Chapter Eleven: A Future so Dear…..
After Charlotte and Alexander returned to Sanditon, they stopped at Heyrick Park to share their happy news before taking Charlotte to the Parker's.
When Alexander helped Charlotte from the carriage, Leo shouted, "Father, you brought her back with you!"
Alexander picked his daughter up and twirled her around in his arms. Leo laughed in delight.
"Yes, I did, Leo, just as you asked me, too."
Augusta took Charlotte's hands in hers, and said, "I am so glad you will be family, Miss Heywood."
With a smile, Charlotte said, "I think we should refer to each other by our given names now, don't you?"
Augusta smiled and said, "I agree, Charlotte."
After spending some time together as a family, Alexander took Charlotte to Trafalgar House.
Mary and Tom were delighted to hear their news, and Tom shook Alexander's hand.
"Congratulations, Colbourne. I expect we will be seeing a great deal of each other now that you are marrying Charlotte. We love her as family, you know."
The Parkers wanted to host the wedding breakfast at the assembly house, but Alexander thought it would be best to have it at Heyrick House. He had never hosted a social event at the estate and was looking forward to having the celebration at his home. It would be the first time any event had been held at Heyrick House since Alexander was a boy.
The next few days were a whirlwind of activity.
Lady Susan, Mary, and Georgiana collected Charlotte the next morning to go to the modiste. After some deliberation, it was decided that Charlotte would wear a wedding gown made from a creamy white silk and her mother's veil.
Mr. Colbourne had sent a note ahead to Madame Delacroix, the owner of the shop, that his fiancé would need at least five additional gowns. The ladies happily helped Charlotte decide on styles and colors.
The following morning, Alexander sent the carriage to the Parker home to get Charlotte. He planned to make some changes to the house, and he wanted Charlotte's input. She would be arriving shortly, and he could hardly wait to see her.
They had tea with the girls out in the garden, then Alexander led her upstairs and showed her the layout of the second floor.. There were two wings to the main house, and there were three bedrooms in each wing, as well four bedrooms in the main section of the house. Leo and Augusta's rooms were in the west wing.
When they entered the main hallway upstairs, Alexander opened the door to his room. He took Charlotte's hand and they stepped inside. Charlotte scanned the room, and noticed the large bed in the center of the room, as well as a wardrobe and a bureau. It was sparsely decorated, but beautiful.
Alexander opened a connecting door which was another bedroom. It was decorated in soft colors and was clearly meant to be a woman's bedroom.
Charlotte was confused. Was she to sleep in a separate room from Alexander?
Her thoughts were flitting across her face, and Alexander could see that she did not understand that he was offering her a choice.
"Charlotte, this will be your room if you would like. When my parents were living, it was my mother's room. It has never been used since her death. I moved into the master bedroom five years ago."
Charlotte looked at Alexander, and said, "Do you want me to sleep in this room?"
"I want you to do what you feel most comfortable with. My feelings do not matter."
Charlotte turned away from him and went to stand by the window. She knew what she wanted, but felt shy about saying so.
He came to stand behind her, and wrapped his arms around her. 'My love, please tell me what it is you wish. I promise you; I will honor whatever you decide. The door between our rooms will always be open to you. I will welcome you to share my bed always."
Charlotte turned in his arms and said, "It is my wish to go to sleep beside you each night and to wake up in your arms every morning for the rest of my life."
Alexander smiled and kissed her. "Then, my love, this room will be converted to a nursery when we are blessed with our first child."
He kissed her, and then he kissed her some more. Charlotte felt her knees go weak and she snuggled closer in his arms.
When he felt his control slipping, he reluctantly pulled back from her. Soon, very soon, they would not have to stop.
"Charlotte, I want you to redecorate our room to your taste before the wedding. We will go to see the draper in town this afternoon, and you can pick out the fabrics you like.
"Thank you, Alexander, and I am glad we will not have to wait long to share this room."
"I can barely wait, if I am honest, Charlotte. You must know how much I want you. I love you so very much."
Charlotte, smiled at him shyly, "I feel the same."
They spent the rest of the morning going through the house and making a list of all that needed to be done before the wedding to accommodate her family and the Frasers.
Heyrick Park was a beehive of activity. There were workman and drapers there almost every day. A new wardrobe, bureau and dressing table had been added to the master bedroom to accommodate Charlotte's things. The draper had begun hanging the new window coverings and sewing the new bed coverings. Charlotte had chosen a palette of blues for their room.
