CHAPTER 4- ALL CRIED OUT
He can't hold his tears now. He know he's broken emotionally and Now, He can't even hide it. The people around him know. Jay Halstead, he's the one, who's always hide everything to the people he loved, and just keep on smiling. Even though, it was only a small pain.
at Chicago Med:
One hour of fighting, is done. More over to comes. Will already taking his nap for awhile. Not only his body was exhausted, but his mental and physical is sore like hell. Jay is not a big burden to him, but because of the pain he brings together, it's been hard to let himself watch on it.
He get his step carefully, and walk straightly to the ER. Jay still in the ER since Ethan said, the better one is bringing Jay's home. He won't rest there. So, for the observation and they wanted to lowered that damn fevered on Jay's, they need to hold on Jay for a night. When he arrived at Jay's room door, Ethan whispered to him
'He was sleeping soundly. Been plenty hours since you leave him. Pain med really done their works good on Jay'
Will nods and give him a thumbs up and pushing the sliding door. Yes, he can see, Jay sound asleep. He was really calmed. Not calmed at all, actually. But he can see, he was down in his sleep. His fever still in high degree, so they decide on attached that IV's back, and Ethan managed to pull the strong antibiotic on him. When he's satisfied with the pain med given, Will snapped out for a while and give a called to Lindsay.
"Hey..Are you confirm coming?"
"Yup.. I'm already checked in. Oh btw Will, this is 6 in the morning. Are you on your shift?"
" Nope, I'm on my leave until Mouse been here. Watched on Jay's condition"
"Speaking of him, how's he?"
"He's sleep. Really calm. Ethan manage to give him his med. His fever still on him, unless from that, I can't see any issued."
Not only a sec, Will heard his name been called.
"Will..." ~ It's Jay.
"Lindsay..gotta go. 4 hours of flight right?"
"Yup, will be there on 10am. Wait for me, kissed him for me!"
"Will do. Bye!"
He straightly followed to the direction calling his name. It's Jay. Already wake up. He look so groggy, confuse, and of course. Obviously, his sad puppy eyes was looking down to Will.
"Hey Jay, it's still early.."
"No..."
"Shh..shh..It's okay... It's anything hurt you?"
He pointed up on his IV
"Nope, buddy. There was supposed to be in you for a while, and gonna make u feel better"
"I'm not going been better like this. After.."
"Hey...it's okay..You still have me, Lindsay.. Yeah I know, I'm not there, not behind you, as closer as Mouse used to. But now, I'm going to be here, by your side."
"Will...I'm sorry..."
"No no..no sorry..You got it, Bud"
"Will..can you tell Ethan not to feed me with those drugs anymore? I can't things properly..My head hurt.."
"That's what pain med working on, bud. Drug that you means, it's only fever reducers, to get rid of your fever , you're pretty burning up, Jay.."
"Mhmm...kkay..."
Will know, he would come out with a lot of question after this. But he gotta through it.
"Will..."
"Let me guess, You wanna go home, is it?"
"Yah..."
"soon bud. I promise.. just a little more med, and we're going home.."
"Please Will...not anymore.."
"Okay2...why not, you sleep?"
"I'm tired of sleeping, Will"
"Just a few more minutes.."
"Don't drug me...please..."
"No..I'm not"
"Can you stay here, like before?"
"I will seat here..can I"
"Up here..."
"Okay bud.."
Will hopped up, and waited until Jay sleep. Yes, just a sec, Jay sleep. It's probably because of he tried to fight on his sleepy eyes. Will do as sames as he used too. He's stroking Jay's hair.. He rubbed his forehead, and still can feel the warm that coming from him. He don't know why the med doesn't look like they could dealing with warm Jay. Before this, it was pretty easily to control Jay's fever whenever he got here. But, now, it seems pretty hard. The fever don't wanna go down, but not increasing. Will control him down just a split of second.
on 10.12am, Lindsay's arrived. Now, she's at Med, entering the ER, to find out her beloved man, Jay Halstead. She keep in touch with Will about Jay's healthy and condition. So, she decided to find her men there. She know that Jay would loves to have a physical contact with people he loved.
