A/N: There's more about Chloe's grief in this chapter so I'm just adding a gentle warning

Beca had never been around horses much before and she was a little nervous of their sheer size but, when Chloe climbed aboard her favorite black stallion and rode bareback around the pen for a few minutes, just holding onto his mane, she looked like she'd been riding all her life. Which she had of course.

"Wow," Beca chuckled as her girlfriend trotted circles around her. "Is it yours?" she called out.

"Yeah," Chloe called back. "He was born here so we pretty much grew up together."

"What's his name?" the brunette asked.

"Steed," the executive replied with a sheepish grin. "Don't laugh. I was only six when I named him."

"That's sweet," Beca smiled. "How old is he?"

Chloe's face fell a little. "He's getting old. He's twenty-four now." She leaned down and kissed his neck. "Aren't you, Steed?" She rubbed him as she straightened, and he snorted and pranced a little, making her grin. "We exercise him, but we don't ride him too often anymore. He's pretty much retired." She stopped him and slid off his back, landing with a little bounce and then leaning against him as she rubbed his cheek. "Steed knows all my secrets," she said. "He was my best friend growing up and he's a really good listener. He was the first one to find out I was pregnant. I told him before I even told Tom."

Beca nodded as she joined her girlfriend to stand in front of the horse. "Can I touch him? Does he bite?"

The redhead smiled. "He doesn't bite. Just hold out your hand and let him get your scent." She came behind Beca and wrapped her arms around her waist, pressing against her back as the younger woman held out her hand for Steed to snuffle. The veteran grinned as his whiskers tickled her hand and he lipped her fingers.

"He's gentle," she said in surprise, as she leaned back against her girlfriend. Chloe rested her chin on Beca's shoulder and nuzzled her neck, humming her agreement softly as she rocked them slowly. They were snuggling against the Oregon cold and Beca started to feel a little flushed as Chloe's hand slid under her jacket and then under her shirt to caress the bare skin of her stomach. "I love you," she whispered, covering the redhead's hand with her own and caressing it.

"I love you too," Chloe replied, nibbling a little on a convenient earlobe. Then she chuckled as sporadic snowflakes began to fall around them. "Well, that's perfect. We might even have a white Christmas this year." She let Beca go and kissed her cheek. "Let me just get Steed tucked in for the night." She headed for the stables and Beca was amazed as the big horse just followed behind her and walked right into his stall. Chloe checked his food and water, then kissed him on the cheek and closed the top half of the stall's door. "Night, Steed. See you tomorrow," she called as she went back to her girlfriend.

"Thank, Chlo," Beca said as they joined hands to walk back to the house. "That was awesome."

They reached the kitchen to find the dinner just ready, and Chloe beamed as she found Amelia there too.

"Hey, Amelia!" she exclaimed, going to the woman to hug her. "Merry Christmas! I didn't think you'd be here tonight. Come meet my girlfriend, Beca."

"Ahhh," the older woman replied. "The famous Beca. Merry Christmas to you both!"

Beca smiled and held out her hand. "Really nice to meet you," she said. Amelia shook her hand warmly and then looked back to Chloe.

"How are you doing?" she asked with a sympathetic smile. "I remember what day today is, Honey."

"Yeah," Chloe agreed. "But I'm ok. Thanks, Amelia." She glanced at her mom, then back to the cook. "Did Tom... um..."

"No," Amelia replied. "I haven't heard from him."

The redhead nodded, then glanced at the kitchen door as Alfie came in, a platter of steaks covered with plastic wrap in one hand and a beer in the other.

"We ready in here?" he asked jovially. "I come bearing meat."

Beca laughed as she went to take the plate from him, bicep bulging against its weight. "Looks great," she said. Then she looked at the others with a raised eyebrow. "Womenfolk, are you ready with the sides."

Chloe poked her playfully as she slipped out of her jacket. "Your butch card is showing, Baby. And you just set us back fifty years by saying womenfolk."

"Blame your dad," the veteran chuckled. "He started it."

The redhead sighed as she accepted Beca's coat and hung it on a hook in the mudroom, next to her own. "Of course he did."

They took seats at the large kitchen table and passed around the steaks, salad and other sides. Alfie focused on his daughter then. "I read that Beale just closed a deal with Steele Ironworks," he said. "Congratulations."

"Yeah," Chloe replied. "It's not exactly lucrative for now, but it'll help us get our foot in the door with the bigger dogs. We were able to lure Rick Steele away from Franklin."

