Chapter Thirteen: Patience is a Virtue
The day of the ball, Samuel and Alexander took a long walk away from the house. They had never been close, but they had always got along well.
"Alexander, It is good to see you putting your past behind you. Lucy has been gone a long time, and I have always felt you took on too much of the blame for the demise of your marriage and the tragic end to Lucy's life."
"I have compassion for all that Lucy went through, Alexander. We can only hope she rests in peace now."
Alexander nodded his head in agreement.
Samuel continued on, 'I am glad to see that you decided to return to society, and in spite of having no blood relation to either Leo or Augusta, have embraced them as your own children. I admire you for it. It is good to see Heyrick Park become a home at last."
Alexander said, "It is a home now, Samuel, and you are welcome here anytime. You do not need to have an invitation to come for a visit."
Samuel replied, 'I am going to take you up on that. Now, I want to hear what happened between you and Miss Heywood that changed your relationship with her three months ago."
Alexander told him the whole story, and it felt good to talk about it with Samuel.
Samuel said, "I can only imagine how hurt she was, Alexander, and how she must have gotten her dander up with you. You blundered when you did not disagree with her that she was just a member of your staff. While I know why you did it, using your position of master of the estate and her position as your governess as the reason to dismiss her was a big mistake."
"She is a woman who moves among society and could care less if someone else is a spinster or nobility or a master of a large estate. She seems to care about people for who they are, not what they have. That was evident last night at the dinner. She was very attentive to both Miss Hankins and Lady Susan."
"When you told her that you were dismissing her because your actions had caused you only regret and shame, I am sure she felt betrayed. You say you felt afraid of failing her, and yet, that is exactly what you did. And you made a choice for her life without giving her any say in it."
"Surely, when someone makes a choice that alters the course of their lives, it is important to discuss it with them honestly. Xander, you were not even honest with Miss Heywood, but I do understand you were trying to protect her."
Alexander smiled, "Your education at Cambridge is serving you well. You must be very good at defending your clients."
Samuel smiled, "Understanding what motivates someone's actions is where I begin to create my defense, Alexander."
"So, I asked you, and I will use your own words, was it better this way? Did you do the right thing for her sake?"
Alexander said, "No, I caused us both great pain, but I am a better man now than I was three months ago. I have finally had enough of living in the shadows of the past."
Samuel said, "You have to put it all behind you, and keep it behind you, Alexander."
"I fully intend to, Samuel."
Later that evening, Lady Susan arrived at the Parker House to collect Charlotte for the ball. When Charlotte came down the stairs to meet her friend, Lady Susan said that she was sure to be the belle of the ball. Charlotte was stunning in her amber and burgundy gown. Her hair was loosely, but securely pinned up, and she had on earrings that were the perfect complement to her dress.
"Charlotte, my dear you look more beautiful than I have ever seen you look. Your Mr. Stringer and your Mr. Colbourne will not be able to keep their eyes off you tonight."
"Might we sit down a moment before we go, Charlotte?"
"Yes, of course, Lady Susan."
When the ladies were settled in the drawing room, Lady Susan said, " I have been giving a good deal of thought to your choices in men and I would like to give you my perspective on it, if I may."
Charlotte said, "Please do, Lady Susan."
"Charlotte, you are a nurturer, and how could you not be as the eldest of twelve children?"
"One thing I noticed about the two men you have loved, Mr. Sidney Parker and Mr. Alexander Colbourne, is that they both allowed wounds from their past to fester for an inordinately long time."
"Mr. Parker left for Antiqua after Eliza Campion broke his heart as a very young man. He allowed her rejection of him to control his life, or so it would seem, for many years."
"From what I know of the Parkers, he was raised in a strong family, so he did have support, but he was far away from the people who could have helped him recover from his pain."
Lady Susan continued, "I also remember you telling me at the ball in London, that Mr. Parker had told you before that magnificent dance you shared with him, that you were more than equal to anyone there. He recognized your worth, Charlotte, and even though he had one foot in his past still, he did recognize you for the most extraordinary woman you are."
Lady Susan continued on, "I will use the words you told me he spoke to you the night of the regatta, and that is that he was his best self, and his truest self when he was with you."
"With your love, he was able to let go of his past, and look to the future until that dreadful fire that changed everything."
"Your Mr. Colbourne's past has haunted him for far too long. I was glad to see what a changed man he is now. With your influence, and empathy, it is clear he is trying to move forward in his life."
