Chapter 12

"Are you feeling okay now?"

The voice had me looking up into Xander's face and everything came rushing back to me. Riding pillion on his bike, staying at the campground and then eating a burger. There was nothing after that so had I fallen asleep and had a nightmare?

"The campfire triggered a memory. You scared me, I thought that you were going to run into it"

Fire, had that been real? It must have been and was probably responsible for the nightmare.

"Who died?"

That was the last thing that I expected Xander to ask me, and I tried to move away from him. I didn't know how he knew that someone had died.

"The fire, well someone poured gasoline on it, to get it going again. You just seemed to freak out and were running toward it. You kept shouting that you had to get to her and get her out. That was how you got burnt wasn't it?"

My hand went to my neck as I nodded my head. I didn't care that I got burnt it would have been worth it if I could have saved her life.

"Who died?"

"My grandma"

My hands came over my face as the tears started again. I couldn't save her, so she'd died, and it was all because of me.

"It was my fault, I killed her"

I felt Xander move and to be honest I wouldn't blame him if he left me here on my own. Instead of leaving me his movement was to shift me so that I was now sat down next to him, and his arm was around my shoulder. I hadn't realized that he'd been holding me like a child on his knee.

"Did you start the fire?"

I looked at Xander wondering how he could even ask me that.

"Of course not"

"How did it start?"

The images came to me as I remembered those few moments before the fire engulfed the car.

"Molotov cocktail"

Now it was his turn to look shocked.

"So how was that your fault?"

I let out a sigh and looked down at the ground by my feet. I wasn't sure that I could go through an explanation of that. Did it matter now? Grandma was dead and everyone agreed that it was because of me. They basically said that I was guilty for her dying.

"Talk to me, I want to understand"

"My grandma was in my car, and it was in a rough area of town. If she hadn't been in my car, then she'd be alive now"

I waited for the next question knowing that it would come and dreading what Xander expected me to say.

"So, your car being set fire to, that wasn't unusual?"

I almost laughed thinking of the number of times that I'd had a car destroyed.

"No"

"I've booked us in for another night here, so we have all day for you to tell me your story. It's your story, so own it and share it"

With those words Xander stood up and left me sat on my own. I wasn't sure what he'd meant when he'd said that. Why had he said that he'd booked us in for another night, what was the point of doing that? With Xander disappearing I resigned myself to the fact that I would be here for another day. I wasn't about to steal Xander's bike and leave him stranded here.

Sleep wasn't my friend that night with nightmares plaguing me. In the end I dozed not daring to fall into a deep sleep. Fortunately, I was in the bedroom so maybe Xander hadn't heard me. I'd fallen onto the bed the evening before in the clothes that I was dressed in, too emotional to even think about how I looked. That episode with the campfire had shaken me to my core. In a way I suppose that I was okay with staying here for another night but worried with what Xander was expecting from me. When I emerged from my room the cabin was empty, but I was in desperate need to use the toilet block.

It gave me some time to freshen up and change into some leggings and the shirt. The clothes that I'd been wearing were mudded up, so I rinsed them through and left them on the rail by the cabin. It was strange stepping into the cabin having not spent much time inside and seeing the small couch, table and kitchen area. It was clean with wooden floors and walls and whilst the furniture looked old it looked comfortable. I wasn't sure what we'd be doing so seeing my jacket hung over a chair I picked it up and went back outside.

Xander was walking across the field with a carrier bag in one hand allowing me to watch him. He looked so young in his sweater and jeans, his hair blowing over his face. I had no idea why or how I'd ever got him involved with me and was regretting it. Was I regretting it because he was asking me to tell him everything about me, to try and break down my barriers? Were we drawn together because of our bad experiences or was Xander young enough to see me as some sort of adventure?

I wasn't sure what to tell him. The experience last night had brought all of my insecurities back to me, so I wasn't sure that I wanted to admit that I was actually Stephanie Plum. I'd spent months trying to get rid of her trying to show myself that maybe I could move past her and all of her behaviors. Would telling Xander achieve anything except to rehash my inadequacies? On the other hand, maybe he was right, I had to take ownership for what had happened, saying that it wasn't my fault was just an excuse that I was telling myself.

