Chapter 4. Pressure.
My tired eyes strain hard when the sunlight hits my face. All night I trained and trained. Dad never let up. I try to tunnel back under the covers. Normally Dad would just tear the sheets off me. This isn't normal. Not even in the slightest. I peek out of my covers to see him just staring solemnly out the window. Flames extinguished. I hide back under them. Figuring that something or someone had to have died.
Dreading today, I finally got out of bed. Dad watches me as the birds tweet outside. I rake my hand through my hair and rub my eyes. Barely paying him any attention. Just agonizingly pulling on my shirt and pants. Already wearing new underwear. Dad turns and goes out of my room, strangely letting me follow him somewhere. Silent as a mouse with the only sound being our footsteps as we come to a small room towards the back of the house.
A shrine sits there with a small picture in it. Dad lights some incense and clasps his hands in front of it. He seems much less himself today.
"That's your brother, Touya. He died pushing himself beyond what his body could handle." he said. "I don't want the same thing happening to you. Especially since I- I mean we're so close."
I sigh. "Don't push it Dad…" I roll my eyes and he scoffs. We both are really hard to budge. I look a little closer at the image of my older brother. He looks younger than I am. Although I guess he would be older now.
Still I saw his point as selfish as it was. He didn't want me to get hurt but at the same time the way he acts in training contradicts that hard. I'm still trying to ease off the pain from all the bruising from last time.
He glances at me. "I heard that you have a friend in Literature class."
I flinch and immediately bunch up. "Oh… r-really." I mumble. "Where did you hear that from?" He ignores that and heads out of the room.
"Focus on your training. That girl will distract you." He suggests, "The goal to become a hero takes precedence." I nod and he leaves me be. I look at the picture of my brother and then back down at my left hand.
I had to keep going. But at the same time I feel fed up with how my Dad wants to strangle me with all this bullshit. The straining sensation of trying to get away from the toxicity. It's a constant weight on my shoulders. A constant pressure around me trying to overtake me and finally break under his thumb.
Now that I know that Dad has a history of throwing away broken things it only grows. Then I have a flash of something enter my mind like lightning. All I need to do is deal with it. Coal into diamonds. Still the enormous weight of trying to get to this fabled Heroes Way has got me reeling. Mostly because of Dad himself and not much of anything else. I shuffle out of that side of the house and sort of drift into the kitchen. Still tired and still grumpy from the haze of it all.
Training always takes a lot out of me. Luckily or unluckily for me, Dad decided a break was in order. So what was a growing prodigy like myself to do? I'm not really in the mood to eat or anything like that. I sigh and think. Looking miserably at my food like it made me sad just for existing. I guess I could go for a walk to clear my head. I thought of trying to see Mom but at the same time she'd be doped up on medication and would probably be zoned out the whole time.
At least that's what dear old dad told me. I have no friends so that's out of the picture. All I really have is reading or training. Maybe even watching TV. In a world full of superpowers and heroes I had to have the most boring life. Dads at work, Fuyumi working hard again, and I'm just bored. So I get out of the house and go out for a walk. She wouldn't tell him anything. It was kind of a silent agreement between us. So I take the way out of the neighborhood with my phone in my pocket. Headphones in my ears softly playing some music.
Just minding my own business going towards the bookstore. Mostly because the smells of coffee and books calms me down. Also because I wanted to get a new book. Dad gives me and Fuyumi and even Natsuo allowances but Natsuo always sends it back and tells him in writing to give his cut to me. I walk with my hood on and eyes covered by sunglasses. Mostly because I don't want to be recognized and get swarmed. Just in case of Dad's fame rubbing off on me. As I pore over volumes of lore for a series I didn't really know something odd drifts beyond the coffee and new book smells.
It's heavy and cloying. Drifting in attached to a man I could only describe as if the goth movement had a mascot. Smelling like heavy cologne and deodorant. Barely masking the smell of burnt meat. He moves to the Shakespeare section. Thumbing through the volumes with gloved hands. His eyes are covered by glasses similar to mine. He looks over at me and I don't meet his gaze. But he still stares with the smell growing closer.
Why is he getting closer? I'm looking at Warhammer stuff! I think as he sweeps by me. His arm ghosting around my shoulders. His grip on my shoulder is strong. No one is bothered by it. No one seems to see him. No one except for me. Taller than me. Stronger. Leaning down. "What do you see around you every day?" he asks. His voice is a smoking hiss. Almost a chain smoking voice. The sickly sweet and heavy smell of burnt flesh and barely masking cologne fills my nostrils and I fight the urge to throw up.
"Uh… Uhm… a… a… a bunch of heroes…" I mumble with fear making me sick and the smell churning my stomach.
