Buffy stirs awake. It's late in the morning, and the sun is warming the room with a dreamy yellow glow.
Spike lies on his back, one arm tucked underneath his head, the hand of the other arm wrapped round her thigh anchoring her to him. The way he sleeps always takes up so much space, forcing her to be in contact with him one way or another, pushing for intimacy even whilst unconscious. During the night his face shifted out from his demonic features, purely peaceful and angelic. The contrast between last night is cavernous.
She wipes sleep out of her eyes, feeling small abrasive sores on her cheek. All the tears shed seem to have burnt her skin. Burned something inside her too. The thought of her own vulnerability makes her squirm. Thoughts of his arms around her, cradling her, rocking her until she stopped.
Why is it when I'm hurt or sad or scared he's there? It's like he feeds on it. But when he's there he doesn't make it worse... He can be arrogant and rude and sure sometimes down and out disgusting but not if I'm in pain. How do people do that? Let people in when it hurts? Am I seriously so damaged that the idea of that if terrifying?
She reaches out a hand for his hip, her fingers brushing the jeans she's forgotten he's still wearing.
Doesn't cross the line when it's important... considerate... not a word I'd ever thought I'd associate with him...
He moves a little in his sleep, frowning slightly and the crease of his brow hits her with another new thought.
I kissed him with his demon on show.
How careful he had been. Even restrained as it was she'd wanted more but he'd stopped her. Wouldn't cross that line, knowing it would be easy to after she'd felt so raw and hurt. Easy to take advantage of that. But he wouldn't.
Is that what trust is? Knowing he won't push for that when it matters.
Her fingers travel over the skin of his chest, lightly touching the puckered white scar over his heart. The thought of Riley pushing a plastic stake through his chest makes her flare with anger. He tortured him when he knew he couldn't fight back. Like kicking a tied up dog. Thought he was reliable and simple and easy to read but to do that you have to be...
Evil.
What else did I miss? I ignored Spike's opinion of him. Thought it was just jealousy but he knew about the trips out at night. Knew about how inadequate Riley felt around me. How he punished me for it. Spike saw it all before I did. Knew I was...
Her mind tries to skip over the word unsatisfied but it barges its way into her thoughts. How boring and monotonous and endlessly dull it had all felt. Exhaustingly safe... passionless. No room to be herself. Like being locked in a cage...
There's a prickling sensation on her spine and she snaps her head up. Spike is watching her cooly between half open eyes.
"Jesus-," she gasps, "how long were you watching me?"
"A while. Don't let me stop you, luv." He moves his hand off her leg to cup the one on his chest, scooping fingers up into his fist and squeezing gently. "What were you thinking about?"
"...Riley."
He snorts derisively, rolling his eyes, "you're still wastin' time thinking about that wanker?"
"Not like that." She avoids his eyes, fingers still treading lightly over his scar. "I just... got him so wrong. I thought I was good at reading people but I'm not. I misread all the signs and when you tried to tell me the truth I thought it was just jealousy talking-"
"Well to be fair, it was, mostly."
She smiles a little, but the sadness settles back down over it. He waits for her to say more before nudging.
"What's got you so rattled?"
She shifts a bit closer to him, wisps of hair falling across his shoulder.
"What do you remember about last night?"
He strokes the back of her hand with his thumb.
"Bit more this time. Pieces."
"But not all of it?"
"Mostly just the end of it." He catches the look that tries to scurry across her face unnoticed. "Is that what's got you? Did I say something I should'nt of?"
"No."
"Well that's a first, then." He takes a moment to piece together what she said about Riley, slotting it over what she's not saying now. "You think you've misjudged me? Is that it?"
"I did. Maybe I still am a little."
"I'm not the type to hold grudges, luv." She gives him a withering look, "alright, fine I'm exactly type to hold grudges, but not against you. I want a clean slate too you know."
"I don't think it's ever going to be squeaky clean."
"Maybe not. But I've got no problem with atonement."
"With-?"