"Picnic. I thought we could go sit by the river"

How was it he thought of everything? I went back inside and pulled a blanket from the back of the couch and was soon walking next to Xander. I was glad of the jacket because it seemed slightly cooler maybe because there weren't as many trees around us and there was a breeze coming from the river. As we cleared the last few trees we came to the banking of the river, which was wider than I expected. I stood on the small stones looking around me, from the river to the logs that had fallen, to the trees and grass beyond. I was using the excuse of looking for somewhere to sit down, but maybe I was looking for a way to avoid having to sit down and talk.

"Here looks good"

I felt Xander take the blanket and set it on the ground in front a large log and then drop the bag onto the ground next to it. Sitting down I pulled my knees to my chin and looked ahead, knowing that Xander had sat down next to me.

"Who were you that people would want to set your car on fire?"

I suppose what I'd said the evening before had really confused Xander and made him curious. It made it sound as though I'd done something for people to want to do that and that made me a bit annoyed.

"I was an apprehension officer so not everyone appreciated me taking them back into the system"

"A bounty hunter?"

I turned and looked at Xander surprised to see a smile on his face and not a frown.

"No wonder you're so good at finding people then, you'd have had to do that"

"I could find them, but"

I was crap at actually getting them to go with me.

"They didn't always want to go with me"

We were both silent after I said that which had me wondering why the hell I had stuck out at that job. I suppose that I didn't have a lot of options and to be honest not all of the FTAs gave me problems. Maybe I even enjoyed it most of the time and I certainly enjoyed the challenges and puzzles that were thrown at me.

"So how was your grandma with you?"

I looked over to Xander and frowned because that was the one thing that I didn't know, and that people didn't believe me about.

"She wasn't"

"She was in your car, wasn't she?"

Which was the basis for people blaming me for what had happened. I let out a long sigh because for the first time I felt that just maybe I had someone with me who would listen to my side of the story. Back home whenever I'd tried to explain what had happened, I'd been shouted down and told to stop making up excuses. In the end I stopped trying. After the fire I was in such a state, so upset with myself that no one would give me the opportunity to explain myself.

"We'd taken Lula's car that day to pick up an FTA, so my car was parked opposite the office. Lula dropped me off but as I opened my car Connie shouted of me from across the street. I threw my bag inside and went across the street to where Connie was, and she gave me a new file. When I came out my car had gone"

"Someone had stolen it?"

I hadn't noticed anyone hanging around it and to be honest it was a wreck so no one would have wanted to steal it.

"I suppose, that's what I thought at the time. Anyway, Lula had turned round up the street so when she saw me in the empty space she stopped. She hadn't passed my car so she started to drive down the street to see if we could spot it"

"How did you find it?"

"Lula put out a message through her Whatsapp group. Enough replies gave us a general direction"

I wasn't sure whether to say that the group were working girls working their corners that Lula still spoke with. There had been some on the street at that time and they'd messaged Lula.

"Knowing the general area, we drove around. That was when we noticed my car down by the river. It was a rough area with derelict cars and rubbish"

I could picture it now, the that relief that had gone through me at seeing it. It wasn't just about the car it was as much about my bag that I knew was inside. It had everything inside it, from my wallet, id, driving license, bank cards and phone. Hell, even all of my keys were inside that bag. As I'd approached the car it looked intact, well the wheels were still on, and there didn't seem to be any damage beyond what was original there.

"It was as I approached it that I noticed that someone was inside and then there just seemed to be flames coming out of the back"

I ran toward it because regardless of who was inside, I wanted to get them out before the fire caught properly. As I got closer that was when I recognized who it was, that it was my grandma.

"Where was your grandmother sat?"

I pictured that first scene as I'd approached the car and recognized now that she was in the driver's seat, but that door had been locked so I'd rushed around the car to the passenger side, The window was broken on that side, so I was able to reach the handle to open the door.

"The driver's side. The door was locked so I had to go round and get in from the passenger side"

I'd managed to pull her over the console but that was when the flames had taken hold and somehow, she seemed to get stuck. That was when I felt my hands burning, the seat was melting, and the carpet underneath had flames licking up inside the car.

"Did she scream or shout out?"

I looked at Xander confused with why he would ask me that. I knew that I was screaming and shouting but was grandma? I'd tried to bat out the flames with my hands, but it kept getting hotter and hotter and that was when I felt someone lifting me, dragging me out of the car. We'd hardly moved away from it when there was an almighty explosion that threw us into the air. Even then I was struggling to get back to the car so sure that I could save her.

