Chapter 11: Communication
Alexander had woken up early and had gone down to his study to get some work done before it was time to have breakfast with Augusta and Leonora.
He stood by the window and thought of his relationship with Lucy.
When he and Lucy married, it was clear early on that they did not want the same things in life. She loved society and he did not. He went along with all the endless social gatherings, but with growing resentment. When he inherited this house, she wanted to remain in London for the winter season, and he had allowed it. He thought at the time he was making a compromise with her, and he would return to London to take her to Heyrick Park just a few months later.
When she stayed away for seven months, and he finally went to London to see her, everything permanently changed between them.
He still remembered that moment of seeing her for the first time in months, and seeing her belly swollen with a child could not possibly his. He stared at her in disbelief, and she did not say a word to explain herself. He had them packed and on their way to Sanditon that very day. Her sister came to say goodbye, and they parted tearfully. The carriage ride to Sanditon was done in complete silence. What was there to say?
He was the child's father by law, and the child's birth father had apparently abandoned Lucy. She did tell him who the father was, Captain Lennox, once he demanded to know. He brought his wife back to Heyrick Park to live, and it had been so painful for both of them. She felt guilty and ashamed, and he felt angry and resentful. They rarely spoke, even though they took meals together, and she took a bedroom far away from his.
He wondered how any man could deal with living with a wife who had betrayed him and who was carrying that other man's child? It wasn't that he was wrong in how he felt, she had broken their marriage vows and turned to another man, but he had shown her no compassion, and she did not have the will to live with her shame.
He thought about how he failed her as a husband. She obviously was not happy in their marriage, or she would not have stayed behind in London. He was not responsible for her affair, that was her choice and hers alone. He had done the honorable thing by her, albeit with deep resentment. But why was she so unhappy with him as a man?
He had made mistakes, but had he truly failed her? Hadn't it been up to the both of them to try and make the marriage work?
He thought of Miss Heywood and how she spoke her mind to him. Even in the state of their relationship now, they were able to communicate. He and Lucy had never been able to do that. Their relationship had never deepened into friendship, but less a marriage of love.
His real regret was in the last words he had spoken to his wife, and as Charlotte had told him, he had to forgive himself. He had to stop letting those words torment him. He could not change what happened, regrettable as it was. He had tormented himself for almost nine years, and it had not accomplished anything other than to ruin his life.
Enough! It was enough.
He went to have breakfast with his girls. His girls. Yes, they were his family now and he loved them both. It was ironic how both girls were living reminders of his painful past, but they were his reason, along with Charlotte, to put all the pain of his past behind him. He would be the father they both deserved.
They always made him smile, and he loved the sisterly relationship between Augusta and Leo. They had become very close even though they were so different. He often wondered if the reason why the Markhams had given him guardianship of Augusta is so they two girls could be raised together. They were cousins by birth, but sisters due to circumstance.
He left them to take spinet lessons with the master he had hired, and he was able to get some work done that morning. He felt a sense of peace he had not felt in a very long time.
After lunch, he left to go into town for tea at the Parker's.
He was not officially courting Miss Heywood, and he had to keep reminding himself of it. On the way to see her, he wondered what she thought of his gift of flowers and his note.
At Trafalgar House, Charlotte had put on a fresh dress, and Georgiana had redone her hair.
"Georgiana, I am nervous, and I do not know why. We aren't even courting, and it is only tea for an hour."
"It is more than tea for an hour, my friend, this is an opportunity for the two of you to get to know each other better and to find a better balance in your relationship with him. You are no longer his governess, and he is no longer your employer."
"You are in control of the situation now, Charlotte. He has made his feelings for you clear, and now, you have to figure out if a relationship between you can work. You have the best example of what marriage can truly be in your parents, and I do not think you could settle for less than a partnership, Charlotte."
"Yes, Georgiana, I believe you are right."
Georgiana smiled at her friend and said, "Let's go downstairs, my friend, and see what the afternoon holds."
Charlotte had placed the vase of beautiful flowers from Mr. Colbourne and the girls in the drawing room where tea would be served. Mary would be joining them as well as Arthur.
At precisely the appointed hour, the servant showed in Mr. Colbourne. After greetings were made, Mary made everyone a cup of tea to their liking. Cook had made a delicious sponge cake with clotted cream and lemon curd.
After pleasantries were exchanged, the talk turned to Arthur's project, The Sanditon Royal Theater. Funding had been secured through Lady Denham. She was vexed that Widow Parker was the primary investor in Sanditon, but with the investment to begin the project, Lady Denham would once again be the primary investor.
Arthur went on to tell everyone that he had already looked into hiring a theater company for the summer season in Sanditon the following year. With the influx of money, it was expected that they theater would be completed in nine months.
Charlotte asked, "What kinds of plays does this company perform, Arthur?"
"Comedies, and we will want to offer operas of course. I will need to secure another company for that and get performances booked."
Georgiana asked, "Arthur, when is Mr. James Stringer coming back to Sanditon?"
Arthur said, "He will be here Monday of next week. He is bringing the model of the theater, and I can hardly wait."
"Before long, the building will commence, and we will once again see Miss Heywood up on the scaffolding deep in conversation with Mr. Stringer. I am sure that you will never see me up there."
Everyone laughed. Arthur did not like heights, and would not be climbing on any ladders or standing on the scaffolding to discuss anything with anyone.
