only focused on the future that he'd be happy, but after helping Hailey through her own trauma, he fully realized that talking about the past with someone other than a therapist could be fulfilling and rewarding.
Especially when that someone was a person you loved.
Watching Hailey tease Will about the amount of condiments in his fridge, Jay leaned against the counter with the same, simple smile on his face that he'd been wearing all day whenever he looked at her.
He realized he'd been right earlier: their eventually didn't just involve that date, it involved acting on their feelings and being comfortable enough around each other to openly express how they felt. This truly was it.
Hailey easily agreed to going back to Jay's after their Thanksgiving meal, but said she was going to stop at her own apartment first so she could change into comfier clothes to accommodate all the food she'd eaten.
So Jay entered the apartment on his own and decided to do the same. He glanced at the easel in the corner of the living room on his way to his bedroom and hesitated for a brief moment before finishing the walk. While pulling off his jeans, he considered writing something on the easel for Hailey, but he had no idea what.
To Hailey felt impersonal, but I love you felt way over the top.
Did he love her? Yes. Did he want to tell her? Yes. Writing it down, though, especially on a gift he'd already made with his two hands…something felt off about it.
Tossing his clothes to the side, he breathed out and tried shaking the thought from his head. The easel was still here in his apartment; he could sit on signing it for a while until he moved it upstairs. When the words would come to him, he'd know.
Just like how his feelings had the night he'd found her hurt in her home.
He slipped those same grey sweatpants on from that night, but hesitated at the drawer holding all his t-shirts. Taking a deep breath, he dug in the back of it to pull out that stained white shirt with her blood still stuck over the place his heart had been. It was such a dark memory compared to where they were now that it suddenly felt unnecessary to continuing holding on to.
If he was going to release his past later with Hailey, then he should release this bit of his past too.
Walking over to the kitchen, he didn't hesitate to drop the t-shirt into his trashcan. He actually smiled at it as it joined the scraps from his earlier cooking. That was all he needed to move forward with his life and with Hailey. Today was the perfect day to solidify their relationship. He could feel it in his gut.
There was a soft knock on the door and Hailey's voice came through it saying, "Hey, hey, anyone home?"
Jay laughed and walked over to open the door and say, "Hi, you."
Hailey raised an eyebrow and stepped backwards. "Well, hello."
Jay glanced down at his bare chest and weakly laughed. "Sorry," he said, "Just had to do something."
"What? Throw out a shirt?" Hailey joked while walking into the apartment.
"Actually, yeah."
Hailey spun around and laughed, "What?"
"I'm serious," he chuckled, "It was the shirt I wore that night. I don't want to hold onto that anymore. I don't need it."
Hailey slowly nodded as she sat down. She breathed in then admitted, "I actually threw something out too."
"Really?" Jay breathed.
Hailey nodded again and began picking at her nails. She tucked her hair behind her ear and said, "The hospital socks. It sounds stupid, but they've been staring at me in my drawer and they needed to go. I hate thinking about that night."
Jay smiled slightly and nodded. "Same reason I had to get rid of that shirt," he explained, "But also…that night brought us here, right?"
"Yeah," Hailey breathed.
They stared at each other across the living room and Jay bit his lip. He hated thinking that they only got together because of her relationship with Tarik, but then he caught sight of the cabin painting on his side table and hesitated. She'd painted that before Tarik hurt her. It had nothing to do with who they were dating or kissing in bars. That painting was the purest form of their friendship and told him everything he needed to know: they really did have a true love for each other and no other man or woman could ever get in the way of that.
"Um…movie?" Hailey quietly asked.
"Sure." Jay cleared his throat and pointed to his bedroom while saying, "Let me just throw on a shirt."
Hailey laughed softly and reached for the remote to get the TV ready.
Glancing from the cabin painting to the easel then to Hailey, Jay sucked in a breath before walking into the bedroom. He pulled out a clean t-shirt, one without any dark memories stained on it, and slipped it on before rubbing his hand over his face.
His heart was pounding out of his chest. He couldn't think of the last time he'd ever felt so sure of anything. The thought of loving Hailey had always floated around in his mind, it was always something he knew, but now it was blindingly clear that he felt it, and he was very much ready to tell her. They were both ready to move on from the past and into a future with each other.
Stepping back into the living room, he smiled at the back of Hailey's head before going over to sit next to her. Jokingly groaning, he pulled his feet up and set them in her lap.
"Hell no," Hailey laughed and shoved them off of her. Her gaze slid up, but didn't meet his eyes and instead landed on his shirt. She tilted her head to the side and softened.
"What?" he hummed while sticking his feet up onto the coffee table.
