Chapter Fourteen: Clarity
The next week passed quickly with all that was going on with the building of Sanditon Royal Theater. Charlotte still saw Mr. Stringer every day, and their friendship had grown in that their mutual respect for each other had deepened. Charlotte was very impressed with all he had learned about architecture, and he appreciated her ability to keep track of the expenses and even make suggestions from time to time.
He could not help but think what an asset she would be to him as a wife. He loved her dearly for who she was as a woman, but she also understood so much about his work. It would be a wonderful partnership.
They had not progressed in growing closer to an understanding between them, and of course, he wanted that. He was leaving in less than a week to go back to London, and he was determined to speak honestly with her before he left.
The opportunity presented itself late one afternoon. He had seen her walk on the beach by herself and disappear into a small cove. He did not disturb her, but waited for her in the gazebo on the boardwalk.
When she saw him, she smiled and said, "Mr. Stringer, are you waiting for someone?"
"As a matter of fact, I am. And here you are."
"We spend time together every day, Mr. Stringer, I would think you would have seen enough of me."
He replied with a smile, "That would not be possible, Miss Heywood."
"There is something I would like to talk to you about. Might we take a walk, or have a cup of tea at the assembly rooms?"
Charlotte said, "Let's walk along the beach, Mr. Stringer."
"Miss Heywood, you know that I value our friendship a great deal. My respect for you and my admiration for you has only grown with time. You truly are a remarkable woman."
"You must know that the summer of the fire in Sanditon, my affection for you had grown beyond friendship, but it was clear to me that Sidney Parker had won your heart. My feelings have not changed, Miss Heywood. They have remained constant over time."
Charlotte said, "Yes, he had won my heart, but it was not meant to be."
She continued, "I just need some time to know what the path forward to happiness is for me. I accepted Ralph Starling's hand when I was not healed from all that had passed between Mr. Colbourne and me. It is important for me not to make any decisions for my future without being certain of what I want for my life."
James said, "Miss Heywood, I have never cared for any other woman other than you. My life has not been complicated by pain and betrayal, but that does not mean I need you any less than a man who has known those things."
"I wanted to be honest with you before I leave for London, but I have no expectations of you at this time. I understand that you need time to find your way after all you have been through. I will be there for you always, and that holds true even if you decide the place for me in your life will never be more than a friend."
Charlotte felt tears well up in her eyes and said, "Mr. Stringer, you can always count on my friendship as well. Thank you for your patience and your understanding."
He said, "Of course, Miss Heywood."
Charlotte thanked him, and during the rest of their walk, they talked about his time in Sanditon and the friends he had been able to spend time with.
When she got back to the house, she went to her room and wrote Lady Susan a letter telling her about the conversation with Mr. Stringer.
On her desk, there was a letter from Alison, asking her to come to Willingden for the Harvest Ball that weekend. She also invited Augusta and Leo to come.
Charlotte decided a visit home was exactly what she needed.
She went to talk things over with Mary.
"Mary, I am going to Willingden in a few days for the Harvest Ball and to spend a week with my family. With Mr. Stringer leaving town tomorrow, I do not think Tom will need me for while I am gone to take care of his paperwork."
"You must go, Charlotte, and spend time with the family."
Charlotte said, "Alison has invited Miss Markham and Miss Colbourne to come as well."
Mary replied, "Charlotte, while I think it is wonderful that the girls go with you, I hope you know that if they do, you are bringing your families closer together. I just want you to consider that and what it might signify to Mr. Colbourne."
"After the dinner at Heyrick Park, There is no mistaking that he is hoping to win your hand soon. He made his intentions quite clear when he seated you next to him at the table, Charlotte."
"Yes, he did."
"I think I will ask the girls to come with me, Mary. I love them both dearly and have not had much time to spend with them lately. As far as Mr. Colbourne is concerned, only time will give me the answers I need. I must know who he truly is before I can be unguarded around him."
Mary hugged Charlotte, and said, "You must do what you believe to be best."
Charlotte sent a note to Mr. Colbourne asking to come and see him the following morning.
Mrs. Wheatley brought it into his study, and handed it to him.
She recognized the handwriting, and knew it was from Miss Heywood.
When she left the room, he opened the note and read it. He was curious to know what she wanted to talk about, and took out a fresh sheet of parchment to reply to her. He picked up his quill and thought about what he wanted to say.
Instead of writing her a note, why didn't he just ride in to see her?