"Could your grandmother drive?"

I nodded my head. Yeah, she could drive but she didn't have a license. To be honest she was a terrible driver.

"Could your grandmother have taken your car and driven it?"

I opened my mouth and closed it as I thought about that. Could grandma have been the one to take my car? But why would she do that and why drive to where I'd found it?

"Maybe she took your car because it seems to me that she was in the driver's seat"

I couldn't get my head round that or think of any reason why she would do that.

"Chloe. I know you don't want to think about this but hear me out before you answer me. Was your grandma unconscious or even already dead when you found her?"

Tears were flowing freely down my cheeks from having lived through that horrendous experience, my vision was blurred but I didn't dare look at Xander as he asked me that. I had no idea why he was saying that because then it would mean that someone had already hurt her. That wouldn't make any difference to what had happened, and it would still be my fault, especially if someone had thought that it was me in the car. My grandma had died instead of me, which was all wrong, it should have been me. So I was responsible for her dying, however it had happened.

"It doesn't matter does it. She died when it was me that someone was after, so it's still my fault"

"What was she like?"

The way that Xander changed the subject threw me, but I suppose it had me remembering her when she was alive.

"She always looked out for me when I was kid. I'd go to her before my mother because I knew that she'd listen to me. It was after grandpa died that she changed, well in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, we were still close, but when she moved in with my parents it was as if she got a new lease of life. She acted like a twenty year old in a seventy year old body. She was sassy, crude and full of life. She wanted to live life to the extreme"

And now she was dead.

"Did she get involved with you catching FTAs?"

"No, well maybe. She wanted to and I tried to keep her out of it, but she just had a way of getting involved sometimes"

How did you try to describe your grandmother, especially mine? The number of times that she tried to tag along and would often pull a gun out of her purse at inappropriate moments. Then there were the times that she insisted on visiting the local funeral parlor because they were the social centers of the neighborhood, often peeking underneath the casket lid to see the dead body. The original building burned down after grandma and I were cornered by Kenny Mancuso and then there was the whole saga with DeChooch and him kidnapping her and let's not forget her getting involved with Uncle Sunny Sunucchi.

"She also occasionally watched pay-per-view porn, on account that the weather channel didn't have enough action and she carried a gun in her bag"

I heard Xander laugh beside me, but for all of her faults she was an amazing woman to me. I missed her.

"Maybe she got herself involved with something"

I almost swore out loud at all of the things that Xander was asking and saying but the problem was that it had me thinking. I'd been to my parent's house for dinner the night before and grandma had tried to talk to me but with everything else that was happening I'd never had the chance. Then there was the fact that Connie had mentioned that grandma had called in to the office to find me and had said that she'd catch up with me. I would have called her if my car hadn't have disappeared. Could grandma have got into my car to wait for me? But then why would she have driven off without waiting for me?

"Did they catch the person who threw the molotov?"

"Joe said it was the FTA in the new file that Connie had given to me"

I had never known who that was because I'd been so annoyed that my car had been stolen that I hadn't looked at it. It seemed such a reasonable answer that I had never given it a second thought, why would I?

"Why run away? Weren't there friends and family to support you, you know help you through the aftermath?"

A shake of my head answered that. I can still remember the words that Joe had shouted at me and how my mother and even father had just repeated his words. The one person that I would have sought comfort from wasn't around. Ranger had been down in Miami when grandma had died, and I'd only seen him at the funeral. Joe hadn't let anyone near me, keeping me at his side and to be honest I was an absolute mess. The days between the fire and the funeral were a blur and when Joe told me after the funeral that Ranger couldn't understand why I'd had my grandmother with me and that he was upset with me, well that had hurt. It was as if Ranger was questioning what I'd been doing for that to have happened. Then that Rangeman who was outside the bonds office had totally shattered my heart when I overheard him tell his partner that Ranger had left town because he didn't want to be associated with me. Even the Rangemen who I'd seen as friends weren't around which only had me believing that they hated me as well. That was when I decided that I had to leave.

"Lula was the only one who believed me. No one would listen to her though, they said that she was making up the story because she was my friend. Lula was the one who. Well, she helped me get away"