The early hours were usually quiet. Tilly liked to use the time to wander around the ship, getting to know where everything was, inspecting things she had never seen before. She used it as a way to calm her mind and get any extra energy out of body before it was time to sleep.
Tilly liked the quiet, her thoughts were her own and if she started to mumble to herself no one was around to hear it. Her bed was always waiting for her, soft and warm, and the stars that flew by helped her drift off to sleep.
Tilly always felt as if she was jumping from one thing to the next thing. She had orders upon orders to do and the little amount of time she had, she had to try and use it to the best of her abilities. Finishing the last thing she had to do an hour after her shift finished, she went into her quarters and collapsed on her bed.
Tilly was tired, she was anxious, and she felt very undervalued. Letting the tears silently fall down her face, she let herself feel her emotions for a moment before reeling them back in.
Tilly always found the most peace at night. It was calming, she could relax, and most of all she could have some time just for her. She loved her friends but sometimes everything became too much and she needed the quiet of the night. Donning a facemask and footmasks, Tilly sat in her favourite seat and opened her book. One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston was a really good read so far, it was a queer book from the twenty-first century, and when she saw a physical copy on a space station, she knew she just needed to own it.
Tilly never wanted people to perceive her in the wrong light. She was good at her job, she was friendly, a little shy, but she made sure to always greet people with a smile on her face.
It hurt her when she overheard someone saying they didn't like her. She wanted to be liked by everyone even if she knew it wasn't possible. Eating another mouthful of ice cream, she decided to push it aside and enjoy spending some time with her friends who were sitting down with her talking about the spore drive and exploring new areas of space.
Swallowing down the gulp of air she so desperately craved, Tilly sat upright in bed, her chest heaving as she realised her surroundings. She was in her quarters, she was safe, it was all a bad dream but it felt so real.
Getting out of bed, Tilly went into the bathroom and splashed cold water onto her face, staring at her reflection until the images started to fade from her mind.
She was aboard the Discovery, she was alive, and she most definitely wasn't stuck in some hellscape with the Klingons chasing her, wanting to kill her where she stood.
Reading the ending of her book, Tilly put it aside and laid down in her bed. Her next shift was only in six hours but the book had her captivated and she needed to know what happened to Jane. Pulling her blankets up, she snuggled into them and got comfortable.
Her mind was still racing, she wanted more, but she had to convince herself to sleep as no amount of energy drinks and coffee would be able to help, come the end of her shift.
Concentrating on her breathing, she tried to clear her mind and let her thoughts wander.
Tilly never thought it would happen. Tilly never thought she would think to abandon a task but as she lay on her bed, tear streaks fresh on her cheeks, she knew that this was something she could not do. How was she meant to write three separate letters to three sets of parents telling them their child lost their life while on an away mission.
Wiping the remaining tears from her face, Tilly took a deep breath in and tried to calm herself before getting up and grabbing her PADD, opening up a fresh page and beginning the first letter.
The ruins of the city made Tilly's heart ache for all the people that were lost when the devastation hit. It had been many years since the planet had been inhabited and a fine line of dust covered all of the debris.
Gulping down her emotions as her eyes landed on a cracked family photo, Tilly straightened her back and looked away, concentrating on a partially fallen house to her side with a singular lightbulb still intact that was swaying side to side from what remained of the ceiling.
"Ensign Tilly, are you coming?" Captain Saru asked, getting her attention.
Tilly was usually unsure of herself. At times she questioned why she was even in Starfleet and how she had made it as far as she did. Sipping on her mug of hot milk tea, she studied the PADD in front of her and wondered why she was even chosen to go an away mission. Everyone mostly knew that she was a bit of a hot mess and the thought of screwing up and ruining their mission made her feel sick to her stomach.
Taking a deep breath in and exhaling, she got up and headed towards the shuttle bay.
Saru was down, Michael was down, and that only left Tilly. Feeling her anxiety rising fast, she looked around at the remaining bridge officers and they all nodded at her. Feigning confidence she didn't have, she stood tall and took the command chair. Sitting in it, she pressed her thumb against the groove and took a deep breath in.
Going over what systems were still operational and which ones weren't, Tilly tried her best to make the best call and if that meant fleeing, that's exactly what she did. She did what was best for the ship and her crew.
Hope. Hope was all that Tilly felt like she had left. They were in a different century, a different time, and she felt very homesick. Homesick for the life she once had but she knew that she had made a commitment and she was going to stand by it whole heartedly.
Staring up at the blue sky on some alien world, Tilly almost felt like she was back on Earth, in her mother's backyard, looking up as clouds gently floated by, making her feel content. Taking a deep breath in slowly exhaling, Tilly closed her eyes and thought of home.
"Ensign Tilly, would you please enlighten me on what your plans for the future are?"
This was the question new Starfleet Command asked her that had her majorly stumped. Sure, she wanted to be a captain and have her own ship but that was before they got thrown into the future and she had no one but herself to rely on.
Now here she was, lying on her back on the floor of her quarters, looking up at the ceiling with the question running through her head. Throwing a ball into the air and catching it, she sighed in frustration.
Tilly liked to twirl her hair around her finger when she was anxious. She had been doing it for as long as she could remember and she always found it helped her to think. She had basically been given her own quarters and she didn't know what to do with all of the space. Sure, she could display her personal belongings but the thought of bringing them out and letting people see what she held so dear to her was frightening. In the end, Tilly opted for replicating some small artworks she could hang on the walls that were homely.
Walking down the corridors of Discovery, Tilly knew in the short window she had, she should probably get something to eat. Trying to decide what she wanted was a chore on its own. Tilly didn't like to make decisions and picking what she wanted to eat was one of them.
Entering the mess hall, she walked over to the replicator and stared at it for a moment. Taking a deep breath in, she cleared her mind and ordered the first thing she thought of.
Picking up the hot bowl filled with spaghetti bolognese, she joined Adira and ate her meal.
Flopping down on her bed, Tilly felt as if all the energy had left her body. She had just finished a fifteen-hour shift and she could feel her heartbeat in her feet. Pulling her pillow closer, she let her mind wander but every time she tried to calm down, her mind would start to panic that she had done something wrong.
Sighing, Tilly got up and stripped out of her uniform, leaving it over the floor as she headed to the bathroom. Getting into the sonic shower, Tilly let the sonic waves wash over her body, washing the day away.