They walk back to Revello Drive in silence for a long while, neither one really knowing how to break the tension.

Buffy feels Spike's fingers slipping in-between hers, squeezing gently, the rings on his fingers cool against her skin.

"Bloody hell, Goldilocks," he chuckles as they reach the house, "you really do find new an' interesting way of screwing up my un-life."

Buffy smiles, not entirely sadly.

"I guess call it an anniversary gift."

"Think I would've preferred jewellery, ta all the same."

"Tara's getting to work to see how we can undo it before it's permanent."

"Is that what you want?"

She stops, forcing him to stop and turn back to face her, letting go of his hand.

"Isn't it what you want?"

He shrugs, cracks a grin, "never could stand Angel having something I didn't. Besides, if... if it made you-" he breaks eye contact winces at the words that don't want to form, "I think it's something you need. So that's really the end of it."

She blinks, taken aback by it all.

"Spike, I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not asking, so that makes it simple then."

"Spike-"

"Don't, Buffy," his jaw hardens, a flash of anger crossing his face. "Don't say it's not what you want. Don't lie to me now."

"You're the one who called it a burden. You can't do that and then expect me the just sit back and be ok with it!"

"You want to talk about a burden?! Alright, I tell you what, let's do just that. You know what's a real soddin' burden? Being compared to Angel from the fucking start. Constantly having to convince you that I care. Endlessly reassuring you that my feelings are real. I know you still don't really believe it. I can see it in your bloody face when you think I'm not watching. See that doubt creeping back in. You're still holding me at a distance, after all of this. Did you think I just forgot all the times you said I was incapable of real emotion. That I was a soulless dead thing? Those words are a burden."

"That's not fair."

"It is entirely too fair, sweetheart. And that's what really stings isn't it? Because fair is what it would have to be then. You'd have to give me a fair fucking chance, for once. You'd have to actually believe me when I say I love you. Couldn't keep pretending that this was all just some stupid game that we were playing out to make you forget what you've lost. You'd have to be happy, god forbid. And that scares you to death."

"Stop it."

"No I bloody won't! You can't just lock me up in some endless limbo forever. Sooner or later you're going have to face the facts of my feelings for you. Getting my soul back might be torturous but it's nothing compared to having the woman I love holding herself back from me. Keeping me at arms length. it's agony, Buffy."

Her chin sets, and he can read in her face she's trying not to cry, eyes turning glassy even in the dim light of the evening.

Buffy swallows hard, looking away from his piercing stare that seems to go right to the core of her. Why is it so hard to be honest? Standing here it's like he reads my mind, and I have to pretend that every word isn't true. I am... I am holding back. But if he does this for me I'll always feel guilty over it. I can't bare anymore guilt...

"Give a bloke a chance at least, Buffy. Feeling like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't... well- I guess technically I am but-"

"It's too much, Spike, it's- "

"I'm the one who gets to decide that, not you."

"So what, that's it, discussion over?"

"Oh that's ballsy of you, acting like you're suddenly so open to discussion over anything!"

"This isn't about me, it's about you!"

"God you're insufferable. It's ALL about you whether you like it or not, that's the point!"

"Spike, your demon, what I'm inflicting, it's ripping you apart! It's going to get worse. I can't watch you go through that again!"

"Don't watch then! I'm not a child, for Pete's sake, I don't need you to mollycoddle me. If you're so squeamish I'll head back to the crypt and take care of it by myself I didn't ask you to babysit, if you recall, that was your insistence."

Buffy bites her tongue, "you so don't get it." God please Spike, please just hear how I feel without me having to say it. I can't stand watching you get torn to pieces for me anymore.

"No I get it plenty, honey. I get that you don't let people suffer for you. What you don't get is that I've been suffering for you a lot longer than this last week. It doesn't compare."

She tips her head back so the tears don't start, "Spike, if you do this... if you..."

"I would do more if I could. It's overwhelming, I know, but I gave into it a long time ago. It's easier if you just surrender to it, instead of fighting it all the time."

"...I'm better at fighting."

"Believe me I'm fully fucking aware of that."

She sighs, and he moves in closer to take her hand.

"It hurts to see you like that, don't you get it?"

"Buffy," he moves her chin up so that they're eyes lock, "I know you won't admit it but me without a soul is hurting you just as much. You want someone who's an equal but until I do this you'll always feel like I'm only half of what you need."

"That's not true."

"I know it is. It'll be worth it if it puts a stop to all those nagging doubts that you're doing such a convincing job of hiding."

Her shoulders slump, exhausting settling itself across her face.

"We'll see what Tara says first, but I'm not giving this up whether you like it or not. Besides, it sounds like I'm getting an upgrade on Angel's so it'll be nice to have bragging rights over that prick. Won't be such a curse."

She chuckles a little, sounding exhausted, desperate to end the argument. He wraps an arm over her shoulders and gets her walking again, heading for the house.

"We'll call it an anniversary gift then."

She laughs then, an errant tear escaping down her cheek.

"Just don't get me the same fucking thing next year."

They enter through the kitchen door and are greeted by the sight of Willow and Dawn opening Chinese take-out.

Willow's starting to get her colour back, but the weight she's lost is still evident in her face, the heartache still loud in her eyes.

"Hey! You're back! You guys out on the slayage?" She opens a couple of boxes, inspecting the contents, and handing them to Dawn, who smiles.

"Uh yeah," Buffy lies, "you guys look chipper?"

Willow nods, a look of shame flitting quickly across her face, "Yeah uh- Dawnie's been helping me pack up the magic stuff. We've been having a bit of a purge."

Dawn smiles across at her, opening more boxes with her good hand, "Spike, we got egg rolls."

"No." He's moving to the fridge, pulling out a carton of blood and tearing open the plastic with his teeth.

"Come on, do the egg roll trick!"

"No, I'm not your performing monkey Bit." He pours the blood into his mug and sets it in the microwave.

"What on earth is the egg roll trick?" Buffy asks, opening a pair of chopsticks and grabbing a box from the centre.

"1 part impressive, 2 parts horrifying," Willow mumbles around a mouthful of noodles.

Buffy cocks an eyebrow at Spike. The microwave dings and he pulls the mug out, stirring the blood with his finger, licking it off before taking a swig.

Dawn gets an egg roll out of the box and hurls it like a baseball down the length of the kitchen. In a flash Spike's face shifts, fangs falling down and he snatches the egg roll out of the air with his teeth. He pushes his vampire face back, biting the egg roll in half, swallowing, and dipping the remaining half in the blood.

Dawn's licks the grease off her fingers, grinning.

Buffy nods at Willow, "yep, horrifying."

They eat, Spike finishing his blood and rinsing out the mug before lighting a cigarette. The evening winds on pleasantly.

Spike notices that Willow is watching him a little closer than her usual wariness. Eyes flicking from him to Buffy.

She knows.

He holds his breath as she catches his eye, feeling like every moment of the last few days is written across his face as plain as day.

Dawn heads off to bed, and not long after Buffy get's up and heads to the bathroom leaving the two of them alone.

There's a moment of silence as Willow sizes him up.

"It's Buffy's birthday next week."

He blinks, and she smiles at the confusion she's thrown across his face.

'There's a party on Sunday. Come by if you like."

She get's up then, leaving him reeling, and head's upstairs.