"Wade, slow the hell down. I ain't running a marathon!"

Thomas Wachowski had never been a large man.

As a kid he'd been a bit of a runt but, as he reached adulthood, Tom had become muscular and wiry. Never super strong or fast but able to take care of himself in a fight.

Now Wade's lifelong best friend was half his size, and every step he took was twice that for Tom.

"Sorry..." Wade said, sheepishly checking his pace and allowing Tom to catch back up. The brown hedgehog-former-human moodily shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of an old brown leather jacket as he slowed from a trot, brow furrowing in annoyance, appearing more like a moody teenager than an almost fifty-year-old. The jacket had once been quite snug around his middle-aged frame, but now reached halfway to his thighs. Wade did his best to keep his pace while the two walked along the empty street, right through the centre of town. It worried Wade. Tome had not been out by himself since returning from their bizarre trip to Mobius some weeks back, and while the town had been made clear on the former Sherriff's present condition... Wade knew it had to be hard on Tom. It wasn't everyday somebody went to outer space and returned the same species as their space-hedgehog son.

"So..." Wade said airily, attempting to break the ice a little, "how, uh... how you doing?"

Tom grunted, eyes remaining locked forward. "Fine," the brown hedgehog replied sullenly, declining to elaborate further.

Wade nodded, noting how not-fine Tom sounded. "You... sure you wanna do this now?"

Tom didn't answer for some moments before drawing a tired breath. "Not the first time anyone round here's seen a space hedgehog before."

"That's not what I mean, dude..." Wade replied. Not entirely true, he supposed. Any other time it might have been a good sign, after weeks of keeping to himself Tom finally making steps to reacclimate to his life in Green Hills. The townsfolk loved their former sheriff and were as he said well-used to strange animal-aliens from distant planets, so Tom actually becoming one of them wouldn't be the end-of-the-world shocker it could otherwise have been. But that wasn't the problem. "You know..." Wade said carefully, "I just mean, with what happened with Maddie and all... I just wanna make sure you're okay, man."

"What are you, my dad?" Tom snapped, giving Wade a small shock as he glowered up to him with angry blue eyes, "I just want a damn beer Wade. Get off of my back."

Wade drew breath to offer a retort but instead shook his head and sighed, figuring it was best to leave that well enough alone right now. Maybe some company and an evening out would do Tom good. The two men continued in silence for now, the only sound their boots clumping over the pavement.

...

Fine.

Uh-huh. Sure, buddy.

Wade couldn't help but think this to himself as the pair approached the Green Hills Tavern, their favoured drinking establishment of choice in the small sleepy town. Wade and Tom had been coming here for years, being dumb and young and getting away from the stress and worry of life. If the tavern was anything, it was a shrine to the two's friendship, forged in the fires of Being Stupid and Getting Up to No Good.

Now Tom was stood, just down the street from the doors, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.

"Hey," Wade said gently, after a short while of watching his friend pretend to fuss with something in his pocket, "we going in?"

Tom glanced up to him in annoyance. "Yeah, gimme a sec!" the brown hedgehog took a breath and smoothed a hand over his head, the ears that had been straining to pin down springing up once again.

Wade allowed his friend a moment to steel himself, before Tom shook his head and scowled. "Screw it," he muttered, one boot stepping forward as the hedgehog made toward the door of the pub. He said nothing else and Wade followed.

Tom raised both hands and shoved the doors open, and for a moment it was like a scene from an old Wild West movie when the Stranger entered the saloon of a foreign town. The chatter that had been quietly filling the warm room instantly died as the regulars flicked their eyes toward the door, and found their former Sheriff stood, hands in pockets, his successor towering over him.

Wade noticed those brown ears twinged again, betraying Tom's agitation. Many eyes stared at him from the dusty room, inquisitively regarding their former Sheriff with curiosity.

The man at a nearby table coughed. "Hey, Sheriff."

Wade acknowledged the man with a smile and a nod but nothing more. After all, the man's eyes weren't looking at him. They were instead locked onto the furry brown creature stood next to him.

Tom, for his part, coughed awkwardly into his fist. His ears perked as he acknowledged the man. "Hi, Carl."

Some moments passed, the silence deafening... before somebody farted. Somebody else laughed at the fart, another person commented on the fart, and then conversation commenced.

Wade followed as Tom strode (in hedgehog steps) toward the bar, feeling awkward as his friend climbed into a barstool with an irritated grunt. The tender watched, unsure what to do as Tom eventually settled himself in his perch and straightened his quills.

Eventually Tom was set, clasping his hands on the bar as he looked to the tender. "Two usuals, Hank."

Hank, the landlord, briefly looked Tom over before he decided he was no longer interested and nodding sagely. "Sure thing, Sheriff."

Wade settled himself in at the bar while Hank went to get their beers. The beverages were poured and the men were served and, at last, Tom and Wade were able to settle into their pints.

...

"Oh my fucking GOD" Wade was just able to swallow his beer before he spat it all over the bar. He wiped his mouth with the back of a hand and cackled. "I forgot about that!"

"I swear to shit!" Tom responded in kind, his muzzle split into an enormous grin. "She was showing us the pictures of all of the puppies, and it was her husband's phone, and then she landed on a picture of another woman's va-"

Tom didn't get to finish his sentence as Wade exploded with laughter. Tom banged a fist on the table and the two friends shared the biggest laugh they'd had for a long time.

"Y'know..." Wade said, cramming a handful of peanuts into his mouth, "been too long since we did this, dude."

Tom grinned and wobbled a little. "Did what?"

"Gone out and been stupid."

"What're you talking about you're stupid all the time"

Wade threw a peanut at his friend's head.

