Notes: Thank you, nice English lady, for all the help with this story.

Chapter 8 – Fully Baked

Vance was faced with a conundrum. He thought that things were going the way he wanted, with DiNozzo out of the picture, his preferred agent climbing up the promotion ladder, and things building up to prove he could be a great federal agency director.

Then DiNozzo made a splash in social media and became SecNav's new darling. But Vance still thought he could frame the transfer out of DC to Crane, Indiana RU as a promotion and keep following the directions he set for his agency. He was surprised by the praise Agent Phillips from Monterey RU showered DiNozzo with for his time as TAD. It wasn't like DiNozzo did more than what was expected of him. But maybe the kick in the gut was the comments from Agent Payton Bell, SAC of the Southwest Field Office in San Diego. That cantankerous old man, at retirement's door, was happy! Vance never saw that man happy in the many years he worked in the San Diego Office. DiNozzo was in the office for 8 hours, coming from San Francisco, and he helped with a case.

Vance sighed. Who was he kidding? DiNozzo solved a high-profile case that was in danger of going cold in barely a day's work. Vance picked a toothpick and started chewing on it. He really didn't get it. How come that clown could do it? In an office he had never been to before? Bell said he'd never met DiNozzo before, even if he knew about Gibbs. And Bell would never allow someone to take a ride on his agents' work. So, it was actually DiNozzo?

Vance shook his head. It was surely just a lucky guess. He wouldn't read more into it. He picked up the paper with information about DiNozzo's transfer out of DC. Vance still had his conundrum. He would have been happy to sign this off two weeks ago, gosh, yesterday! But the stunning transfer paperwork had showed up after SecNav message. And SecNav wanted his 'star agent' for a recruiting and PR circus. How was Vance going to tell his boss that the 'star agent' was not with NCIS anymore?

All his maudlin musing was interrupted by the noise coming from the bullpen. With Cynthia, his secretary, on leave today, Vance left both doors for his office opened. He sighed. Looks like Gibbs was in high form. What was the problem now? As far as he knew, MCRT didn't have any new cases. Vance took a deep breath and stood up to check what was happening downstairs, forgetting that he was still clenching DiNozzo's transfer form in his hand.

Gibbs was standing in front of McGee's desk, leaning in, screaming, while the younger man was trying to stay out of spit distance.

'… hear from JAG ever again!'

'Agent Gibbs!' Vance used his most authoritarian voice while going down the stairs. 'What is all this yelling? I could hear your voice from my office!'

'Dumbass here was skipping on his work and I had to get a dressing down from JAG!' Gibbs turned to Vance, red-faced.

'I doubt Agent McGee…' Vance tried.

'I don't care what you think about your favourite, Leon!' Gibbs cried. 'JAG was in my ear for almost half an hour, listing everything that was wrong with the MCRT reports!'

'Well,' Vance started. 'You're the team leader, you signed off on the reports.'

'I read the summary and counted on my agents to their jobs correctly,' Gibbs retorted.

'JAG can be a bit pedantic…' Vance was trying to be conciliatory, but Gibbs wasn't down for it.

'I hate to have to agree with them, but a report half in Hebrew,' Gibbs shot a murderous look towards Ziva. 'It's not acceptable by US courts.'

'What?' The toothpick Vance was holding broke in his hand, and he could feel a major headache start to form behind his eyes.

'JAG is pissed because all the case reports sent to them for the last 3 and half months have parts written in Hebrew, or so much tech jargon that nobody can make sense of the investigation. The case summary is a joke,' Gibbs raised a hand to stall Vance comment. 'JAG's words. And there are a lot of incidences of missing information. NCIS archive is also complaining about the lack of correct forms for the collected evidence.' Gibbs's murderous look went back to McGee who had sat back straight when the director came into view.

'It is not my fault that reports required by your courts are so… useless!' Ziva cried. 'It is a waste of my time to be writing this… dirl!'

'I think you mean drivel, Ziva,' McGee said softly. He felt empowered by her comment to defend himself. 'The reports are redundant and a bit nonsensical. I did the summaries based on my own reports, but I didn't check Ziva's.' McGee recoiled when she glowered at him with a downturned mouth. He turned to Vance. 'The… huh… the technical information was relevant to how I did my job or reached certain information. It's not my fault they don't have anyone there that understands it.'

Vance opened and closed his mouth a few times, not sure what he could say. That was so much to unpick here that he couldn't decide where to start.

