Good morning my dears! You guys are all spot on with who entered the bar! I might just give y'all an extra treat later on today, if I've got time ;)
The response to this story... It's really mind-blowing, for someone like me. I don't fancy myself a good or great writer, but y'all make me feel like I could be. This is just a story that popped into my head, originally was going in another direction, with a different inspiration, and it turned into this. But I gotta say I'm really happy with how it turned out. Like I said before, I'm really proud of this story, it's probably my favorite of all the stories I've written over the years. (Yes, I'm in the process of working on the revisions of those. MGEMP and MBEB are first up after this) But the fact that some of y'all are absolutely loving this story tugs at my heart strings... I didn't know I had any of those. Lol
Sooooooo, without further ado, let's see what happens in the bar!
Song credit in this chapter; 'Falling Slowly' sung by Elenowen (from the voice), originally by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova.
I do recommend listening to the songs I have for each chapter, because, if you don't know them, you can't get the feel of them and the emotions they convey.
Previously…
"Alice… what the fuck?" I hear and automatically sit ramrod straight.
God damn it…
Chapter 5 - Hope
BPOV
I spin around and see a face I never thought I'd see again. Then I turn and glare at Alice, because she obviously set this up.
"Alice… I swear to God…" I seethe and go to stand up.
Her hand shoots out to stop me and yanks me back down. "No! Bella, please just talk. Please? Y'all need to get things settled and out of the way. Or are y'all just gonna avoid each other for the rest of your lives?"
Avoiding him was my original plan, yes…
I glare at her some more but fling myself back into my seat and try to ignore the man beside me.
"And you. Sit your ass down, talk to her and get your head out of your ass." She says in a stern voice, then grabs Jasper's hand and drags him away to the bar to grab a drink.
I see out of the corner of my eye as he sits down across from me and places his clasped hands on the table and sighs.
I don't want to look at him, despite everything in me that is begging me to.
"Look, I'm sorry. Alice told me to meet her for drinks and some food, and I thought it was just a normal Friday night meeting her. But of course, she pulled her usual bullshit. She may be my sister, but she still finds ways to be a pain in the ass." He says in an apologetic tone.
I turn and finally look at him and see the beautiful green eyes I've always loved.
"I should be shocked, but I can't really say that I am. I was waiting for her to do something like this one of the times I came home." I tell him.
"Well, she is a meddling little shit, but I do love her." He laughs, and I gotta say that I've missed that sound.
I continue to look at him and feel a wave of melancholy fall over me. There's so many things I should've said and done where he's concerned. And I can't help but think I should've listened to him and just stayed here and I would've never met James Hunter.
I feel tears prick my eyes at that thought. Because this man in front of me, the man I always thought I'd marry, was the only man I'd been with before James came into my life. And I regret ever leaving him behind.
"I'm so sorry, Edward." I cry, and shove my face into my hands, trying to stave off some of these damn tears.
"What are you apologizing for, Bella?" He asks in a soft voice and I feel his hand on mine and pulling it away from my face.
His face is soft and concerned.
"You have no idea how much I wished I'd listened to you and just stayed here… So many things could've been different right now, instead of the toxic shit-storm my life has become. You don't even know-" I cut myself off at the sob that wracks through me and I cover my mouth with my free hand to try to not draw so much attention to my meltdown.
"Oh, Bells, don't…" He says, and moves to sit next to me and wraps me in his arms. "Let it out, honey." And I let loose the emotions that I never try to think about. But now that I'm faced with Edward and the direction my choices turned my life into, there's no stopping it.
I wished I'd stayed here and married him. I wished with my whole soul that I'd NEVER fucking met James Hunter. I wished I'd died after that night.
No matter what anyone says; almost every single rape victim wishes they'd died instead of having to deal with the fallout of what happened to them.
The thing is to find the right people to help you through your grief. And that's exactly what you feel like; you feel like a piece of you HAS died when it happens to you. And the rest of you feels like it has to follow suit. You've gotta have a support system, though. Those feelings will pop up, sometimes out of nowhere, as you go on.
