"Hello Mr. Filch, it's good to see you," Rachel said as they reached the front of the line to leave for Hogsmeade. "How are you?"

Mr. Filch nodded as he checked their names off the list of students who were allowed to leave. "Terrible, as usual. You know how it is."

Rachel wasn't entirely sure she did, but she nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that. Is Mrs. Norris well?"

"Oh, yes. She's watching the back stairway, every year we have a young one or two try to sneak out. Behave yourselves," he said.

"We will, say hello to Mrs. Norris for me," Rachel said, leading the way out the front doors with her friends.

"I swear, you are the only student in the school who can actually hold a conversation with him," Ginny said once they were down on the dirt path that led away from the castle.

"I don't think that's true," she said. Was it? She didn't see Mr. Filch often enough to know how much he talked with students.

"I'm pretty sure it's true, actually," Neville said. "You should see what he's like around Fred and George. The last time when they broke a window with some of their fireworks, I thought Mr. Filch was going to pass out, he was so mad."

"The Muahorns don't know what to make of him. It's very strange for them, usually they're quite opinionated about everyone," Luna said, a frown crossing her features. "I suppose that doesn't mean much, though. I don't know."

Rachel glanced at Millie and Hermione, not sure what to say.

"Have they been speaking to you recently?" Theo asked, also looking concerned.

"About the same as ever. It's all about the same. I drew some of the things I see, this summer, to show my father. He wanted to put them in The Quibbler with an article," Luna said. "I didn't want him to."

"Did you tell him that you didn't want him to use the drawings?" Ginny asked, frowning as she watched Luna.

"I did. And I asked him if they were what he sees too. He said it wasn't quite, but he appreciated my artistic license." Luna kicked at a stone that was in the path and glanced in the direction of Hagrid's house. "I wish he'd come back. I liked his lessons."

Rachel appreciated that Professor Grubbly-Plank's lessons were probably more helpful for their OWLs, but she missed Hagrid too. "I hope he'll come back soon too."

"Professor Snape still won't tell you anything?" Millie asked.

"I don't think he knows. Or if he does, Professor Dumbledore has told him not to tell anyone," Rachel said, turning her attention back to Luna. "Did your father wind up using your drawings in The Quibbler?"

"No. I told him I felt it was important that the drawings not be influenced by my artistic license and he agreed. He's started trying to charm a camera so that it will be fast enough to take pictures of what he sees. I don't think I can tell him that it's not real," Luna said, turning to face them. "Do you understand why?"

"Yes. Absolutely," Millie said, reaching over and putting her hand on Luna's shoulder.

"I can see why that would be really difficult and have a lot of complications. I think you're the only one who can really decide what the best decision is, but we're happy to listen and give advice if we can," Hermione added.

Neville nodded. "And if you want to tell us about the creatures, that's still okay. Or not."

"It's your choice, Luna, but we want to help if you want help," Rachel said, wishing there was more they could do for Luna, but she was fresh out of ideas.

Luna gave them a small smile. "I think it will be alright. Rachel, can you teach me how to use a camera? I've asked my father for my own for Christmas, but I'd like to know how to use it properly."

"Sure, I'd be happy to," Rachel said, glad that there was something she could actually do.

They started walking again and Rachel looked at where all the leaves had turned various shades of orange and brown as the fall progressed. It was a little chilly out, just enough for a light cloak, and Halloween was three days away. She had already decided she was skipping the Halloween feast regardless of what her friends decided to do. Not only was it the anniversary of her parents' deaths, but now she had the memory of being drawn from the Goblet of Fire on Halloween too. She preferred to think of the Triwizard Tournament as little as possible. Her friendships with Cedric, Viktor, and Fleur had been the only good things to come out of it.

"Honeydukes, Tomes and Scrolls, and then The Three Broomsticks at noon," Theo said. "Anywhere else?"

"A quick stop at the quill shop, if no one minds," Hermione said.

"I'd like to go there as well," Luna said.

Rachel pushed back her sleeve, looking away from the village. "It's nine thirty, we have plenty of time for the quill shop," she said after consulting her watch. She brought her hand up to her collarbone and felt for the chain of her portkey necklace. Hogsmeade should be safe enough, or Professor Snape wouldn't have let her go, or he would have insisted on coming with her. Since he'd seemed unconcerned about the Hogsmeade weekend, she thought that was a good sign that it was probably alright.

Honeydukes was a little busier than Rachel would have preferred, but she took a steadying breath and picked out a few packets of fudge, some chocolate frogs, and some jelly slugs. She was alright. She just had to keep telling herself that.

With their shopping bags in hand they went to Scrivenshaft's quill shop, which was empty of students but not very roomy. Luna and Hermione looked over the various quills, Luna focusing on a set with silver tips that varied in width and sharpness. Rachel decided to keep those in mind as a possible Christmas present for Luna.

"You wouldn't think there would be so many different quills," Millie said as she stared at a display of quills on the wall. "Do you think there are people who design quills? Like, that's someone's job?"

Rachel looked at the quills. "I imagine by now they've invented all the quills that are possible. I mean, quills have been around pretty much forever."

"Look at this one though. Charmed for clear letters for even the most unsteady hand. And this one, the ink cycles through different colors like a rainbow. And this one is charmed to write in calligraphy," Millie said, pointing out some of the signs.

"Self-inking quills are a pretty recent invention as well, within the past thirty years," Ginny said, joining them. "My mom said they had just started getting them a few years after she started at Hogwarts."

"So someone has to be coming up with all the charms and other things to do on quills," Millie said.

"Is that something you think you want to do?" Rachel asked, knowing that the career prospects decision was looming and that Millie had been thinking about it.

"I don't know. Do you think I could do something like that? That I could invent charms?" Millie asked, turning to look at them.

"I don't see why not," Ginny said with a shrug. "Someone has to do it, why not you?"

Rachel nodded. "I bet Professor Flitwick would talk to you about what happens in a Charms Mastery if you asked him."

Millie looked thoughtful. "I'm picturing telling my mom I'm going into Charms. That won't go well at all."

"Could be worse, I still have to tell my parents that I want to try out for the British Quidditch League," Ginny said with a shrug. "My dad won't mind. My mom is going to say that I'm wasting myself and that I'm not as good a Quidditch player as Charlie anyway."

Rachel thought back to all the times she'd met Mrs. Weasley. She'd seemed relatively nice, but Rachel had also seen that there was some serious friction between her and some of her children. "Would it help if you had another career plan to go along with it? Professor Snape still wants me to get a Mastery so that I can have a career after flying."

"I'm not going to be able to pay for the costs of getting a Mastery. There's no way my family could help me with that," Ginny said, looking away.

"Which is why you play Quidditch first. League players get paid pretty well, especially a good Seeker," Millie said.

"You could put it that you're playing Quidditch in order to get enough money to get a Mastery. Maybe your mom would be more okay with that," Rachel suggested.

