Author's Notes: Our couple will have to spend some time apart in order to find their way back to each other. First, they need to find themselves, and as Sidney said, they need to find their "best self, their truest self," before they can be with someone else. They do not live in the same community, and the social conventions of the day did not allow for them to write to each other. So, there will have to be an opportunity for them to see each other again, and that will happen, but not for a few chapters yet. Our dear Alexander is on his way to becoming whole again.

Chapter Three: London

Alexander and his family arrived at Bentley House in London, and the housekeeper showed the girls to the rooms. He was glad for a moment alone. He had not been in this house since he had brought Lucy to London to be buried. When he returned to London less than two years ago to take Augusta home to live with him, he stayed at a hotel. This house held so many memories, and not many of them were good.

He asked the housekeeper to make up the guest room for him. He did not want to sleep in the master bedroom. He was sure Lucy and Lennox had made use of the bed in that room and he could not bring himself to sleep in there, nor could he sleep in Lucy's old room. When they had married, she had wanted her own room, and even though it was not what he wanted, he agreed to the arrangement.

Right then and there, he decided to sell the house as soon as the London season was over. He had no need of it anymore, and if he were to be able to let go of all of the angst of Lucy's betrayal, he needed to get rid of the place where she had given herself to another man. He needed to lay that ghost to rest. Visions of her in another man's arms had tormented him long enough.

He heard the girls laughing upstairs, and he smiled to himself. Leo and Augusta were his family now, and he would be a far better father to them than his father was to him and his brother. Charlotte had made him see that he had been a neglectful father, and it was unfair for him to be a detached parent. Her words had hurt, even though he knew them to be true. He thought he was protecting them, but Charlotte made him see that he was part of the reason the girls were so unhappy. Now, he was genuinely trying to be the kind of father the girls needed him to be.

His thoughts drifted to his own upbringing at Heyrick Park, and he cleared his mind of those memories at once. He did not want to remember those last years in that house. More ghosts from his past that needed to be laid to rest.

Samuel Colbourne, his younger brother, was living in London, and they would have dinner with him tomorrow. The brothers were not close, but Alexander looked forward to seeing him again.

He looked through the correspondence left for him on the entry table, and found a letter from Augusta's great-aunt, Louise Markham. She invited them to come for tea tomorrow. Alexander had written to her before they left Sanditon to inform her that Augusta would make her debut into society this season. Her great-aunt was the only living relative left from the Markam family, and she wanted to be a part of introducing Augusta out into society.

Alexander made his way upstairs, and checked in on the girls. They were excited to be out of Sanditon at last and getting settled in. Leonora already had her toy soldiers out on the side table, and her favorite books stacked up beside them.

Augusta was going through her dresses trying to decide which one to wear for tea with her elderly aunt tomorrow. She loved her Aunt Markam, and had always been close to her when she was still living in London.

When she saw her uncle at the door of her room, she walked over to him and put her hand on his arm. "Thank you, Uncle, for bringing me to London. I know how much you hate being out in society, but you are doing this for me. I appreciate it very much."

Alexander was not used to her displays of affection, and it startled him, but he felt glad that she was feeling so excited about the next few months.

When he made his way to his room, he thought about how very much Augusta looked like her mother and Lucy. Her personality was different though, more open and warm. She had blossomed with Charlotte's guidance, and she was no longer the insolent young woman she had been since coming to live at Heyrick House.

Alexander thoughts drifted to his wife. He and Lucy had been happy enough in the beginning, or so it had seemed. As long as he escorted her to every social event in the season, she had been easy enough to live with. She was prone to mood swings at times, but he did not let it bother him. He did not love her in the way he loved Charlotte, but he did care for her. Lucy was a beautiful woman, and there were moments in their marriage when he felt close to her, but those were too infrequent to create the kind of relationship that might have sustained their marriage.

In the morning, they had an appointment with the modiste, tea with Mrs. Markam in the afternoon, and then dinner at Bentley House with his brother. Alexander remembered why he hated living in London so much. It was non-stop socializing, but for Augusta, he would do all he could to give her a proper introduction into society.

The next morning, he escorted the girls to the modiste to have new clothes made for the season. Leo did not need much for her stay in London, but Alexander wanted his daughter to be dressed appropriately, so he asked the modiste to make some dresses for Leonara out of the same fabrics as she was making Augusta's day gowns.

Later that afternoon, the trio had tea with Mrs. Markham, and she already had an exhausting calendar of events planned for Augusta. In fact, she wanted Augusta to come and stay with her for a few weeks so her great-niece could attend social events daily with her. The official season in London did not begin for another three weeks, but there were all the pre-season teas and dinners to attend. Augusta would attend as her guest.

Augusta looked at her uncle for permission, "Uncle, may I stay with Aunt Markam for a few weeks?"

"Of course, if that is what you wish."

Secretly, Alexander was glad for her aunt to guide her through the rituals of a coming out season. He had little knowledge of how to secure the right invitations for his niece. It was decided that Augusta would return tomorrow with her things to stay with her aunt.

Later that evening, they had dinner with his brother. Samuel was a few years younger than Alexander, and quite different in appearance and personality. The girls ate dinner with them since it was just family, and Samuel entertained everyone with stories of their younger years in London.

After dinner, the girls went upstairs to get ready for bed, and the brothers had some time to talk.