'That's why the reports are redundant and long,' Balboa commented, approaching the MCRT area, leaning on one of the barriers close to Ziva's desk. She glared at him for invading her workspace, but Balboa ignored her completely, focused on the men in front of him. 'We need to repeat the information again and again, in different ways, so the lawyers and the courts can have a good understanding and view of what happened.' McGee's surprised face almost made Balboa laugh.

'Things you should have learned at FLETC, McGee!' Gibbs wasn't in a forgiving mood. He turned back to Ziva. 'And what are you doing now, writing in Hebrew?!'

'I did not…' Ziva started but was quickly cut by Balboa's comment.

'She never stopped.'

'What?' Vance was feeling more lost in this conversation than when his children tried to retell a movie they had seen.

'She has been doing that since she started here,' Balboa clarified.

'If you Americans did not have such ridiculous reports…' Ziva tried to say again.

'Then maybe you should not be in an American federal agency,' Gibbs stated with a death glare.

Ziva took a step back, surprised by the venom in his tone. 'Gibbs…'

'That's not…' Vance tried to intervene.

'Tony fixed her reports,' Balboa interrupted, not caring for the glare Vance threw at him. 'At the beginning he would send her reports back and ask her to fix them, but she never did. I heard him talking to you, Gibbs, about it, and your answer was that he was the SFA, he had to deal with it. But Miss Mossad wouldn't lower herself to do the menial work of writing reports correctly, so Tony spent hours translating the Hebrew parts.'

'Balboa,' Vance was trying to feel he was in firm ground again. 'I don't think this the correct way to refer to a colleague.'

'She's not a colleague.' Balboa looked at the director with certainty. Vance's mouth hung open, and Balboa just went back to the conversation, focusing on Gibbs. 'McGee corrected some of his reports when Todd was part of the team, but stopped doing it since she arrived,' he said, indicating Ziva with his head. 'I know Tony tried to fix his reports too and he would ask Taylor if something was relevant or not to keep in there.'

'He had no right!' McGee stood up.

'He had to hand-in acceptable reports that wouldn't allow the perps to go free. The reports were accurate and truthful. Tony just took out all the rambling and nonsense. But McGee wouldn't spend an extra minute working on the reports that he didn't have to. He needed the time to write, didn't you McGee?' Balboa asked with a sneer. 'There's another Deep Six book coming up? I heard the DoD wasn't too happy with the last one. Your clearance wasn't upped up because of it.'

Vance lost his patience. 'Agent Balboa, I don't like the way you are referring to the MCRT agents, and certainly, information about clearance is not something to be bandied about.'

Balboa turned to face Vance. 'After Gibbs, I'm the oldest agent here, at the DC office, Director. If an agent doesn't have clearance for something, I'm one of the contact points to help out or answer for information said agent can't access. DoD informed me about everybody's clearance because of that. It's in my jacket,' he informed, making a point. 'And I didn't say anything that isn't general knowledge in the office, and way less than these two used to say about Tony.'

'I'm certain that this is a misunderstanding that will be resolved soon enough,' Vance said, feeling uncomfortable.

'Director Shepard approved of my first book!' McGee commented, out of step with the conversation.

Balboa snorted and Gibbs hmphed. 'That's not a good thing, McGee.' Gibbs turned to Balboa. 'I didn't know it got this bad. Tony stopped complaining.'

'No, Gibbs, you stopped listening.'

'This is DiNozzo's fault!' Vance exclaimed. 'He should have trained the juniors' agents better, not try to hide his incompetence!'

Ziva smirked and nodded in agreement. McGee seemed undecided if agreeing with the director would show him in a good or bad light.

'Incompetence, huh?' Balboa laughed, shaking his head. 'Well, that won't be an issue anymore, right, Director?' he went on sarcastically.

'He isn't back yet, and you already transferred him, Leon?!' Gibbs was outraged.

'Well rid,' Ziva said, sotto voce.

'I think you mean Good riddance,' McGee corrected automatically.

Gibbs looked between them angrily, but Vance interrupted any comments he might have.

'I didn't transfer him, Gibbs. He requested it,' Vance answered shaking the paper he had on his hand.

'What? DiNozzo wouldn't request a transfer!'

'Why not?' Balboa asked. 'He knew the director was posed to transfer or fire him anyway, no matter the results of this PR campaign. He just pre-empted it and chose where to go.'