She went straightly to Jay's room. Will said, Jay don't have to stay too long on this hospital. He wanted Jay to be here because of Lindsay's appearances. She snap that curtained out and could find Jay sleep on Will's lap. Will knowing about Lindsay have been touched down in airport, but she don't mind to take an Uber, since she know Will would be by Jay right now. She can see, Jay have been through in so much things. Slowly, Will said Hi to Lindsay, and tucked Jay's head on the pillow, since he doesn't stir even a second.
"The med really knocked him out"
"Does he protest at all?"
"Yup..he does. But, I just ask the nurses to add 2mg of Morphine."
"Against his wish?"
"He need it."
"Yeah..Jay being Jay.."
"Yup...huh, shall we wait for a few minutes more until he woke up? and then we're going back"
"Sure..but He's still feel warm, Will...why the med look like it's doesn't worked with his heat body?"
"We talked about it earlier. I think, it probably because of Mouse. He missed Mouse"
"There's a psychology condition that may lead to a physical worsen."
"Yup.. because of that we can't lowered his fever. He's stress. That's under our control since he refuses any med on him."
Jay stir a bit. He open his eyes. He could see the woman he been loved was here, by his side. He missed her so bad.
"Hey...my handsome man"
"Are this real? or bcs of my fever was spiking?"
"Hey.. feel the beat...I'm here, Jay.. I'm back.."
"Lindsay...I miss you..."
"Yeah Jay... me too... I miss you too..."
"Where's Will?"
"Hey...I'm here..."
"Why you're not telling me..."
"She wanted to surprise you.."
"Uh-huh...When can I go home?"
Lindsay doesn't bother to interrupt since she know, Will don't have that answer.
"Hey..Jay, U wanna eat?"
"Don't feel like it.."
"Come on... u must eat something..you're really look horrible Jay.."
"No..."
"Jay...Like this. U must eat something. I can look over the cafeteria, what do you wanna eat?"
"Don't know..."
"U wanna go home right?"
"Yes..."
"Then, eat...okay?"
"Yeah..."
"Probably, he don't wanna eat since yesterday, Lindsay. He refuse to eat."
"Will..."
"Then, today I want you to eat, having some energy on you , okay Jay?"
"Yeah..."
Jay feel really sad, they need to forced him to eat. Will take his step out and see what he can catch up for them. Jay don't have much appetite to eat anything grande. It would be only the pancake. Lindsay accompanying Jay at his room. He crawling on top of her, and want to cuddle. Lindsay bring him in on her embrace hug. She know, Jay barely be like this, but don't bother. He really need some support on him.
"Shh...Jay...U're okay...don't be sad...I'm here..."
"I'm missed him..."
"Hey...he will be home tomorrow right?"
"Yeah..."
"Jay.. please don't be stress on yourself. You feel really warm. Anytime your fever can spiked. How do you feel baby?"
"I'm fine..."
"Except that 'Fine'"
"Don't...know..."
Jay let out a silent sob, cried out. In pain, at the same time, pain of missing someone that he can't even talk for the last time... He's breaking down in Lindsay's hug, and Lindsay cuddle him. Still on the tight hug. She wish to god, if only she can take that pain away, she willing to take that for Jay. She really don't like to see Jay in this condition. Seems so restless, crying and keep crying, terrified, breakdown, tantrum, cranky all the time when Will and Ethan need to feed him with his medicine. Last few hour ago, Will need to give him the Tylenol, and Ethan need to hold him tight, so Will can put that med into Jay's mouth. It was very sucks to forced him.
Now, Jay was a lil bit calm. Not like the past few hours. Lindsay be by his side. Will comes back with 2 pancakes and 1 chicken wraps. Pancakes probably for Halstead brother, and Chicken Wraps is Lindsay's favourite.
"Come..I'll feed you, Jay.."
"No... I don't want it.."
"Jay...we're going home.."
"Right now?"
"After you finished that pancake.."
"No..I don't want it.. feels like metal"
"Jay..come.."
"No...Lindsay.."
One more time, he makes the whimper things. Tears scroll down on his puppy eyes. Lindsay wipe it with his finger. She drag Jay's head in her hug, and she shush him once again. He let out a child sob, and Will rubbed his back.
"Please...Will...I don't want that.."
"U probably exhausted Jay, U don't want to eat, refuses on med, you're really exhausted, Bud"
"Help me to hold Jay for a while, Will.."