"Maybe. It's not like she's approved of the careers of any of my brothers. Charlie basically had to run away to Romania. At this rate it's just Ron left to decide and who knows what he'll do," Ginny shrugged.

"What's the problem?" Theo asked as he joined them.

"No problem, just whining about our mothers," Millie said. "Do you think I could invent charms for a living?"

"Sure. You'll want to keep Arithmancy for NEWTs, but why not?" Theo asked.

"It just seems so big. So impossible. I don't even know how people invent spells. When we talk about the history of spells in class, it seems like there is just some trial and error and it happens, or they just stumble across it," Millie said, frowning as she seemed to think.

"I'm not sure those histories are really accurate, a lot of them are from centuries ago and most of them are probably biased accounts anyway. Let's look at books on spell creation and see what we can find out. And we can ask Professor Flitwick too," Theo suggested.

Millie nodded though she still looked worried.

"Tomes and Scrolls?" Hermione asked as she joined them with Neville and Luna, a small paper bag with a stylized quill logo on it in her hand.

"Yes, let's go," Theo said, herding them in the direction of the door.

They spread out in the bookshop. Rachel wandered from shelf to shelf, though her mind wasn't much on the books she was seeing. The whole prospect of the future was pretty big and they weren't even taking into account the war. Who knew what their world would look like in a year, let alone in three years when they were finished at Hogwarts. The truth was that she couldn't really do much of anything with the Dark Lord out there.

It wouldn't be safe for her to fly openly at League game. Maybe she'd be alright with a Potions Mastery, but it would have to be a secret and they'd probably need to heavily ward wherever she went. Even though the rest of wizarding Britain seemed oblivious, she knew better. The Dark Lord wanted her dead and at some point he would act.

"You okay, Rachel?"

Rachel gave a wordless shriek and barely managed not to point her wand at Neville.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Neville said quickly.

"Is everything okay?" Theo asked, appearing around the shelves with his wand drawn.

"Rachel?" Millie called from a row over.

"We're here," Ginny said, hurrying around the aisle from the other side with Luna right behind her.

"Rachel?" Hermione's wand was drawn too as she arrived behind Theo.

"It's fine. Sorry. I was just startled. Everything's fine," Rachel said, blushing furiously.

"Sorry," Neville said again. "You were just staring into space, it looked like you were… gone."

"I'm okay. I'm sorry," Rachel said, wishing she didn't feel like her face was on fire and that her heart wasn't pounding in her chest.

"Well, we have pretty good reaction time," Hermione said, sliding her wand back in her cloak pocket.

"If you ever need us, just do that again," Theo said, smiling to soften his words.

Rachel nodded and watched as everyone went back to what they were doing. She sighed and pressed her hand to her chest. Somehow she wasn't sure if her friends would have had the same response if it had been Ginny or Hermione who had shrieked like that.

"Sorry," Neville repeated. "I really didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay," she said again. "I know you didn't mean to. I was just thinking and I didn't realize you were there. I probably shouldn't be thinking like that when we're not somewhere safe."

Neville nodded. "It didn't look like your thoughts were very happy."

"Not really," she agreed. "I need to stop thinking about things."

"Me too. There's a lot for us to think about right now. I think it's going to be a hard year." Neville looked worried and stressed.

"Because of the war, or OWLs, or our study schedule, or Professor Umbridge?" she asked.

"All of it. I don't think I was the right choice to be made prefect," he said, looking away.

"Why not?"

"I don't really know what to do. We patrol, and we help the younger years with their homework, and sometimes some of the first years ask me questions." Neville shrugged.

"I think that's all you're supposed to be doing. It sounds like the younger years know they can come to you for help if they need it. That's all you need to be doing," Rachel said, thinking of what she'd seen the Slytherin prefects doing.

"I suppose. I just wish I felt like I knew what I was doing. Hermione seems to know. She seems to know everything," he said.

"I don't think Hermione knows everything, but she's pretty confident that she can find out something if she needs to. And I think you can too. And you can always ask one of us if you need help with something and we can figure it out together," she said, trying to sound positive.

"I know. I just want to be able to rely on myself too." He looked at Rachel with a strange intensity. "All my life it's been other people telling me what to do, what to be, and fixing things for me. I want to fix it for myself. I want it to be like Herbology, where I know what to do, sometimes without really thinking about it."

Rachel frowned as she thought. "I'm not sure anyone feels that way all the time, but feeling that way in some things would be nice. Herbology is a good start, because that means you know you can do it. It's just applying it to more things. Would asking Professor McGonagall if there is something else she wants you to do as a prefect help? That way you know for sure if you're doing the right things?"

Neville looked thoughtful. "It might, actually. If I tell her what I've been doing as a prefect, and she says that's what she wanted, then I would know. Kind of like asking a professor about a homework assignment, so you know what they want. And then you really know."

She nodded. "I think that's a good first step then."

He sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do about our study schedule. I don't know if I can keep doing it like this. This is the first break we've had in two months."

"Theo is going to talk to Hermione. We're all feeling that way," Rachel said, glad this was one problem that already had a solution.

"Good. Good. Want to look at the Herbology books with me?" he asked.

"Sure," Rachel said, recognizing that Neville needed someone right now. She could be that someone, at least for a bit.


"Rachel, there you are," Sirius said, standing up from his seat at the bar and wrapping his arms around her.

"Hi Sirius." Rachel patted his arm. She had mixed feelings about hugging. From Millie or Hermione, it was okay. Severus had never tried to hug her, and she was okay with that. She thought he was just as uncomfortable with being touched as she was. She could tolerate hugs from Sirius as long as they were relatively quick.

Gently pushing back against his arms got him to release her. "It's good to see you," she said. "You too, Remus."

"We're glad to see you again, Rachel. All of you, of course," Remus said, nodding to the rest of the group. "We've got a room reserved again, I'll just flag down Rosmerta."

"How's the house?" Ginny asked Sirius.

"We've got new wallpaper up in some rooms, I vetoed Remus and we're doing a bit of painting as well. The carpet is all gone and we're polishing up the hardwood and bringing in some rugs. The attic is the last thing to tackle and we've peered in there a few times and managed to return unscathed. It has so many space extensions we could probably put up some walls and house everyone once it's cleared out," Sirius said, smiling at them.

Rachel hoped it didn't come to that. Things would have to be going very poorly if the entire Order was forced into hiding.

"Ah, here we go," Sirius said, following Remus and Madam Rosmerta further into The Three Broomsticks.

It didn't take them long to get settled in the private room and to receive their food and warm butterbeers.

"How's Hogwarts these days?" Sirius asked the room at large after Madam Rosmerta closed the door behind herself.

Rachel exchanged glances with Millie, who was sitting on her left, and noticed everyone else looking at each other as they tried to decide what to say.