'You knew about this?!' Gibbs cried.

'There was a bet about where the director planned to send him to,' Balboa answered calmly. 'But Tony sent me a message this weekend, saying he was offered a new position and he would be transferring between agencies.'

'As if any other federal agency would offer him a job!' McGee scoffed. 'Tony will probably be back into a police department.'

'Your blinds are thicker than Kevlar,' Balboa snorted. 'Doesn't matter what you believe, McGee.' He looked at Ziva. 'Or what Miss Mossad wrote on those profiles she did for her murderous brother. Tony is an exceptional federal agent, a gifted member of the law enforcement community, and plenty of people recognizes that. He's moving to a place that will value his contribution.'

Before the conversation could unravel further, the group was interrupted by the ding of the lift, and they all turned to see who was arriving. Delores Bromstead, dressed in her most professional suit, approached the group, offering a nod and a small smile to Balboa, and barely recognizing the rest.

'Director,' she started. 'I need your signature on the transfer document to finalise Agent DiNozzo's documentation. Could I get it now?'

Vance felt an almost uncontrollable desire to facepalm. Now the whole bullpen was looking up avidly. Balboa was happy to keep listening in, cataloguing the group's expressions to be able to describe them afterwards when telling the story to Tony and everybody else. He still had $20 in the betting pool that Vance would try to hold off the transfer to negotiate something that wouldn't make him look bad before SecNav. Taylor bet that Vance would sign it off and then concoct some story to snow SecNav.

'Ms Bromstead,' Vance tried to slow things down. 'I didn't know you were back in the office. How was your trip?'

Delores raised an eyebrow and Gibbs and Balboa snorted at the affected courtesy and the clear effort to stall the request.

'My schedule was clear, Director,' she answered in a clipped tone. 'I arrived from San Diego last night, so clearly, I would be in the office today. The trip was uneventful and certainly profitable. I appreciated the chance to be in the show. Now I'm back at work.' She gave Vance her most scanty look. 'Did you sign off Agent DiNozzo's transfer document?'

'Ah…' Vance was uncomfortable and unhappy to be in this kind of spotlight. 'Not yet. I have it here…' he raised the creased piece of paper. 'But I thought to talk about it with DiNozzo before I sign it.'

"I would like to talk to DiNozzo too,' Gibbs added. 'If you are back, how come DiNozzo isn't here?'

Delores looked askance toward Gibbs. 'Agent DiNozzo is in the HR office, finalising his documentation.'

'Doesn't he have to give a 2-week notice?' Vance asked a bit desperately.

'This is a transfer, Director,' Delores informed with derision. 'According to policy, if the agent is not part of a team and/or, working an active case, a transfer between agencies can be resolved as soon as the documentation is completed and signed,' she focused a heated look towards Vance. 'You made him TAD for the duration of the DoD/DoJ PR campaign, Director, and when it finished, he was, officially, a TAD without a position. Documentation is ready, signed by the other agency, so only your signature is missing to complete it,' Delores raised a hand, palm up. 'May I have the signed document?'

'What's the rush?' McGee asked, cluelessly. 'It's not like it would make a huge difference. Whatever agency Tony is going to can wait a bit to have another field agent. If he stays here for a couple of weeks he can help with the issue of the reports,' he said, looking to Gibbs for support.

Gibbs was torn between an excuse to keep DiNozzo around until he could convince him to stay in the MCRT and NCIS, and the wish to put McGee, and Vance, in their places because of that ill-advised promotion.

Balboa's snort was loud. 'That's rich!'

'Maybe this is a good idea,' Vance started, seeing a possible light at the end of the tunnel.

'Sorry to disagree, Director,' Delores said, making it clear in her tone that she wasn't sorry at all. 'Agent McGee signed off his employment contract for the Senior Field Agent position, where it was clearly explained that performing all the required tasks for the position, at acceptable levels for all stakeholders, internal and external, were part of his evaluation to pass the probationary period of the new position. Bringing someone from outside of the team to fix his errors would immediately disqualify him for the position.'

'DiNozzo is part of the team,' Gibbs tried.

'Agent DiNozzo was transferred out of the team by Director Vance's order,' Delores responded dryly. 'So no, he would be considered a TAD, therefore an outsider.'

Vance was seriously craving a toothpick, but he also wanted to keep a certain image in front of the agents. He took a deep breath in, stalling for time while frantically going through the options to resolve the situation the best way for him.