This is one of those times. It just came out of nowhere and I've got so many of those feelings coursing through me and I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere.
"No, Bella, I'm sorry. I should've never said the things I did before you left for that show. I should've tried harder to be supportive of your career choice. Instead, you went off to L.A., thinking I hated you, only to have God knows what happen to you." He whispers to me, and I let out another sob at that last sentence. "It's true. I should've gone with you. I could've gotten a transfer to the west coast. I was just… I was so mad that you wanted to run off and be this big star in the big city and that maybe you weren't thinking long term for us…"
I looked up at him in shock. I never knew any of this. We said so many things and hurt each other so badly. We both wanted our careers in different places and didn't want to compromise either way.
But I didn't know he would've come with me. Or that he ever thought that I wasn't in it for the long haul with him.
"Edward, I would've married you, if you'd asked me. I would've found a way for us to stay together. Whether it was here, there, North Carolina, wherever. I went on that show just to see if I could even possibly make it singing. And I'm sorry I said all that shit when we fought." I told him as I wiped the snot from my nose.
Eewww…
He just stared at me for a minute and then pulled me back into a hug and held onto me for dear life.
"I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that I wasn't there to protect you…" He trailed off and kissed the side of my head.
I just cried harder and burrowed further into his chest, thinking of the way things could've been if we'd stayed together.
We'd be married and happy…
We'd probably have at least one child by now…
I'd probably be teaching or an editor somewhere after I'd gotten my English degree from college…
He'd be pretty much done with his enlistment by now, being a reserve in the Coast Guard…
I'd have never been attacked…
Edward and I would be happy and together…
God damn it!
I pulled back from my spot on his chest, wiping my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have fallen apart like that." I tell him in an apologetic tone. "Let me go clean my face up real quick. Excuse me." I got up and walked quickly to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. Grabbing some paper towels and patting my face, I just can't believe that we could have worked things out and stayed together. We were just a couple of twenty year olds, thinking we knew what was right.
Jesus, why couldn't I have just listened?!
Walking out of the bathroom, I run into a wall of muscular chest.
Holy shit-biscuits…
"Woah. Sorry." I say, looking up into Edward's eyes. His hands held out to stop me from possibly falling after I ran into him.
"Bella… can we sit down and talk sometime? Not here, but can we meet and talk some more about what's happened? I know I don't have any right to pry into your personal life, but… I've been so worried about you after… well, you know. I was so close to dropping everything when I found out and coming out to L.A.. I couldn't handle knowing that something like that happened to you and I was somehow responsible…" He says in a somewhat sheepish way.
"Edward, no. You were in no way responsible. That was on me. I shouldn't have trusted him. I should have listened to the people around me about him. But, yes, I guess we could sit down, privately, and talk. I've probably scared half the patrons out there with my glorious meltdown." I chuckled at the last part. There's nothing more mood killing than seeing a woman lose her shit in a bar.
He nodded. "Are you ok now?" I nod at him and he leads me back out to the booth we were seated in, and I see Jasper and Alice are back.
Alice looks at me with concern in her eyes. "You ok?" she mouths at me.
I just nod at her and we grab a couple more drinks.
We sit around and talk, catching up.
There are a lot of people doing karaoke tonight, and to be honest, the majority of it sucks.
But what are you gonna do with drunk karaoke singers, right?
Alice bounced out of the booth at one point, and came back with something behind her back.
"Bella? Would you do us the honors?" She asked sweetly as she nodded up to the stage.
"Oh, Alice, I can't…" I try to refuse, but ultimately know I can't say no to Alice. I sigh and look back up at her and see her smile.
She produces a microphone from behind her back and holds it out to me. "Show 'em how it's done, sister."
"I'll only do this on one condition." I tell her, and turn to look at Edward with an expectant smile.
"What?" he asks a little startled.
"Sing with me?" I ask, and pull out the puppy dog pout.
"Aw, come on Bells. I haven't sung in front of people in years. Don't make me…" He says, but I can see him wavering. He sighs, and say, "Alright, fine. Let's do this."
