Chapter Four: Her Past, Her Present, and Her Future

Charlotte woke up early and laid in bed thinking about her life. She thought of Sidney and her love for him that would always be an intrinsic part of her being. Their story was tragic because she knew that if Sidney could have chosen a life with her, he would have. Circumstances conspired against them, but he had loved her as much as she loved him.

She thought about how much comfort she took in her thoughts of him now. Yes, it still hurt that he had died, and that he had married Mrs. Campion to save Tom, but she understood the situation so much better now. How could he have done differently with the time frame Lady Denham had given the Parkers to come up with such a vast amount of money? He was a man who loved his family fiercely, and he had done what it took to protect them, even at his own expense, and ... hers.

The day of the ball, when they had taken a walk along the cliff tops, he had been so nervous that he could barely carry on a conversation. He had kissed her, and Charlotte had felt so loved. Her handsome Sidney had said the night before, "I am my best self, my truest self, when I am with you."

Enough time had passed since the events of that summer for Charlotte to value Sidney for all he did give to her, and the longer he was gone, the less she cared about what he could not and did not give her. She would treasure her memories of him as her first love.

Sometimes, when her thoughts became overwhelming, she wondered what he would think, or what he would tell her if he only could.

The very last words he ever spoke to her were, "I wish you every happiness, Charlotte."

She knew those words were true. Her grief had passed into a different stage now. It was not the intense hurt as it was initially, but now a bittersweet feeling of sadness and loving memories.

Alexander Colbourne had broken her heart for very different reasons than Sidney had. She had learned so much about him from Mrs. Wheatley, and now she believed she knew why he had sent her away. He did not feel he was worthy of anyone's love. He had made a choice for both of them, and it rankled her that he would have done so.

The end result was the same with both Sidney and Mr. Colbourne, regardless of the reasons.

Now, she had accepted the hand of a man she did not love, and she was afraid to disappoint her father, the man she admired more than any man she knew. However, Mr. Stringer had helped her to see last night that she needed to make her own choices, and that her father would forgive her. She hoped he was right.

She got dressed for the day, and then she sat down to write to her father.

In her letter, she told her father she would not marry Ralph and live in Willingden. She chose to make her home in Sanditon, and she would live with the Parker's. Charlotte would earn her way by keeping Tom's books. She told him she was firm in her resolve, and she hoped he could forgive her for disappointing him.

Charlotte also told her father that when Ralph came for Georgiana's Birthday Ball with Alison and Declan, she would tell him of her decision after the ball.

Lastly, she asked if she could come for a visit in a few weeks.

She signed her letter, and addressed it. She went downstairs to have breakfast with the family, and after that, she would post the letter. It should arrive tomorrow in Willingden.

Mary asked her and Georgiana, "What are your plans for the day, Ladies?"

Georgiana answered, "We are going to the modiste to have a final fitting for our gowns for the ball, and then we are meeting Mr. Stringer and Arthur at the tea room."

Charlotte said, "I will be here in the afternoon to organize Tom's desk, or at least get started on it."

"Mary, would you like to join us this morning?"

"Thank you, but I am going to visit Lady Denham and then, I have other errands to run in town."

Tom joined them at the table, and Charlotte told them all she had something to tell them.

"I have decided to take you up on your offer to keep the books for Parker Brothers, Inc. and to live here as an honorary Parker."

Tom said, "That is wonderful news, Charlotte! I am so glad to hear it."

Mary said, "What about your father, Charlotte?"

Charlotte took the letter from her pocket and said, "I have written to him. I believe that he will understand the choice I need to make for my life."

After the girls left the house, Georgiana said, "Charlotte, I think you did the right thing, but I can only imagine how hard it was."

"You know, I love my father so dearly, and I decided to trust in his love for me. Now, let's go post my letter to him, and then get fitted for our dresses."

Charlotte and Georgiana were laughing together as they entered the dress shop.

Georgiana's dress was made of pink and brown silk. It was a luxurious gown for an heiress. Charlotte's was also lovely, but it had been paid for on her salary as a governess.

It would be the last gown she bought for some time. She had been careful with the money she had earned from Mr. Colbourne, and this dress was an extravagance. She did not regret it though since it was for such a special occasion.