Mary said, "Our Charlotte is braver than most when it comes to heights. Remember how courageous she was to be the first to take a ride in the hot air balloon the day of the fair? Colonel Lennox got in with her, and you saved the day Arthur, when the soldiers let go of the ropes to keep the balloon controlled. I am sure I felt my heart in my throat wondering if our Charlotte and Captain Lennox were going to be able to descend. Thank goodness you saved the day, Arthur."
Alexander had not been in town the day of the fair, and has missed the whole incident. Charlotte was indeed adventuresome. It irked him that she had gone up in the balloon with Lennox, but he knew she felt nothing other than disdain for the man now. He had not known she was in such danger that day and with Lennox, no less.
Georgiana said, "It is a pity that Mr. Stringer is coming this next week and not the following. He will not be here for the Autumn Ball."
Arthur said, "But he will be. He will be in town at least a month to get the building started, and to work with the foreman, Fred Robinson."
Georgiana looked over at Alexander Colbourne and could see that news was most unwelcome. Well, she thought to herself, he had to have the confidence to deal with another man's interest in Charlotte if they were to move forward in their relationship.
Mary stood and said that she needed to be excused. She was due at Lady Denham's shortly to play Whist and she needed to be on her way.
Alexander stood and said, "I should be going as well. Thank you for the tea and conversation."
Charlotte saw him to the door.
Alexander did not want to leave her yet, and said, "Miss Heywood, would you care to take a walk along the beach?"
Charlotte smiled and said, "I would like that, Mr. Colbourne. Let me just get my coat."
She went to get it and Alexander said, "Please allow me, Miss Heywood," and he helped her into her coat. He was standing so close to her, and he could smell her scent of lavender and roses.
The two of them strolled on the beach for a while, and talked about the ball and the upcoming trip to London.
Charlotte said, "You must bring Augusta to the ball. It will be my first time to attend this particular ball in Sanditon. We have a Harvest Ball at home, but it is not until two weeks after the Autumn Ball here in town.
"I will bring Augusta. She is enjoying being out in society, and if it were not for you, she would still be shut away at Heyrick Park. Thank you for making me see that I was not doing right by her."
Alexander said, "Arthur said that when the building was going on in Sanditon before, you could often be seen on the scaffolding with Mr. Stringer. May I ask why you were up there?"
Charlotte said, "I am very much interested in architecture, and Mr. Stringer is agreeable to share his thoughts with me. He often asked for my opinion on things, and sometimes, we would stand on the scaffolding looking out over the town to imagine how the roofline might appear if certain modifications were made to a building. It was important to Mr. Stringer and the Parker brothers that every building facing out to the beach had an unobstructed view of the sea."
Alexander said, "You consider him a friend, Miss Heywood?"
"Yes, and when he was here three weeks ago, we had a chance to have a conversation. I talked over my situation with the engagement with Ralph and my fear of disappointing my father if I broke the engagement."
"Mr. Stringer could empathize with me due an experience he had with his father. Anyway, he is a good listener, and he gave me some very good advice, which I took."
Charlotte continued, "Mr. Stringer is quite alone in the world now because all of his family is now deceased. He has friends, of course, but no family. I knew his father and was here in Sanditon the night he died."
Alexander asked, "Do you have affection for him, Miss Heywood?"
Charlotte said, "I consider him a dear friend, Mr. Colbourne."
He said, "I see, and does he consider you a dear friend, Miss Heywood?"
Charlotte said, "I certainly hope so, Mr. Colbourne."
Alexander felt the stirrings of jealousy, but he had tamped them down. He knew Miss Heywood cared for him, but he wished that James Stringer was not coming to town so soon before he had a chance to be more secure in her affections.
Charlotte stopped walking and turned to face Alexander, "Mr. Colbourne, thank you for asking me about Mr. Stringer and not making assumptions."
He said, "I promised you that I would talk to you if something was bothering me, and I will keep that promise, Miss Heywood."
"Thank you, Mr. Colbourne."
Charlotte turned the conversation to his gift from yesterday, "I must thank you and the girls for the beautiful flowers. Thank you for you lovely note, as well."
Alexander turned to her and said, "I meant every word I wrote, Miss Heywood."
Charlotte said, "I know you do, Mr. Colbourne, and I hope in time, I can trust that you will not turn away from me again. I must know who you really are, Mr. Colbourne."
Alexander said, "After how I treated you, I do not blame you. I will give you all the time you need."
"Thank you, Mr. Colbourne."
"Miss Heywood, as I said in my note yesterday, I hope you will come to rely on me as a friend as well. If there is ever anything that troubles you, I hope you know I would listen. I want to know more about you."
Charlotte said, "Time will tell, Mr. Colbourne if we can truly be friends. I am no hurry to make a change in my life. I am quite happy with my situation as it is."
He smiled at her and said, "I can see that you are, Miss Heywood."
He left her at the Parkers, and then took a long ride on Hannibal along the beach.
He could not and would not allow himself to feel threatened by her friendship with Mr. Stringer. These next weeks with Stringer in town were going to be a struggle, but he had to believe in her affections for him.
She was beautiful, she was gentle, but strong, and she was determined to have agency in her life. If were to have a chance at winning her back, he had to show her that he was confident enough to deal with competition for her affections.
He found himself smiling. If they did marry, it would never be dull.