Tom cackled and grinned, Wade noting as the brown hedgehog reached one hand behind himself as though scratching his ass. Tom made a face, like wiping away a smile, before the hand returned to grasp his beer. The beer was raising, Tom draining the alcohol in a few gulps. The glass slammed onto the counter, Tom released a belch, and gestured toward the bartender. "Hank! Hank Hank Hank, old buddy! Two more please!"

The old landlord scowled, but took the glass anyway. "Sure thing, but go easy Sheriff."

Tom grunted in response, adjusting himself in his chair, appearing rather unsteady indeed. He hadn't had a lot, this next beer would be his third... Wade wondered if Tom was drinking too much for his new hedgehog body to handle.

The beers were poured anyway and the former sheriff snatched his up greedily, froth dribbling down his muzzle as he chugged it.

"Hey, slow down!" Wade said reflexively, "you wanna make yourself sick?"

Tom set his beer down and scowled at Wade. "Why is everyone on my god damn back?"

"Just saying!" Wade replied, noting a few curious eyes glancing their way, "you've been through a lot dude, I'm just looking out for you."

Tom grunted, taking another sip of beer. His eyes were heavy, and Wade wondered if his friend was about to noddle off right then and there. "'m fine," Tom muttered, "nothin' to worry 'bout." Two large, blue, partly closed eyes looked up to Wade. "Sorry."

Wade's irritation subsided, the older man shaking his head and lightly punching Tom on the shoulder. "Just take care of yourself, dude. You have no idea how much of that you can handle like... well, right now."

"Uh-huh," Tom mumbled, one eye half-closed as he absently tapped a claw against his glass, "because of the whole hedgehog thing, right?"

"Buddy, you're like half my size and you're drinking twice as fast."

Tom hummed, his ears drooping. "Let's get outta here," the hedgehog slid from his chair, eyes scanning the bar as he became very aware of the eyes curiously observing him, "I wanna go home."

Wade winced as his best friend wobbled, boots clapping unsteadily over the wooden floor, but was secretly glad Tom seemed to have come to his senses. He couldn't help but feel protective. After all, Tom had been his best friend since they were kids. And after all that he had been through, he had to be going through some serious emotional turmoil right now. But he didn't need to compound the problems with booze. Wade finished up his own beer and bade Hank goodnight, happy that trouble was avoided.

"Well I'll be god-damned! Sheriff Wachowski?"

Ah, shit.

...

Welp. Wade's hopes of a quiet evening had been totally shot. He closed his eyes, one hand wiping down his face as he turned in the direction of a horribly familiar voice. The entire bar had gone silent, every pair of eyes now observing an unsteady brown hedgehog as he faced down a gang of leather and denim-clad individuals, who didn't seem so sharp themselves.

"Tannen."

The head biker, a bearded man with an enormous gut and tattooed arms like massive slabs of beef, offered a mocking, broken-toothed sneer in response to Tom's slurred statement. "Well I'll be a son of a bitch!" the hefty individual barked, clearly very amused, "take a look see here, boys! Sheriff Wachowski!" Tannen's cronies cackled along with him as he towered above Tom, who merely stood with hands deep in his jacket pockets, "ain't such a big man now, are ya Wachowski? You sure you're big enough to drink here?"

Tom didn't reply, head down, as Wade strode forward to his friend's defence. "We were just leaving. fellas. No trouble tonight, what do you say?"

Tannen offered Wade a cruel, drunken glare, teeth bared in anger. "This don't concern you, Sheriff..." the man all but snarled, seemingly unconcerned at his presence. "I got a little beef with your little friend here..." Tannen leaned over Tom, glaring down like an angry bear, "this circus freak done locked me up one too many times... but you ain't such a big shot now, huh Wachowski?"

"Speeding in a school zone," Tom muttered, "aggravated assault. Property damage," the hedgehog glowered up at the biker, "just doing my job, Tannen."

"Yeah well... last I heard you ain't in employment now, huh? Porcupine?" Tannen stood and ploughed a fist into an open palm, "ain't an officer of the law no more! So I guess you an' me can settle our differences like men... HA! Like men!" Tannen and his pals roared with laughter, revelling in Tom's discomfort. "Guess you don't qualify as that no more, huh boy? You nor the rest o' that gaggle o' freaks you call a family!"

Tom snarled, teeth baring and quills flaring, and for a moment it seemed like the two men were about to launch into a fight. Which Wade really, really didn't want to deal with right now. "Okay boys, pack it in..." Wade raised his hands and grabbed Tom beneath the armpits, much to the amusement of Tannen and his crew, setting his friend back on his feet in the direction of the door. "We're leaving. Now."

The bikers howled with laughter, Wade giving Tom a nudge between the shoulder blades. "Hank?" Wade looked to the landlord, who stood with arms folded, a grim expression over his face. "Call the station if you need to."

"I'll take care of it, Sheriff." the landlord gave a slow nod, more than capable of dealing with drunken delinquents himself, "you take care now."

That should have been the end of it. Wade and Tom would leave, the bikers would forget all about it and return to their drinks, and everyone would be happy. They were just drunk and running their mouths, nothing too serious.

But Tannen just had to get the last word in. He just had to.

"Heard the same thing happened to that wife o' yours?" the biker called out, stopping Tom dead in his tracks. Wade's heart sank as his friend went completely still, and he prayed nothing more would be said. "Real shame!" Tannen went on, "she was a hell of a looker! Even for a-"

The next word out of Tannen's mouth seemed to make time stop. The whole world seemed to pause. And Wade knew, without a shred of a doubt, that any chance of getting out of here without any trouble had completely and utterly evaporated.

A vicious snarl tore from Tom's throat, and the brown hedgehog launched himself like a cannonball in the direction of the bikers... and Wade watched as everything went to Hell.