"That bad, is it?" Remus asked.

"Our new Defense professor, well…" Hermione trailed off.

"She has it in for Rachel," Millie said, frowning.

Both Sirius and Remus looked at Rachel. "You told us that the curriculum was poor, not that the professor was causing you difficulty," Remus said, his tone not accusatory.

"It's a little of both," Rachel admitted.

"A little?" Neville asked.

"Professor Umbridge has us reading from a useless textbook, in class, in our OWL year," Hermione said, her irritation and bitterness evident.

"She has all of the years doing it, all with the same book," Ginny added.

"And she's unfairly grading Rachel," Theo said, glancing at Rachel.

Rachel sighed. "I'm not worried about it. I'll do fine on my Defense OWL and I'll go see Professor Dumbledore at the end of the year and ask him to independently grade me for Defense. It's not like Professor Umbridge will be around to stop him." She really did not want to bring up the issue with Severus.

"That's not a bad plan," Remus said.

Sirius shook his head. "Any other trouble she's giving you besides the grades?"

"No. She just says that she wants to speak to me about my behavior, but she never does," Rachel said. She hadn't figured that out yet, but she almost wished that Professor Umbridge would just get it over with.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other in the silent communication that came about by being very old friends.

Sirius looked back at her. "I want you to be very careful around Umbridge. Paranoid even. You know how Mad-Eye shouts 'constant vigilance' at anything that sits still long enough?"

Rachel and the rest of the study group nodded.

"Exactly. I'd be surprised if she drew her wand on you, but anything else is suspect. Try not to look her in the eyes too much in case she's a Legilimens," Sirius continued.

"I heavily doubt that she is, but Sirius is right. Use sensible precautions. If she asks to see you alone, let your friends know so that they can seek help if you're there for more than thirty minutes," Remus suggested.

"We will, we'll stay nearby," Millie said, nodding seriously.

"We really need a better way to summon help when we need it. The Patronus charm is useful, but it's very obvious," Hermione said, frowning as she thought.

"We have codes for when we use the Patronus charm, but you're right that it's very obvious both when you use it and who is receiving it," Remus said.

"There has to be a way," Hermione said, now evidently distracted by the thought.

"With magic, there is usually a way," Sirius agreed.

"Why is the Defense position cursed?" Luna asked.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other again. "We know what the rumors are, but we've never asked Albus directly," Remus said.

"The rumor that the Dark Lord wanted the Defense position and Professor Dumbledore wouldn't hire him?" Rachel asked, wanting to check that's what they'd heard too.

"Yes, though this would have been long before the war. The curse was there before we started at Hogwarts," Remus said.

"Rumor goes that You-Know-Who cursed it until such time as he would hold the position, trying to force Dumbledore's hand. Obviously Dumbledore wasn't impressed," Sirius said, the corner of his mouth quirking up.

"I think the real question is how is it cursed," Theo said. "How can you curse something that isn't an object or a person?"

"Another good question, and another one I don't have an answer to," Remus said, shaking his head slightly.

"You-Know-Who was doing things with magic that no one had seen before." Sirius looked away for a moment. "What else has been happening at Hogwarts? Quidditch?"

"We played Hufflepuff last Saturday, we won, though it was pretty close. Cedric got hurt, but he's doing alright now," Rachel recounted, feeling a twinge of guilt as she thought about Cedric. She knew it would be a while before she stopped feeling that way and a week wasn't nearly enough time.

"It was a good game. I'm worried about our team next year," Ginny said. "I never thought I'd want my brothers to stay with me at Hogwarts."

"They're the Gryffindor Beaters, correct?" Remus asked.

"That's right and I don't know who we're going to replace them with. We're losing two of our Chasers at the same time." Ginny sighed and shook her head. "We're going to get killed out there next year."

"We're losing a Chaser and our Keeper, but Miles is already looking to start training a Keeper before he finishes," Rachel said. She kept checking with him, and he kept telling her that he'd tell her when she found someone and not to worry. Fortunately for both of them, a replacement Keeper was currently low on her list of worries.

"Quidditch seems like it's a lot of work," Theo said.

Sirius laughed. "It is, but it's fun once you're up in the air. The on the ground part is the work part."

Being the team captain was simultaneously more work and less work than she'd been expecting. Her team was relatively capable of managing by themselves, but she'd found herself putting a lot of their practice time trying to get Martin up to speed.

"Mostly right now our days are just filled with classes and OWL studying," Millie said. "We haven't been paying much attention to anything else."

"Try not to overdo it on the studying, you're all good students," Remus said.

"We just want to be prepared," Hermione said, with an almost desperate tone.

"Part of being prepared is self confidence. Trust yourselves to know what you know. The rest will come with time," Sirius said.

"Says the man who barely set foot in the library our OWL year," Remus said, raising an eyebrow at Sirius. "Some studying is good. Over-studying is not."

"I think we might be on the side of over-studying at the moment," Theo said, glancing at Hermione.

Hermione frowned, but didn't object.

Rachel thought that was a good sign.

"What sort of things were on your OWL exams?" Millie asked.

"I barely remember what I had for breakfast, let alone exams that I did my best to forget as soon as I'd taken them," Sirius said, shaking his head ruefully.

"They're about what you'd expect, though they focus more on material that you learn in your fourth and fifth year than what you might have learned as a first year. Be prepared to answer questions on spell theory, but they usually don't ask about the history of spells. History as a subject is more of a mixed bag - they change the questions every year so students can't memorize the topics ahead of time. For Arithmancy expect to do equations, for Ancient Runes expect to do a translation without a dictionary. Most of the rest is short answers and essays. For Potions and Herbology you'll do a lot of identifying plants and ingredients by their properties," Remus listed.

Rachel nodded, that seemed in line with what they were studying and what their OWL guides said.

The hour passed quickly and she felt a pain of regret that she got to spend so little time with Sirius during the school year. She'd gotten used to seeing him over the summer. Deciding that she needed to make time at least once every two weeks to talk to Sirius through their mirrors, Rachel got to her feet as her plate and butterbeer bottle cleared themselves away.

"Rachel, come over here for a moment," Sirius said, moving to one of the corners of the room.

Rachel followed, curious and wary.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Yes, I'm fine," Rachel said, wondering why he was asking like this.

"If you're not, if this Umbridge woman is giving you a real problem, let me know and we'll do something about it," Sirius said, nodding and keeping her gaze.

"Thanks," she said, though she didn't know what Sirius could possibly do about Professor Umbridge when Severus and Professor Dumbledore couldn't do anything. "Are you okay?"

"For the most part. In some ways I feel like the war never ended, and now it's just getting started again." His expression was grim for a moment, his eyes distant.

"Is the war going badly?" There was part of her that didn't want to know, but she felt like she needed to know. It was important somehow, even if there wasn't really anything she could do about it.