"Where're you going Lindsay?"
"Just here.. You hopped in my lap, I feed u up.."
"No..no.. I'm gonna puke..."
"You want me to push a few nutrition med on you, Jay?"
"WILL!"
"Then, eat..eat little brother..get some energy on your body, Jay.."
"No..."
Will notice, he keeps on saying No... Will know his trauma just comes back. Will reached his body, and ask a nurse to bring a washcloth. He could noticed too his temperature seems a bit spike. The nurse came in and give Will the washcloth. Jay just with his own clothes, refusing on gown, just sit in silent.
"Lindsay, put this washcloth in Jay's back"
"No..it's cold.."
"It's okay bud, it's bcs you just feel hot again.."
Will can feel the heat radiating off from his tremble body. Jay calm down a bit. And Lindsay feed the pancakes to him. This time, Jay eat.
"So...Uh-huh, You feel good?"
"Yawh.."
"This is what our mom used to. She always put that wash clothes in our back, whenever we get so sick or feeling so hot because of the fever..."
"wow...I learn something...Jay, u okay?"
"Mhmm.."
He could calming a 5 years old Jay, again. Will continue to eat his breakfast, and Lindsay take the food and eat it. Jay finished it up. Last round before they could bring Jay's out. It's time for Jay's med. Only a 2 tablet of Tylenol. Ethan gives the antibiotic on his IV that night, so he don't need it yet. But for the prescription, yes. He need to have that med.
"Jay...2 pills, this is a fever reducers. Last round before we takes that IV out,"
"No...u always said last..."
"I promise...last one..."
"Will...no"
"No Jay, not that cranky this time...u wanna go home right"
Will not mad at Jay, He's actually don't wanna gives Jay's tantrum out from him.. He don't have that much energy left to control on Jay. Lindsay, this time, she's really doing her job.
"Okay Jay...come on... I shared with you, my trick"
"What..."
"Okay, take this banana, eat it...just half.."
"Mhmm..."
"Okay, swallow this pills...U would not taste it"
"Really?...no..."
"Yes..yes try it!"
He swallow. And yes! Didn't feel like metal or that disgusting taste. One more again, she ask Jay to eat like that and swallow the pills with water. Actually, banana have a vitamin c on it, and that can keeping some energy on Jay. Jay finishes that banana and yes, Will smiled!
"This time, Lindsay...U win!"
"Haha! I Know... I was like Jay when I was 5. My mom use to do that on me.."
"Yeah...he usually pretty easy to take that med. Since the things happened, he refuses on everything related to med"
"Haha my cute big baby boy huh..."
Jay finally get his discharge paper. Will comes to Jay's bed and helped Jay. Lindsay talked to him
"Will...did u ask Mrs Goodwin for the leaves? Can you?"
"Yup..I'm applying and pass. We will be there for Jay.."
"Yes... so we're going to?"
"Home...My apartment.."
"Nope, there's nothing compared to My Apartment"
"Really Will..."
They wanted to cheered Jay again. Then Will make an excuse for himself to go to the pharmacy and take the prescription that Ethan write for Jay. Maybe he can used that tricky to forced Jay to takes his medicine. On that -not so fun- ride, Jay's keep his head on the headrest and closed his eyes. He still can't even believed what just happened. The slow ride finally getting arrives at the destination.
Will help to hold Jay, until he can manage on his own feet. Lindsay bring the prescription med along and they walked together to Will's.
"Jay...u want anything? Before we're going upstairs?"
"Can I have Milo?"
"Yup, sure... Lindsay, can u bring him up? He's pretty heavy"
"Haha don't mind, yes sure"
Will stopped at the shop, and bought some Milo's and Bananas. Lindsay manage to bring Jay's up and in to Will's apartment. Jay rest his sore body in couch. Lindsay marked his mental, what should she cooked for them this night. Jay don't have much appetite. She go to the couch and finds a small Jay was already out. Tylenol make their works on Jays.
"Jay...why don't you go to the bedroom?"
"Ju..st..he..re.."
"Okay2..."
She bring out the pillows and support his body. She wiped Jay's faced, and stroking his warm hair. Yes, the heat from his forehead, can you feel it through his hair..
