Author's Notes: Thank you for reading! I do realize that I am asking you to go on a different sort of reading journey with me this time as Charlotte grows into a more mature young woman, and she comes to understand both herself and the man she loves so very dearly. The first chapters are the life lessons she learns from people in her life, but the remaining chapters will be her fierce determination to have agency in the life she hopes to forge for herself. Please feel free to leave a comment and give me your thoughts! I love reading them.

Chapter Two: Mrs. Wheatley

When Charlotte returned to Sanditon a week before Georgiana's birthday, she had brought jars of honey from their family farm for friends in Sanditon. Georgiana's sugar-boycott was going strong in town. Charlotte had especially wanted to take one to Mrs. Wheatley.

Charlotte was determined she would not see Mr. Colbourne if she could avoid him, so she sent a note to Heyrick Park to Mrs. Wheatley to arrange a meeting between the two of them, perhaps along the cliff tops.

Later that afternoon, she received a reply from Mrs. Wheatley informing her that the residents of the house were away, and Miss Heywood was most welcome to come to Heyrick Park to see her.

Charlotte gathered her things and was on her way.

Mrs. Wheatley opened the door, and smiled at her, "Miss Heywood, it is a pleasure to see you again. Come and sit in the kitchen with me. I will make us some tea."

Charlotte followed her into the kitchen.

"I have brought you honey from our farm, Mrs. Wheatley, for your tea. I have also made you a salve for your hands. I noticed that you rub them at times. My mother makes it for my father, and it eases his discomfort. My hope is that it will do the same for you."

"Thank you, Miss Heywood, and I will certainly give it a try."

While waiting on the water to boil for tea, Mrs. Wheatley worked on mending the scarlet coat that Leo often wore when she was playing soldier.

"Where did Miss Colbourne get that uniform, Mrs. Wheatley? She is quite fond of it."

Charlotte saw emotions flit across Mrs. Wheatley's usually stoic face. "It was my son's, Miss Heywood. Amos served in the war, and he was shot in the leg. According to the note I received when his personal effects were returned to me, infection set in from the bullet wound, and that is what killed him."

Charlotte reached across the table to touch Mrs. Wheatley's hand, "I am so sorry, Mrs. Wheatley."

"It was years ago, Miss Heywood, but I miss him every day of my life."

'I used to keep the coat in my room, packed away. I took it out a few years ago, to air it out in the sun, and Miss Leonora saw it. She asked if she could wear it," and I said, "Yes."

"Later that day, I found Leo running through the field wearing my son's coat, and having a wonderful time. It was like my son's spirit was living on through her. It gave me joy to see her wearing it, so I allowed her to keep it, with Mr. Colbourne's permission."

"Now, every time I see her in the coat, I am reminded that I once had a son, my precious Amos, and his memory is kept alive through Leo's child play."

Charlotte said, "That is a beautiful way to honor your son's memory, Mrs. Wheatley, and thank you for telling me."

Charlotte wondered how Miss Colbourne and Miss Markham were doing.

Mrs. Wheatley told her, "Mr. Colbourne has taken them to London, and it was about time, too. Miss Markham needs to be introduced into society in London. She has an elderly aunt who lives there, and I am sure that she will be of great help to Mr. Colbourne to make sure everything is done properly for his niece."

Charlotte said, "Of course."

Secretly, she was relieved that the family was out of town, and she would not run any risk of seeing the man who had broken her heart.

Mrs. Wheatley had seen and heard much when Miss Heywood was governess to the girls. She had seen how Mr. Colbourne had opened his heart to Miss Heywood, and she had seen them kiss. She knew that Xander loved Miss Heywood with his whole heart, just as she could see that Miss Heywood loved him, too.

"Miss Heywood, I know Mr. Colbourne sent you away, and he left you confused. Might I tell you a little about his own childhood? I am quite certain that you will find it very different from your own."

Charlotte said, "Yes, please do."

Mrs. Wheatley poured them both a cup of tea.

Mr. Colbourne's father was a hard man, and a mean drunk. There was little love and affection in this house. Both Alexander and Samuel were good boys, very intelligent, but they never knew anything other than harshness from their father. Mrs. Colbourne died many years ago, and when she was living, she had little control over how her sons were treated."

"They had a governess who would beat them with a belt for the smallest impertinence, and there were times when the boys would hide for hours out in the fields.

"Miss Heywood, I believe that children live what they learn, and learn what they live. Mr. Colbourne did not grow up knowing how to love and to be loved. As an adult, he has not experienced any more happiness than he did as a child."