"No. There have been a few disappearances, but we're working on it. For the most part the Death Eaters have been laying low. We're watching and waiting. They'll show themselves sooner or later." Sirius looked more like himself again. "Try not to worry about it. We've got things in hand. Keep yourself safe, stay aware of your surroundings, stay close to your friends, but otherwise, don't worry about it."

Rachel had the strange urge to smile and she wasn't sure why. People were always telling her not to worry. It just didn't work that way. "I'll keep myself safe. Hogwarts is pretty safe and my friends are very aware of me." They had more than proved that just two hours ago in the bookshop.

"Good. Stay in touch. We'll see you again just before Christmas," Sirius promised.

"I'd like that," Rachel said, knowing they'd have a Hogsmeade weekend just before they were released for the holiday break.

Sirius set his hand on her shoulder. "You'll be fine. Tell your friends not to study so much."

"Okay," she said. Theo was supposed to be taking care of that, and hopefully that would happen soon.

"Alright. I'm just a mirror call away. I'd say stay out of trouble, but I'm going to suggest getting into just a bit of trouble, you could use some fun in your life." Sirius smiled at her.

Rachel tried to smile back. "I don't know about that." She thought that their Defense club would be exactly the right amount of trouble. One day she'd be able to tell him about it.


Rachel resisted the urge to look behind her as they left the castle about fifteen minutes before ten on Sunday. This was the first time since she'd come to Hogwarts that she was actually purposefully doing something that could get her in trouble. It was more than a little nerve wracking.

When she'd lived with her relatives, she'd done things that were against the rules, and sometimes against the law. She'd stolen food, mostly from trash cans. She'd borrowed books from the library without checking them out and hid them, though she always returned them when she was done with them. A few nights, when they'd forgotten to lock her cupboard, she'd snuck out and walked alone at night, hiding when she saw the headlights of a car.

The food had been necessary. Looking back from where she was now, she could admit to herself that her relatives had been purposefully starving her. It hadn't been that there wasn't enough food. It had been that they hadn't wanted to give her food. She hadn't yet decided what to do with that information. She didn't like thinking about it too closely, it was in the past and there was nothing she could do about it now, but sometimes at night when she couldn't sleep she did think about it and wondered what it was like to be someone who would do that to a child.

The library books and the night time walks had also been necessary, in their own way. She had needed to escape and reading and being alone outside were her only options. If she had been trapped in the Dursley's house all the time, with nothing but her own thoughts for company, she wasn't sure she'd have left the Dursley's house doing as well as she had. Torey had said that crazy didn't really mean anything, but Rachel thought that she might have actually gone crazy if she'd been entirely trapped.

"Are we ready for this?" Hermione asked, causing Rachel to jolt slightly with surprise.

"Ready as we're going to get," Theo said. "If someone has told, we'll know soon enough."

"If someone has told, we're denying it. There's absolutely no evidence," Ginny said. "I've got to go to the locker room and get my broom. I'll be right back."

"I'll go with you," Luna said, following Ginny toward the Quidditch stadium.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Neville said, turning to look back at the school.

Rachel turned and looked too. She could see a few handfuls of people making their way toward them.

"Let's go around the other side of the pitch, people know where to come and we'll be harder to see from the school from there," Millie said, stopping at Rachel's side.

"Good idea, all they'll be able to see are people flying, not any of the students gathered. We need to send people back in small groups too," Hermione said.

Rachel noticed that Hermione looked worried - her hands were clenching and unclenching and she had the same expression as when she worked on a hard Arithmancy equation. Theo looked as serious as ever, Neville's eyes kept darting around, and Millie was wearing a determined expression. Rachel wasn't sure what she looked like - nervous, probably.

What would Severus say to her if she got herself expelled doing this? Could Professor Umbridge actually get them expelled? Rachel wasn't sure. And this wasn't something she could ask Severus about either. They'd just have to do the best they could.

Cedric and his friends were the first to join them. "Do you want me to conjure the hoops for Chaser's Folly?" he asked. He was already carrying his broom.

"Yes, please, we're thinking behind the Quidditch stadium," Rachel said.

"Alright, I'll count it off." Cedric gave Rachel a smile, passed his broom to Heidi, and they went around the backside of the Quidditch stadium.

"And you're sure that the people you told about this won't tell anyone?" Roland asked Hermione.

"As sure as we can be. Right now we have plenty of plausible deniability, and later, well later we'll be alright," Hermione said, nodding as they came to a stop.

Theo's eyebrow rose and he looked at Hermione. "What does that mean, exactly?"

"It means I took precautions," Hermione said, now looking defensive.

"Excuse us for a moment," Theo said to Roland, Martin, and Heidi before turning away and motioning for Hermione to follow him.

"Do we want to know?" Millie asked.

"I don't think so," Neville said, shaking his head.

Ten feet away there was the familiar flash of a privacy ward being used and Rachel watched as Hermione and Theo began to talk. Rachel wasn't sure what to do. Hermione and Theo were pretty good friends, but they didn't always see eye-to-eye about things. She didn't know what exactly was happening, but she suspected this was one of those things they were going to disagree on from the way that Hermione was motioning with her hands.

"They do that a lot?" Heidi asked.

"On occasion, usually when it comes to exam preparation," Millie said with a shrug.

"Rachel!"

Rachel turned and found Adrian, Miles, Scarlett, and Draco coming toward them. Adrian was carrying his broom.

"Why did you ask Adrian to fly for this and not me?" Draco asked, looking put out as he came up to them.

"Because I thought you'd want to hear what we're talking about down here since you weren't decided as to whether or not you want to join the club," Rachel said, hoping she hadn't offended Draco by picking Adrian.

Draco frowned as he thought, but finally he nodded. "I just want to know if this whole thing is going to be a farce."

"We wouldn't be doing it if we thought it was a farce," Millie said.

"It's important to us," Rachel agreed. "But it's your choice. You can decide at the end if you want to join us and either way is okay."

Draco looked a little unsettled before he put his expression back to his neutral distaste. "Fine. But next time you need someone to fly, pick me."

"Okay," she said, watching as he walked away to join where Miles and Scarlett were standing.

"You're sure that inviting Draco was a good idea?" Neville whispered.

"I couldn't invite the rest of the team and most of the Slytherin prefects and not invite Draco. I really don't think he'll tell on us, even if he decides not to join." She thought that Draco knew how to keep secrets and she didn't think he would deliberately sabotage her with Professor Umbridge.

"What's that about?" Ginny asked, joining them and nodding her head in Theo and Hermione's direction. Luna was beside her and was carrying the two Quaffles that they needed for a four person game of Chaser's Folly.

"Not sure yet," Millie said. "They're having it out alright."

Rachel glanced back at them and could see while they weren't arguing they were having a serious discussion about something and Hermione had her wand out and a piece of parchment in her hand.

Cho Chang and Roger Davies were the next to arrive, Roger carrying his broom.

