Chapter 2

I woke with a sob and tears on my face and a deep seated panic rising from the pit of my stomach. A touch on my shoulder had me cringing away from it, pulling myself up against something soft.

"It's okay lass, no one's gonna hurt you"

I felt like screaming out that I couldn't be hurt any more than I already had been, but knew that I needed to get control of myself. I knew that tears were running down my face and that I was taking fast shallow breaths. The blurred image of someone sat next to me didn't help and it was then that I realized that I was laid down on a bed. I had no idea where I was or who was with me and with eyes screwed up tight was waiting for the words to come. When the silence continued, I looked to the person next to me and recognized the man who had found me next to the bus.

"You okay now?"

I didn't respond because I knew that I would never be alright, how could I ever be?

"Are you in trouble?"

I shook my head knowing now that he'd have all sorts of ideas about me, and mostly bad, then again maybe he was right.

"Are you on the run?"

"Maybe"

I uttered without thinking, but I was pretty sure he wouldn't even consider that I was running away from myself.

"Will there be anyone looking for you?"

I shook my head again and closed my eyes to stop the tears from flowing again. No one would want to find me, and I didn't want them to. I felt a glass being pressed into my hand and then as a hand came over mine and pushed the glass to my mouth. The drink was warm and sweet but not a taste that I recognized. It wasn't unpleasant so I drank it.

"Thank you"

"Rest. I'll be downstairs when you wake up"

Rest he said. I didn't want to rest and certainly didn't want to sleep. I hadn't slept properly for weeks with the dreams that came and haunted me. I'd have done anything for it to have been me inside that car, but fate had an evil way of dealing itself out.

It seemed that sleep was stronger than I reckoned. Being warm and laid in a comfortable bed had me succumbing to the exhaustion that I felt, but the dreams came along with the pain, faces and words. I woke with tears running down my cheeks and sobs pulling at my lungs. I had to find a way to overcome them, but then maybe that was my punishment, a living hell. I lay still rocking slightly as I tried to control myself. I needed to get out of here and to be honest I had no idea what to do next. Distance hadn't made any difference and I'd reached the shore with nowhere else to run to.

I knew that I needed to get up so looking around the room where I was in, saw two doors. To be honest I was still feeling slightly nauseous as I sat up, so rested my head on my knees until I felt steadier. The first door that I came to was a bathroom so going back to the bed I picked up my rucksack and returned to it. I had one clean set of clothes left to change into so locking the door began to undress. I would have loved to shower but didn't see the point in doing that, besides I needed to reapply the ointment that I had to my cheek and neck and then to my hands. Peeling the gloves away I removed the special dressing from my skin and carefully covered it with the ointment before using a fresh dressing. The last one which meant that I really had reached the end of the line.

Dressed in clean underwear, jeans and a hoodie I repacked my bag with the dirty clothes and stuffed the old dressings in a side pocket. Returning to the bedroom I recognized how nicely decorated the room was so made the bed and opened the drapes. I must have been quite high up because following the river I could swear that a view of the see was in the distance. It was calling my name, a place where I knew I might find some answers to the dilemma that I was in. My other bag wasn't in sight so I assumed that it must be downstairs with my jacket.

The second door led out into a small hallway that led to some stairs so that was where I went. I was worried what Jenson and his daughter would think of me, so knew that I needed to leave. I stopped part way down and sat down on a step when I heard talking below coming from Jenson and Anya.

"She's been asleep for hours dad"

"I know"

"Dad"

"Something's happened to her. She aint dangerous. She's scared"

I waited as I heard movement on the wooden floor below me and was afraid that someone might come up the stairs.

