"Wouldn't be the end of the world if you let people help though," she looks up at him then, "if you let me help."
There's something in his eyes that's more than the lust she's used to seeing. A depth.
His humanity. Not a vampire, not Spike.
William is staring out at her, clear blue eyes looking at her, really looking at her, from over a century away, reaching out to her past the monster that's locked him in a cage of his own mind.
She brushes her fingers through his hair, and for a second she swears they're not blonde but auburn.
I'm losing my mind...
He furrows his brow, trying to figure out what's going through her mind. Her eyes lock back on his. He leans in, pulling her closer to him. As his lips touch hers she feels the stark difference. There's no urgency, no raw brutality. Even in the softer moments of the last few days she could feel the monster behind it all.
It's not there now. Just him.
The kiss feels freeing, like cool air blowing through his mind.
He pulls her in deeper, arm reaching behind her. He lifts her up and round so she's straddling him on the stairs. Her lips leave his and he sobs from the loss, but she's kissing his cheeks, his eyes, hands on the back of his neck pulling him closer. It's all William ever wanted. Tenderness. Intimacy. It feels like William's been let out, no monster wrapping round his mind, just Buffy pulling him free out of a dark painful room.
He feels sunlight on his skin. A cool breeze blows, carrying with it the smell of cut grass and running water. He tilts his head back so the tears don't spill, blinking them back, and she moves in to kiss his neck. She pushes her fingers in to his hair, kneading his skull, and he thinks he'll never gel his hair again if she would just do that forever.
Her lips are trailing up his neck behind his ear. He wraps both arms round her back, clinging on to her like a life raft.
Her lips find his again and he pushes the kiss wider, tongue wrapping around hers.
He grips her harder and stands up from the stairs, her legs twine round his back. They don't break the kiss as he carries her to the couch, bracing his leg and arm against the cushions to lower her down gently, lying down on top of her.
He pulls his duster off without breaking away from her, slides down beside her, their legs entwined. His arm cradles her head in the nook of his elbow and with his free hand his lifts her hair out from underneath.
He pulls back from their kiss, just for a moment needing to look at her face, see those hazel eyes seeing him. She sighs a little and shifts a bit closer to him. He brushes her cheek with the back of his fingers, trailing underneath her eye.
Something in her vision flickers. She blinks and like a superimposed image it's there again. Auburn curls. The chain round his neck is gone and instead of the black t-shirt he's wearing a white shirt with a stiff collar
She pulls back and it vanishes again.
He kicks his boots off, kicking them to the floor. He pulls her legs up and pulls off her boots, tucks her legs back between his, the bare skin of his feet cool on hers.
He unbuttons her jacket slipping it down from her shoulders and she pulls his shirt off, shedding layers until there's nothing between them. She shivers a little and he pulls her closer to his chest. For a breath of a second Buffy thinks she feels warmth under his skin and the small ticking of a heartbeat but it's gone again before she can linger on it.
He slides in between her legs, pulls her up a little so he can fold his arms around her in a tight embrace, putting them cheek to cheek.
Her hands stroke his back and he buries his face in her neck.
"Uhh, Buffy, I love you," he pushes up into her and she gasps, "God I love you so much, I love you so much..."
"I..." he rocks against her, sliding further in. His hips swaying against her. His groin presses against her clit and she moans, her thighs clenching against him. He hits it again and she thinks she's going to float away.
I can.. I can hear his heartbeat... or is that mine? It's deafening.
He's trembling a little, breathing harder and harder.
It's not mine, it is him.
She moves a hand away from his back, fingers tracing his neck and he moans deeply. She finds the point just above jugular and feels it. A fluttering beneath the skin. Warmth spreading down from him.
He pulls up to kiss her, but she gasps. His curls are long and tawny brown.
"Oh my god.."
"What's wrong?" He pauses, breaking the rhythm, and the imagine of William slips away.
"No... come back."
"I'm here. It's ok, luv I'm here." She closes her eyes as his kisses her deeply. She combs her fingers through his hair and she knows without seeing that it's auburn again. Long, and soft.
The heat of him is making her drowsy. He's moved a hand from her back and is cradling her face. She can hear a pulse beating through his fingers, smashing against her skin. It's so loud... it's so loud...
God it's never been like this... I didn't know it could feel like this. I need this so much, need him so much. Don't want to stop...
Oh God I think I... I think I love him...
He's pushing deeper, and she groans, clutching at him.
"I-" he hits a spot deep in her and she bites back a cry.
"Spike... I..."
"Say it," he bears down on her. She's at her limit, he can hear it in her voice. He's pulsing against her, burning her up, pulling her closer in. His hard fingers digging into the muscles of her back, invading her completely.
"I...I-"
"I love you...say it."
He catches her weak spot again for just a moment and she whimpers. He pulls away and then pushes back down on it harder. Harder. Harder! Harder-
"Say it."
"...I love you." He gulps back a sob but she doesn't hear it. She breaks against him, coming hard, spasming underneath him, clawing at his back. He doesn't let up, pushing further down, building the pressure back up, forcing a second wave on her.
"Say it again."
"I love you."
"Buffy... God, BUFFY-AH!" She comes a second time, her walls clenching round him so tightly it's painful. The dragging friction from it sends him falling over the edge. He bites back a scream, clawing at her skin with his fingers, one arm around her waist like a steal girder, holding her against him, the other at the back of her neck, pinning her face to his. It's agonising. Liberating. He realises tears are pouring from his eyes, soaking her shoulder.
He finally lets go of her after what feels like an age. He flexes his fingers, feeling like he'd nearly broken the bones in them from clutching at her.
If she wasn't the Slayer I would've broken her back.
He looks at her and realises she's been staring at him a while. Her eyes are wide. She looks like she's seen a ghost.
"What's wrong?"
"I saw- I," tears well up in her eyes and spill down her cheeks. He reaches up but she wipes them away with the back of her hand first shaking her head, "nothing."
"What did you see, luv?"
"Nothing." She curls in against him and he moves his arm so she can rest her head on his chest, running his fingers through her hair, wrapping it round his knuckles.
Buffy lies her head down on him. There's still a hint of warmth in him. She moves to put an ear over his chest.
"What are you doing?"
Nothing...
"Nothing."