"But Charlotte, until he is your equal in his ability to withstand things that cause him angst or pain, he is not ready to be your husband."
"He clearly loves you, and I find him quite endearing, but he needs to prove that he will not retreat when life becomes daunting. And it will…..none of us are spared heartache in this life."
Charlotte said, "What are your thoughts on Mr. Stringer?"
Lady Susan said, "He is self-confident enough to have dinner in his rival's home because he knows his self-worth. He also had to notice that Mr. Colbourne clearly staked his claim on your last night, and Mr. Stringer was at a huge disadvantage. However, to his credit, he was pleasant and enjoyable to be around.
"He knows your worth, and always has. After he won the trophy at the regatta, I heard him tell Mr. Parker that the trophy was not the prize he was after. Even then, his heart was yours, Charlotte."
"And…you are not attracted to him because he does not need you in the same way you felt Sidney needed you and now, Mr. Colbourne needs you. However, any man in love needs tenderness. Attraction is certainly important, but if you are going to choose the right man to marry, if you do decide to marry, you need to understand why you are attracted to a man. I gave you my observations, but that is all they are, and they are given in deep affection for you, my dear."
"When you choose your path forward, I hope you will choose the path that allows you to be your best self and your truest self."
Charlotte had never appreciated Lady Susan's friendship more and told her so.
"So, my darling friend, let us go and see what the night holds."
Charlotte agreed and the two ladies left for the ball.
The assembly hall was filled with guests, and the musicians were tuning up for the first dance.
Arthur and Georgina spotted Lady Susan and Charlotte, and came over to greet them. Lady Denham was already there and anxious for Lady Susan to come and sit with her. Charlotte walked over to greet Lady Denham.
Lady Denham said, "You will bewitch the single men of Sanditon tonight, and I cannot understand why you go to lengths to make yourself so attractive if you are so stubbornly set against marriage, Miss Heywood."
Before Charlotte could say a word, Lady Denham turned to Lady Susan and said, "It is absurd that Miss Heywood believes that one should only marry for love. I have told her that love has nothing to do with marriage. It is a matter of security for women."
Lady Susan just smiled at Lady Denham and said, "I think our Miss Heywood has not yet made up her mind whether to marry or not."
"Well, she has rivals for her attention, and here comes Mr. Stringer now. She needs to remember that she will not be young for long."
He greeted the ladies, "Good evening, Lady Denham, and Lady Susan."
He turned to Charlotte and held out his arm, "May I have the first set, Miss Heywood?"
"Yes, Mr. Stringer, I would be delighted."
He took her in arms and said, "Miss Heywood, You are always beautiful to me, but I must say, you look particularly so tonight."
Charlotte smiled and said, "You are looking handsome yourself."
He smiled at her and said, "I will remember those words for the rest of my life. Miss Heywood said I was handsome."
He grinned at her and winked, and Charlotte knew he was teasing her.
"You are teasing me, Mr. Stringer."
"Yes, I am, Miss Heywood."
All throughout the dance, he was charming, and Charlotte forgot to keep her guard up. She smiled and laughed with her friend, and was completely unaware of all the eyes on them."
After the set ended, Arthur claimed Charlotte for a dance before Alexander could walk over to her. He was doing all he could to tamp down the jealousy. Miss Heywood certainly seemed to enjoy dancing with Mr. Stringer.
He looked for Samuel, but he was dancing with Miss Lambe.
Augusta was dancing with a young man she had met at the last ball.
He stepped outside for a moment and collected his thoughts. Last night, in his home, he had been in control. Tonight, there was nothing keeping Stringer from dancing with Charlotte again and making her laugh. He never made Miss Heywood laugh, and he wished that he had even a modicum of Samuel's charm.
He took a deep breath and stepped back in. In a few minutes the music would end, and he wanted to be close enough to ask Miss Heywood for the next dance.
Finally, he was able to take her in his arms and they were able to talk. "You are so beautiful, Miss Heywood."
Charlotte blushed, "Thank you, Mr. Colbourne. Are you having a good time?"
"I am now, Miss Heywood. I was looking forward to seeing you tonight."
Charlotte said, "Everyone had a lovely time at your dinner party. Heyrick Park is so lovely at night, and the house was warm and inviting."
"Thank you, and I am glad things turned out well. Mrs. Wheatley and Augusta did a wonderful job with the menu and table settings. I cannot claim any credit for the preparations."
