The Sharing wasn't what I expected. For one thing, it was a lot smaller.
They met inside of a church. I heard somewhere this same church was used for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings on other days. I guess because it had no rental fee. It seemed the Sharing didn't have the funds to buy its own building.
There were only about a dozen people there. And most of them weren't even real members. I learned that the Sharing only had four official members running things. The rest were students or young adults who just showed up trying to decide whether or not to join - like me.
To my surprise, I recognized all four of the core members. The co-founder, Mr. Chapman, was the vice principal of my old junior high.
The other co-founder was a Hispanic woman who introduced herself to the crowd as Eva. It took a few seconds of staring, but I realized I recognized her too. My little brother Jake had a best friend named Marco who he hung out with all the time. I used to babysit the two of them when they were younger. That's when I first met Marco's mother - Eva.
The final two full members were Chapman's wife, and a teacher at my high school called Mr. Tidwell. Small world, I guess.
Eva gave a short speech about why she started the Sharing: She wanted people to set aside their backgrounds and differences, and come together to help each other when they needed it, and to help their larger community outside. Individuals would become part of something greater. It was a simple, straightforward premise - if a bit naive.
Then Eva explained that The Sharing's next big project was to go to a national park and thoroughly clean up all of the litter in the nature trail. She passed around a clipboard and asked for volunteers to sign up.
Spending an entire Saturday picking up garbage. Unsurprisingly, not a lot of people signed.
Once the speech was over, the dozen of us split up and mingled and pretty much just did our own thing. People drank the free coffee and chatted with each other like it was a casual party.
I understood that the Sharing, as an organization, was still new and getting on its feet. But it tried to pass itself off as a non-for-profit with lofty goals about bettering the community, while it just felt like a club run out of some guy's basement. Frankly, I thought it was kind of pathetic.
Still, a teacher and a vice principal were members. At least I could probably get what I came for.
Eva came around to me with the clipboard. Once she saw my face she smiled brightly. "Hello again, Tom. Good to see you."
I didn't expect her to remember me, especially not that quickly. I guess my surprise showed.
"It is Tom, right?" she asked, suddenly unsure. "You're Jake's brother."
"Y-Yeah, that's me. Nice to see you again, M-" I stuttered. I was about to call her "Mrs Last Name" but I realized in horror that I couldn't actually remember what her last name was. "-Marco's mom," I finished pathetically.
But she just smiled again. "Call me Eva. So can we count on you for the clean-up? We need all the help we can get." She held out the almost-blank clipboard and pencil to me.
I froze. "Uh . . . Sorry, I - I'm busy with my family that day."
I mentally kicked myself for copping out. It's the environment. A good guy's supposed to care about this stuff, right?
Eva had to have seen through my B.S. answer, but she kept her expression polite. I guess she was used to it.
I changed the subject. "Actually, the reason I came is 'cause a teacher recommended it. They said I might be able to get a tutor here?"
"A tutor, huh." She had to think about it. "Well, Mr. Tidwell is a teacher at the local high school. Although, he teaches English. What subject do you need help with?"
I didn't want to admit it out loud. "Um . . . Kind of . . . Well, all of them, really."
Eva smiled. Just a little one, like she was trying not to.
"I'm not stupid," I blurted out defensively.
She stopped smiling. "I didn't think you were."
My face felt hot. I was starting to regret coming here in the first place.
She smiled again, but it had a more reassuring feel. "Having bad grades doesn't make you stupid, Tom. Take me, for instance. I've always considered myself a pretty smart and capable woman. I can organize events, look for funding, rent buildings, file the paperwork, and fix that stupid coffee maker twice a week. But solving quadratic-equation-whatevers leaves me cold. Marco's great at math, but he didn't get it from me, that's for sure."
I smiled, genuinely, in spite of how awkward I felt a moment ago.
"Have your parents been pressuring you about your grades?" Eva asked.
I gave a quick, humorless laugh. "I wish. It's more like they don't even expect good grades from me. Although they always praise me about how well I did in the last basketball game."
Eva didn't reply. She just listened, holding the clipboard to her chest. Suddenly, I found myself just opening up to her and spilling my guts.
"I feel like everyone thinks of me as the dumb jock who's gonna peak in high school. Like the only thing I'm good for is scoring points, or reaching the top shelf. I wanna prove them wrong, but my grades keep sinking lower and lower. And my parents aren't pressuring me, exactly, but . . . My dad's a doctor, you know? How am I supposed to compete with that?"
"It's not a competition, Tom," she stressed. "And do you even want to be a doctor?"
The question surprised me. I shrugged. "I dunno. I never really thought about what I'm gonna do in the future." I didn't like admitting that, since it sort of added credibility to the peaking-in-high-school thing.
"Oh, that can't be true," she said mischievously. "There must have been something you dreamt about when you were little."
I didn't want to answer, so I turned the question around. "You first. What was your childhood dream?"
Eva kept on her grin as she said, "I was an old-fashioned girl. I just wanted to fall in love, get married, and have a family . . . Didn't quite work out the way I planned, though." The grin didn't reach her eyes anymore.