He told Mrs. Wheatley he was going into town, and to not to hold dinner if he was late.
He saddled Hannibal and was off within a few minutes.
When he got to Trafalgar House, he was shown into the drawing room where Charlotte was with Miss Lamble and Mary Parker.
After greetings were exchanged, the ladies left Charlotte to speak with Mr. Colbourne.
"Miss Heywood, I got your note and thought I would save you the trouble of coming out to Heyrick Park tomorrow. What is it you would like to speak to me about?"
Charlotte said, "Thank you, Mr. Colbourne. I am going to Willingden for the Harvest Ball in a few days, and I wondered if Miss Markham and Miss Colbourne might like to go with me? I will be gone for a week."
Mr. Colbourne replied, "I am sure they both would love to go. Your sister, Miss Rachel Heywood, and Augusta have been exchanging letters, and of course, Leo has become fast friends with your twin sisters. I will take you there myself if that is agreeable."
"It is, and of course, you must stay for the ball."
He smiled and said, "I would like that."
I will be here on Friday morning to get you."
Mr. Stringer was leaving town the same morning, but said his goodbyes to her the evening before.
The carriage ride to Willingden was a noisy and joyful one. Leo could hardly contain her excitement to see Caroline and Catherine. Augusta was equally excited to see Rachel. Neither girl had made friends with other young ladies their age in Sanditon, and Alexander thought to himself that he needed to see what he could do to remedy that.
When they arrived, it was happy chaos as greetings were made and sleeping arrangements settled. Mr. Colbourne was staying at the inn.
Alison and Declan were at the house as well. Rachel and Augusta took off for a walk to have some girl talk, and Leo wasted no time running the fields with the younger Heywood children.
Charlotte and Alison went to the kitchen to help their mother with lunch, and Mr. Heywood excused himself to go and rest for a bit.
Declan and Alexander went to the study to visit.
"How is it going with our Miss Heywood, Colbourne?"
Alexander said, "It is going, but at a snail's pace, much to my regret. Her friend Mr. Stringer has been in town for the last month to oversee the build of the Sanditon Royal Theater. He is doing all he can do to win her hand as well."
"I have done all I can do to show her that I am a changed man, but I have to wait until she feels she can trust me again to ask for a courtship. She is not ready yet, and as hard as it is to be patient, I am going to give her the time she needs."
Declan said, "The fact that you are here in Willingden now with your girls is a good indication she is moving on from all that happened between you. I agree that patience is necessary."
Alison came to get them for lunch.
Lunch was a joyful affair and Alexander enjoyed himself thoroughly. As usual, there were many conversations going on at once, and lots of laughter.
After lunch, Mr. Heywood, Declan, and Alexander went to walk about the property, and Alexander could see that Mr. Heywood was not well.
Declan suggested they go back to the house after a short time and Mr. Heywood did not argue.
Later that evening, Alexander took the two Miss Heywoods and Augusta to the ball in his carriage. Alison and Declan went in their carriage so that when Alison tired, they could leave for home. She found these early months of her pregnancy exhausting, but did not want to miss the ball.
Augusta had brought two pretty dresses for the ball, and Rachel helped to decide which one to wear. The girls got ready to go together and Augusta thought it would be wonderful if she and Rachel lived closer. She had often seen the closeness of Miss Heywood's friendship with Miss Lambe, and longed for such a friend herself.
Alexander had arrived to collect the ladies, and after he complimented them all and helped them with the coats, they were off to the ball.
It was a more casual affair than the balls in Sanditon, but no less fun. Alexander noticed that Augusta seemed happier these days, and even among strangers, she was having a wonderful time. He saw her standing with Mrs. Fraser, Miss Charlotte Heywood, and Miss Rachel Heywood, and they were clearly discussing some young man from the blushes on the younger girls faces and the laughter from Miss Heywood and Mrs. Fraser.
He danced with Augusta and Miss Heywood. Declan danced with his wife and Miss Heywood as well. He noticed that Mr. Ralph Starling had asked Miss Heywood for a dance, and she agreed. There were many eyes on them because it was known that they had once been engaged. However, all there was to see was two people enjoying a dance together.
Alexander had to admire Mr. Starling. He was smiling and talking with Miss Heywood, but it was clear that he was not over her yet. Yet, for Miss Heywood's sake, he was being gallant.
The next morning, Alexander left Willingden to go back to Heyrick Park, and would return in five days.