"Do not take your place amongst them idly." He rasps harshly. "Really think about what you should do… What do you want to be?" His glasses lower and I'm faced with washed out blue eyes with burns ringing them. Staples keep them together.
"Don't be like Icarus." He warns with his eyes crinkling slightly. He's smiling as he pats me on the shoulder. I see Hamlet in the crook of his arm. He puts his glasses back on and I watch him leave.
I stand there and then I stagger-dash to the bathroom and force myself to just breathe it out. Slashing my face with water and looking at my soaked hair and glistening skin. Trying to get that sickly smell out of my nose. I don't know what to do. It's almost like looking at a ghost. There's no way right. No way that he… I take a deep breath and center myself. Maybe it was just my overactive mind playing tricks on me.
I leave the bookstore without a book. Too sick to get one. I just move quickly with the fresh air banishing the ghost's scent. At least I think it was a ghost. The only thought I had was to get the hell away from the area because holy shit that scared me. I stop half-running to catch my breath. Suddenly caught in the tides of a crowd. A raging stream of people all cheering someone on. I look at them all cheering on a duo of heroes. I see the branches of one of them try to make a grab for the giant horse headed man but suddenly a huge lady drop kicks the guy to the ground.
'How long did I even WALK for?!' I think. Watching the woman land and look over her shoulder. Intentionally thrusting her butt out for money shots. I resist looking. Mostly because it only makes me think back to what that ghost said.
Do I really want to be a hero? I look over to see a green haired boy writing and scribbling in a notebook. Wide green eyes joyfully staring up at the woman and the tree man. Flicking back down to scribble and write more. If only he knew. If only I knew. The kid doodles and writes and I look up passively at it all. Once the novelty of my Dad being a hero wore off I just couldn't care. Not even a little. The boy looks over at me and I look back.
"Cool huh?" I ask.
The boy nods "Yeah! Heroes are so cool!"
I nod. "Yeah. They are." I don't say the next bit but the thought bubbles up. 'Until they hurt you or betray their images. Until they turn around and bash you with a shihai for messing up. Until they force you to think of yourself as worthless trash.' The boy seems really happy with that answer.
"Uh… What's your name?" he asks.
"Shoto." I answer.
"Well! I'm Izuku Midoriya!" He squeaks. Shaking a little from just interacting with me. After the giant lady and the tree man handled the horse giant and the cops collected him we sort of walked together.
He bunches near me. Gets small. I know the feeling. I know why. Someone that hurt us and makes us feel weak did that. Not us.
"Hey… Shoto?" he asks.
"Hm?"
"What… whats with th- the scar?" he asks.
I gently touch my scar. Sometimes I forget I even have one where it is. Sometimes I rub my legs and don't feel anything there. Something about Izuku seems so innocent so I decide to answer.
"Actually… I don't remember anything about getting it."
Izuku tilts his head to the side, muttering a mile a minute before he spans out of it. His eyes swiveled to me.
"Wait- Did you get it from a quirk?" he asks.
"Well… that's one theory I've got under my belt I guess." I mumble. Other than that I got nothing. Izuku nods and somewhat zones out again. I wait patiently enough. I'm not on a clock or anything. As long as I make it home for dinner Fuyumi won't tan my hide.
"Wait! Do you have a quirk?" he asks, "Can you show me?"
I flinch and sigh. "I do but I don't want to show it." I say. He gives me a pleading look and I sigh. I reach out my left and right hands and ice rushes out from my right side as flames blaze cheerily like a campfire from my left side.
Izuku's green eyes dazzle in the light and I smile, letting them fade out. "So… COOOL!" He squawks. I find myself smiling as I walk onward with Izuku right by my side. Eyes alight and pencil going absolutely insane.
"So wait, you can generate both fire and ice?"
"Yeah."
"Do you feel cold on one side and hot on another?"
"No."
"Do your parents have those quirks too?"
"Yeah. Mom has Ice. Dad has fire." That opened Pandora's Box. In record time that I swear was like someone who could vibrate the atoms around them to make themselves faster he crowed.
"OH MY GOD ENDEAVOR'S YOUR DA-" I smack my hand over his mouth.
"Shhh! Don't say another word Midoriya! If you value your life…" I snarl. He squeals and backs off.
"G-got it!" He and I both sort of smile at each other. "What wouldn't I give for a quirk like that…" he sighs and looks over at me.
"I'm quirkless." He admits. 'I don't have a lot of friends aside from Kacchan." I see his eyes glisten with tears. Then they fall like rain from his eyes but then go from rain to a hose and from a hose to a damn near waterfall.
"Ca-can we… can we be- Friends?" he blubbers and I smile, setting my hand on his shoulder gently.