Beca snorted. "Their service sucks though. They deserved it."

Alfie shook his head and laughed. "Sounds like Beca here doesn't like Franklin very much."

Dark blue eyes rolled. "They have potential for greatness," the veteran said. "But they always fall just short of it because of their misogynistic bullshit... while Beale..." She smiled at her girlfriend. "Chloe's company is great and always striving to become greater."

Chloe chuckled and took out her phone to open her notes app. "I'm writing that down," she said. "Work with Beale Advertising and see great become greater! See... that's why Beca is my new Chief Sales and Marketing Officer. She comes up with cool shit like that."

Everyone laughed and the redhead squeezed her girlfriend's hand as Alfie nodded happily. "Congratulations, Beca. Hope you got a pay rise too!"

The brunette nodded. "Yeah... yeah, I did," she replied. She still remembered how it felt to look at her first fortnightly paycheck after her promotion and thanks to it, she almost had enough saved for the engagement ring she'd picked out for Chloe. Two more weeks and she'd be able to buy it. "So..." she went on. "I don't think I asked you what you do for a living, Alfie?" She remembered Chloe had mentioned that he was an executive of some kind.

"I'm retired two years," he replied. "But I used to be the CEO of a major pharma company. Did pretty well for myself." He looked at Chloe then with a cheeky grin. "And with as well as this one is doing, I'm thinking of taking back her trust fund so I can take a trip into space with Richard Branson."

Chloe just shrugged. "Meh. You can have it," she muttered.

Alice frowned. "Don't talk about money at the dinner table, Alfie," she said with a sniff. "It's crass."

The brunette elbowed her girlfriend and leaned in close. "Could you actually afford a trip to space with what's in your trust fund?" she asked in a low voice as Alice continued chastising her husband.

"Last time I looked, there was about eighty million in there," Chloe replied quietly. "I don't know if that's enough to get me into space honestly."

"Eighty million," Beca breathed. "I don't even know how much that is."

"Me neither," the redhead shrugged. "We'll talk about this later, ok?"

"Only if you want to, Chlo," the veteran replied. "It's your money. You don't owe me..." But then Chloe was kissing her gently, oblivious to the other people at the table.

"I love you. What's mine is yours," the redhead finished, then went back to her steak and the conversation, leaving her girlfriend a little speechless.

Xx

It was close to three and Chloe's childhood bedroom was cool and dim. Beca was sleeping, wrapped in the redhead's arms, but Chloe was having a hard time drifting off. Every time she closed her eyes, her mind brought her back to the day she'd lost Zoe and a part of her was afraid to fall asleep in case the memories invaded her dreams too.

She thought about Tom then. Wondered if he was sleeping peacefully next to his new wife; wondered if he even remembered the date; wondered if, after twelve years, he'd put it behind him; and wondered if she was alone in her grief after all these years.

"Can't sleep?" Beca said then, infinitely cute in her sleepiness as she rubbed her eyes.

"No," Chloe replied. "Just a lot on my mind, I guess. Things are spinning a little."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure it would help. You don't have the answers I need, Becs."

"And what is it you need to know?" the brunette asked. She shifted a little and ran her fingers gently through Chloe's hair.

"I need to know if Tom still thinks about Zoe... or if I'm completely alone in this."

Beca wanted to tell Chloe she wasn't alone, but... she knew she could never understand or really know what her lover was going through. Knew she could never really comfort Chloe the way someone who'd gone through it with her could.

"He's here in Oregon, right? Why don't you see if you can meet him? Or at least call him?"

The older woman thought about that for a moment. "I... could get his number from Amelia," she said slowly. "Maybe talking to him would help."

"When was the last time you spoke to him?" Beca asked.

"I was unbearable to be around after we lost the baby, and we broke up about three months later. I haven't spoken to him since."

"Wow," the veteran whispered. "That's a long time, Chlo."

"Part of me was looking for someone else to blame because I couldn't bare the weight of my own guilt..." Chloe trailed off and shook her head. "I regret the way I treated him." She looked at the window for a long moment. "I was awful."

"People process grief in different ways," Beca said. "After I lost my leg, I was so mean, I threw stuff at the nurses who were just trying to take care of me. They started calling me Duck... because when she sees you, you have to..." She rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"Duck," Chloe finished on a little laugh. "Damn, Babe."

