Chapter 1

I sat on the bus as it traveled through the darkness of the night trying so hard to forget. I had a single rucksack at my feet with some changes of clothes and a smaller bag that I held tightly to my chest. I was running away, of that I had no doubt, but with no plan in mind I had no idea of where I would end up and to be honest, I didn't care. I felt empty, totally avoid of any emotion, which for me was totally out of character. Maybe that was what I wanted and probably needed just to cope with everything that had happened. I would disappear into the ether and just hope that I would survive because the hurt that I was feeling was debilitating.

I was no longer Stephanie Plum daughter to Ellen and Frank Plum, sister to Valerie and aunt to my nieces. I hated who she was with a vengeance and everything about her, despised her even. As I sat looking out of the window, I tried to ignore the person looking back at me from the reflection in the glass but that was so difficult to do. I removed the hat that I'd pulled over my head to reveal the short remains of my long curly hair. It had to be done, but I suppose with how pale I looked and how my gaunt skin drew out my cheekbones I did look different now, a look that suited my mind. I ran my gloved hands over my cheek and down my neck following the receding redness of my skin. Marks that in the past would have been covered by my hair but could well become a part of me. Marks that carried the pain that I was so desperately wanting to push away, pain that I knew now had to be a part of my history.

As I became aware of the bus stopping, I was trying to work out exactly where I was. I'd left Trenton in the dead of night taking a bus that was heading north. My intention had been to get as far away as possible without the possibility of anyone finding me. Not that anyone would be looking. No, no one would be looking for me because most of them loathed me for what had happened. The one person who had listened to me, really listened to me had been Lula.

As the bus stopped, I replaced my hat and pulled the hood of my jacket over my head then picking up my rucksack made my way to the exit. As I stood in the station I watched as my fellow travelers disappeared. Some had people meeting them while others walked away with a confidence that showed that they had somewhere to go. Me, I had no idea what to do next or where to go and the thought of being in such a large place had the walls closing in on me. I walked to the end of the platform and looked up at the board that was showing departures and arrivals, surprised that I'd ended up in Seattle. Okay maybe by being adlib with the buses that I'd travelled on I hadn't realized that I'd ended up on the other side of the country, but I was okay with that. There was only one bus leaving soon, which suited me fine, going to a place that I had never heard of before, Hoquiam.

I felt out of place as I traveled on the bus, being the only passenger. At least as we continued to travel other passengers boarded, probably on their way to work. I kept my head down trying to blend in because I didn't want anyone to see me. I wanted to be a ghost that people looked through that they never remembered. As buildings started to appear I honestly thought that I'd arrived at my destination but seeing a few people remaining in their seats I stayed where I was. Watching the signs pass by I realized that the town that I was in was called Aberdeen so continued to watch. The light around me was telling me that it was the start of a new day, another day of many, having ridden on buses for so long. I felt tired, no weary. Not just physically but mentally as well. I'd spent too much time with my own thoughts, and they were dragging me down.

Even as the daylight increased, I was busy staring out of the window. Streets were wide and quiet, okay, I knew that it was early morning, but the whole scene around me felt surreal, so different to where I'd come from. Any buildings were spread out with areas of grass between them and trees casting shadows as the wind blew through their branches. The buildings were all low and painted pastel colors but to be honest it seemed almost like a ghost town. Maybe somewhere like this was where I could lose myself.

Feeling the bus stop I looked around me, wondering where to go next, but knowing that I needed to get off the bus.

"You okay love?"

I jumped at the sound coming from behind me, not realizing that there was one last person on the bus. It made me move though, and I was once again stood by the side of the bus with no idea of what to do next. I watched as a dirty brown station wagon drove through the area and came to a stop near the rear of the bus and as the door opened and a very pregnant woman got out.

"Dad. You coming or what?"

The man behind me started to walk toward the car and then stopped and turned back to look at me.

"Do you need a lift somewhere?"