Hailey scooted closer to him and gently tapped over his heart. For the second time that night, he was completely unaware of what on him had drawn her attention, so he looked back down.
The shirt he'd thrown on without another thought had been a dark green one with the word ARMY written across the front. His goal had been to pull on something without dark memories and yet he'd grabbed this.
Maybe this shirt didn't have dark memories tied to it, or maybe his heart had known that he was finally ready to tell Hailey about that time of his life.
"Old shirt," he explained softly.
Hailey nodded and rested her elbow on the back of the couch to hold her head up. "Want to tell me?" she whispered.
Jay held her eye contact as he nodded back at her.
"Okay," Hailey breathed and dropped her hand onto his thigh. She lightly rubbed her fingers back and forth while giving him an encouraging smile.
Looking down at her small fingers tracing senseless patterns on his sweatpants, he couldn't help but smile as he grabbed her hand. She made him feel safe by such a simple movement. He only hoped that he'd made her feel the same way the past few weeks, and by the look in her eyes right then…he truly believed that he did.
"I joined the army because I felt stuck," he quietly began, "I didn't know what I wanted to do. I didn't want to be in a trade like my dad and I sure as hell didn't want to be a doctor like Will." Clearing his throat, he tried to smile and shrugged. "The army came to my high school on one of the college days and it was the only thing that felt right - if that was because I knew I had to be there or because I didn't have another choice, I don't know. But going there gave me time: if I survived by the end of my tour, I'd know what I wanted to do, if I died…then I died and never had to figure it out."
Hailey nodded. Her hand flattened on his thigh and she squeezed gently. She seemed to be mulling something over before asking, "Didn't you do two tours?"
Jay sighed and leaned into the cushions opposite her. "Yeah," he agreed, "I never figured it out after the first. About killed my mom. The irony was that she'd already had cancer and we didn't even know it: she literally was dying." If his voice sounded bitter, it was. He never really forgave himself for stepping away when he'd had, but he'd needed something real, something black-and-white to hold on to when life had way too many grey areas.
Hailey's eyes were again sympathetic as she gazed back at him. With another squeeze of his thigh and the tiniest of scoots closer to him, she breathed, "Did she…"
Jay realized he'd never told her about his mom's death. She knew a good amount about his dad's, but nothing about his mom. It felt like a real shame, and yet today at their Thanksgiving dinner, he couldn't shake the feeling that Hailey was meeting her. She'd seen the recipes and eaten the consequent food. She ate with his brother and joined in the light teases. She listened to stories upon stories about their lives growing up.
Tonight, on one of his favorite holidays, which just so happened to be one of his mom's as well, Hailey was finally getting to meet her.
"No. I was medically discharged before that happened," Jay answered before taking a deep breath and explaining, "We were actually in the hospital at the same time as each other: she was here in Chicago, I was at the LRMC."
"That's in Germany, right?" Hailey asked.
"Yeah…" he trailed off, "Yup. One kid barely alive in Germany, and she was confined to a hospital in Chicago. She would have been there, I know she would have."
"Of course," Hailey breathed, and, despite the fact that she'd never even met Evelyn Halstead, Jay knew the two would have gotten along very well.
He cleared his throat and shrugged. "That's it then," he said quietly, "My story."
"Oh, I don't know," Hailey replied and again scooted closer so their legs were now touching and her hand had moved up to his shoulder.
"What're you talking about?" Jay asked.
"There's more to your story," Hailey said and slid her hand to his neck. With her fingers lightly playing with the back of his hair, she said, "Your story didn't end the day you were discharged just like it didn't start the day you enlisted. You're not just a soldier, Jay, you are much more than your time in the army."
Jay smiled slightly and nodded, whispering, "I guess you're right."
Smiling back at him, Hailey continued, "For example, when you got out, did you see a future? Did you know immediately that you wanted to be a cop?"
Jay chuckled almost darkly and turned further to face her. "I didn't see a future," he admitted.
"Then what did it?" Hailey asked, "When did you see a future?"
Jay thought back to laying in that hospital bed thinking he was going to die. Then to when he was at home watching his mom actually die. No future seemed possible. Not when he lost his purpose and motivation.
Glancing around the apartment, he tried figuring out when it finally clicked. Spotting the cabin painting, he nodded to himself. "Um," he quietly began, "I got in a car accident a week after my mom died. I was up in Wisconsin trying to get fresh air. This guy rear ended me, nothing too bad happened, but he'd seemed off and the cop who showed up didn't notice. Before the cop finished up, I told him something didn't feel right. He believed me and turns out the other guy had just robbed a convenience store, so he was pretty on edge. The cop said I'd make a good detective someday."