We walk up to the karaoke stage and look through the songs that are on tap.
I find a song that I absolutely love and it's been done as a duet.
I point it out to Edward and he smiles and nods. So, we pick that one and get ready.
Standing up on that stage with someone else is a little foreign to me. It's been a LONG time since I've been on stage singing with anyone. Much less Edward.
The music starts and I feel a little thrill go through me as I start the first part of the song in a soft voice.
"I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that"
Edward comes in for this part with his deep, warm, velvety voice.
"Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react"
We both then start singing together in harmony, and we fall into an easy synchronicity.
"Games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out"
Edward grabs my hand as we belt out the beautiful chorus part of the song.
"Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice
You've made it now"
This next part kinda feels like I'm talking about myself.
"Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black"
Edward looks deep in my eyes as we sing the next part, and I know he's speaking to me on a deeper level.
"You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won"
I try to hold back the tear at the lyrics and the emotion he's conveying, and just look into his eyes as we continue to sing.
"Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly, sing your melody
I'll sing it loud
Lo-oouud"
As we conclude the song, the crowd in the bar is out of their seats, cheering and clapping, some screaming their heads off at realizing it's me on stage.
Edward and I give a little bow and head off stage and back to our booth with Alice and Jasper.
The latter of which has his mouth hanging wide ass open.
"Jazz, some gay guy in this place is gonna think you're open for business if you don't close your mouth." I laugh as he snaps his mouth shut. "Was it that bad?"
He just has a look of complete shock on his face. He shakes himself out of his funk and smiles over at me.
"Just say the word, Bells, and I'm snatching this duo up and making a name for you both." He smirks over at me and Edward, and I can see his wheels turning.
"I already made a name for myself, remember? Cuz I'm pretty sure you were a part of it, too. And if anyone else has forgotten, I shat the bed where Eclipse was concerned." I said, hoping he'll drop it.
"Oh come on. Shit happens, Bells. I never blamed you. I was still able to find another career, so did Em, so did Angie. Stop blaming yourself because the fucking label thought we were a liability to their precious name, instead of having your back and helping you fight. I blame them for us not staying together as a band, if I blame anyone. And Hunter. Fucking assholes." He sighs, then turns to Edward. "But seriously, Edward, if you ever wanna give it a go with singing, let me know and I'll see what I can do. That was one of the best things I've seen in a VERY long time." Jasper said, making me feel a little better.
I grin and lean over to hug him.
Edward kind of looks shell shocked at Jasper saying he wants to get him out there, singing.
"I… I don't know. I'd only ever do it if Bella was with me, singing. We used to sing together all the time. Even for the school talent show. We've always complemented each other's singing style. I just don't think I'd ever be able to do it without her." Edward says, and I feel the butterflies start warring in my stomach.
"Well, if you guys ever decide to do it, I'm your guy. I sent Ro a video and called dibs." Jasper said with a smirk, and I smacked him in the chest.
"You'll end up castrated by your own sister if you're not careful, Jazz. You know she's protective of her territory." I tell him, knowing Rose may have a slight problem with that… and by slight, I mean HUGE.
Not that I think it'd ever come to pass, but it's a nice thought.
"We'll see…" He says with an air of confidence.
We spend the rest of the night just having fun. I haven't had a night like this in a long time. Yeah, Rose, Jasper and Emmett and I will hang out. But that's in L.A., and this isn't. There's no one here, not as many as in L.A., that wants to crucify me for the James incident. It's just a different atmosphere here. It makes me hopeful that one day I won't have to worry so much that people are just ready and waiting to watch me fall again.
Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with Rose, Jazz and Emmett. But it's just the setting that bugs me. Or maybe it's part of the memories that I associate L.A. with now. Yeah, it's getting a little easier, but I don't think there will be a time that I won't feel a sense of panic or fear in the back of my mind just walking around town.
When we get up to leave for the night, Edward walks out beside me.
"Hey, give me your phone. I'll put my number in and you can call me when you want to sit down and talk. How long are you here for?" He asks, and I hand over my phone and he types in his number. He calls his phone so he has my number, then hands me back my phone.