I didn't remember until right then. Jake had explained to me that Marco's parents divorced almost two years ago. Marco was really upset about it and started spending a lot more time at our house. He still visited his mom a lot, but he lived with his dad full time.
Eva's dream was to have a family. But her marriage failed and she lived away from her son. I realized too late that asking adults about their dreams could be a sore subject.
But she chuckled at me and said, "Oh, don't look at me like that. Even if dreams don't work out, you can always find new dreams. I'm happy where I am. Now stop dodging the question and tell me what your dream was. There must have been something."
There was something, actually. A long time ago. But I never told anyone, not even my parents.
However, I felt like I owed Eva an honest answer now. "Don't laugh."
She shook her head, silently promising.
I shyly told her, ". . . I wanted to be an astronaut."
Eva didn't laugh, but she had an expression of amusement mixed with . . . something I couldn't identify. "Really?"
"But that doesn't count," I said quickly. "That's what all kids want at some point."
"Not necessarily."
"Well, sure they do. Every kid wants to go into space."
"Why did you want it?"
I blinked.
Why did I want it?
Why was she asking?
How could I put it into words?
I looked at the roof, even knowing I couldn't see the sky. "It's just . . . There's so much out there. The size of it all. Stars and planets and comets and asteroid belts and nebulas and . . ." This was embarrassing and immature to say, but I was on a roll. "And aliens too." Yeah, I admit it, deep down I believed in aliens. "I mean, there are millions of stars and millions of planets, there has to be life somewhere out there. Who wouldn't want to go see it all?"
I looked back at Eva. She was smiling at me, but not like before. She was smiling like she knew something.
In retrospect . . . that could have been a clue. But I wouldn't understand until later.
"You shouldn't give up on that dream, Tom."
I shook my head. "I didn't give up, I just lost interest. Being a real astronaut would mean sitting in a little box for weeks or months at a time. And the farthest you could go is maybe Mars, and there's nothing there but a big desert. Reality's just not like what you imagine as a little kid."
"You know what they say: Truth is stranger than fiction."
I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. But I decided right then, I liked Eva.
"You know, with people like you here, I can't understand how this club doesn't have more members," I said.
Eva stopped smiling, looking disappointed.
Oops. "Sorry. Did I stick my foot in my mouth again?"
She shook her head. "No, it's fine. Becoming a full member of the Sharing is a bit of a commitment. We always knew it wouldn't be for everyone."
She took a breath and changed the subject. "So. Tutor. Shall we go talk to Tidwell, Mister Future-Astronaut?"
I winced. "No, no, please. Please don't tell anyone I said that. It's embarrassing."
"As you wish." She smiled again, this time with a smile that made me worried how much I could trust her.
She led to the other side of the room, where she spotted Mr. Tidwell.
As we walked I asked, "Is this really okay, even if I'm not a full member?"
"Of course it is. The Sharing is here to help the community. And whether you're a full member or not, we're glad to have you with us."
Eva lifted her clipboard, and with a smirk in her voice added, "Even if you don't help with the clean-up."
I grimaced. Touché, Eva.
.
I talked to both Mr. Tidwell and Mr. Chapman. Tidwell had a reputation for being the strictest teacher at school. Class clowns couldn't get away with nothing while he was watching. But outside of class, he was actually really nice. He gave me some good advice about note-taking and getting into college and stuff.
As for Chapman: In junior high I remembered Vice Principal Chapman as always seeming exasperated. Frustrated at not having everything under his control. And now . . . well, that hadn't changed, really. But Chapman wasn't mean either. He tried to help, and he didn't belittle me or treat me like I wasn't trying hard enough.
I was a little taken aback by how easy it all was. And I knew this wouldn't improve my exam scores overnight, but it felt so good to talk to people who took my worries seriously.
The Sharing kept talking about using teamwork to make things better. But I realized it wasn't just a sales pitch to try and recruit people; it was something the core members actually believed in.
Although - and this could have just been my imagination - after talking to them and Eva I couldn't shake the feeling that they were hiding something.
.
That evening, after I got home, Jake and I were sitting on the sofa watching a basketball game.
I was only half-paying attention to the TV. My mind kept wandering back to my conversation with Eva.
"Hey, Jake," I spoke up. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He looked at me. Clearly the question caught him off guard. "Why?" he asked.
"Just curious," I answered.
Jake thought about it for only a second, then he gave a little shrug and looked back to the TV. "I dunno. Probably a doctor or a navy pilot."
I raised my eyebrows. "Pretty specific choices for a kid who 'doesn't know'."
He shrugged again, like he felt awkward talking about it. "I mean, I don't know for sure what I'm gonna do. It'll still be a while before I need to worry about that stuff."
He obviously thought about it before though. More than I had, at least.
I watched Jake as he watched the game on TV. He looked at the basketball players with a sort of far-away expression, like he was daydreaming - unless I was just imagining it.
Then he shook it off, smirked, and pointed at the screen. "Whatever I am, I promise not to miss any of your games once it's you up there."
I made sure to smile - but inside I felt awful.
I asked him, but Jake didn't even bother asking me. He just took it for granted that I was going to be a pro athlete.
We didn't talk again for the rest of the game. The team we were rooting for lost by six points.