He continued, "It was important to me, for the evening to please you."
She smiled at him and said, "I was glad that you invited us all to your home, Mr. Colbourne. It truly was a lovely evening."
He said, "I am a changed man, Miss Heywood. As I told you before, it is like you brought me back to life."
She said, "You cannot give me credit for that. It is your choice to move forward in your life, and I am pleased to see it. You have spent far too many years shut away from the world needlessly. I am happy to see you starting to really live your life again."
"Miss Heywood…."
Just then, the music ended, and he reluctantly let her go, and They bowed to each other.
"Thank you, Mr. Colbourne."
She turned around, and Reverend Hankins claimed her for a dance.
Alexander walked over to the side of the room, and felt frustrated because he had been on the brink of asking her if she had given any thought to a courtship yet. He wanted to move forward not only with his life, but his relationship with her.
Samuel walked over to his brother. What is that scowl about?
Alexander said, "I want Miss Heywood and I to move past the events of three months ago, but the music stopped before I could ask her if she is ready to be courted. I have asked her father's permission and it was granted."
"It is good to have that matter handled, but a courtship with the intentions of marriage requires her complete trust, especially after all that you told me about this morning."
"Patience is a virtue, my brother."
Alexander scowled at Samuel, and then both men smiled at each other.
Samuel said, "We have been brothers for thirty years, and I think we are finally friends."
Alexander nodded his head in agreement, "Yes, we are, Samuel."
Mr. Colbourne was able to dance with Miss Heywood once more, and he did not press her for a courtship. Instead, he asked her about her family, and they talked about his brother. All too soon, he had to let go of her.
Samuel claimed the next dance, and Charlotte enjoyed learning more about him. She also learned that Alexander had also studied law at Cambridge in preparation for running the estate. Samuel told her a funny story about Alexander as a boy, and Charlotte laughed in delight.
Alexander was dancing with Augusta, but he heard her and wondered what Samuel had said that had made her laugh. The ladies all thought his brother quite charming.
The last dance was announced, and Mr. Stringer claimed Miss Heywood.
"Miss Heywood, I wanted to tell you how much I am enjoying being back in Sanditon. I enjoy my life in London, but society is much more superficial there. I must go to social events as an up-and-coming architect, but I have not been to a ball since I left Sanditon that I have enjoyed more than this one."
Miss Heywood replied, "It had been such a lovely evening. I have danced almost every dance, and had a wonderful time."
'I am glad to hear it, Miss Heywood. In just a few weeks, I must return to London to continue my training, but I will come back after the new year to check on the progress of the build."
She said, "Mr. Stringer, I am so glad to see you making your dreams come true. Nobody deserves it more than you."
"Thank you, Miss Heywood, I have other dreams as well."
Charlotte did not ask him what those dreams were, and thankfully, she was spared giving him a reply when the music ended.
They bowed to each other, and Georgiana took her arm in hers, and said, "Lady Susan is ready to leave, Charlotte."
Tom had called for Lady Susan's carriage, and helped her into it. Charlotte had walked out with her and told her goodnight. She would ride home with Arthur and Georgiana.
Charlotte went back in to wait with Mary, and Georgina for the Parker men to be ready to leave.
The Colbourne brothers and Augusta, came to say goodnight.
Finally, it was time to go home, and Charlotte was ready to get to bed.
After saying goodnight to everyone, Charlotte got ready for bed and climbed in.
Her mind would not settle, so she could not rest. She was sure that Mr. Colbourne was ready to move their friendship to a courtship, and Mr. Stringer had been on the verge of telling him what his dreams were. She was not ready to hear them if they included a life with her.
It was just too much. She was not ready to change her life yet. In all fairness, Mr. Stringer had only come back to town a few weeks ago, and she had only come to a different understanding with Mr. Colbourne weeks ago. Everything was happening too fast.
She was pleased to see the changes in Mr. Colbourne, but it was too soon to know that he was changing for the right reasons, not just to please her. She was proud of the progress he had made, but he had to do it for himself if the changes were to be long-lasting.
She had a lovely time, and had enjoyed herself thoroughly. Neither man had made pressured her by asking her for something she was not ready to give, so she did not have to think anymore more about it tonight. And she was glad.
She needed both of them to be patient with her, and to allow her time to decide what was best for her life. She would give all of her heart when the time came, but nothing was a foregone conclusion at this time.
She closed her eyes and finally fell asleep.