Heyrick Park was too quiet without the girls, and mealtimes were lonely. He was used to taking all of his meals with his girls now and he missed their conversations.
He missed Miss Heywood so much that his heart ached.
The day he returned to Willingden did not go as he had thought it would.
That morning, Mr. Heywood had collapsed in the barn, and his sons had stayed with him while Declan ran for the town doctor. After getting Mr. Heywood into bed and resting, the doctor told the older Heywood children and Declan that Mr. Heywood was ill and needed to be on bed rest for at least a week. The doctor suspected a heart ailment.
Alexander arrived shortly afterwards, and instead of being greeted with the normal smiles and laughter, the atmosphere was solemn. Even though they were invited to stay for lunch, he thought it best to take his girls and leave. He understood without being told that Miss Heywood would not leave her father while he was unwell.
Alexander turned to Miss Heywood, and said, "If there is anything you need, send a note. I will get here as fast as Hannibal can bring me. You are never far from my thoughts, and that will be especially so now."
She was so near tears that she could barely speak, but she whispered, "Thank you, Mr. Colbourne."
He clenched his fists at his side. She needed to be held, and he needed to hold her. Yet, he could not.
He hesitated a moment longer, tipped his hat to her, and turned to open the carriage door. Before he could do that, Leo impulsively got out of the carriage and threw her arms around Miss Heywood. Augusta got out and hugged her as well.
Alexander could see the tears streaming down all of their faces, and he felt tears sting his eyes as well.
He stood there, watching the three people he loved the most in the world, with their arms around each other, taking and giving comfort to each other. He wished he had the right to put his arms around them all at that moment.
Augusta pulled away, and took Leo's hand. "We will write to you, Miss Heywood, and we are thinking of you and your family."
Charlotte thanked them, and then the Colbourne family left for Sanditon.
The next week was an emotional one at Heywood Manor. Mr. Heywood had always been the picture of health and a pillar of strength for his family. Now, he had to allow himself to be taken care of.
Declan and the older boys took care of the livestock and the day-to-today running of the estate, and Charlotte and Alison helped their mother run the household and take care of the children.
According to the doctor, Mr. Heywood needed to rest for at least another week.
Alison, Rachel, and Charlotte had joined their mother in the drawing room for tea while their father was sleeping.
Charlotte noticed how tired her mother looked, and said, "Mother, how are you doing with all of this?"
Mrs. Heywood struggled to hold back her tears, and she took Charlotte's hand, "I have been so very scared that your father might die. I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. I love him so dearly that I do not know how to express what I feel for him. It is so much more than love. I admire him, I respect him, and I trust him. He is the best father to all of you, and he is the best husband any woman could ever want."
"I would be bereft without him. All of us would."
Charlotte hugged her mother, and said, "All of us should be so lucky to find what you have with Father and what Alison has with Declan."
Alison said, "I think you have, and with time, I hope you can see what the rest of us see."
Charlotte was about to ask Alison what she meant, but Declan came to fetch his wife and take her home.
Later that night, Charlotte laid in her bed and thought of the girls and Mr. Colbourne. She had received two letters from the girls, and she felt their affection for her in their words. Mr. Colbourne had sent a small note inside one of their letters with pressed cornflower inside. It was a simple note, but he expressed his thoughts of her.
She thought of all her mother had said about her marriage to her father. Charlotte thought about how blessed she had been to be raised in this home with such wonderful parents
Charlotte knew that Alison and Declan would have such a marriage as her parents, and her thoughts turned to Mr. Colbourne and the girls. She had been moved by the girl's expressions of support for her. When they had both hugged her the day they left Willingden, she had felt comforted by them, and she had felt their love for her.
At that moment, on this day, she would have done anything to feel Mr. Colbourne's arms around her. She had needed him to hold her, but he could not.
She had never longed to feel Mr. Stringer's arms around her. She felt affection for him, but she did not love him as he deserved. He was a wonderful man, but maybe Lady Susan was right, that love was like an affliction, and we do not choose who we love. Her heart had not chosen him.
She loved Mr. Colbourne, and she could not imagine her life without him, or without the girls.
When she had not returned back to Sanditon with him and the girls, he had offered support, and had been concerned only about her and her family. He had not tried to persuade her to come back with them, and she had not had to say a word that she was staying in Willingden. He knew.
She felt the walls around her heart start to crumble.
She suddenly understood what Alison was trying to tell her when she said, 'I hope you can see what the rest of us see."
She did, and she could see her future before her.
With clarity.