Author's Note: If you are interested in reading more of Sidney's thoughts as he grieved for the chance he lost to make a life with Charlotte, I have written a one-shot, "Memories and Regrets.''
Chapter Ten: Forging Our Path
After breakfast, Mary asked Charlotte to help her straighten Tom's office since it was always untidy. Charlotte sorted the invoices on Tom's desk and filed some loose papers, then she spotted two books on an end table ready to be shelved.
One was a copy of Heraclitus, and one was a book about law. Charlotte had read her father's copy of Heraclitus years ago. She ran her hands over the cover of the book and opened it to see the name, Sidney James Parker. She thumbed through the pages and saw that he had made little notes here and there. Curious, she began reading them.
Mary came in a short time later, and she found Charlotte in a chair reading. There were tears running down her face.
Mary asked, "My dear, what is wrong?"
Charlotte showed her a page in the book with notes in Sidney's handwriting.
"How can you hide from what never goes away?"-Heraclitus
-she is everything to me, and my love for her will never go away. I will not hide from it, but instead, I will embrace it in the most private place in my heart. My love for her and my memories of her are the most precious things I have in this life. I was truly my best self, my truest self, when I was with her.
"Oh Darling, he was writing about you, wasn't he?"
Charlotte looked at Mary and said, "Yes, I believe he was. The night of the regatta, he came into this very room, and stood near the door. He spoke those very words to me."
Mary sat down next to her dear friend, and said, "Charlotte, Sidney was your first love, and the relationship ended due to circumstances, even though neither of you wanted it to. He loved you so very much, and he was grieving for the life the two of you would never have together."
Mary said, " Tom found this book in Sidney's trunk when it was returned to us from Antigua, and I know he would want you to have it, Charlotte."
"Thank you, Mary, I will treasure it."
Charlotte excused herself and went to her room. She read more of Sidney's notes, and his words gave her the courage to do what needed to be done. She had told Augusta only months before that she was trying to forge a new path for herself.
She had to move forward and stop letting the past dictate her future. Her path forward was to forgive Mr. Colbourne, and to see what the future held for the two of them.
The first step she had to take to create the life she wanted was to end things with Ralph Starling. She packed a few things in a bag, and asked Mary if she could take the carriage to Willingden.
Mary said, "Of course, I will call for it right away."
When the carriage arrived, Charlotte hugged Mary and told her she would be back in a few days.
Charlotte arrived in Willingden just a few hours later. Her parents were surprised, but elated to see their eldest child.
After greeting her many siblings, Charlotte asked to speak to her parents privately. They went into Mr. Heywood's study.
Charlotte said, "I have come home only for a few days. I need to speak with you both before I speak to Mr. Starling this evening.
Charlotte turned to her parents and said, "I cannot marry Ralph Starling. I do not love him, nor do I think I ever could love him. I have given my heart to another man, Alexander Colbourne. It would be wrong and unfair to Ralph for me to go through with the marriage. When I speak my marriage vows, I want to commit with all of my heart to the man I will share my life with."
Mr. Heywood stood up and started pacing the floor. "Is this Mr. Colbourne the man who broke your heart before you returned to Willingden three months ago?"
"Yes, but we have come to understand one another much better now."
Her father was not pleased, "Please do not tell me you have been spending time with this man since you have been engaged."
Charlotte had expected her father's ire, and said, "No, I have not been in his company other than to spend one day with his niece and daughter, or to see him at social events. I have not shamed this family, nor Mr. Starling with my behavior."
Finally, Charlotte's mother spoke up, "I want you to be happy, my dear girl. Has Mr. Colbourne offered for you?"
Charlotte shook her head no, "How could he? He is a man of honor, and I am already engaged. However, recently, he has made his feelings known to me, and I return them."
Mr. Heywood sighed and resigned himself to his oldest daughter's wishes. She was resolved, and he would not try to persuade her to do something she did not want to do. Her happiness mattered very much to him.
"Your mother and I want to meet your Mr. Colbourne."
"Of course, Papa, but first I must end things with Mr. Starling. I will write to Mr. Colbourne this afternoon and invite him to Willingden tomorrow."
That evening, Charlotte told Ralph that she could not marry him, and she was gentle with his heart. She could see that he was very hurt, but to his credit, he did not try to change her mind. He wanted her love, and he simply could not have what was already given to another man.
Later, when she was lying in bed, she thought of Alexander. She had forgiven him, and now all she wanted to do was to see him. They had so many things to talk about to put the misunderstandings of their past behind them.