Delores was ready to continue badgering the director when the sound of a phone was heard. Gibbs turned angrily towards McGee, who was fumbling through his suit's pockets, looking for his cellular. But the grave voice of Vance, answering his, disrupted the tableau.

'Vance speaking!'

'What's the hold up, Leon? Beverly said that only your signature is missing!' The voice sounded reasonably clear for those close to the director.

'Tom?!' Vance asked surprised. 'What signature? Who's Beverly?'

'Beverly is my deputy, Director,' Delores Bromstead informed drily.

Vance looked up towards the HR manager, the feeling of a heavy weight dropping in his stomach.

'The transfer for DiNozzo, Leon! I finally got him to agree to move to Homeland and I would prefer not to lose a minute of it!'

Gibbs's face turned thunderous but before he could say anything or advance to try to pick the cellular from Vance, McGee let out a loud comment.

'Tony is going to be an ICE agent?!' He laughed. 'What a joke!'

'You should revise the training for NCIS agents, Vance,' Tom Morrow's voice sounded through the speaker, that Vance pressed without noticing. 'When I was the director there, even with all the jokes and pranks, this kind of disrespect towards a superior would never be accepted,' he said in clipped tones.

Ziva laughed sarcastically and Gibbs silenced both agents with a heated glare. He moved closer to Vance, who, holding the phone on the palm of his hand, had giving up any pretence of privacy.

'Tom Morrow?' Gibbs asked angrily. 'You poached DiNozzo?!'

'Hey, Gibbs,' Tom Morrow answered in a light tone. 'Of course, I did! I told you when I left NCIS that I would do it on the first chance I got. Well, this was the first chance, and I got him!' He laughed.

'Tom! You can't take my best agent…' Gibbs started to scream but was cut short by Morrow's voice.

'Yes, I can. Because you, your team, and the agency, don't value him anymore,' he said darkly. 'Where were you when he was working 100 hours a week to keep the team afloat? Oh, drinking Margueritas with Franks in Mexico!'

'I had memory loss!' Gibbs defended himself loudly.

'What was your excuse for telling Leon to send him afloat then?'

'You were the one to suggest it?!' Balboa screamed. 'You knew he would hate it!'

'He did not hate it enough, it seems, because he did not learn his lesson,' Ziva commented sarcastically.

'Ziva!' Gibbs cried. 'Stay out of this!' He said, finger raised towards her.

Ziva just smirked and sat on her desk, arms crossed in front of her. Delores just looked her up and down, snorted, and turned her back, moving closer to Vance and Gibbs, leaving Balboa to run interference with the Mossad agent, if needed.

'Director Morrow, sir,' Delores started. 'Everything else is ready and as soon as I get Director Vance's signature, Agent DiNozzo will be officially part of Homeland.'

It didn't escape Vance's notice how Delores Bromstead, or DiNozzo, never 'sir' him. They would call him 'director', but never 'sir'. He didn't know why, but the slight bothered him immensely.

'That's what Beverly explained, Ms Bromstead. That's why I called,' Morrow said over the phone. 'You had your chance, Leon, and you blew it. Sign the paper so I can have my Unit Chief here!'

The group's collective cry of 'Unit Chief' came in quite different tones. Pleased from Balboa, impressed from Vance, sad from Gibbs and completely incredulous from McGee and Ziva.

'What Unit?' Gibbs asked quietly.

'I got permission to create a special investigative unit, and DiNozzo was my first choice for leader,' Tom answered happily.

'Wouldn't other agencies have a say on this?' Vance asked, in a last-ditch attempt to avoid SecNav's wrath. 'It could cause issues of jurisdiction.'

'I got permission from the President, Leon,' Morrow answered condescending. 'This unit will deal with special projects, but even if jurisdictional issues arise, DiNozzo knows how to play well with others.' Morrow laughed. 'Mostly. I might have to interfere if the FBI or CIA are in the case.'

'Enough!' Gibbs screamed. 'You can't have DiNozzo, Tom! I just need time to talk to him so he will stay with my team.'

'Your time is up, Gibbs,' Morrow answered. 'You missed the chance, now that ship has sailed. He's going to try his wings and I will be here to support him. As you should have done all along.' His tone changed from hard to soft. 'Ms Bromstead, I'm counting on you to resolve this issue the quickest way possible. I can always go to the President if you need any support.'