"It's like the light went out in her. She's carrying so much sadness"

"Dad, she isn't some stray that you can take in and make right"

I didn't hear Jenson's reply so assumed that he had walked further away from the stairs so decided it was time to make my exit. Quietly I got back up and returned to the door of the bedroom that I'd been using, opening it and then ensured it made a louder noise on pulling it closed. Walking to the bottom of the stairs I turned to see Jenson looking out of the window while Anya was laid on the couch. They both turned to watch me as I looked around frantically for my bag and coat. Seeing them by the table I walked over and picked them up, pushing my hands through the sleeves of the jacket.

"I'm sorry for what happened. Thank you for helping me, but I should go"

I made a beeline for the stairs that would take me down to the ground floor and out, not daring to look back. I couldn't afford to stop once outside because I didn't want to be stopped by Jenson. I couldn't cope with the idea of having people near to me because they could turn on me just like everyone else had. I needed to walk away and just keep going. I walked down the street with the river on my left hoping to be able to find where it joined the ocean. It seemed that wasn't going to happen and the further that I walked the more despondent and frustrated I became. Yes, there was water but even as I seemed to come to the mouth of the river all that I could see were sand banks and what looked like an estuary. I wasn't sure how far I had walked, and I was still feeling so weary. Were there tears in my eyes, maybe, because the feeling of despair was so overwhelming. I was grateful when I looked around that there were few people or cars around that would notice me, even though I seemed to be on a main street.

As buildings became less frequent, I was despairing of ever finding the ocean any time soon and that was when I noticed a bus stop ahead of me. Quickening my pace, I was soon reading the schedule and stops hoping against hope that there would be a bus coming soon. I sat on the curb waiting, trying to focus on the place where the bus would be going. Ocean Shores Blvd, Taurus sounded promising to me and even as I sat waiting, I became aware of the intoxicating smell of salt in the air.

Maybe luck would be with me, or even fate. Yeah, fate, because the ocean was where I needed to be. The bus eventually arrived and once I'd paid over the $2, I sat at the back watching where we were going. I was actually surprised that we seemed to go inland and was just praying that I hadn't misinterpreted the schedule or destinations. The bus seemed to travel so slowly stopping to let people board or to them off. It seemed to be a long ride before eventually I lost the section of the estuary on my left and saw the waves of the ocean on my right. As soon as I saw the ocean, I was on my feet moving to the front of the bus, wanting to alight at the earliest opportunity.

Stepping down onto the road as the bus pulled away, I felt the breeze across my face and smelt the tang of salt in the air. I could hear the crashing of waves but couldn't see it so continued to walk in the direction that the bus had been travelling. There were a few houses scattered along the road but at the first sign of a sandy track that I knew would lead me to the sea I was immediately walking down it. I passed grassy banked areas on either side of me but as the track began a downward slope, I was overwhelmed with the sight in front of me. A sandy beach with waves crashing onto the shore so hard and loud that there was a fine mist of spray that seemed to welcome me. I walked to where the sand started to get wet from the waves before sitting down and pulling my knees to my chest. The waves were large with their white foaming tops, and I became lost in their rhythmic repercussion as they beat against the sand. I looked to the horizon as the last orange glow before twilight shimmered in the distance, feeling some peace come over me. This was where I was meant to come to, where I was meant to end my journey. I fingered the pendent around my neck as a way of remembering before making the decision that I knew I had to make.

Standing, leaving my rucksack and bag on the beach, I was mesmerized by the waves, their sound drawing me toward them. If the water was cold, then I never noticed. If the waves were strong as they pounded against my thighs I never stopped. With my focus on the horizon, I welcomed the spray against my face and was only encouraged to continue my forward motion. This was where I was meant to be, the cool water almost burning my skin, the white of the waves beating and pounding against me. As the depth increased the white tops from the waves calmed until I was swimming. Watching as the light began to disappear, I was aware of the call from the horizon so continued. It was as darkness engulfed me that I stilled, that I felt the pull from the water below me and became totally engulfed. As I slowly sank, I wasn't afraid and felt a calm come over me and maybe even some sense of forgiveness and maybe love that flowed through me until I felt nothing more.