She continued, "From all that you have told me about your family, Miss Heywood, you grew up in a loving and affectionate home. It is evident as well in your gentle, but firm ways with Miss Leonora and Miss Augusta. Someday, you will be a wonderful mother."

Mrs. Wheatley continued, "I am sure you can see what a stark contrast there is between the home you grew up in and the home Mr. Colbourne grew up in."

"You were nurtured into the young woman you have become, but it was the lack of nurturing that shaped the man that Mr. Colbourne became."

Charlotte's heart broke for the boy who never knew the tenderness of a father's love or a mother's gentle nurturing.

"I find it helpful to see other people's lives through the lens of compassion. Most of us carry around some scars, but few of us carry around as many as Mr. Colbourne does, Miss Heywood."

Charlotte felt tears gather in her eyes, and she blinked them back.

"So, it would seem." Charlotte felt overwhelmed with emotion, and she felt it was time to leave before she gave way to her tears.

Charlotte stood, "I should be going back to town now."

"You are welcome here anytime, Miss Heywood. I am certain Mr. Colbourne would not mind you visiting, even if he is home. And I know the girls would love to see you whenever you visit Sanditon. In fact, they are due home in just a few days, so if you are still here later in the week, please call again."

"Thank you, and goodbye, Mrs. Wheatley."

On the walk home, Charlotte reflected on all Mrs. Wheatley had told her about Mr. Colbourne.

Charlotte thought of all the reasons she loved him, still, even though he had hurt her terribly.

He was endearing in many ways. Charlotte thought of how he had allowed her to see his pain when he spoke of his wife's death.

He had the sweetest smile, and she remembered how he made her feel in his arms when they kissed.

She had seen the father in him, that he had not ever known in his own father, when he took Leo in his arms that day at the encampment with Lennox. That memory was so much more poignant now.

When he had come to see her at Trafalgar House after sending her away, he had come at Augusta's request. He had not dismissed his niece and what she had asked him to do. He had listened to her, and what mattered to her.

She had felt his nervousness when they had danced together. She knew he did not like to dance, but he had brought Augusta to the Sanditon Ball for her sake.

She could sit down for an hour and make an exhaustive list of the reasons she loved him, but what mattered most, was that she realized from her conversation with Mrs. Wheatley, that he did not feel worthy of her love, or anyone else's either. How could he? As a child, he had not been made to feel valued, nor loved. His marriage, from what little she knew, had not been a happy one.

But he was worthy, so very worthy! If he had only let her, she would have loved him for the rest of her life.

She felt her love for him wash over her in waves, like the sea water washed over the rocks in the cove. For a moment, the force of it took her breath away.

Compassion is what he deserved from her. His rejection still hurt deeply, but it was now tempered by a deeper understanding of who he was and why he was such a guarded man.

Yes, as Mrs. Wheatley had once told her, there was indeed a great deal more to Alexander Colbourne than she knew.

She wished he had trusted her enough to tell her all he felt instead of shutting her out and sending her away.

But...he had not. It was over between them.

She had to move on with her life, and the clock was ticking. Ralph, her sister, and her husband were coming for Georgiana's Birthday Ball later in the week. She knew it was the right thing to do to set a date for her wedding, but her heart was not in it.

Charlotte thought about her agreement to marry Ralph. He was a safe choice for her future and could not hurt her because she did not love him. It might be a comfortable marriage, and she might even come to love him as he did her. It was the marriage her parents both wanted her and needed her to make for their family. Still, she resisted because it felt so wrong. How could it feel right when her heart belonged to someone else?

There were the realities to consider though. If she did not marry Ralph, then she had to find a way to make her own way in the world. Her parents would be deeply disappointed in her, and their approval did matter to her. Charlotte might not ever have another opportunity to marry. She would have to secure a place to live with a family, or in a situation like Georgiana had with the Hankins. She was in essence choosing the life of a spinster, and while she would have some measure of independence, was it worth it to never know love again?

The unfairness of it all did not matter, it was her truth.

Deciding that nothing could be resolved today, she walked down from the cliff tops to what she now called Sidney's Cove. It had been his favorite place to come and swim when things were weighing heavily on his mind. He had told her that once, long after she had caught him sea-bathing in that very spot.

She whispered into the wind, "What do I do next, Sidney?"

Charlotte knew there would be no answer, but she felt his presence, and it comforted her.