Rachel was a little surprised because she'd thought that Cho had been the one who was going to play Chaser's Folly. She supposed it didn't really matter.

"Roger's playing? Damn it," Ginny said. "There go my chances of winning. I thought I was playing other Seekers."

"Adrian's a Chaser," Rachel pointed out.

"Yeah, but…" Ginny shrugged at Rachel's raised eyebrows. "One Chaser I could have dealt with. Cho and I would have dealt with Adrian together. But now Adrian and Roger are going to go full out. I've gotta go talk to Cedric, maybe we can block them together."

"She does know the game is a distraction, right?" Millie asked.

"I don't think it much matters to her, Quidditch is Quidditch," Luna said sagely.

Rachel shrugged. If she'd been playing, she'd be doing her best to win too. Part of her wished that she could be up there playing, but she needed to be down here.

"Rachel!"

She turned again and this time it was two young Gryffindors coming up to her, one that she vaguely recognized.

"Hi Colin," Neville said.

Right, Colin. Rachel vaguely remembered him from last year. "Hi Colin," she echoed.

"Hi! This is my brother, Dennis. Dennis, that's Rachel Snow, the Girl-Who-Lived," Colin said, almost proudly.

Rachel blushed. She really was starting to hate people calling her that.

"Hi," Dennis said, just as eagerly as his brother.

"Hi," Rachel said. At least there was one person out here who was shorter than she was, even if he was a second year.

"Why don't you find a place to stand where you can see and hear us, and we'll get started soon," Neville suggested.

"Okay," Colin agreed, tugging on his brother's arm.

"Are we sure it's a good idea to have a second year in this group? He could get hurt," Rachel said, turning to her friends.

"We'll watch out for him," Neville said.

"And our curriculum isn't any more dangerous than what would be covered in a Defense class. I think he'll be fine," Millie agreed.

Rachel watched as more and more people joined them. The rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team showed up, along with Lee Jordan, followed shortly by Pansy, Daphne, Astoria, and Blaise. Most of the Slytherin prefects showed up not long after - Cassius, Tristram, and Tracey. They had decided against asking Diane, the seventh year girls prefect, because she was close friends with Jacob and Avery. Rachel had pointed out that Diane might wonder where all the other prefects had gone if they didn't invite her, but Tristram had shaken his head and said that in the evening Diane could usually be found with Jacob's tongue down her throat and she wouldn't notice they were missing as long as they were back in the common room by curfew.

"We're in the right place, right?" Hannah asked as she walked up to them with Susan. Terry and Anthony weren't far behind them.

"Yep, I think we've got just about everyone now," Millie said as she looked around. "Now if we can just get Hermione and Theo we'll be ready."

"Goal posts are up," Cedric said as he returned to collect his broom from Heidi. "Do we have someone keeping score or is this just for show?"

"We're definitely keeping score," Ginny said as she looked over the group of people. "Lee Jordan maybe?"

"I can do it," Luna said. "I promise I'm not biased toward my own House. Or to my friends."

"It's fine by me if it's fine with Roger and Adrian," Cedric agreed. "Roger! Adrian!"

The two boys came over, Cho trailing behind them.

"Are you alright with Luna keeping score?" Cedric asked.

"Loony-" Roger got out before Cho elbowed him in the ribs.

"Works for me, you know how this works, right?" Adrian asked Luna.

"Add points for goals, subtract points when your goal is scored upon," Luna said, looking unfazed.

"Sure," Roger said, recovering, though he looked skeptical.

"I think we're ready to start," Hermione said as she and Theo arrived.

"Hold on a moment," Cedric said, pulling out his wand. He reached down and pulled up a long strand of grass and transfigured it into a silver whistle, which he handed to Luna. "Blow on it to start us off after a count down, and blow on it again when you want us to come back down. We won't play until twenty, just as long as you need us."

"Thank you," Luna said, looking happily at the whistle.

"Let's choose goals then and we'll get started," Cedric said, nodding to all of them before leading the way back to the goals.

"What was that all about?" Millie asked, turning to Hermione and Theo.

"Just sorting some stuff out that should have been sorted out earlier," Theo said with a glance at Hermione. "We'll tell you the rest once we're not surrounded by people waiting for us."

"Okay everyone, once the players are in the air we'll get started, so everyone gather around so you can hear us," Hermione called.

Luna had joined the players at the edge of the goals and as soon as everyone was in place and had mounted their brooms she blew the whistle.

"I know everyone likes Quidditch, but try to pay attention to us for a few moments," Theo said, recapturing everyone's attention now that the game had started.

Rachel turned her back on the players and looked out over the group. Most of them looked interested, some of them looked nervous, and a few people looked skeptical. That was probably about as good as she could have hoped for.

"So we're here because our Defense lessons are absolutely rubbish this year," Hermione started. "No practical lessons at all and we're learning out of a book that has almost no use in real life situations. And, most of us here are facing our OWLs or our NEWTs, and if you're not taking them this year, you will be next year. We need a solid Defense curriculum, something where we're actually learning and using spells. Not just standing in a room and casting the spells, but casting against someone who can respond to you. We're proposing to start a practical Defense study club, focusing entirely on spell use. You'll still need to do the theory part on your own, but we have book suggestions for that."

"Who's going to be teaching the lessons?" Draco called when Hermione paused to take a breath.

"Our study group, myself, Theo, Neville, Millie, Rachel, Ginny, and Luna, will be teaching the lessons together," Hermione said with a nod in the direction of the study group. "We developed the curriculum together based on the OWL study guides and on a book provided by Professor Lupin. I know some of you are past your OWLs, and we won't be teaching a lot of NEWT level spells, but at least this is an opportunity to practice your skills."

"Can Rachel teach us the spells she used in the maze?" Terry asked.

Rachel blushed. "We can all teach you those spells because we learned them together," she said, trying to make her voice loud enough for everyone gathered around them to hear.

"What about how you got away from You-Know-Who? Can you teach us that?" Susan asked, her eyes wide.

Rachel shook her head. "That wasn't - It wasn't like that. It was luck and happenstance. It wasn't anything I did."

"How did you do it?" Anthony asked.

"This isn't about what happened that night," Theo said, stepping forward. "This is about learning Defense."

"But we should know if we're supposed to defend ourselves against You-Know-Who," Hannah said, looking a little upset.

Rachel shook her head again. "It's not about defending yourself from You-Know-Who, it's about surviving. You can't just cast a Shield charm or a Disarming charm at You-Know-Who. All you can do is try to get to safety. And that's something we can help teach you."

Several of the students were looking at each other or were whispering quietly to their friends.

Hermione stepped up. "Obviously this has to be kept a secret from Professor Umbridge. She will try to get anyone in this group expelled if she learns about it."

"Can she really do that?" Katie asked.