I shook my head as I looked down at my feet not wanting to inflict myself on anyone and deciding that I'd find my own way around here.

"Dad?"

I looked up seeing a frown on the woman's face and the man was now walking toward me. As I took more notice of him, I recognized that he was probably a similar age to my father which had my heart locking tighter in my chest.

"Come on, you look lost, at least we can feed you some breakfast and provide some coffee"

Him taking my rucksack from my hand gave me little choice but to go with him but I swore to myself that after having some food I'd be leaving. I wasn't sure what his daughter was thinking because she'd got back in the car and the man opened the back door for me before getting into the passenger street.

"Why are you still driving, I could have called Bert to pick me up?"

I wasn't sure what expression she gave him and was sure that I hadn't heard her response. The journey was quiet as she drove, glimpses of water to one side that I was sure was a river as I could see buildings on the other bank. I couldn't get over how open everywhere was. Parking lots and low buildings, some looked to be businesses other shops with houses in between. The street now traversed along the edge of the river, the sunlight reflecting from the gentle ripples as the water lapped against the boats tied up. I heard an indicator from in front of me so watched where we were going, surprised when we pulled up to a building next to the river. Looking sideways through the window I saw a timber clad building that was two floors high.

The man opened the door for me and then gently holding my elbow led me to a large white door. I think he was probably worried that I would bolt and maybe I was thinking of it. I followed the woman up some stairs where we came out into a huge room, but I was drawn to large glass windows at one end. Below was the river with a boat moored below me. To my left was a bridge with a metal structure surrounding it and allowed me to catch glimpses of cars travelling across it. To my right I saw the river against the muddy sandy banks which to me implied that maybe it was tidal.

"What's your name lass?"

I turned and saw the man facing me and in the light any resemblance that he had to my father disappeared. I struggled to decide what name to use because I'd never really thought that through yet.

"Janey, Janey Doerling"

Because I wanted to be anonymous, unknown, a Jane Doe that nobody knew about or wanted to know about. If he thought it was strange, he never let on, instead he held his hand out for me to take.

"Jenson Wagner and this here is my daughter Anya"

I held my expression as he shook my hand aware of the pain radiating from it and was relieved that when he let go that he didn't seem to notice. Now I was facing into the room, I was looking at the open space, a kitchen made from wood and a matching table with chairs around it. The rest of the room held two couches that faced a TV and a large black stove that had logs laid in a basket next to it. Anya was busy placing plates on the table along with cutlery before she opened a stove and removed a large dish.

"Let's get this coat off you then we can eat. The coffee hot Anya?"

I slowly unzipped my jacket afraid of what he would think when he saw what I was wearing. Hell, I'd been wearing the jeans and sweater for days as I'd travelled and was sure they were wrinkled and probably dirty, but removing my jacket made me feel vulnerable. I flinched as my hat was pulled off my head making me move my hands to my hair.

"Take a seat Janey"

Sat at their table wasn't somewhere I expected to find myself, so I was quiet as Anya placed the oven dish next to me. I took a sausage and a small amount of scrambled egg because I wasn't feeling that hungry. No one said anything until plates were full and mugs were filled with hot coffee.

"Did you get sorted dad?"

My eyes never left my plate because I didn't want to get drawn into their conversation because I had no right to be here.

"Yeah. Finding that man, well it just seemed a shame that he would benefit from Mavis dying"

"Nephew, wasn't he?"

"He was, though he'd never spoken to her in years"

I heard the words but not their meaning and tasted some of the egg. Not long ago I would have enjoyed a breakfast like this, but not anymore. It didn't seem to taste of anything, and I struggled to swallow it. I needed to get out of here, the way that these people were behaving so normally was stifling me. I'm sure that I said "I'm sorry, I have to go" before I pushed the chair away from me. I know that I stood up quickly and maybe that was my undoing because all I felt was a cold feeling run through me before everything went black.