He turns onto his side, moving so his hands can hold her head in both his hands, hard fingers on the back of her, pulling her closer to him. His leg moves in between hers pushing up close to her, kneading her as he slips his tongue into her mouth. His hands are warm from her own warmth, tongue curling round hers slowly at first, then pushing back harder against hers.
"You want me to make it up to you, sweetheart?" He pushes harder against crotch, hears her breathing start to turn to panting, feels the heat of her through his jeans, "you can make it up to me too. We'll both atone."
"What do you mean?"
"Tell me what's still burning you up," his hands roam down her shoulders, round her back as he buries his head in her hand breathing her in, lips brushing her ear, "let me show you how sorry I can be."
She shakes her head a little.
Too honest. Can't do that.
"Come on, now. Being direct is the new name of the game between us."
"No, Spike."
"Yes. No more grudges. Have a little trust for once."
What if I did. What if for once I stopped hiding everything. She swallows,"...Alright," flinching away from the feeling that he's about to gain the upper hand in some long played game, and picked a sore point at random. "The day in the quad. You had the gem of Amara. What you said..."
"Did it cut too deep?"
"It hurt, yeah."
"Said you weren't worth a second go," he curls his tongue around her ear and she shivers, "forgive me, honey. Cruel words. You know it's not true, you've brought me to my knees."
"It was true. You said I was too strong. Maybe I did bruise Parker. I definitely bruised Riley."
"You weren't built for weak little boys, Slayer. So many beautiful muscles. You make it hurt so nice. Like this body was built just for me."
He trails cool sweet kisses along her neck, her jaw. She relaxes into them, closing her eyes, purring at the light touch.
"Say you forgive me."
She smirks, toying with the curls at the back of his head. "No."
"Please. Forgive me Buffy. I'll get down on my knees if you want." He cocks an eyebrow, running his tongue over his teeth in a leer. She grips his hair hard, but he doesn't flinch, only groans, like every touch from her is a blessing.
"Feeling better?"
"Yes."
"Give me another grudge, then," he says pulling her hand out of his hair. He sits up straddling her legs, tucking his feet under her knees. He kisses the palm of her hand, running his tongue between her fingers. Her breath hitches as his tongue laps at her skin. "Give me another."
"The Buffybot."
He nods.
"I know I crossed a line."
"You think?"
"You weren't supposed to find out."
"That doesn't make it better."
"I know. I was going out of mind on you. I still am. If I'm not near you it feels like part of me is lost."
"Don't do that. Don't make it seem like it wasn't just a grotesque sex toy."
"It wasn't-" she moves to yank her hand away from him, but he pulls it back, "-alright, alright. That was part of it. Just not all of it, believe me."
"It was sick."
"Buffy, I've been around a long time but I can still count the number of women I've been with on one hand. I wouldn't even need all the fingers, and the biggest part of my life was with Dru who was off her fucking gourd. I haven't had a lot of experience with boundaries."
"Seeing as you brought up Dru, the night you tried to win me over by threatening to let her eat me."
He flinches, clinging on to her hand.
"Yeah, handled that all wrong. My idea of romance has been a bit off centre for a while."
"No, really, girls love having endless devotion professed in front of an insane ex who wants to eat them."
Spike looks like he's going to say something when the pained look on his face vanishes, and her words click in his mind.
"Hnn. That's interesting."
"What's interesting?"
"I would've thought your biggest grievance there would be the chains."
Buffy flushes, her cheeks turning a deep pin, "I-"
There's a glint in his eye that makes her stumble over the protesting words about to come out of her mouth. A wolfish grin spreads across his face.
"You like it that way. Bet that's why you were so pissy afterwards, huh?"
"Don't be disgusting."
"Oh no," he chuckles darkly, "it's far too late to play the haughty virgin now, pet."
She starts to sit up, moving to wriggle out from under him but he shoves her back down onto the bed hard.
"I should've figured that out. All this strength, all this power. I bet your begging to to have it taken from you just for a bit." He pushes her legs apart with his own, capturing her wrists in his hand and pins her down. Her jaw hardens, but her eyes dilate, giving her away.
