Chapter 10

Once back at Jenson's house I made straight for my bedroom and spent an age under the shower trying to wash away the tiredness. I may have slept on that couch, but it hadn't fully replenished the sleep that I needed. Dressed in joggers and a T-shirt I spent time downstairs in the gym before making myself some soup and finding some bread. Okay, I didn't make the soup, I opened a carton and used the microwave. Jenson had encouraged me to help with the cooking, but I still had a long way to go to feel confident at doing it by myself.

The next morning, I dressed in jeans and a sweater knowing that no one would be calling into the office and was determined to finish up with the paperwork that I'd been doing before Gregory showed up. I went through the processes on autopilot, recording sent invoices against payments made, writing out invoices to be sent out. When I realized that the financials were all up to date, I made sure that the files were all up to date, archiving old ones and setting up new ones. Jenson may not appear to work full time, but he had one hell of a client list.

It was mid afternoon when my head came up for air and I sat back looking at an empty desk. Hell, I'd even tidied up the space finding homes for everything. I suppose that I was trying to ignore the happenings from the day before, put a line under it as a job done and completed but I had to admit that I missed that type of work, solving a puzzle. I shook my head because I knew doing that type of work of finding people was in my past, but I did miss it, not enough though to jeopardize the life that I had now. From the office I walked up the street and into the small salon where Gloria was waiting for me. This time she let me watch as she trimmed my hair, giving it more style and as she touched the roots up to include the original highlights. The styling kept the slight wave that was appearing giving it a slight bounce. Now that it was longer it was swept forward onto my cheek and neck giving my scars some coverage.

Walking out into the sunshine I felt good with myself as though just maybe I was managing to survive. The guilt would never disappear, nor the ghosts of those who had disowned me, but I felt a part of something now in this small community. I walked along the river and up to the park, keeping a fast pace that had my breath going and my heart beating quickly. I slowed my pace down as I retraced my steps and reached the street thinking that maybe next time, I'd actually try jogging that route.

I reached Jenson's just as the sun was sinking, feeling a little nervous for what might have happened today. Xander hadn't said if Robert was hurt or not, but I hoped that he was on his way home by now. Going upstairs and into the living area I was disappointed that Jenson wasn't there that was until I saw a shadow out on the balcony who I immediately recognized as Jenson. He must have been on his phone because he placed it in his pocket as soon as he saw me. Please let everyone be okay was what I was saying in my head as I approached him.

"I was worried where you were, Chloe"

I looked down at my feet because that had never been my intention.

"I worked all morning and went for a walk. How is Robert?"

I looked up so worried with what he might say. I mean what If I'd been wrong?

"He's home. A bit worse for wear but nothing serious. Chloe, you did an amazing job pulling everything together like you did"

I shrugged my shoulders because to me it was no big deal as long as no one was hurt.

"How about some dinner, there's Chinese takeaway keeping warm"

I was surprised the following evening when we had visitors. Anya, Robert and their son turned up with a bottle of wine. I wasn't going to drink because I knew that I didn't do well with alcohol and had no intention of showing myself up. I volunteered to collect the glasses as Jenson took his grandson and sat down on the couch. I was surprised when someone came and stood next to me.

"Top shelf on your left"

Came from Anya to tell me where the glasses were kept. Even as I brought three glasses down, I was surprised when she leant with her back against the counter.

"I am so thankful for what you did, but also a little ashamed that I never really made you feel very welcome"

I knew that she'd basically ignored me since I'd been here, but I could understand why she did it.

"I wouldn't have been very welcoming to me either, so I understand"

Anya took two of the glass and then turned to look at me.

"My dad said that you needed help so whatever you need then I'd very much like to help you, honestly"

I didn't reply because to be honest I wasn't sure why she was saying that to me now. Maybe Jenson had persuaded her to or maybe she was feeling guilty or even annoyed that it had been because of me that her husband was back at home. I didn't know but was going to take a rain check on Anya suddenly becoming my new friend. Then again maybe it was me, not wanting for anyone to get close to me, that way they couldn't hurt me, could they.

As I followed Anya over to the couch it gave me the opportunity to get my first look at the man who'd gone missing. His dark hair was long, no doubt it hadn't been cut since he'd left. Dark eyebrows over dark brown eyes had my heart hitch slightly as other brown eyes came to me. His face was round with a flat nose and full lips and carried a full facial beard. I wondered if that was normal, or he was covering up the bruises that were showing. He was good looking and looked to have a good physique but not the type that would have attracted me. I had no desire to be attracted to anyone ever again.

"Greg told me that you worked miracles and not only knew where I'd be but worked out the who and the how as well"

I wasn't sure if Robert was being complimentary or if he was pissed with me because I'd worked out who was involved, so I deferred answering him or making a judgement until I found out more about him.

"You'll have one hell of a story though"

He raised his glass of wine as if acknowledging that maybe we were even with what we'd said.

"Are you home for a while now Robert?"

Came from Jenson as he held a now sleeping child in his arms though I had a feeling that Jenson wanted him to stay at home to be with his daughter and their child. It made me wonder what type of marriage they had. It can't have been easy if Robert was always chasing a story and like now had been in danger for doing that.