"I overheard them saying it one day and realized I had to get over myself and try to move on. So, I agreed to start therapy and went from there. So… I get it Chloe. And even if you need to go somewhere overnight to meet him or… if you just need to be alone after you talk to him, I understand, and I'll give you whatever space you need."

The redhead blinked and she pressed impossibly closer to her girlfriend. "I think I just fell in love with you all over again," she said. "God, Beca. You're amazing and I'm so happy with you." She kissed the veteran gently. "I… I want…" She sighed then and shook her head. "Never mind."

"No, what were you going to say?" Beca asked, cupping her lover's cheek.

"I want to have a baby with you."

The brunette smiled. "I already knew that, Chlo."

"No, I mean…" Chloe closed her eyes and swallowed. "I've been thinking about things a lot, Becs. And I want to fully commit to you… to us. But something keeps… my brain keeps telling me it's too soon, that we've only known each other eleven months and we've been officially together less than that but… my heart keeps telling my brain to shut the fuck up, you know?"

Beca couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I get it," she replied, squeezing her girlfriend adoringly. "But listen, let's just wait til we hit the year mark, ok?" I have plans, Baby.

"Ok," Chloe nodded. She felt a little better having talked to Beca and now she felt like she really did want to talk to Tom.

"Hey, Chloe?" Beca said then very softly.

"Mmmm?"

"Are you… um… ok with carrying another baby or would you want me to do it?"

The redhead frowned. "God, Becs, I didn't even… would carrying a baby be too hard for you? I mean it affects balance and weight obviously…"

The veteran chuckled. "I have no clue. Guess we'd have to do some research, huh?" She noticed that Chloe hadn't specifically answered the question about carrying the baby herself, but Beca was willing to wait as long as it took for her lover to be ready to talk about that.

They were quiet for a while and shortly after, Chloe's breathing deepened into sleep. Beca smiled and held her close, kissing her forehead. "I love you so much," she whispered. "And I'll always be here for you."

Xx

Christmas Eve, Beca woke to a flurry of snow that had stuck on the ground overnight. She also woke to an empty bed, and she chuckled as she realized that her girlfriend was already dressed and out and about when she heard squealing outside the bedroom window. The previous few days with Chloe and her parents had been a dream come true. They'd gone shopping, watched movies, drank eggnog and lazed around in front of a roaring fire. Beca had never had a family before, and Chloe's was truly the way she'd always seen in the movies. Even the little bit of bickering between the redhead and her mother had felt comfortable.

The veteran got out of bed and looked out the window to find a rosy-cheeked Chloe running next to Steed as she exercised them both in the large pen. She was wearing a green beanie and, now and again, the big horse would lift his head and try to lip it away from her, making her giggle and clutch at it. Beca smiled and quickly went to wash up and get dressed so she could join the redhead.

As she passed through the kitchen, Amelia stopped her. "Hey Beca?" she said. "How's Chloe doing?"

"Better, I think," the veteran replied. "We talked a lot and she's working through it."

"I just spoke to Tom and he said yes to meeting with her," the cook said then. "He said he's free this afternoon if she wants to go over to his house."

Beca nodded. "That's good news. Chloe needs it."

"Why don't you grab some coffee for you both while I go tell her and give her his cell number."

The veteran nodded again. "Sure."

Amelia headed out the door and Beca took her time making the coffee and pouring two cups. She made Chloe's just the way she liked it and then carefully carried them out the kitchen door and across the yard toward the stable. Amelia smiled at her as she passed by and winked to tell her everything was ok.

"Morning, Babe," Beca called as she reached the fence.

"Hey!" Chloe called back with a big grin as she stuck her phone back in her pocket. "Oh, you brought me coffee. Thanks, Becs. I've been dying for a cup." She came to the fence with Steed hot on her heels and kissed Beca gently as she accepted her cup. "So, I was thinking. Do you want to learn how to ride?"

Beca blinked. "Like up there?" she pointed. Steed's back was a good four or five inches taller than she was.

"Well, I could try saddling his belly," the redhead deadpanned. "But I think you'd fall off pretty quickly." She waited then and watched Beca battling herself. She knew the veteran was nervous, but she also knew that Beca never backed down from a challenge.

"Yeah, ok. What do I have to do?" the brunette said, perching one hand on her hip.

"Hold this," Chloe said, handing her cup to her girlfriend. "I'll be right back." She jogged toward the stable, whistling for Steed to follow her and only a few minutes later, she came back, leading her stallion by his newly connected halter. He was saddled and looked happy as could be. "Ok. Do you have any experience with horses at all?"