"I take it we're done with the atoning then?"
"I don't have to apologise, if you fucking liked it"
He grinds her with his hips, squeezing her wrists harder, feeling the heat rising off her. "Tired of being treated like a princess? I bet your Vanilla Cub Scout didn't even crease the sheets did he. There's only so much monotony a soul can take." She scowls, grips his hips with her thighs and squeezes hard. His mind swoons from the pressure of her and he forgets the grip on her wrists. Before he can blink she's yanked her hands out of his grip. She has him by the neck in a second, mouth crashing into his. He gets his arms underneath her and rolls her on top, sitting up against the headboard.
She pushes her hand into his hair as his hands cup the cheeks of her ass pulling her harder into his crotch. He squeezes hard, and she gasps from the pain.
Guess we're done with kind then.
...Good.
She sinks her teeth into his earlobe, pulling his hair. He sucks in air through his teeth at the pain of it, reaches up and pulls her back by the hair.
"Bite me again, missy, see what happens." Something warm trickles down his neck and he realises she's drawn blood. He doesn't let go of her hair, forcing her mouth down on his.
She grinds against him wrapping her whole arm round the back of his neck, pushing herself hard against him. She pulls him up into her arms, her kisses getting harder. The feel of her hands on his neck, on his back, soft like warm silk, stroking him, her hips pushing down on him. His eyes are open a little watching her watching him. Her eyes gleam wickedly, and she curls her tongue around his, hearing him moan into her mouth. She sucks his lip into his mouth. And bites down.
"Fucking asked for it." He lets go of her hair and grips the collar of her tshirt, splitting the hem of the neck with his teeth. He rips it in half, yanking it down hard over her arms and wraps it into a rope. He gets her hands behind he back, wrapping the shirt up and around her wrists and pulling tight. She gasps.
"Ahh- Spike, that pinches."
"Yeah? Aw. Ain't karma a bitch." He pushes her wrists down, arching her back, pushing her up into him. He holds her arms back and traces the underside of her breast with his tongue, leaving a pink line of blood on her ribcage from his bitten lip. He sucks a nipple into his mouth, rolling it with his tongue, trapping it with hard teeth and pulling at her.
Hot lines of electricity shoot up and over, making the walls inside her contract painfully, the nerves of the skin in his mouth a hotline down to her clit. He pulls her deeper into his mouth, sucking harder. She pulls against the shirt around her wrists and the feeling of the fabric biting into her skin makes her moan.
I'm on fire... God his teeth... I could come from this- oh shit I might actually-
"Spike... I-"
His hand reaches between them, thumb tracing a line down her stomach, pinches the skin of her belly button sending another jolt through her before moving down lower.
"Spike-"
His hand dips underneath the hem of her underwear, middle finger slipping between her folds, rubbing her clit. The heartbeat under the skin in his teeth starts to pound, the way she's gasping deafens him.
She starts to crest the wave, tight shivers pushing her over. Then suddenly he pulls his hand back, releases her nipple from his mouth, leaving her gasping.
She blinks, crashing back to earth.
"You... asshole."
There's a gloating smirk plastered across his face, and he licks his lip, tracing the bite mark she left.
"Can't take a little payback, pet? Don't mind a little teasing as long as you're the one dishing it out, huh?"
"Shut up and untie me."
"Or what, you'll scold me? How the tables have turned." He pulls her knees up and tips her back, letting her crash into the mattress.
"Think I want to play a new game. It's called Be Nice To Spike." He gets up off the bed and slides out of his jeans. Every inch of him looks like it's carved out of marble. He takes a pillow from down by her feet, lifting her up by the back of the neck and slotting it behind her. He straddles her, positioning himself high up on her chest, squeezing her shoulders with his knees.
"What are you doing?" She wriggles underneath him. Hunger clouds her eyes, a deep blush blooms on her cheeks.
"You know exactly what I'm doing. Open your mouth."