"We don't know, but we think she'll at least try," Theo said. "This is serious, probably one of the most serious rule breaking things most of us have done," he said, looking at where Fred and George were smiling and shaking their heads.

"The point is, we can't tell anyone else. Not friends, not parents, and definitely none of the staff or the professors. Don't write it in letters, don't write it in a diary. If you think someone would be interested in joining, tell one of us and we'll approach them," Millie said.

"We believe that a good Defense education is important. Not just for our exam scores, though those are important too, but because it's a life skill, one we might need with the way things are going. We can't spend another entire year with a useless professor, not without doing something about it. And since Professor Dumbledore can't do anything about it, we're doing it instead," Hermione said firmly. "If you feel the same way, we're inviting you to join us. If you don't want to join us, that's fine, but we still ask that you don't tell anyone about the club."

"I'll join!" Colin called.

"Me too!" Scarlett said loudly.

"Normally we run away from study clubs, but this sounds like fun," Fred said.

"As long as you don't assign us any homework," George added.

"No homework, we promise," Theo said.

"This won't conflict with Quidditch practice times?" Cho asked.

"No, we have people on every team here, so we'll make sure it doesn't overlap with anyone's Quidditch schedule," Hermione said. "Does anyone have any questions about what we'll be teaching?"

"I think we've got the idea," Pansy said. "I'll sign up."

"Me too," Tracey said.

"Okay. Then we need a name for the club. Any suggestions?" Hermione asked, pulling out her quill, a book, and a roll of parchment from her bag.

"The fuck Umbridge club!" Tristram said loudly.

There were a couple of cheers at that suggestion.

"Perhaps something a little less crude," Hermione said levelly.

"Defend or Die," Anthony suggested.

Rachel winced, she hoped that wasn't the message they were sending.

"How about something a little more neutral? The Defense Association, maybe?" Draco suggested as he took a step up.

Theo nodded. "That would be good. It doesn't immediately give away what we're doing."

"Any more suggestions?" Hermione called.

"That sounds fine, it's very understated," Cho said. "How does this work?"

"To start with you sign up. Then we'll tell everyone our next meeting time and place individually," Hermione said, writing the words 'The Defense Association' across the top of the parchment and then signing her name.

"You're asking us to sign evidence against us?" Draco asked, looking at the parchment with distaste.

"I'm not going to leave it anywhere and I'm not going to leave it with the names showing," Hermione said, pulling out her wand and pointing it at the parchment. "Occulto." The parchment went blank and she held it up to show everyone. "The parchment stays like this unless we need to sign someone else up. It also stays locked away. It has a tear in the corner so I know which one it is, so it won't be used for anything else. I can promise you that no one will find it."

"Good enough for me," Scarlett said as she bounded up.

"Ostendo," Hermione said, revealing the writing on the parchment and passing her quill to Scarlett.

Rachel took the quill next and signed up, followed by the rest of the study group, except Ginny, who was still in the air.

Slowly everyone else came forward to sign up. Rachel was a little bit surprised when Ron signed with the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

"You're sure you know what you're doing?" Draco asked, directing his question at Rachel.

"Reasonably sure. We're keeping the club as hidden as possible and everyone here knows to deny everything if they're questioned," Rachel said.

"Won't help if they get questioned with Veritaserum," he said.

"Which is illegal," Hermione pointed out.

"Would you really put it past Umbridge to do something illegal?" Draco asked.

Rachel frowned as she thought about it. Professor Umbridge was a bad teacher, and had a grudge of some kind against Rachel, but she wasn't sure Professor Umbridge would actually break the law.

"Maybe, but we have much bigger problems on our hands than the club if Professor Umbridge starts dosing students with Veritaserum," Theo said.

Draco nodded once. "That's true enough. If I get caught I'm saying I did this to spy on you."

"Okay," Rachel agreed.

Draco signed his name with a flourish and stepped back.

"Luna, it's time," Millie called.

Luna blew her whistle and the players all landed.

"What's the score?" Ginny asked as everyone gathered around.

"Not very good, I'm afraid," Luna said. "Roger has seventeen points, Cedric has sixteen, Adrian also has sixteen, and you have thirteen."

Ginny frowned. "I lost control of my goal at first."

Luna nodded. "That's alright though, you scored on the other goals quite well."

"Alright," Theo called. "If anyone asks where you were this morning, there was a game of Chaser's Folly and Roger won. We'll contact you all for the first meeting soon. Remember to walk back to the castle in small groups."

Hermione stepped forward to the players. "And if you'd like to join, all you have to do is sign up," she said, holding out the quill.

They all signed up, seeming unbothered.

"Good game, all of you," Roger said.

"You too," Cedric said. "It was good to play all of you before we finish at Hogwarts. I wouldn't say no to doing another game some time."

"I'm up for it, just name the time and place," Adrian said. "See you for practice later, Rachel."

"See you," Rachel said.

Ginny shook her head. "I haven't been that badly trounced at Quidditch since I was a kid."

"Well, they're at least three years older than you and most of them have a Chaser background," Neville said. "I think you played well."

"Thanks," Ginny said, though she did not sound happy.

"What was that all about earlier?" Millie asked, now that everyone else was far away.

"Hermione cursed the parchment," Theo said.

"What?" Rachel asked, turning to look at Hermione.

"It's nothing serious. I just made sure that if someone tells that we know exactly who they are," Hermione said.

"By writing the word 'sneak' across their face in acne," Theo said.

"It can be treated by bubotuber pus, it's not permanent or disfiguring. It will just take a while to come off," Hermione said, blushing lightly.

"Can you lift the curse if we need you to, before it activates?" Millie asked.

"Yes, I planned to do it at the end of the year, when Professor Umbridge is gone," Hermione said.

Ginny shrugged. "If they tell they get what they deserve. Too bad we couldn't curse it so that they literally can't tell."

"I looked into that, but that's pretty serious dark or ritual magic," Hermione said.

"What's done is done," Luna said.

"We also talked about revising our exam study schedule. Hermione and I are going to look at things and see if we can consolidate a little bit so no one goes mad by the end of the year," Theo said, nodding.

"I guess it's been a bit much," Hermione agreed.

"Thank Merlin," Neville said.

"We can have the rest of the morning off, right?" Millie asked.

"Yes, we're not due to study again until this afternoon," Hermione said.

"Let's go in, at least," Ginny said. "I've got to put my broom away."

"Alright," Theo said.

Rachel exhaled heavily as they left. Now they really were doing this. There was no backing out now. It was a little scary, but a little exciting too.


Severus stood in the back of the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place on Sunday afternoon and watched as the various Order members filtered in. Minerva and Poppy had elected to remain at the school instead of joining the pre-Halloween meeting. Severus had silently approved - they needed for the school to be closely guarded and it would be far too obvious should all of them be missing at once. Both Severus and Albus suspected that Umbridge was aware that the Order of the Phoenix was operating and that several of the staff were members - the best they could do was to not provide her with any evidence.