Alexander had to go to London to meet with Samuel on the sale of the Bentley House, and would be gone overnight, so he left everything in Mrs. Wheatley's capable hands.
Samuel Colbourne lived in a fashionable district in London on Harley Street. His home was not large, but it was well-appointed and comfortable.
The brothers were not close, but they did get along well.
The business with the house was concluded swiftly, and one more reminder of the past was removed from Alexander's life.
He said, "I have news to share. I will be getting married in just two weeks, Samuel. Her name is Charlotte Heywood, and I am hoping you will come to Sanditon for the wedding."
Samuel could barely contain his surprise.
"Your news comes as quite as shock, Xander. I am happy for you, and I must admit, you seem a changed man."
"I hope you can come to Heyrick Park at least a few days before the wedding to get to know her and her family. She is an extraordinary woman, Samuel. I am the luckiest man alive to be able to call her my own."
Samuel said, "I never thought I would see the day that you would marry again, and I am glad of it. Congratulations, Alexander, and of course, I will be come to Sanditon for the wedding."
He stood and offered his brother his hand.
When the brothers sat back down, Samuel said, "I received a letter and a package for you, Alexander, and instructions to deliver both in person."
Alexander asked, "Who is it from?"
Samuel said, "Colonel Frances Lennox. He brought them to my office before leaving for India and said the contents of the letter was of a sensitive nature."
Alexander said, 'I want nothing from that man."
His brother said, "I think you need to read the letter at least, and I will give you some privacy while I go tell the cook that you will be joining me for lunch. I will be back shortly."
Alexander took a deep breath, and broke the seal on the letter.
Colbourne,
After our last conversation, and the revelation that Leo is my daughter, I felt I owed you the truth about my relationship with Lucy. Even a man like me values the truth, as hard that may be to believe.
Lucy and I met a ball a few years before she married you. I was taken with her, and wanted to offer for her. However, as a mere captain in the army, I did not have the means to court a young lady of her social standing.
She and I saw each other from time to time at various social events that first season of our acquaintance. My regiment left London to engage in the war with France, and I did not see Lucy again until I returned to London a few years later. By then, she had married you, but you were living apart.
I was a bitter man when I found out she had married you, a first son from a wealthy family. By then, I had become Colonel Lennox, and in a much better position to offer for her, but it was too late.
I saw her at several social events, and as you know, we began an affair.
When I had to leave London to fight in the war, I had no idea Lucy was with child. If I had known, we would have come to you together and told you. I would have never abandoned her or my child.
I can only imagine how you must hate me, and I do not blame you. I took advantage of the situation and of Lucy's vulnerability. A man of honor would not have done so, but we both know I am not such a man.
I find myself thinking of Leonora every day. I lament that I will not see her grow up, or be able to claim her as my daughter.
I have written Leonora a letter, to give to her when she is older if she ever asks you again about me. If you believe it is in her best interest to know the truth, then you can give her the letter. You are her true father, and that decision is yours to make.
Frances Lennox
Alexander was stunned. He wondered if Lucy would have married Lennox instead of him if circumstances had been different.
As much as he despised Lennox, Alexander was surprised that he had written such a letter. There was a time when the revelations in the letter would have caused him much distress, but it did not now. It no longer mattered. He had buried his ghosts from the past and he would not allow Lennox's letter to resurrect them.
He almost lost his future with Charlotte because of Lennox. No, he corrected himself, he almost lost Charlotte because of his own demons. If he were to truly put the past behind him, he had to own that he had allowed the demise of his marriage and the circumstances of Lucy's death to almost destroy him.
He folded the letter and put it with the papers from the sale of Bentley House. He would tell Charlotte about it, but right now, he only wanted to focus on their future. He was not a man used to sharing his burdens, but he knew Charlotte would shoulder them with him, if he only allowed her to.
He opened the package, and it contained a box of hand-carved toy soldiers, much like the ones Leo had now, but of much finer quality. There was also a toy medal to pin on the scarlet coat she was so fond of wearing. He set them aside, and went to find his brother.
Samuel asked him if he wanted to talk about the letter from Lennox, and Alexander said, "it no longer matters. It is tragic that Lucy died, and Leonora will never know her mother, but I have moved on with my life."
"I have spent ten years existing instead of living because of all that happened with Lucy, and I will not live like that ever again. Lucy made the choices she made, and while I made mistakes in how I handled it all, nothing can be changed. All I can do is I be the best father I can be to Leonora."
