"Open your mouth."

There's a rebellious glint in her eye and she smirks up at him. Instead she lifts her head off the pillow, soft pink tongue licking the length of his cock teasingly slowly, keeping her eyes on his face, kissing his skin from the base of his shaft to the tip leaving little trails of heat.

He tastes so sweet. Bitter too, like coffee with lots of sugar. He's so hard, but his skin's so soft. He's like that all the way through, hard and soft at the same time, contradictions... cruel and kind, cold and warm. He's aggravating but addictive. I always said that's what I need, pain with love, otherwise it's just tepid. I should've realised then this is what it was. Need the dark with the light. Doing this before... with others... it felt like the means to a quick end. Sort of degrading, and yet boring. He makes it feel intimate. Powerful... like I'm the one in control.

Is it him, or just the way I feel?

He's leaning on the frame of the bed post watching her between his legs. Every time her eyes catch his he can feel a drop in pressure, feel the ground shifting underneath him. Soft green eyes with a defiant gleam. He can feel her arms moving against the rope round her wrists, not trying to break free, just straining to feel them tighter against her skin.

She dips her head, taking the full length of him into her mouth. The boiling heat of her hits him deep, feels the fire of her mouth spreading up his stomach, settling in his chest, dragging him down, sinking into her.

She slides her tongue up and around his tip, sucking on him softly, increasing the pressure a little bit at a time before pushing down him all the way again, swallowing him up, not completely but the velvet of her mouth wraps around him.

"Buffy..." he reaches down to stroke her face, moving his hand down underneath her neck. She moans at the touch of his hand and the vibration travels up his full length, tripping up his spine.

He pulls back, overwhelmed by the sensation of it but she raises with him, refusing to relinquish him. She rolls him with her tongue, grazing him with her teeth.

He pushes the need to thrust harder into her back down, the muscles of his legs straining against the control, his hand gripping the railing of the bed until his knuckles whiten.

God I could burst from this, but I don't want to let go yet... not yet. Want her to do this forever, she's like a fever.

He groans as she slides down slowly onto him, her tongue lapping at the underside of his cock, caressing a bundle of nerves just below his tip.

"God, where did you learn to do that?"

Dark eyes flash up at him, holding his gaze, stroking with her tongue each nerve ending, every inch of skin. She grazes him gently with her teeth and his brow furrows, baring teeth as he moans. Sharp white teeth, creased. His vampire face swims into her mind unbidden. Her stomach knots itself, flinches at it, but a part of her mind tells her not to shut it out. Focus on it.

That's what it needs to be. For both of us. The light and dark, a caring soul wrapped in a monster. I need to love them both, the way he loves both parts of with me... the girl and the Slayer. I have to do that back. It's useless pretending I don't need both sides, the Slayer in me needs the monster in him. That's what he meant by the death wish, something in me always craved that piece, needed the dark.

I've been pushing him away because of that for so long. Should've realised sooner...

He moans again and the sound of his voice breaking through pushes the thoughts out of her head for a moment.

Can't forget. Light and dark. Both sides.

He's swelling tight in her mouth, pushing her jaw wider, pulsing against her tongue. Each dip of her head brings a groan, his fingers in her hair, thumb rubbing her temples.

She lays it on thick, sucking harder, taking him as deep as she can while her tongue twirls around him. He's starting to spasm, and she can taste salt in her mouth. Just as his thighs start to clamp down on her shoulders, shaking deeply, she pulls her mouth away, lying back down on the pillow.

His eyes flash open, mouth still gasping.

"What-"

"Payback."

He laughs, breath rattling.

"You bitch."

He pushes himself down from the bed rail, stretching out on top of her. She wraps her legs around his. She reaches up to kiss him but he moves away, brushing his lips against hers teasingly, staying out of reach.

"I don't think I like you being a tease."

"That's because you're spoilt."

His eyes lock on hers, burning deep blue. The intensity makes something inside her clench achingly. She can feel him fingering the fabric of the shirt wrapped round her wrists.

He unlaces his fingers from hers, pulling the knots of the fabric apart. When they loosen she feels pins and needles flood into her hands. She shifts so her arm can wrap around him, stroking the muscles in his back.