"Everything alright, Severus?" Arthur Weasley asked, joining Severus at the back wall while cradling a cup of tea.

Since most of the answers he could give to that question were elaborations on the word 'no', he inclined his head. "As well as can be expected. Yourself?"

"About the same," Arthur said, his gaze moving around the room as people got themselves situated. "My lot giving you any trouble?"

"Surprisingly, no. The twins are still respecting my threat that I will remove them from my classroom if they misbehave there. I suspect if they actually put some effort into it, they will score well on their NEWTs. Ron could stand to put some more effort into his OWL preparations, but I don't anticipate that he'll receive the necessary score to continue into my class on the NEWT level. Ginny is doing well, no trouble from her whatsoever," Severus listed.

Arthur nodded. "Ron was never much one for studying something he couldn't see a purpose in. He's passionate and intelligent about the things he cares about, but I suspect he'd rather do well in his interests and not bother so much otherwise. He'll do well enough when he finds his way."

"I suspect he will." Severus certainly wasn't going to contradict him. Most people eventually found something they were interested in.

"There have been some things I've been hearing, and I wanted to warn you first," Arthur said, his tone quieter now.

Severus turned his attention to Arthur. Even more so than the aurors, Arthur held the pulse of the Ministry - not the Wizengamot, but the body of workers that made up the Ministry itself. "A warning?" he asked, trying to anticipate what Arthur might have heard.

Arthur nodded, his gaze settling on Severus. "Concerning Rachel. Things had mostly settled down after this summer and people had found other things to talk about. There are only so many times they could go over what was said and what was printed in the papers. But they're talking about it again and I'm not sure where the rumors are coming from. People are saying that she's not well, mentally, and that's why she said that You-Know-Who is back. And they're saying she's causing trouble at Hogwarts."

Severus frowned. "Are they being specific about how she is not mentally well? Or about what trouble she's causing?"

"No, no specifics. There's a group of people who are pretty sympathetic to her, mostly parents, who think she needs help that she's not getting. There's a fair number of people that think the Wizengamot should launch an inquiry into the matter. And there's some who think she needs to be removed from Hogwarts entirely," Arthur recounted. "It's likely if there are rumors being kicked up that we'll see another Skeeter article. I dropped by the Daily Prophet offices yesterday and didn't hear anything out of the ordinary while I was having tea with Martinson. Still, I think it's likely."

"I concur. How likely do you think it is that there will be some sort of action, either within the Ministry or within the Wizengamot?" Severus asked, his mind spinning as he tried to figure out what could be causing this sort of rumor.

Arthur shook his head. "As long as Fudge holds office, unlikely. The last thing he wants is Rachel standing up in a Wizengamot session and saying under the influence of Veritaserum that You-Know-Who has returned. Deep down, beneath his denial and his bluster, he knows the truth. He also knows it would kill his career if it got out."

"Thank you. For the warning." Severus now had to decide what he was going to do with it.

"Of course. As a parent, it just causes my heart to ache to read those articles about her. She's still just a child. Every time it happens, Molly is in tears. I can't imagine what it does to you and Rachel." Arthur's expression was all sympathy.

"We manage as best we can," Severus said, knowing that Arthur was well meaning but feeling uncomfortable regardless.

"I'll let you know if I hear anything further or if I have more warning about an article. I assume owl post isn't safe right now?" Arthur asked.

"No, not right now, not while Umbridge is in the school. A Patronus message after nine at night, with just the code phrase. I'll let you know if I can respond," Severus said.

Arthur nodded and looked around the room again. Albus had entered and was preparing to speak. "We'll talk again soon enough," Arthur said, moving away to stand by his wife.

"Thank you for joining us today, I know you're all very busy so we'll keep this brief," Albus said, catching everyone's attention. The room fell quiet, or as quiet as it could be with thirteen people crowded in it. "As you all know, we are continuing surveillance on known Death Eaters and have begun to discern patterns of movement. We can say without a doubt that the Death Eaters are meeting on a semi-regular basis. We do not yet have a location. Voldemort is still deep in hiding."

There was a ripple of discomfort in the room at the name 'Voldemort' being spoken.

"Perhaps even more concerningly," Auror Shacklebolt began, "is that we're noticing an increase in meetings between known Death Eaters and the Minister and certain members of the Wizengamot."

"How many members of the Wizengamot are known Death Eaters?" Hestia Jones asked.

"Three. Lucius Malfoy. Thorfinn Rowle. Winston Gifford," Shacklebolt listed. "However, we have information that there is a Selwyn who is a Death Eater, but we're not sure if it's Alfred. There are also Death Eaters in the Yaxley family, the Turner family, and the Macnair family, who may be influencing their Seats."

"And plenty of pure-blood bigotry in the Wizengamot even from non-Death Eater families," Tonks added.

"When you say an increase, how much do you mean?" Lupin asked.

"Malfoy has met twice with the Minister in the past three weeks alone," Shacklebolt said.

"How certain are we that the Minister isn't under the Imperius curse?" Black asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Perhaps unfortunately, we are certain. He's checked for curses twice a day by aurors, once in the morning and once in the evening," Shacklebolt explained.

"It's becoming ever clearer that Voldemort and the Death Eaters are not trying to take over the Ministry by force at this stage. If they can keep the Minister in their pocket and hold a two-thirds majority of the Wizengamot, they can begin replacing department heads within the Ministry itself," Albus said. "Fortunately, we are not at that point just yet. It is clear that we need to find someone to work with Fudge, someone who can speak to him and undo some of the damage that the Death Eaters are doing."

Severus watched as people glanced around. There was no one here who was in a position to do that. Severus rather suspected that Fudge was a lost cause regardless - he'd been in Lucius' pocket for years now.

"Even so, as we continue our work in the political arena, we must not forget that the Death Eaters have other, more direct ways of working. In the first war, Voldemort was fond of using Halloween as an evening of murder and dark revelry. I expect we will see something similar this year, but I'm not anticipating that it will be an attack on a wizarding family. This will be a seemingly random abduction of a muggleborn, or a disguised attack on a muggle family. Voldemort does not want this to make the Daily Prophet. In all likelihood, we won't know what they've done without scouring the muggle papers or until someone is reported missing in a few days," Albus said, his expression grim as he looked over the gathered group.

"Nevertheless, I ask for you to be cautious on Tuesday. Safeguard your family, especially if you or a family member was known to fight in the first war. We'll continue our watch. Right now, everything suggests that Voldemort is still focused on obtaining the prophecy. I'd like for two people to volunteer to take the guard rotation Tuesday night," Albus continued.

"I'll do it," Sturgis Podmore said.

"And me," Arthur said.

"Very well," Albus said. "Does anyone have anything else to report to the group?"