After their fittings, the ladies met Mr. Stringer and Arthur at the tea rooms. The Sanditon bakers had replaced sugar with honey in their baked goods, thanks to Georgiana's sugar-boycott in town, so Arthur got to have a scone with his tea, with clotted cream, but no jam.

The foursome laughed and talked about the ball on Saturday night. Mr. Stringer was happy to attend, and looked forward to it.

Alexander Colbourne was in town with Leo and Augusta. He had errands to run, and Augusta had a fitting for a ball gown. He had been surprised to see an invitation to Miss Lambe's Birthday Ball in the post, addressed to both he and Augusta. His niece implored him to take her, and that meant a new dress.

As they were walking down the street toward the modiste's storefront, he saw Miss Heywood and Miss Lambe.

Leo saw her as well, and said, "Look who's back in Sanditon, Father!"

'Yes, Leo, I see that." Alexander's heart was racing. She was back, and he wondered for how long.

Augusta watched her Uncle as he spotted Miss Heywood. She saw emotions flicker across his face, and she heard him catch his breath. Yes, he was still in love with her. Augusta was going to do all she could to get the two of them to talk to each other.

Alexander turned his attention back to his daughter and his niece. "Come along, girls. Let's get Augusta to the modiste."

Normally, he did not wait while Augusta had her fittings, but today, he took the chair that was offered to him, and Leo sat down as well. The chairs obscured them from being seen since they were tucked in a little nook in the shop.

He saw Miss Hankins come into the shop with another woman. As they looked at fabrics, he overheard them gossiping.

Miss Hankins said, "Wasn't it lovely to see Miss Heywood and Miss Lambe taking tea with Mr. Arthur Parker and Mr. James Stringer?"

The woman said, "Yes, it was. You know, Miss Hankins, I heard Mr. James Stringer tell Mr. Fred Robinson in the street today that he and Miss Heywood had a substantial conversation last night. Apparently, Mr. James Stringer had dinner at Parker's."

"You know, he is quite dapper since moving to London to become an architect."

"Yes, I agree and as I recall, he was quite taken with Miss Heywood when they both lived here the summer of the fire."

"Do you think he might still love her?"

Miss Hankins said, "My dear, we must not gossip. You know, Miss Heywood is engaged now to Mr. Ralph Starling from her village of Willingden. He is a gentleman farmer, you see. I hear he is coming to the ball tomorrow night. A very handsome man."

Miss Hankins continued, "Of course, I met him already at the Fraser wedding. Lovely couple, and the wedding was officiated by my brother, Reverend Hankins."

The ladies moved to another area of the store to look at fabric, but Alexander had heard enough to make him feel sick to his stomach. Leo had heard it too, but did not say anything. She took his hand though and gave him one of her sweet smiles.

All he wanted to do was get back to Heyrick Park, saddle Hannibal, and take him for a long ride. He needed to think about what he had heard.

Finally, Augusta was ready to go, and they could return home.

Leo spilled the beans the minute they got in the carriage.

"Augusta, some ladies in the store said that Miss Heywood is engaged to a gentleman farmer from her village. She will not be a spinster, as you thought she would."

Augusta was shocked, "Engaged? Uncle, did you know that she was engaged?"

"No, I had no idea, but we must wish her every happiness, girls."

All the way home, little else was said. Everyone had their thoughts on the matter, and Augusta had a plan. The ball was tomorrow night, and she hoped to speak to Miss Heywood before then.

When they finally arrived home, Leo and Augusta went to the house, and when Xander did not join them, Mrs. Wheatley came out to check on him.

He handed her his coat and hat, and he headed to the barn to saddle Hannibal.

"Xander, I think you should know that I invited Miss Heywood for tea here a few days ago. I hope you do not mind."

Alexander did not look at her, but he said, "I do not."

He turned to Mrs. Wheatley and said, "Do not hold lunch for me, I am going for a ride."

Mrs. Wheatley watched him go to the barn, and she knew she would not see him again for hours.

Alexander felt like he had been punched in the gut and he was struggling to breathe.

Engaged, Charlotte, Miss Heywood, was engaged.

Of course, she was. She was beautiful and warm. She was sensual and womanly. She was the reason why his heart beat, and he had intentionally ruined everything between them.

It was in her best interest, and he kept telling himself that. He just wished to hell that it did not hurt so much.

He would count the hours until tomorrow night. He would see her again, and maybe, she would even speak to him.

He was a fool if he thought he would ever get over her.