He slides to the side of her, pulling her with him so she's cradled against him, arm underneath her across her back whilst the other hooks underneath her leg, moving her closer to him, gripping her hip so that she's pinned flush against him. Her leg draped over the crook of his elbow.

He pushes slowly into her, feeling her quiver around him. Her eyes don't leave his, glazing over as he thrusts slowly, wrapping his arm around her tighter. He starts rocking against her, none of the early desperation. A strangely peaceful smile passes over his face.

"What was that smile about?" Buffy asks, feeling her skin begin to prickle up from his stroking fingers on her back. He dips his head so they're cheek to cheek, mouth tickling her ear.

"I was just thinking, how the more I know you... the more you surprise me. When you let me in a little, it feels like such a gift. I didn't think I could love you more than I did but I just keep finding more depths. Its sort of excruciating, can't seem to get any peace from it. I don't know if it's the soul or if it's just getting everything I wanted all of sudden after years of aching but it's- it's sort of terrifying"

Buffy closes her eyes, and nuzzles into his neck. There's a of trace blood from where she bit his ear and kisses the line up to his jaw. He arches against her, hard cock pushing further up, taking a little more with each thrust, filling her completely. She can feel her skin start to burn, pressing against the cool skin of his chest.

"I know what you mean, about the no peace-ness of it. I think I get it now, what you said last year. Feeling like you're drowning."

"Don't say that if you don't mean it, Buffy. I couldn't take it."

"I mean it. If I'm being truthful I knew then. There was something between us and I didn't want to feel it. Couldn't go through it all again because it's so painful. Part of me sort of assumed that what you were doing was just a new way of torturing me. Like you'd figured it out and were twisting it back at me."

"That's not what I was doing, I promise-"

"I know. I know now. It's still new ground for me though. You said you hadn't had much experience with boundaries, well I've had barely any experience with trust. Always ended up finding a reason not to. There was always a part of mind that was giving off like big loud warning sirens. To be fair it would be the same with anyone, I think. Trust is a problem. I'm still not... completely sure how to do that yet."

"You already know the worst side of me. I can't change my past, but I won't hurt you. I swear I won't, Buffy, if for no other reason that it would tear me apart. I have to do better for you, whether you're with me or not. If you-" his voice breaks for a second and Buffy realises that tears have run down his face onto hers, "if.. if you ended this I want you to know I wouldn't... I wouldn't stop trying to be better."

"I know that."

She reaches up and cups his head, stroking the back of his neck with her fingers. He sighs, thrusting harder, starting to pant against her neck.

"I need you to do something for me."

"Anything. I'd do anything."

She moves back a little so she can look into his eyes.

"I need you to change your face."

Confusion breaks across his features.

"Why?"

"It's hard to explain."

"Tell me."

"I need to. It's like you said, about loving all parts of me. I want to be able to do that for you." It's not a lie, it's just not all of the truth.

"Buffy... do you mean that?"

"I do. I need to. I can't keep being in love with only half of you. It's just a different type of denial. It's hurting both of us."

He flinches, casting his eyes away. Girl calls me a monster for years and now she wants me to serve the worst part of myself up to her on a silver platter like it's nothing. Like it wouldn't break my heart into pieces to see her repulsed by me.

Not even Dru wanted all parts of me. Just wanted the monster. Couldn't bear the rest of me.

She reaches up and touches the scar above his eyebrow, resting her hand on the side of his face.

"We're getting better at trusting each other, aren't we?"

He swallows hard, pulling her a little tighter against him, not breaking the movement of his hips against hers. His eyes close so he doesn't have to watch disgust show on her face. Holding his breath. He moves her hand up just above the bridge of his nose so her fingers are across his forehead. There's a sound like bone pushing through meat, wet and sharp. Buffy feels the bones underneath shift, a ridge coming up underneath her fingers, the scar underneath her little finger shifts and stretches further round, becoming deeper, the joins of it widening.

When she moves her hand away wild yellow eyes are looking back into hers. Without the arrogance and the leer there's something simply feline about his features. Feral, but not threatening. She leans in, resting her forehead against his. The tension between them breaks a little, easing off, and she moves in closer to him, hand stroking his hair.