"Xander, you have a fine family with those girls. I am sure Augusta will have a successful season out in society. Leonora is quite the character, and will not doubt grow into a stunning beauty like Augusta when she is ready to make her debut in society.

Samuel knew of Lucy's affair, and it was obvious to him that Leo was not his brother's child. "You are a good father to Lucy's child, Alexander. It is admirable of you to raise her as your own."

Alexander thought for a moment and said, "She is my daughter, regardless of the circumstances of her birth. I intend to be a far better father to the girls than our father was to us. I have not been attentive to the girls as I should have been, but I can and will do better by them. I am fortunate to have a family."

"I have had the disagreeable experience of meeting the man who is her father, Samuel, and I am glad that I am the one to raise her. He is a Colonel in the Royal Army, and a most despicable man I have never met. Leonara is the spitting image of him, and for the longest time, it hurt to be around her. Now, I gladly accept her for the gift she is in my life."

"What about marrying again, to give the girls a mother, Alexander? Have you considered taking another wife?"

Alexander was resolute in his response, "I have been down that road once before, and I never intend to marry again."

He changed the subject to a less stressful topic, "I have a financial matter to speak to you about since you are a barrister. Augusta's parents left her a substantial inheritance. I have invested it this last year, and I will continue to manage it for her. However, I want a part of it to be used as her dowry."

Samuel asked the amount, and Alexander named a figure. It was a substantial amount of money, plus there was the rest of the inheritance that would become her future husband's once they were married.

"I do not want it known how much money she will bring to her marriage. I want to be certain that any man who comes to me to ask to court her does so for the right reasons. I never want either one of my girls to marry for anything other than love or to be a target for a fortune hunter."

Samuel told him that he would draw up papers for the transfer of Augusta's dowry in case she met someone special this season, and the amount would be kept between the two of them. Augusta would be engaged before that sum would become known when the contracts for the marriage were drawn up.

Unlike Alexander, Samuel had never married, and at thirty years old, he was quite a catch. He had looks, a successful career, and he knew his way around with the ladies. He had met a woman many years ago whom he had loved, but duty required her to marry a man with money. He was the second son, and there was no inheritance for him. Tradition was that everything went to the older brother. Samuel ahd a freedom Alexander did not have as the oldest son. He could live anywhere he wanted, and he did not have to deal with the demands of managing a large estate.

Alexander excused himself to tell the girls goodnight, and the two men made plans to see each other later in the week.

He stood at the entry to Leonora's room and watched her sleeping. Poor dear! She was worn out from the excitement of the day.

He had never been an affectionate father to Leonora, but he had seen how she responded to Charlotte's touch. Charlotte held her hand when they walked through the grounds, and she would sometimes kiss his daughter's cheek. He felt so ashamed that he had withheld his own affections from her simply due to the circumstances of her birth.

Since the day he had found her at the camp with Lennox, and he had hugged Leonora, he had made it a point to show her some small measure of affection each day.

Leo liked to read stories about soldiers, so lately, when he went upstairs to tuck her in, he stayed while she read to him. One night, she threw her arms around his neck and said, "Goodnight, Father."

Alexander was ashamed that for so many years, he had not treated Leo as he should have. He was not the brute his father had been, but neither was he the kind of father that Charlotte had told him her father was. He would do better. He would learn to be the kind of father the girls could admire.

Charlotte had said, "There is no man on earth I admire as much as my father." He hoped someday, that he could be the kind of father the girls needed.

Augusta held his arm when he ecorted her places, and they had danced together at the ball in Sanditon. He was not her father, or even his neice by blood, but he would treat her as a daughter for the rest of his life.

Circumstances had brought the girls into his life, but he was determined that love would be what made them a family.

Charlotte was from a very large family, and he had overheard her tell the girls about her younger brothers and sisters. She was the oldest of fourteen children, and she adored each of her siblings, espescially her sister, Alison.

Alexander thought she would make the most wonderful mother. But…she would need to be married first, and he could not offer for her. He could not bear to think of her disdain when she learned the kind of man he truly was. He was not his father, but he was not a man who could give her all she needed in a loving husband. He did not know how to be such a man. How could he when his own father was such a terrible human being? He had lost all his self-worth as a husband after Lucy's affair. He was damaged goods, and better off alone.

Alexander went to his room to retire for the night. He got comfortable and sat down at the writing desk in the room.

He had brought his journals with him. With no friends to speak to, his journals had become a way to make sense of his thoughts. He looked through his entries from the last six weeks, and every single one of them were about Charlotte. Tonight would be more of the same.

He picked up his quill and began to write:

I miss her with a force of emotion that I cannot name. I do love her, and it is almost as if I am obsessed with her. I cannot go more than five minutes without thinking of her and missing her. How bereft my life is without her!

I dream of her and the life we could have had. I am both a fool and a coward. I am not my father, but I saw how his coldness killed my mother's sweet spirit over time. After all that happened with Lucy, and her turning to another rman, how can I have any faith in my ability to be a good husband?

My life is richer for having known my angel Charlotte. My love for her has made me more human than I have been in so many years. How I wish I was worthy of her love!

He put down his quill, and closed his journal. He sat by the fire for hours and thought of her. Finally, he went to bed, and closed his eyes. He hoped she would come to him tonight in his dreams. His passionate and sensual Charlotte.