"Fudge Ousted! Umbridge Kissed!"

Byline Verity Prate

The commission on fairness in government has been closed and the findings have just been released. The commission itself was held these past few days under strict secrecy vows, and so this is our first hint of what has gone on behind the doors of the Wizengamot chambers. The commission has found Cornelius Fudge guilty of misappropriation of funds, abuse of power, and in general just being a reprehensible human being.

Well, perhaps the last is not exactly true.

The commission, formed Monday, was given the task of discovering the source of the attack on Harry Potter.

Under questioning, Delores Umbridge admitted to attempting to murder Harry Potter through use of dementors. Her actions and motivations for those actions spurred the Wizengamot to instant action. The former Senior Undersecretary was then given a dose of her own medicine: namely, she was sentenced to the Kiss. The sentence was carried out last evening.

The commission performed veritaserum questioning based on witness testimony of, among several individuals, former Mister Fudge, himself. Truth testing revealed the following points:

1)Sirius Black was never given a trial, and witnesses have reported seeing Peter Pettigrew alive. Cornelius Fudge knew this but still had a "kiss on sight" order for the head of the Black family.

2)Gringotts Bank was given an order to process the rather large Potter vaults – 60% was to go to Delores Umbridge, 40% to Cornelius Fudge – after it was proved the last Potter had died or been rendered unable to procreate. (Gringotts has asserted that no such order would be processed.)

3)Delores Umbridge was to "take care" of Mr. Potter "by whatever means necessary." Cornelius Fudge did not have the direct knowledge of the means she would use.

4)Bartemius Crouch II was alive and impersonating Alastor Moody at the end of the Triwizard Tournament.

5)Cornelius Fudge performed summary execution (dementor's kiss) on Bartemius Crouch II, an Azkaban escapee.

There were many more astounding revelations, such as: refusal to take the deposition of Bartemius Crouch II (for a background on Bartemius Crouch I and Bartemius Crouch II, see page 7), placement of several people in Azkaban without levied sentence (some without charges!), and suppression of criminal investigations. (A full transcript of the questioning will be released, as tradition dictates, within six weeks, unless there are other secrecy considerations to be honored.)

Bribes are often thought to be the nature of the political beast, but the sheer volume of pecuniary charges levied against Mr. Fudge are astounding. That none of the sources of his ill-gotten gains were in attendance at the commission was remarked upon as fortunate, but could point to other more heinous crimes being committed and covered up.

The minister's office has always enjoyed a great deal of unchecked power in Britain; it is not clear even now if Mister Fudge will face any criminal charges for these clearly immoral actions. However, as ICW witnesses were in the gallery throughout the commission, Britain will face sanctions if we do not establish some sort of recompense for these villainous deeds.

The depth of corruption, mismanagement, and nefarious wrongdoing is simply mind-boggling. We look to the Wizengamot to put more checks and balances in place to prevent such egregious misconduct from occurring again!