Will comes back, and bring what Jay need. He know Jay loves to having Milo when he feels sick. Jay 5 years old back then, love to having a Milo until this not so 32 years old Jay.
"Jay...let's take a walk to you room?"
"No...I just want to be at couch"
"Okay..."
Will doesn't even bother since Lindsay already make him to bed and he refuses. Then, the older Halstead take the Milo and bananas and put that in the top of island table, and Lindsay called Wills along into Jay's room,
"Will...what do you think..Jay can manage for tomorrow?"
"Yup..I trust him.."
"How about his emotionally..."
"Yeah, he will all out, to fight on it, for sure..."
"He still have the fever..."
"I know...but yeah, let take a look on it... I'm not so sure how we could handle it...it was a fever bcs of he missed someone"
"If he would having a breakdown, or any nightmare, could we manages it?"
"Yup..we'll going through this together, okay? Don't you worry Lindsay..."
Throwing, Tossing, crawling, for a few hours now.. Jay's having his mental breakdown, since he watched their old picture and video. Mouse is the closest friend Jay have. Yeah, he might have Lindsay, but Mouse is Mouse. They fight together on the tour, war, the traumas they been receives when they at Afghanistan, it's something that Jay wouldn't throws out from his mind. Mouse helped him when the IED was round them. They'd blows the humvee up. Mouse was protecting Jay. He really wish, when Mouse planning on going back to the tour team, he don't wanna hear anything happen to Mouse, unless it was a good things about Mouse.
Last month, is the last time he spoke to Mouse, and the last things he spoke to Jay was "He want to fight until the end of his life"... And he got it. He fight, until the end of his breath. Jay cried out. He's not on his nightmare, but it's from his memories, traumas, and episodes that make him feel so emotional. Will just let the door open ajar, but when he sit on the stool at his kitchen table, he could hear sounds of crying. He know, that's Jay...
Slowly, Will open the door a little wide, and he can see, Jay was crying on top of his bed..
"Hey, Jay...I'm coming.."
"Will..."
"Heyy...It's okay... I'm here..."
"Why Mouse left..."
"Hey...please2... calm down...Mouse would be here tomorrow.."
"He comes back with his dead body, Will.."
"But he'll stay alive on your heart..."
"No..It's not the same...I feel bad about him...poor Gerwitz.."
"Hey...calm down Jay..."
Suddenly, Lindsay coming through from her room. She's actually stay on Will bed, since Will said he will shared with Jay's room.
"I'm heard that someone crying...Jay, u good?"
"Lindsay..."
"Yes...yes love, I'm here..."
"I...feel..bad about him...poor him...he must been really sick right? He must been in a lot of pain...he fight all out to protect his country..."
"Hey Jay, he's doing what he used to. Same as you, You're being a cop to protect your own country..."
"No..."
"Hey Jay, calm down, please..."
Lindsay and Will meet their eyes together. They don't know what they should do now... Will rubbed and keep on rubbing his back, while Lindsay cuddle him tightly. She know, Jay don't have enough strongest when it comes to the people he love...
"Why not, we go down to the couch?"
"Yeah..."
Will hold Jay, and brings him to the couch. Jay landed on Lindsay's lap and Will open their favourite movie when they getting sick. It was 'Happy Feet' movie. Jay loves pinguin when he was 5 years old. After a half and hour staying like that, Lindsay switch a lap serviced with Will to holding Jay's head. She's ready to prepared for their dinner. She wanted to give some chicken and Veggie stir-fry, and some soup on Jay, and they're having a Beef Broccoli.
"Jay...you're okay bud?"
"Mhmm..."
"You love pinguin when you was 5"
"You too.."
"Haha...yeah probably because we used to watch this movie such a long time, and keep on repeating it"
"Will..."
"Yes..."
"How about tomorrow?"
"You feel good to go?"
"Yes...I'm fine.."
"U need to promised with me, to bring along the Mouse strongest feeling together with you"
"I don't know..."
"Jay...I told you..Mouse dead, not because of he wanted to leave you.. he do what he does to, and he's not leaving you.. he died because he do protect our country. That's the best things that we should remember.. Yeah, we're human.. sometimes we can feel sad, bad, and wanted to crying like hell because the person we loved left us, like our mom. But, she's gone for good. She's not hurt anymore.. Mouse, he left for his own good. He's not in pain anymore...What he've been through, is sames as what u have been through, Jay...you know how hurt it is right?"