"Yes, my brother, that is all you can do."
The two men had lunch, and Samuel promised to see him in Sanditon in just two weeks.
Alexander had an errand to run before returning to Sanditon. He went back to the jeweler where he had bought Charlotte's engagement ring, and bought a pearl necklace and earring set for his bride, as well as their wedding bands.
He was anxious to get back to Sanditon and to Charlotte. All the way home, he thought of her. What would she think of the letter that Lennox had sent? What would she advise him to do?
He did not go directly to Heyrick Park, but instead to Trafalgar House.
When he was shown to the drawing room, he asked Charlotte to close the door. He took her in his arms and held her close to his heart. As he held her, the realization came to him that she was his home, and wherever she was, he would find shelter from life's storms. With her, he had a future more dear than he could have ever imagined.
When they finally pulled apart, she asked if everything was well, and he smiled at his beautiful Charlotte and said, "It is now. I missed you terribly today while I was in London, and I could not get back to you fast enough."
"Alexander I will ask again, are you well?"
"I just needed to hold you, that is all."
"While I am happy to comply, you must know that you need never hold back anything from me. We are to be partners in life, and there can be no secrets between us."
Alexander agreed, so he told Charlotte about the letter from Lennox and the package for Leonora.
Charlotte was pensive for a few minutes as she thought about all he had just told her.
"We cannot rewrite our history, my love, even when it is quite disagreeable. We must give Leo some time to adjust to the changes in her life, and to feel more secure in your affections for her."
"I think she may already know the truth, but is too young to really understand it. She is quite intelligent, and she could see that she has Lennox's eyes and hair coloring. If she comes to you and asks you if he is her biological father, I think you must tell her the truth."
Alexander knew she was right, and he thanked her for her wisdom.
Charlotte had a secret of her own, and she needed to tell him about Sidney's copy of Heraclitus and his notes to her.
She explained to Alexander that Sidney had written notes in his book about her, and those words had given her the courage to follow her heart instead of doing what duty to her family called her to do.
"Sidney was married to Eliza, but he loved me. If I had married Ralph Starling, I would have done the same thing by marrying one person while loving another. It would have been so wrong to marry Mr. Starling when I loved you so very dearly."
"When you sent me away that day, Alexander, my heart shattered in a thousand tiny shards. I went home to Willingden a broken woman, and I shut myself off from the hope of love and marriage."
"My father wanted me to accept Ralph's hand, and I did it to protect myself from ever being hurt again. I regret that in doing so, I hurt a good man. I hope someday he will meet a woman with whom he will find happiness.
"I did not have room in my heart for anyone else because my heart was already yours."
Alexander whispered in her ear, "Very soon, my beautiful Charlotte, I am going to show you just how much I love you."
Charlotte blushed, and said, "Well then, you need to kiss me goodnight, so in the morning when you wake up, we will one day closer to that reality."
Alexander kissed her with all the passion he felt in his heart for her. At first, when he deepened the kiss, she stiffened, but then her natural sensual nature took over and she responded back to him.
It took all his resolve to leave her, but it was late, and he needed to get home.
When he arrived at Heyrick Park, Mrs. Wheatley greeted him and told him the girls had been in bed for a while. He went upstairs and to check on Leo. Augusta slept soundly at night, but Leo was often restless and got up in the night.
After checking to see that Leo was indeed asleep, he walked to the room next door and stepped in the room. Lucy's portrait had been moved into that room. He lit a candle and looked at the painting of his late wife.
He was sorry that she had died so young, and had been so unhappy. He wished that he had known how to love and to be loved in return all those years ago. It was not until he met Charlotte that he understood the kind of love a man and a woman could share.
In Heaven, there was no fear, or shame, or recriminations from society or a bitter husband.
He held the candle higher so he could see her face more clearly. "Goodbye, Lucy. May you rest in peace."
He went to his room, and got ready for bed.
When he laid down to rest, he thought of his need to go to Charlotte tonight, and to tell her everything. He had never needed anyone before, and he felt his love for her wash over him.
She was his other half, and with her love, he felt whole. As long as he lived, he never wanted to go back to the emptiness that was once all he knew.
He remembered her telling him her own secret, and he was grateful that Charlotte had bravely forgiven him for breaking her heart.
Charlotte had told him the in the morning when they woke up, they would be one day closer to sharing this bed and their lives together.
He closed his eyes and said, "Until tomorrow, my dearest Charlotte. Very soon, my love, we will share all of our tomorrows as man and wife."