'Thank you, sir,' Delores answered, looking straight at Vance's pale face. 'I believe I will be able to get the signature now and then I will send Agent DiNozzo your way.'

'Much appreciated, Ms Bromstead,' Morrow said. 'Take care, Gibbs. A bit of triple B should take care of your pains. Leon, be aware that I have other NCIS agents on my list to poach, so if you treat anyone else as badly, be sure I will be around to collect them too. Goodbye.' The sound disappeared when Morrow finished the call.

The silence lasted for a while in the bullpen, then excited whispers around the room started making rounds. Ziva broke through it with her annoyed comment.

'This is a jape, is it not?!'

Balboa answered happily. 'I doubt that the Deputy Director of US Department of Homeland Security would go around making prank calls.'

'You knew it!' Gibbs accused, advanced towards Balboa with a finger raised.

'I knew it was Homeland,' Balboa answered, hands raised in surrender sign. 'Not the position though. Tony modestly said it was a good offer, I thought it was team leader.'

'What does triple B mean?' A bewildered Vance asked with a lost look.

'Basement, boat and bourbon,' McGee answered absented mindedly while Balboa guffawed. 'But this can't be true! Who would put Tony in charge of anything?!' McGee whinged. Ziva nodded in agreement.

'The Deputy Director of US Department of Homeland Security would, it seems,' Delores answered tartly. 'With the support of the President.' She turned to Vance and extended a pen. 'Could you please sign the form, Director? I do have other things to do,' she completed dryly.

Vance looked at her and the pen for a while, still looking lost. He slowly picked up the pen, put the creased piece of paper on McGee's table and bent down to sign it. Vance returned both paper and pen to the HR Manager and watched her walk away with a smile on her face. Balboa waved to her and started to walk back to his side of the bullpen but seemed to remember something and stopped. He turned back to the group at the MCRT area.

'Better look for a fourth member, Gibbs, it's clear that Tony won't be back,' he then turned to McGee. 'And you better clean up those reports, McGee. JAG can be a real pest if you rile them up enough,' Balboa smiled and walked towards his team's area with hands in his trousers' pockets.

Gibbs was fuming, his eyes following angrily Balboa back to his area. He went back to his desk, picked up his gun, credentials and started walking toward the lift with a barely there 'Going for coffee.' Everybody saw him pick up his mobile phone and press a button. They heard him scream at the phone before the elevator doors closed. 'Tobias!' That would be a fun conversation to overhear.

'I can't believe…' McGee felt stuck in place. He looked around, his eyes falling on his desk and computer. 'I need to check it out…' he said while walking to his desk.

This seemed to pull Vance out of his own trance. 'Don't you dare hack into Homeland, McGee!' he screamed. He looked around, still looking lost. 'Go fix those damn reports and tell Gibbs to come see me when he's back!' Vance started back to his office when his mobile pinged again. He answered without checking the caller ID.

'Vance speaking…'

'Vance! What's Morrow going on about his new Unit Chief?! You lost DiNozzo to Homeland?! What did you do, Vance?' the loud cries could be heard by half the bullpen.

'Aahhh…' Vance stuttered. 'Mr Secretary, sir…'

'Don't Mr Secretary me, Vance! I want an explanation! And it's better be a good one!'

'Well, sir,' Vance tried again but disappeared towards his office before anyone could hear anything else.

Taylor Carson, Balboa's SFA, looked over the partition. 'If you learn something from today, McGee, one day you might be half as good as DiNozzo.' He turned to his team, after watching the show by MCRT area. 'Pay up people! Vance signed the transfer and now he's trying to snow SecNav!' he said, rubbing his hands.

Groans were heard all over the bullpen.

'Good afternoon, sir,' Tony shook Tom Morrow's hand at the entrance of his office. 'After the paperwork was dealt with, Delores and Balboa insisted on going out for an early lunch.'

'No problem, Tony,' Tom smiled and clapped him on the back, directing him towards the office. 'Now you are fed and walked, let's water you and go into all the special projects your unit will deal with.' He motioned the other man to a large meeting desk where a tray with coffee and water was available.

'Yes, sir,' Tony smiled back, showing his dimples. 'I can't wait!'

The End

Notes: Thank you for all the reviews, likes and follows. They helped a lot to keep going. I'm working on another Tony/NCIS story, but I like to have it almost complete before starting to post so I don't fall prey of the dreaded "writer's block".