"No," Beca shook her head. "But I really like them."

"Cool, ok." Chloe took her cup back and sipped from it. "So, you know the basics, right? Saddle, halter saddlehorn etc. No biggie there. Now, stirrups." She looked down at her girlfriend's legs for a moment. "I'm assuming it would be easier to mount with your biological foot and swing your prosthetic over the saddle?"

Beca loved how matter-of-fact Chloe always was when asking about her challenges. She didn't beat around the bush and made things feel like they were no big deal. "Yeah," the veteran replied. "I think that'd be best."

"Actually, I think I have an even better idea," the redhead went on. "Hold him for me?" She handed the reins to her friend and jogged back into the stable.

Beca cleared her throat as she tentatively reached out to rub Steed's cheek. "So, we're gonna be really good friends, right, Dude?" Steed nodded and huffed some air into her face. "And hey, listen, I'd really appreciate it if you could make me look cool in front of Chloe, you know? Like don't embarrass me by letting me fall off." The horse nodded again and then stood quietly waiting.

Chloe came back with a stool and guide rope in her hand. She set the stool at Steed's side before clipping the rope to his halter. "Ok, step up onto this." She held Beca's hand as she stepped up and then stepped up beside her. They shared a quick kiss and then Chloe helped Beca to carefully climb onto the stallion's back and get her feet settled into the stirrups. She gave the veteran a quick overview on posture and the correct way to hold the reins. "I'm going to lead him. Just relax and hold on loosely, ok? He's very easy to ride so don't worry."

"Ok," Beca replied with a big smile and Chloe thought she looked so adorable that she couldn't help but kiss her again before jumping down off the stool and grabbing the rope. Then she clucked her tongue to get the big horse moving and Beca held on as she got used to the swaying motions of Steed's gait.

"Doing ok?" Chloe called back over her shoulder.

"This is epic!" the veteran replied. "No wonder you love it so much."

The redhead laughed softly. "You might not be saying that later. You're using muscles that probably don't get much of a workout and you're going to be sore."

"That's a problem for future me," Beca chuckled.

They played with Steed for a couple of hours and then Chloe's phone rang. It was Amelia telling them lunch was ready, so they walked the stallion back into his stall, untacked him and gave him plenty of rubs before heading inside. On the walk to the house, the redhead stopped them for a minute. "Listen," she said. "I… um… I'm going out for a bit this afternoon to see Tom. I texted him earlier and I'm going to his house to meet him. Is that ok?"

Beca smiled and then hugged her girlfriend. "You don't have to ask my permission, Chlo. But thanks for letting me know. I'll be here waiting for you."

The beaming smile returned to Chloe's face and, hand-in-hand, they headed inside to warm up and eat.

Xx

It was three when Chloe was pulling up at the address Tom had given her. She was nervous about seeing him again, but she'd thought about what she wanted to say, and she was going to start with a genuine apology. She got out of the car and tucked her hair behind her ears before strolling up the pathway to the front door and ringing the doorbell. The door opened and Chloe drew breath to speak before she realized that it wasn't Tom at the door. "Hi," she breathed instead.

"Hi… Chloe, right?"

"Yeah. You must be Shawna?"

"Actually no," the younger woman chuckled. "I'm Shawna's daughter, Reilly. Come on in. I'll get Tom. He's out back doing gardening of some sort in his greenhouse."

Chloe found herself smiling at that as she stepped into the house and followed the young woman into the living room. She waited, slowly touring the room, and looking at the art hanging on the walls. She remembered Tom being a painter and she wondered if they were his work.

"You haven't changed one bit," a deep voice suddenly said, making Chloe jump a little. She turned and chuckled softly as a man came toward her, wiping his hands on an old rag.

"Or maybe you need glasses. I'm twelve years older," she grinned.

"But still as beautiful as ever," Tom said, and he stopped in front of her before leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. "Hi, Chloe."

And Chloe couldn't help herself. She launched herself at him and hugged him as hard as she could. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry for how I treated you back then, Tom. I was out of my mind."

A rumble of a laugh echoed in his chest. "I know, Chlo. Honestly, we both were." They eased back from each other. "And there's no need to apologize. Can I get you a beer or something? Or some spiked eggnog? It's Christmas after all."

The redhead nodded, slipping her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "Eggnog would be great please, but I'm driving so, just one."