"I plan to do some writing so yes, I'll be home for a while. Anyway, I have a few weeks to catch up on with Nathaniel and then to watch him grow up"

As he said that he'd looked at Anya, so I supposed that she'd made her concerns clear to him. In her position I'd have insisted that he stayed close by as well. The evening went reasonably quickly with idle chat flowing between Robert and Jenson. I was actually grateful when Anya declared the need to leave in order to feed Nathaniel. I wasn't sure why, but I didn't feel all that comfortable with the couple. I think Jenson just felt relieved to have his family back in one piece and maybe the wine he drank helped to keep him happy as well.

As life returned back to the normalcy that I'd been used to I found that I was stronger and fitter, I could even prepare and make a meal, but I began to feel restless as though where I was and what I was doing was closing in on me. I wasn't sure why that feeling came over me or what was causing it. I even looked at that email address from Xander wondering if he had gone through the same stage on his road to redemption.

It was three weeks after finding Robert that the anxiety really hit me.

It was a Friday morning, and I really didn't know what to do. Jenson was out of the office meeting with an elderly client, and I was way ahead of myself with any work in the office, with only the files on the pen drive to organize. That claustrophobic feeling had intensified over the past couple of days to the point where I was seriously thinking of packing a bag and catching a bus out of town. Was it because I felt more settled and the guilt that constantly simmered was telling me that I didn't deserve to feel that way? Did I feel that I needed to be punished more so had to leave behind the people that I'd met, or was because I felt that I was deceiving them? The problem was that I had to acknowledge that I knew exactly what the feeling was that was now driving my senses.

I couldn't ignore how I felt so I succumbed and emailed Xander in the hope that he might be able to tell me that what I was feeling was normal, well normal for someone like me. I wasn't even sure what I expected from him, so I tried not to sound too desperate but maybe asking to see him that afternoon wasn't the best of messages. I wasn't sure what to do after I'd sent the email, whether Xander would know where I was, that was if he even decided to take me seriously. I started to delete the email from everywhere, the bin, the sent and the archive boxes. Was I being paranoid, yes I was, as though by deleting it I was denying that I was asking someone I hardly knew for help. I couldn't do that, not draw someone into the mess that was now my life.

I picked up the rucksack that I'd had with me for past few days and after locking up the office went downstairs. I didn't really want to go outside, to me it seemed too obvious to be out on the street and for some reason the idea of doing that had the hairs on my arm prickling. I knew that it had been thirty minutes since sending the email but for some reason I waited and then I realized that maybe Xander wouldn't come anyway. Why should he. Hell, he'd only met me the once and I was sure that he thought that I wasn't someone he would want to get to know. I didn't want him to get to know me. Maybe he was busy doing something else or had no interest in wanting to see me again. Feeling a little annoyed at myself for even thinking that Xander would come I walked out onto the street and started off in the direction of Jenson's house.

The sound of a motorbike had me turning because we didn't get many of those around here. I watched as it drove down the street and stepped toward a building when it stopped in front of me. Running came to mind until I heard the driver speak and then watched as the helmet came off revealing Xander.

"Got your message so here I am"

I closed my eyes so relieved to see him not realizing how closely he was watching me.

"What's happened?"

How did I answer that? I couldn't but looking up and down the street obviously gave him the message that I didn't want to be here. He opened a back box and removed a helmet and jacket which he handed to me, after putting them on I was soon sat behind him on the bike.

"Where to?"

I couldn't understand how I was hearing him.

"The helmets have blue tooth mics and speakers"

"Somewhere quiet that isn't a dead end"

I felt as he turned on the engine and engaged the gear, holding onto the back plate I was prepared for us to move. I knew that we'd have to drive through town and into Aberdeen because there were very few roads out of this area. I was relieved when he turned off the main road and we started to drive along a narrower road that seemed surrounded by trees my only hope being that I hadn't been stupid in trusting Xander.

It wasn't far before I felt the bike slowing down so looking over his shoulder was surprised to see a small building ahead with several bikes parked out front. That was obviously our destination but instead of pulling up in front of what was a small café he passed it and pulled off the road before bringing the bike to a stop.

"Stay with the bike while I get us a drink"

With the bike on the stand, I leant against it and watched as he disappeared inside. There were other bikers stood outside drinking and smoking so maybe this was where they met up. I was grateful that no one seemed to take any interest in me but relieved when I saw Xander walking out.

Finding a bench nearby I felt comfortable enough to remove my helmet, but I was trying to work out what to say to Xander. Getting a message like that probably seemed a bit extreme but he had come and found me straight away.

"What gives Chloe?"

I waited to answer trying to formulate what to say, did I tell him the truth or try to make something up? Making up a story seemed stupid given that Xander had dropped everything when he'd heard from me.

"In my old life I used to get a feeling of danger. I called it my spidey sense, though a lot of people laughed at it or told me not to be stupid. Well, I've tried really hard to lose my old self, including the emotions that I had but. Well, the last few days. I've had a horrible feeling that something bad is going to happen"

That took Xander by surprise and obviously wasn't what he was he was expecting me to say.