Her lips brush over his cheek, kissing carefully across to his mouth.

I thought it would be harder than this. But it's easy. It's still him. He was right, his demon is different. Angel's wanted violence. His just wants love. It'll do evil things for love, it did terrible things for Drusilla.

And for me. Loving to the point of insanity.

He pulls away from her as her lips touch his. He freezes, holding her still.

"Buffy… wait-" he moves his face away from her a little, "I want this, you've no idea how bad, but if you don't really want it back don't do this. We can still turn back."

"I want you. Being with you... makes all of this hurt less. I need you. Even like this. That's- that's not right, not 'even like this' but... in everyway? The way you love me. All the good and... and all the bad too. Fully."

Her hands haven't moved from his face and he nuzzles the palm of her hand, trying not to let emotion drown him completely, sharp pangs claw his throat as he bites back a sob. "My girl. My slayer."

He kisses her deeply, letting her kiss him back before he starts moving against her. She rolls him down on top of her, without breaking the kiss, pushing her tongue into his mouth, feeling the blades of his teeth scrape over her lips.

Her hands knead his back, brush over a nerve and he buckles against her, nearly biting her tongue.

Fuck, be careful you stupid git. She's giving everything you ever wanted, don't ruin it all as soon as you get it.

But she wraps a leg tighter around him, muscles squeezing him hard.

He pulls out of the kiss afraid he'll cut her mouth to ribbons, and buries his face in her hair, the scent of it engulfing him completely. Like peaches cooking in the sun. Sugar melting.

She wriggles away from him and he bites back a whimper, but she's turning her face back to his.

"I want to kiss you. Stop pulling away."

"I just don't want to hurt your mouth. Not like this."

"I can take it." Her mouth crashes against his, her arm on the back of his neck forcing him closer, stopping him from pulling back.

"Buffy-" he mumbles between kisses, trying to slow her down, "I know you can take it, that doesn't mean you should have to. I know pain goes hand and hand with passion for both us but if I take it too far and lose you that's not a pain I think I can take."

"How is it you already know that about me? About needing both?"

"It's pretty obvious, luv. The way you fight. It's like you light up from the inside. I think you used to hate that part of yourself. You keep yourself on such a tight leesh, don't want to give in to the dark. But you know they say sunshine all the time makes a desert. You need to let yourself be in the dark. With me." The walls of her clench down hard at his words, her claws digging into the flesh of his arms.

"With you..." she moans, mouth finding his again, wrapping around him.

The urgency is steeping, her fingers deep in his hair, pulling him down harder onto her. He runs his hand over her leg, up her side to her waist. She gasps against his lips and panic washes over him as he thinks he's drawn blood, but she's meeting his thrusts with her own. Her hands grip his hips, nails scratching him harder. She wraps her other leg around his back and rolls herself on top, sitting back, feeling him reach the deepest parts of her, clenching against him. He sits up so he can feel her breasts against his chest, cupping one with a hand, trapping a nipple between fingers. Her hands are wondering across his shoulders, they're mouths breathing into one another between kisses.

"I did used to hate it. Everyone told me that feeling that was- wrong. But I need it. I love you. I think... I think I'd love you even if I could only have the demon of you. I don't care anymore. It hurts too much to care anymore."

"You... Love me? Even like this?"

"Yes. So much." She pulls back crying out suddenly and her thighs clamp down on him hard, violent tundering shakes vibrating against him. His head swims from the pressure of her, feels himself melting away.

"Buffy... God Buffy- I-" As her orgasm rips through her he clings to her, head on her chest just above her heart, an arm wrapped up her back gripping her by the shoulder. When he comes a howl escapes his lips. He tastes blood and realises his teeth have scratched her chest, but she's holding him to her, not giving an inch of space. He licks a cool link across her breast, tasting droplets of blood and sweat. Her blood tastes like honey, hot and sweet and perfumed.

"My girl... All mine..."

The sound of her breathing, of her heart beating almost drowns out the sound of her voice.

"Yours..."