"Sure." I say and he bows saying thank you over and over. That was my first friend. Or rather maybe even a rival or something similar. I head back home with my chest feeling less weighted down than before.
I head home and come back to Fuyumi sitting alone at the dining room table. Mostly vacant because Dad is almost never home on time and mostly just used when me and Fuyumi eat. She looks tense and her mouth is set in a shaky scowl.
"Fuyumi…" I start.
"Shoto. Come here. I… I need to tell you something. About Mom." she says. "It's not easy and I know you have questions about it." I sit down and she fiddles with her hands a little. I wait for her to start.
So… what had happened was that Mom… well she was making breakfast like normal but something was wrong. She says. Her gray eyes are full of emotions. Sadness mixed with slight fear. The night before Mom and Dad had a huge fight over you.
I nod and lean in to listen more. Fuyumi takes a shaky breath. "Mom… well… she wanted to leave for a bit you know…"
"That makes sense." I say. "Mom was probably fed up with seeing Dad beat the crap out of me. Also getting beaten up too."
She nods. "I think the issue was that she wanted to bring you with her. I remember that Dad screamed way louder than usual. But… but then that day…"
Tears gather in the corners of her eyes and I reach out and grab her hand. Squeezing. Suddenly I feel her arms squeezing me. Her cool touch feeling familiar to me. The snarling burn of my eye coming back just for a moment. A phantom pain. Dad caused it. Dad did it. His reckless charge for a successor caused it all. My mother is… gone. She's not here. And now… now I…
I touch my scar and my eyes blur with tears. It's not my fault but… I couldn't hel the guilt. It slides into me like a greasy thing. Seeing that ghost earlier holding Hamlet. Barely remembering my own mother.
All of it makes it break. The pressure releases and I rush outside. Ice shoots out of my feet and flames shoot out of my hand. I yell to the sky and the bright flames whisk away to embers. I fall to my knees and just then I feel a blast of heat behind me.
Dad's home and he's angrily glaring at me through his flames. I stand up and a wry smile spreads on my face. "Hey Dad… Fuyumi told me everything."
"Has she now?" he snarls. "What has she told you?"
"You and Mom had a huge fight the night before she burned me." I answer. "It's your fault."
He moves closer and I stand my ground. "Shoto… you don't understand."
"Oh! I don't understand! Oh wow! Nice. Not even acknowledging the fact that I've been on the receiving end of all those tantrums of yours! Oh! Shoto! You're not good enough! Shoto! My moves are so simple! You know wha-" I get cut off.
He closes in and my arm jolts. He's inches from my face. "Shoto." He growls with spittle flying into my face. "I have given you EVERYTHING." His breath billows over my face almost like a dragon's maw. I just glare into his eyes. My mind sent reeling but my body was unmoving. I won't be moved. I wont be taken down anymore. He might hurt me and belittle me. Giving him any ground is a loss.
He grows smug, "What? No snarky remarks?" he snorts. "Are you going to blubber and cry like your little five year old self did?"
"No." I grit out. "You gave me things to never do. Things to lock away and forget. I won't ever let myself become you!"
Suddenly my world whirls and I hit the ground hard. Everything hurts and he looms over me looking down on me. Blue eyes burning into me. I can't move and he smiles.
"You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. Now lay there and think about what you did, Shoto." he says. I look up at the stars and cry. What the hell is wrong with me? I invite this. I caused this. I dared to stab the dragon and now I'm on the ground nursing god knows what I broke.
Yet it's all gone. The pressure I felt. I feel myself letting go and relaxing. Grinning just because it hurts. Grinning because I feel like it. Just because I want to. Fuyumi comes out and gathers me into her arms. She's sobbing and using her snow quirk to rub on the bruises. Even though Natsuo was in college he answered his phone immediately when we called him.
"That bastard did WHAT?!" He yells. "Oh little bro you just wait til I get my hands on him I'll have him singing soprano for WEEKS." Natsuo is angry. In fact this is the first time I've ever heard him like this.
His voice softens. "Hey. You can still move your arm right?"
"I move it and it aches but it's fine." I say. He sighs on the other end and I can tell he has a smile on his face.
"You're lucky Sho. The old bastard held back. He still wants to make you a hero. But what do you say?" he asks with Fuyumi nodding. Of course they look worried but I think about it. Seeing Him all those years ago saving me from the pterodactyl lady stirred something in me.
"All the years of training. All the years of work on my quirk. I can't give up now." I say. "I know its not an easy answer and I know it's the last one you two want to hear but I… I wanna save Mom. I wanna save those that can't save themselves."
Fuyumi looks even more worried and I hear Natsuo sigh heavily. They both understand. They both know the real reason other than Mom. I just want to outshine our dear old Dad. I don't care about his dream because my dream is my own.
I want to be a hero.