I take my phone back and put it in my pocket. "I'm here for about another week. Then I'm heading off to Europe for a little extended vacation. I wanted to come home and see my mama for a little while before I left. I just needed to get out of L.A. for a while." I tell him, and look down at the ground.
"I'm glad you did. Regardless of how we left things when you left for L.A., I did miss you. Life wasn't the same without you and your snark." He teased and nudged my shoulder as we walked to our cars.
I laughed and nudged him back. "Yeah, well… I'm not the same person I was back then. I'm not as nice as I used to be."
We stop where my rental car is parked on the street.
"I'm not the same either, Bella. I've changed. I know that." He tells me with a shrug.
"Problem is, I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. It's part of the reason I'm going on vacation. So I can get my head back on right and maybe find a way back to who 'Bella' actually is. Cuz I honestly don't know where she is right now." I say dejectedly as I lean against the car and cross my legs at the ankle.
Edward stoops down so that he's eye level with me. "I see her still in there. She's just been beaten down. You've just gotta find a way to crawl out of the heap and prove that you're still able to shine and fly. Be the phoenix I know you to be." I just look at him, flummoxed that after all this time, he can be this sweet and encouraging.
I lean forward and wrap my arms around his middle, and feel him wrap his around me. He just sways me back and forth like he used to do.
"Don't ever let them win. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." He whispers in my ear.
"You always know what to say…" I say into his shoulder and just relish this feeling that I don't know if I'll ever get again.
"That's always been my job. Making sure you remember you're good enough." He kisses the side of my head and pulls away. "I gotta go find Alice and make sure she gets to her car." He starts looking back towards the bar, but we both see that Jasper is standing with her and talking next to her little red sports car. "Well shit. I don't know if I like this development."
"Jasper's not a bad guy, at all. He's very caring and compassionate. He reminds me a little bit of you. So he can't be all bad." I tease him a little.
He narrows his eyes at me in a teasing way. "I don't know how they're gonna make anything work. She lives here and he's in L.A."
"Don't count them out completely. If I know anything about Alice, she always gets what she wants. You, above anyone else, should know that." I tap his leg with my shoe.
"Don't remind me. That's all I've known my entire life with that one." He scrubs his hands down his face.
Alice comes skipping over to me and gives me a hug. "I'm so glad we got together tonight! Call me in the next couple days so you can come by and check out some clothes." She says as she bounces on her toes.
"I definitely will. I'm glad we got together, too. I've missed you like crazy." I tell her, realizing how much I miss her in my life. No matter how meddling she is.
"Me too! Ok, Japser, do you need directions back to your hotel?" she asks, and I'm sure I don't want to know how this ends.
"Sure. This city can be really confusing." He smiles, then turns to me. "I'll call tomorrow. You said you'd show me some of your hometown." He smirks.
Bastard.
I know what he's wanting to see of my hometown. Little hornball.
"You betcha. I'll give you the tourist experience." I laugh, because he used to tease me about my hometown being one of the tourist destinations of the U.S.
Alice and Jasper walk away and I turn back to the man at my side.
"So I'll see you later?" I ask in a hopeful voice and rock back on my heels.
"Absolutely. Call me when you've got some free time. Maybe I can cook you dinner one night." He smiles his crooked grin at me.
"That sounds good to me." He leans down and gives me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, then turns to walk down the street.
That's the third time he's kissed me in some way tonight, and if I'm not careful, I may end up with a broken heart again.
But I can't help but be hopeful.
I slide into my rental and look behind me to see that Edward is throwing his leg over a motorcycle and pulls on a helmet. I hear him start it up and speed down the road.
Yep, I'm in big trouble. MmHmm…
A/N: Soooooo, what did y'all think? I know, some of y'all might say she let him off the hook too easily, but sometimes, you do that for the person you love.
Anywhozzle, leave me some love, and I'll see if I can post again later this evening, if I get a chance. Next chapter, we get some time with Jasper :)