"Yeahh...I...know..."
"We just need to pray for his happiness Jay...He's not hurting anymore...he would be happy if he could see you are praying the best for him.."
"If I could feel happy, he must think i didn't care about him. I love to see he's dead"
"No Jay, he would not. It's okay...u would manage it, time will decides the best for you.."
Lindsay know how Will could calming Jay, whenever Jay feel bad. Jay seems a bit cool. She know how she could handle Jay after this. Half of hour later, they're ready to have a dinner.
"Jay.. can u manage to the dining table?"
"No...just here..."
"Okay...I will bring yours and us.."
"Thanks Lindsay for the dinner..."
"Sure..."
Will help Jay to settle down at the floor, and then help Lindsay to set on their dinner..
"Chicken & Veggie Stir-Fry for our beloved Jay, and beef with broccoli is for us, okay Will?"
"Sure...it's so delicious Lindsay.."
"Jay...wanna eat?"
"Mhmm..."
"Hey...he's act waited for his angel to feed him up"
"Haha really, Jay?"
"Can you?"
"How do you know Will?"
"Been feeding him up whenever he's got sick. Refuse to eat, so I manage to feed him up"
"Hahaha so clingy, huh Jay Halstead"
"Lindsay..."
It was a clingy Jay Halstead she knows. Yup, Jay always wants Will to feed him whenever he feels sick. And they finished their dinner perfectly. Except for Jay... he don't having his appetite yet.
"Im done.."
"Okay...why don't, u finish the water.."
"Don't think so.."
"Come on, keep yourself hydrated, bud"
"I'll try..."
Jay seems a bit afraid to drink or finish that plain water. Bcs he feel like his stomach can't hold them anymore... But he tried the best he can. Now, it's time for his Med.
"Jay...can I take your temperature?"
"Mhmm.."
"Lift your shirt up.."
Will let the thermometer be down at his arm, and Jay rest his body against him. When the beeps sounds out, he sight.
"102.3. Still high, Jay... you're really stress Jay, exhausted..."
"No..I'm fine.."
"Yes, you're.."
"Let's take those med, Jay"
"Can we wait for a minutes more? My stomach full..."
"Uh-huh, always know how to avoid it aren't you?"
"Mhmm I guess..."
So Will let him rest against him. He's stroking his hair, feel his cheek, and yes he's still feel warm. For an hour later, they coming back to talked about the same things.
"Jay, now...shall we..?"
"Can I used those bananas?"
"Yeah..why not.."
"Take a lil bite, and swallow this pills together.."
"kay..."
He tried on it for 2 times, since he had 2 pills to take. Now, it's time for his Antibiotic. Ethan prescribed him with the liquid one, so there's no bananas could handle. He wanted to eat banana but Will obstruct him
"Uh-huh...no bananas for antibiotic.."
"No...it's bad.. it'll taste bad..."
"Please, just a sip, then swallow it with the plain water"
"No..Will..."
"Jay Halstead...come on!.."
"Nooo..."
Just a few sip. Still, this 5 years old , maybe 32 years old Jay can't handle it. Lindsay come and holding Jay..
"Jay...a few sip..come on.."
"Don't..want it.."
"Jay, listen...u need this, or otherwise, you know where we're going.."
"Noo Will please...not there anymore..."
Will push the syringe into the medicine bottle, this time to feed him with that med... just a sec, he pushed that med in Jay's mouth. Jay's just closed his eyes. Almost throw it back, Lindsay rubbing his head.. she gives him small massage. It make Jay feel a calm...
"Oh Jay, just a few sip, still huh? still being a kid"
"No...I don't like the taste.."
"But you need it...you know that, huh?"
"Yeah..."
"Clingy patient..."
"Stop it.."
Lindsay and Will down with the laughed, while Jay just make his duck face towards them. Lindsay slowly massage him, and he fall asleep just a second. Will finally can rest his head just on his pillow. So, they are watching that Happy Feet movie, to finished the things Jay had left for them, and let him rest his mind, probably his emotionally minds for a while..
"DON'T CRY WHEN THE SUN IS GONE, BECAUSE THE TEARS, WON'T LET YOU SEE THE STARS..💫"