There was mostly quiet, except for someone clinking their cup against a saucer and the sound of Moody's heavy breathing.

"We'll meet again. You all know how to get messages to the Order should something change," Albus said, dismissing them.

Severus contained his sigh and made for the floo. He was in no mood to stand around and socialize today. He had enough on his plate.


Early on Halloween Rachel blearily checked her watch. Four eleven in the morning. She put it back down with a quiet sigh. She had planned to wake early, but not this early. She couldn't even remember what she'd been dreaming about that had woken her.

Severus had said that Professor Dumbledore suggested that Rachel should write down all of her dreams so they could tell if the Dark Lord was influencing them. Rachel had declined to do so, saying that she knew which dreams were brought on by the Dark Lord and she'd write about those if the Headmaster wished.

Her dreams seemed to come in a few varieties. There were nightmares from things she remembered from her childhood, which she had no desire to write about and certainly wouldn't show them to Severus or Professor Dumbledore even if she did write them down. There were the normal nebulous dreams that she didn't really remember upon waking except small fragments like flying on a broomstick or seeing someone she recognized - there was no point in writing those down because there wasn't anything to write down. And then there were the dreams from the Dark Lord.

Thankfully she hadn't had any of the dreams where she was present with the Dark Lord and woke up screaming since she'd seen him murder Professor Karkaroff. She almost hoped that the Dark Lord had figured out she was watching and had done something to make it stop. Even if the information she got from them was helpful, she really didn't want to see those things. She'd had the dream about the corridor to the Department of Mysteries twice more since the first time.

It was the same each time. She was dreadfully cold and standing in her school uniform in the corridor, and she just knew that she had to get through that door. And then she woke up shivering every time she pulled on the handle. The last time she'd had the dream she'd asked Severus what the point was. Why was the Dark Lord showing her this?

Severus suggested that the Dark Lord was trying to manipulate Rachel into entering the Department of Mysteries and that the Dark Lord didn't know what it looked like beyond the door to show it to her in her dreams. Rachel had pointed out that wasn't the Dark Lord just showing her what not to do? Severus had said that the manipulation was subtler than that, and that if Rachel were to actually walk down that corridor, she would undoubtedly feel a compulsion to go through the door, potentially a compulsion strong enough that she wouldn't be able to resist.

That was a little disturbing and she'd asked if the Dark Lord could give her compulsions to do other things. Severus had reassured her that this sort of Mind Magic was both specific and had side effects, such as the dreams about the corridor and the door. If the Dark Lord was trying to manipulate her in that way, there would be signs to warn them. Rachel had decided against asking if there was anything that could be done to break the compulsions, imagining that the Dark Lord might give her the compulsion to jump off the Astronomy tower. If it came to that, they'd have to figure something out, but she had enough things to worry about without trying to make plans for a very unlikely eventuality.

Rachel fiddled with the silver links on her watch and then reached for her glasses. Even though she couldn't remember her dream, and she didn't even think it had been a nightmare, she was wide awake now. She put on her glasses, brought her wand, her journal, and her quill onto her covers, stacked her pillows so she could lean against them, and drew her curtains most of the way back so that her light wouldn't wake anyone else. As long as she left about a foot where she could look out into the room it didn't feel too constricting.

"Lumos," she whispered, taking her wand in her left hand.

She flipped her journal open to a blank page and began to write.

'Dear Mom and Dad,'

She paused, her quill hovering a line down. She didn't know what to write. Usually she tried to keep her letters to her parents relatively lighthearted as she filled them in about the last year of her life. There didn't seem like there was all that much good to say at the moment.

'I hope you're well, as well as possible, given everything. Sometimes I imagine what it's like to be dead, and I think of it like a reflection of our world, but just like in a mirror, it's just a reflection. I hope you can be happy and you can see people who have already passed on and that you're with your families. There's a part of me that wants to join you, but I know I can't yet. I know you'll still be there waiting for me whenever I'm finished here.

I'm okay. It's been a bit of a difficult year. I feel like I shouldn't say that, because nothing I've experienced at Hogwarts has been as bad as what came before.

I competed in the Triwizard Tournament. Even though I didn't enter my name, even though I was too young to compete, I had to do it anyway. I made it through it. I actually won, though it doesn't seem fair that I did.

You probably already know this, but the Dark Lord has returned. I saw him put back in his body. He's gathering his Death Eaters and the war is starting again. No one believes that he's back, but I know the truth, and so does Severus.

Things at Hogwarts are okay too. Our OWL year is hard, but we're trying to manage our studying a little better. We have a terrible Defense teacher, but at least with the curse we know she'll be gone by the end of the year. We're teaching ourselves Defense.'

Rachel didn't want to put anything about the DA in writing, just in case.

'I've been getting to know Sirius and Remus a little better over the past year. It's nice that they want me around. I spent some time with them over the summer and we see each other on Hogsmeade weekends.

Other than that, things around here are pretty normal. I'm captain of the Quidditch team now, but not a prefect. I'm actually glad not to be a prefect, it's a lot of work and I feel like I'm already doing a lot.'

Rachel was surprised when a teardrop landed on her last sentence and blurred one of the words. She reached up under her glasses and found that just below her eyes were wet. Why was she crying?

She set down her quill on her journal, took off her glasses, and let go of her wand. It was dark again. She hunched over and rubbed at her eyes. What was wrong with her? Things weren't that bad, were they? She shook her head. Things were definitely not that bad. She could imagine her younger self, sitting locked in her cupboard, just staring at her. Compared to back then, almost nothing was bad.

She had Severus, she had her friends, she had Sirius and Remus, she was safe at Hogwarts, she was doing well in her classes, and she had a lot of things going for her. There was nothing she'd written in her letter to cry about. She took a slow breath. Her throat and her chest hurt now and she could feel that she was shaking.

There was nothing to be upset over. She was fine.

Somehow that didn't help.

Keeping her eyes closed, she focused on taking slow breaths, counting six in and eight out. Some strange part of her wanted to scream or to run. She reached out and pushed the bed curtains open wider, reminding herself that the walls weren't closing in and that she could get up and move about if she needed to. She could even go sit in the common room if the room felt too small, though she didn't want to go out there if she was still crying.

She sniffled as she felt herself calming back down a little. Maybe she was stressed? Maybe she was just tired? She definitely hadn't been getting enough sleep since she'd been back at Hogwarts. Maybe what she needed to do was put her things away and try to sleep again.

She gathered up her wand, glasses, journal, and quill and set them on her bedside table. Then she found where her stuffed bunny was bunched up under the covers, gently straightened her out, and slid down beneath the blankets and held her bunny against her chest. See, she was fine. With her head nested on her pillow she focused on her breathing again, aiming for slow and steady.

It didn't seem to take all that long before the riot in her mind subsided as she tried to relax her muscles. More sleep. That's all she needed was a little more sleep. Then she'd be fine.