"You mean bad enough that you want to leave?"

I nodded my head feeling really stupid for what I was saying but I somehow knew that I needed to leave town. I still had no idea why I was feeling so antsy, nothing had happened at the office that I was aware of. Was this just me being paranoid, as though maybe I felt that I'd outlived my time with Jenson and needed to move on?

"Xander, I don't know what to think or do. All that I know for sure is that I need to leave. I don't want Jenson to worry about me or for him to think that it's anything to do with him"

Yeah I had an attachment to him, not that I would ever admit to it but, just up and leaving was ripping me apart.

"This feeling you have, this gut reaction, you're saying that something bad might happen?"

I slowly nodded my head because when I thought about that feeling of dread that had been building up it had me feeling panicked. I closed my eyes wondering if I'd made a huge mistake but deep down inside, I could feel that I was right.

"Let me call Greg and have him keep an eye on Jenson, maybe he'll put a watch on Robert as well"

I hadn't thought of Robert or even Anya and felt awful about that. Could I be imagining this, being hypersensitive. Was this just about feeling hemmed in or too comfortable with where I was. Maybe I was worried that I was getting too attached to people and knowing how things happened around me was worried that anyone close to me might get hurt. During all of that thinking Xander was talking on his phone, I didn't hear what he said but found myself looking up at him as he replaced his phone into his pocket.

"I've told Greg that I'm taking you away for a few days vacation time. He'll let Jenson know not to worry about you. He can't track me so how about we take a road trip and try to figure out what's going on inside that head of yours"

I knew that I was shaking my head at Xander. If there was something bad going to happen, then I couldn't have him near to me. I wouldn't survive if someone else died because of me.

"No. I don't want you getting hurt and that's what usually happens to anyone near me"

Though at the back of my head I was also wondering just how much I could trust him. Those two things were enough for me to turn as though walking away from him. A hand grabbing me by the arm spun me around to have Xander looking at me. He looked annoyed which only heightened my need to leave.

"You've got that wrong. I know how you feel, remember, and I won't leave you to struggle with this on your own. How do you think I would feel if anything happened to you?"

His voice softened with the last sentence and looking into his eyes I could see the pain that he was feeling. I remembered his story, of how he had run away and left a friend behind. Then what had happened to his friend when the bad guys had discovered them. Was that what he was feeling right now? That if anything happened to me it would be his fault? I closed my eyes for a moment as I considered what he was saying.

"We sure are both screwed up aren't we?"

A raised eyebrow was the reaction for me saying that, but it was true.

"I take it that's a yes to us staying together?"

I gave in and nodded my head.

The paper cups went into the bin before I was once more riding pillion behind Xander. I had no idea where we were going and had no suggestions of where to go, I'd leave that up to him.

The travelling was easy, probably because Xander was a confident driver, and because he kept off the main highways the scenery was interesting. It was evening when we pulled into a campsite, making me wonder just how we were going to be sleeping. As we pulled to a stop in front of a small cabin, I read that we were at Ahtanum Meadow Campground, Yakima. Though had no idea where that was. Looking around there were a few tents set up and RVs parked further away. I was pretty sure that Xander didn't have a tent, or any kit hidden anywhere on the bike but waited for him to return from the cabin that served as reception.

"They have a small cabin they're willing to rent for the night. It's not really used but I talked them into letting us stay there"

I wasn't going to ask how he'd managed that and would wait to see what this cabin looked like. To be honest I was tired enough to sleep anywhere. The cabin, well hut, was well away from the other campers but also well away from the facilities. That was where I headed for first pleasantly surprised at how clean the place was but as with any blocks like this it was cold and draughty. Opening up the cabin door I took a good look around before stepping inside. I needed to because there was very little light inside. There was a set of bunk beds to one side against the wall and a rickety looking wooden table in the middle with two plastic chairs next to it. Xander was at the far side using a flashlight, opening up a large paper bag. At least the place had four walls and a roof.

"The owner brought us down a couple of blankets and some sort of pastry that she said was left over from lunch time"

With my arms crossed over my chest I walked around the table to where he was and looked down at what was now laid on top of the bag. To me it looked like a couple of sausage rolls with two packs of ketchup along with a couple of apples. Xander picked them up and placed them on the table, with the paper protecting the contents from the dust. He shook each chair before putting them back next to the table and sat down. I was hungry and I suppose seeing Xander eating the pastry meant that it couldn't be that bad, so I sat down as well and gingerly picked up the pastry. It wasn't too bad and I'd certainly had worse, so was soon picking up an apple.

"You feeling okay being here?"

"Yeah"

And I was. The anxiety that I'd felt when I was in Hoquiam had receded and being with Xander felt okay. Whether or not I'd be able to sleep was another matter and I hoped that the dreams stayed away, and I didn't wake him up.

"Where do you think we should go?"

Not that I had any suggestions but was curious with where Xander was thinking about.

"We're past Seattle but there isn't a lot of choice of roads to use. I thought of heading east toward Chicago and then drop south"