At Heyrick Park, the man in her thoughts was thinking of her as well. Augusta and Leo had sent a note to Trafalgar House inviting Miss Heywood to spend the day with them tomorrow, but Mrs. Parker had sent a note back that Miss Heywood was in Willingdon. She would make sure Charlotte got their message when she returned to Sanditon in a few days.
Alexander ran his hand across her side of the bed, as he did every night, and wondered why she had gone to Willingden. Since she was returning to Sanditon in a few days, could it possibly mean that she was there to end her engagement to Starling?
He dared not get his hopes up. He would have to wait until she returned for the answers to his questions.
The following morning, Mrs. Wheatley came into his office with the mail. He looked through it quickly, and he saw an envelope addressed to him in a decidedly feminine hand. He quickly opened it, and saw it was from Charlotte.
It was an invitation to come to Willingden at his earliest convenience.
He went to find Mrs. Wheatley to inform her that he would be leaving immediately for Willingden, and to expect him to be gone for a few days. He went upstairs to pack a small bag. Before he left the room, he went to his bureau, and took out a small black velvet box.
While he was in London for Augusta's debut ball, he had spotted a ring in the window of the jeweler in the shopping district near Bentley House. It was a perfect emerald cut diamond, and he thought it suited Charlotte. He bought it even though he had very little hope that she would ever wear it.
He put it in his coat pocket, with hope in his heart, and went to find Augusta and Leo.
When they saw his bag, they asked him where he was going. He told them he was going to see Miss Heywood in Willingden.
Augusta wished him good luck, and Leo said, "Bring her back with you, Father."
"I certainly hope to, Leo. Take care of each while I am away." He hugged his girls and left for Willingden.
The carriage ride to Sanditon took over almost two hours, and Alexander used the time to think of all the things he wanted to tell Charlotte. He was anxious to meet her parents, and nervous to ask her father for Charlotte's hand. He chuckled to himself. He was a man of three and thirty, and yet he felt like a much younger man on this day.
Heywood Manor was not far off the main road in Willingden, and it was the largest home in the village. Alexander knew it must be their home when he saw it because there were several children playing outside.
When he got out of the carriage, the front door opened, and there she was. Charlotte. She smiled at him and walked over to greet him.
"Mr. Colbourne, thank you for coming."
He felt his heart race, and he hoped her sweet demeanor toward him meant what he hoped it did.
He said to her, "I came as quickly as I could, Miss Heywood. I left almost immediately when I received your invitation."
Charlotte nodded at him, and smiled before introducing him to her younger siblings, and they all went into the house.
Mr. Heywood had been alerted that Mr. Colbourne had arrived, and he had joined his wife in their drawing room.
"Father, Mother, allow me to introduce Mr. Colbourne."
"We are pleased to meet you," Mr. Heywood said. "Our Charlotte has told us much about you."
Mrs. Heywood asked him to sit down and have tea with them. To his delight, Charlotte sat next to him on the settee.
After everyone had finished their tea, Mr. Heywood invited Mr. Colbourne to his study, and the ladies went to see about lunch preparations.
Mr. Heywood wasted no time getting down to business.
"Mr. Colbourne, I must know what your intentions are. Charlotte is my eldest daughter, and it will be very hard for me to give her up to any man. She tells me you are a father yourself, so I am sure you can understand my feelings on the matter."
"Yes, I do understand, and I can assure you that I love your daughter very much. I would like to request your permission to ask for her hand in marriage."
"You may have my permission. My daughter has made her feelings very clear to her mother and me, so I will grant it, but you must promise me, Mr. Colbourne, to never hurt her again. When she came home from Sanditon three months ago, she was a changed woman. She went through the motions of her day, but her spirit was changed."
He continued, "Mr. Colbourne, I ask you to take care with her heart. She loves with everything she has, and I am entrusting her happiness into your hands."
"Yes, sir, you have my promise."
Mr. Heywood seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment, and said, "Colbourne, the day my Charlotte was born, I lost my heart to her forever. When the midwife handed my tiny and perfect daughter into my arms, I knew a love that I had never experienced. I can assure you that I love all twelve of the children my beloved wife blessed me with, but Charlotte holds a very special place in my heart."
"As she does in mine, Mr. Heywood. I will take care of her and hopefully, we will be blessed with children to love as well."
Mr. Heywood gave him a wry smile, "You want a dozen children like we have?"