Hailey's smile widened and she nodded. "He was right," she said while dragging her fingers through his hair.
"Yeah, I guess," Jay chuckled, "Was a pretty lame case to crack though. Cop was just an idiot. I mean, the dude was constantly looking back at his car and was super jumpy, it really shouldn't have taken a genius to figure it out."
Hailey laughed with him and nodded again. "Too easy," she said with a tilt of her head.
Jay looked over to meet her eyes and smiled. He lifted his hand to the back of her head and gently carded his fingers through her ponytail before tugging the rubber band from her hair.
Hailey let out a soft noise and pushed up onto her knees.
"Does that hurt after wearing it?" Jay asked softly as he gently kneaded his fingers into the crown of Hailey's head.
"It's usually not bad," she said, "This one wasn't in long, so it's fine."
Jay nodded and continued playing with her hair.
Hailey closed her eyes then shifted down so her head was on his chest. Wrapping an arm around her, Jay hummed softly and tilted his head back against the couch.
"Should I put on a movie?" he whispered despite having absolutely no intention to watch it and instead focus on the girl on top of him.
"Yeah," Hailey mumbled against his shirt, "We have more Marvel."
Jay chuckled and held her close while reaching for the remote. As he set the movie up, they shifted together to lay on the couch. Will had been right - it wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but right now…Jay could stay here forever.
Turning his head toward the TV, he felt Hailey press herself up against him until her head was under his chin. He placed a hand on her back and rubbed his thumb back and forth as the opening credits began.
Before he knew it, his eyelids were too heavy to stay open, and he sank further into the couch cushions in order to take a short nap. Everything seemed to fade away - the movie, Hailey's breaths, the quiet traffic outside - except for the feeling of Hailey on top of him. Through his sweatpants, her socked feet still seemed to burn against his calves where they were tangled together much like whenever her hand brushed against him that day. In a way, it was comforting and grounded him as he began dozing off.
Soon spinning in his mind were memories of Hailey over the past few years. It was like a blurry movie stopping to only show her face so bright and clear.
When she came to the press conference after he'd accidentally shot Morgan.
When she stopped him in the dark street demanding he cut things off with Camilla.
When he told her he liked therapy up in an abandoned office.
When he stopped by her condo after they'd arrested Ronnie Booth.
When they just found out Al had died.
He shifted slightly on the couch and let out a sigh as he fell deeper and deeper into his sleep. Hailey's head was still on top of his chest, but he could also feel her within him too.
When he was shot and her hands had held his head off the cement as he struggled to breathe.
When she put her hand on his back as he talked through the case with Jake Miller.
When he held her tight in the back of the surveillance van with bullets raining down on them.
He was always going to protect her, and his gut told him that she'd always protect him. They were meant to be. Partners in every sense of the word.
Just like they'd said before their relationship went to hell.
But they were back and this felt stronger and better and lighter. They had hope this time. Maybe it was stupid to be hopeful, but he was.
Months before, he'd almost confessed to loving her in the break room, but chickened out. Then he almost confessed the same thing on the Columbus Bridge after she was free, and he'd gotten damn close that time.
Her hair spinning around them, all of her smelling like vanilla, her finger wrapped around his. He could see and feel it all so perfectly.
The pressure of Hailey's body on his chest was suddenly gone, and it lifted him from his doze enough that his thoughts came to a spinning halt with her face again mere inches from his own. It blurred and flickered just like the possibility of the kissing her had been that day weeks before.
He sleepily shifted trying to get closer to her. His eyes still felt so heavy and thick that he couldn't search for her. He couldn't find his Hailey in the dark.
And then lips were pressed to his forehead and fingers were curling around his jaw coming to rest against his ear.
The touch worked to wake him up and he realized that hadn't been a dream.
Slowly blinking his eyes open, there she stood so close to him. Again, her hair was surrounding him and her lips were oh so close, but it was her eyes that were the clearest in that moment. If he could see anything in her eyes, it was every single memory of her these last few weeks during their recovery because it really was their recovery.
She physically healed while mentally recovering from what had happened to her.
He mentally healed from what had happened to her while emotionally recovering from almost losing her in more ways than one.
And he was damn-near certain they'd made it. They really had recovered from the trauma they'd endured on October 3rd - the night he almost confessed his feelings to her sleeping body at her bedside.
Now…now they were on his couch and she wasn't sleeping. She wasn't filled with a rush of emotions on a cold bridge. She wasn't in the break room with adrenaline and anger coursing through her. She was here.
"I love you," he whispered.
She weakly laughed before lowering her lips again only to skip his forehead and land on his own instead.
It wasn't the Columbus Bridge.
It was better.
A/N: Thoughts? ;)