Tom nodded and headed for the kitchen. Chloe decided to just follow him, and she sat up on a stool at the island as he grabbed two glasses and poured the drinks. "Tom, I…" she started but then found herself a little lost for words, despite having had her speech worked out in her head. So she took the glass and took a deep swallow of the creamy alcohol

"December 21st," her ex said then. "Zoe's due date. I remember, ChloChlo."

All the air in Chloe's lungs whooshed out and she pressed her hand against her chest as it ached with grief. "Fuck, Tom," she whispered then. "I thought… I really thought it was just me."

"Not a chance. I still have a beer in her honor every year," he replied. "I'm really glad we're getting this chance to talk. I've wanted to reach out over the years but never really knew how. But when Mom sent me the picture this morning, I was excited to be seeing you again."

"Picture?" Chloe asked, eyebrows drawn together. "What picture?"

"Oh… she sent me a picture of you and your partner with Steed. You guys look so happy together. I'm really glad."

Chloe nodded, smiling at him with genuine affection. "Thanks. I'm very happy with Beca. Your mom told me you got married in the summer and, of course, I met Reilly when I got here. I[m glad you're happy too."

"Shawna's great. She… um… offered to make herself scarce when I told her you were coming or else you could have met her. She wanted us to have some time in private together."

"Beca did the same. Seems like we both ended up with wonderful partners."

"We did," Tom agreed. "And I couldn't ask for a better stepdaughter than Reilly either. Shawna's older than I am so I'm not sure if we'll have another kid."

Chloe nodded. "Beca and I talked about it. We want to have kids but… we have some challenges. Beca lost her leg in combat in Afghanistan so it might be difficult for her to carry a baby with a prosthetic. We're not sure yet. And as for me… I want to but I'm afraid honestly. What if…" She looked down, biting her bottom lip.

"Hey…" Tom said. "Chloe, look at me." Blue eyes lifted tentatively. "We lost Zoe, but it doesn't mean it'll happen again. Don't be afraid to try again, Honey, if it's what you and Beca really want. Yes, it's scary, but think of how wonderful it'll be when you and Beca are able to hold your own child."

Chloe started to cry, and she leaned back, shaking her head as she covered her face. "God, I'm sorry," she gasped but then she was in his arms, and he was rocking them both.

"We never grieved together, Chloe," he whispered. "It was too much and too raw at the time and we were so horrible to each other. But I did love you. I think I always will."

"Me too," the redhead admitted as she squeezed him tighter. "Thank you for this, Tommy. I really needed it and appreciate you letting me back into your life." She eased back then and slid down off her stool. "But I… I need to…"

"It's ok," Tom smiled. "I get it. You need to get back to Beca."

Chloe nodded. "Yeah, but I'll keep in touch, if that's ok?"

Tom smiled. "I'd love nothing more," he said, and they shared one last hug before Chloe turned and showed herself out, leaving him with her most beaming smile. She settled into her car and sent Beca a text before heading back to her parent's house.

Xx

Beca heard her phone chime and picked it up to look at the screen. "Wow, she's done already," she said. "I hope that's not a bad sign."

Alice nodded worriedly. "What did she say?"

"Just that she's on her way and that she'll be here in thirty minutes." The veteran looked at Amelia then. "What's your take on the whole thing?"

"Tom said he'd be delighted to meet with her so, unless something went really badly when she got there, I think everything should have been ok."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see, I'm going to go shower. My legs are aching after riding Steed."

"He's a big old boy," Alice chuckled. "If you need painkillers, let me know."

"Thanks," the veteran replied. Then she ambled out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the room she was sharing with Chloe. She checked her social media feeds for a few minutes, then went through some new music releases in her music app before undressing and removing her prosthetic to get into the shower. She leaned against the wall as she washed her hair, humming to herself but then a light breeze made her shiver and she grinned as strong arms came around her and gentle lips kissed down her neck. "I was apparently worried about nothing," she said hoarsely as Chloe cupped her breasts and ran her thumbs over her nipples.

"No, it went great," the redhead replied. "It was emotional, and I think it'll take time for us to properly reconnect but… Tom was great, and we talked a little before I felt like I needed to leave."

The brunette nodded as she reached back to caress Chloe's naked thigh and then run her fingertips through the neatly trimmed hair between her thighs. "Why did you feel like you had to leave?" she asked.

The older woman smiled and seductively whispered into the veteran's ear. "If you're going to be getting me pregnant, we should start practicing now." She nibbled the shell of it. "Right?"

And Beca melted back into her lover with a deep growl. "Oh God, yes."