Alexander smiled and said, "Well, maybe not a dozen, but I would like a large family if Charlotte were agreeable to it."
The two men shook hands and rejoined the women.
Lunch was served, and Alexander was amazed at the happy chaos before him. Besides the normal family, there was also Declan and him, making for sixteen people at the crowded table. Alexander did his best to keep up with all the conversations around him.
Charlotte reached under the table, took his hand, and whispered, "You will just have to pick a conversation to follow, Mr. Colbourne. There are too many to follow at once."
He found the whole experience delightful, and allowed himself to think of how Heyrick Park might someday be filled with their children.
After lunch, Mr. Heywood and Declan took Mr. Colbourne to see the property. The men were gone for a few hours, and it gave the ladies some time to talk.
Alison asked, "Has he proposed yet?"
Charlotte said, "He has made his intentions known, but no, he has not proposed yet."
Mrs. Heywood said, "Your father told me Mr. Colbourne asked for his permission to ask for your hand, Charlotte. Now that you are no longer attached to Mr. Starling, I am sure Mr. Colbourne will propose soon."
Alison said, "Charlotte, I am so glad you are going to marry a man you love. He could not take his eyes off of you throughout lunch. He is clearly besotted with you. Of course, everyone knew he was in love with you from watching you dance with him at Georgiana's birthday ball."
"I am very happy, too."
Charlotte enjoyed spending time with her mother and sister. Alison was now a wife, and shared a kinship with her mother that Charlotte did not. Alison glowed with happiness, and shared her happy news that she was expecting the first Fraser baby in six months.
Before long, the men returned, and Alexander asked Charlotte if they could go for a walk. She happily agreed, anxious to show him her favorite place on the property.
Charlotte took him to a little lake about a half a mile from the house. It was beautiful and the water was crystal clear. She explained that it was fed by a spring, and they swam there in the summer. Her father had placed benches around the edge of the lake years ago. It was a beautiful spot, and somewhat secluded by trees.
Alexander was nervous, but he took a deep breath, and took Charlotte's hands in his.
"Miss Heywood, I want you to be my wife more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I love you, and I am asking you to marry me."
Charlotte saw so much love and hope in his eyes, and she said, "I want to be your Charlotte, Alexander. I will be your wife."
Alexander was happy to hear her say his name. "Does this mean you have forgiven me, Charlotte?"
"I have forgiven you, Alexander."
He took her in his arms, and he held her close to him. He had kissed her twice before, but he had never held her as he did now. He closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself to be lost in the sensations of holding her.
After a while, she pulled back from him and laid her hand on his cheek. "I love you, Alexander. With all of my heart, I love you so much."
He was overcome with emotion. He had so needed to hear those words from her.
He kissed her with all the love he felt for her.
When they pulled apart, he told her he had something for her. Alexander pulled the small velvet box from his pocket.
"Charlotte, I bought this ring for you months ago when I had little if any hope that you would someday be mine. May I place it on your finger?"
"Yes, and I would be proud to wear it."
He kissed her hand when he placed the ring on her finger, and the two of them stayed wrapped in each other's arms for quite some time. They talked about so many things, and Alexander felt a happiness he had never before known. Never again would he hide away from her love. The future was theirs to be spent together.
Mr. Heywood had sent the two of his sons, John and Henry, to come and find the couple. It was tea time and they were expected back at the house.
They spent a lovely and lively afternoon with the family.
That evening, a wedding date was chosen. Out of respect for the Starling family, the wedding would take place in Sanditon at the church Charlotte attended with the Parkers. The banns had to be read, so the soonest they could marry was in three weeks.
The wedding breakfast would be held at Heyrick Park, and the entire Heywood clan would stay at Heyrick Park when they came for the wedding. Alexander had not said anything about it, but he would plan a wedding trip for the two of them, away from Sanditon. He wanted Charlotte all to himself for the first few weeks of their marriage.
It had been an eventful day, and the Heywood family was ready to retire.
Reluctantly, Alexander took his leave from his Charlotte and walked to the inn.
When he got ready for bed, he reflected on the day, and that very soon, he would no longer have to be separated from his Charlotte at night. Her side of the bed would no longer be empty, and he imagined all they would share as man and wife. All of these past months, the thought of making love to her was only a dream, but now, in three short weeks, she would be his at last.
Alexander closed his eyes to sleep and whispered to his dear girl, "Goodnight, my sweet Charlotte. Until tomorrow."