Penelope – Insecure
She knew when her Mother had read the latest edition. There was the squeal of joy that Viscount Bridgerton had gotten engaged at her ball. Then the shriek of horror that Colin Bridgerton had proclaimed he would never court her youngest daughter. Her Mother had hoped that Colin's visits were heading towards courting Penelope.
Disappointment was all around. Colin had seemed so caring last night. "I will always look after you Penelope. You are special to me." Clearly he hadn't meant it in a romantic way as she had hoped, but in a more brotherly way. Marina had been right. How annoying.
It served her right. She had put Colin up on a very high pedestal. How was he to know that she was desperately in love with him. That every time he smiled at her, or even glanced in her direction, her heart sped up and she had never felt so alive. She wasn't his responsibility. He hadn't made her any promises. She just had to face facts: She was going to end up a lonely spinster. Especially since Eloise was no longer speaking to her.
The season was almost at an end and the Ton would be kept entertained with the upcoming wedding of the Viscount and future Viscountess.
A knock at her bedroom door disturbed her melancholy. "Penelope?" Her Mother cautiously walked into her room. "I take it that you've read Lady Whistledown."
Penelope nodded. Of course she had read it. She had written it. "Sorry to disappoint you Mama."
Her Mother seemed to be choosing her words carefully which was a welcome change. "Penelope, I'm certain Mr Bridgerton cares for you. Perhaps Lady Whistledown misheard him."
"She didn't Mama. I heard him myself. He didn't see me though. It's not his fault. I didn't tell him how I felt. He just saw me as a friend." It didn't get any easier the more she thought or said it.
Portia Featherington took in the sight of her obviously distressed daughter. "I'm sure he feels more than a brotherly affection. Perhaps you can speak to him at the Viscount's engagement party tonight."
"I do not wish to go Mama." Hell was a more inviting prospect. Eloise would be avoiding her and she would be avoiding Colin.
"And it will feed the gossips if you don't go." Portia moved towards the door. "We won't stay late but we will all be attending."
Penelope sighed. At least her Mother has said they wouldn't stay late. Perhaps she could gather some more gossip for another issue. Nobody would pay any attention to her anyway. Now that people knew Colin Bridgerton wasn't interested in her, nobody would care if she hid in dark corners.
There was one bright spot that evening. Portia had not made her wear yellow. In fact her Mother had told her she could wear any dress she wanted as long as she attended the party. With Cousin Jack having left them high and dry, appearances went a long way to them not looking as though they were in on his schemes.
Penelope supposed she should be grateful that Portia hadn't attempted to trap Colin into marrying her after her Mother had found them together without a chaperone. As much as she'd always wanted to be married to Colin, she had wanted it to be of his own free will and because he loved her. Not because he was trapped into it.
Viscountess Bridgerton was with the happy couple to greet the guests when they arrived. Not that the couple in question seemed to notice anyone else was in the room with them. It must be lovely to be loved so deeply that the rest of the world ceased to exist around you.
Just as Penelope moved passed Violet Bridgerton, the Viscountess reached out to stop her. "My son is a fool Penelope. I still have hope that he will grow up and notice what has been in front of him all along."
"It's kind of you to say, but I'm not so hopeful." And besides, Penelope didn't think her heart could take much more disappointment. She managed a small smile and moved into the room to find a quiet corner to hide in until her Mother deemed it polite to leave.
"Pen. May I have this dance." Wonderful. There were eight Bridgerton siblings. Why was the one she was most hoping to avoid the one who found her first?
"You don't need to dance with me out of pity. I would hate for your friends to make the mistake of thinking you were courting me." The worst part of the request was that Penelope would have accepted the request pity or not a couple of days ago.
"I'm not asking you out of pity. I need to explain." Colin looked almost as distressed as Penelope felt.
"There's no need. I clearly misunderstood you when you told me I was special to you. I will not be making the same mistake again." Se walked away, moving her arm when Colin moved to take her hand to stop her. She spotted Eloise watching her and changed direction to avoid her as well. She was not in the right frame of mind at the moment to attempt to explain herself to Eloise. And she wasn't certain that Eloise would listen to her anyway.
It was particularly painful seeing how happy Antony and Kate were. It just reminded her of what she would never have. Benedict even offered to dance with her but she wasn't in the mood to dance and so declined his offer.
"Don't let Colin ruin the party for you." Benedict smiled kindly. "I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you."
"I'm sure he didn't. It doesn't sting any less though. Thank you for your kind offer but I'm going to leave shortly. I'm not feeling the best." When no other excuse worked, claim you are feeling ill.
Benedict did not seem to believe her but left her to her misery. "I hope you feel better soon."
She watched him head over to where his Mother was talking to Colin and Eloise. He shook his head as he talked to them. Three pairs of eyes turned in her direction. Yes, it was definitely time to leave. She told her Mother she wasn't feeling well and that she would get one of the Lady's Maids to walk home with her so that her Mother and Sister could remain at the party. Her Mother didn't seem to believe her any more than Benedict had but agreed to her returning home. No one would notice her absence anyway.