No More Boy-Who-Lived
Disclaimer/Plot/Author's Note: SEE FIRST CHAPTER
Recommended Reads: Harry Potter: No More by DZ2, Harry Potter: Lord of Darkness by AngelSlayer135, Harry's Madness by SilverLocke980, A God Among Gods by DemonStalkingDragon, Kill me if you can by PercyPendragon3, Apex, Damaged Raven, Dark Lord Potter and Bonded by JustBored21, Harry Potter Unleashed by berzipotter, Angry, Overpowered Harry Potter by TomHRichardson, Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Wizards by Corwalch, Of Lies and Deceits and Hidden Personas and Beautifully Broken by Jessiikaa15, Core Threads by theaceoffire, Saviour of Magic by Colt01, Aspirations by megamatt09, Adventures in Magick by PseudonymousEntity, Rise of the Dark Angel by mykkila09, A Fallen God by Hostiel, Lord Thanatos by Scarlette-Moon-Howl, The Power by DarthBill and I Want It All And More, Custos Aeternus, Legatum Cordis Obscurae and Legendarius Custos by Winged Seer Wolf
Key Pairing: Harry/Harem
Other Pairings: To be determined
Normal Speech
'Thoughts'
'Mental Speech'
/Parseltongue/
Review Answers:
Vampireking40: Keep reading to find out;
Magitech: I plan on expanding my horizons with the Harem: also, who said it'll only be girls?
Hippothestrowl: Hey: don't like, don't read; what more needs to be said other than that? Like I said before, this fic is one that's basically one big crack-fest and fun vent for my negative emotions, so, whether or not it makes sense or just ends up one long round of craziness, either way, I'm enjoying writing it; if you can't enjoy reading it, that's your choice, but mine is to keep writing…so, again, don't like it, don't read it: simples!
He sealed away his True Self, instead reverting back to the façade of being an ignorant, naïve, seemingly-unaware young boy whom was thought of as nothing but a burden, instead of being and having everything he had done and acquired to make himself…well…God!
And, for the longest time, it had worked…
But now, with this latest development, realising he wasn't going to achieve anything sitting around, rubbing one out and waiting for everyone to pull their heads out of their own asses, Harry knew he couldn't hideaway any longer.
It was time for the Real Harry…or the Just Harry – to use a term he'd once told Hagrid – to come back out.
Chapter 2: Time to Play
'Home shitty home!'
That was Harry's thought as he strolled into the kitchen of Number Four, having left Sirius out in the cold, though, if Harry knew his dear dogfather as well as he did, he'd either do something stupid or something clever…or both, seeing as how he had seen Harry with his own eyes.
Either way, Harry was home – for want of a lesser term – and, as he walked into the kitchen, scoffing amusingly at the sight of his space-station-sized Uncle secretly helping himself to pudding, the young sorcerer found a smile crossing his lips as he wondered just how long it would take these freaks to realise that there was an elephant in the room.
And, for once, he wasn't talking about Vernon: calling him an elephant was probably an insult to elephants, anyway.
Hell, comparing the fat bastard to any corpulent member of the animal kingdom – from pigs, boars and walruses to blue whales, African Elephants and even super-sized, uber-plump Erumpents and other such big-boned magical beasties – was an insult to that creature, though, then again, calling It human wasn't exactly a compliment either.
'So, what do you call something like this without insulting the better-looking members of the world, I wonder?' mused Harry, cocking his head to one side before he smiled wolfishly. 'I suppose toys will have to do, won't they, Harry? Come on; it's been ages since we had fun with these fuckers; let's dig out the old toys and start playing some brand-new games with these old toys, shall we?'
Having decided that he was going to pick up where he'd left off – ooh, so many years ago now – Harry waved his hand, before he watched with a dark, sinister glint in his green eyes as the door to the refrigerator slammed shut, clamping Vernon's hand in the door like a vice, or a bear trap.
The scream that tore out of the fat fucker was like the sweetest, most-enjoyable music to Harry's ears, especially when Vernon tried and failed to pull his hand free from the vice-like grip of the refrigerator door. At the same time, the earth-shattering scream of pain seemed to rouse Petunia, who suddenly ran in from the other room, her face pale and sweaty from the heat – either that or something Harry did not need to think about, let alone picture her doing – while her eyes were wider than wide when she saw Vernon pulling on the door. "Vernon! What are you doing? I thought you were going to the bathroom?"
"Ooh, now there's an idea," laughed Harry, earning a horrified look from Petunia, which turned into full-blown, Devil-fearing panic when she heard him snap his fingers, the sound echoing through the house like a gunshot. Seconds later, Petunia's face crinkled into a look of disgust, as well as revulsion, when she saw, heard and smelled the brown waterfall that suddenly seemed to flow down through Vernon's trousers, staining the horse-like bitch's perfect floors.
Harry, meanwhile, seemed to mirror Petunia's look of loathing as he groaned, "Holy shit! What did you eat, Vernon? Smells worse than the armpits of a giant mountain troll, mixed with a year's worth of Cerberus shit, added to a rotting Basilisk's corpse and werewolf dung, blended together with a heaping helping of smashed up, rotted dragon's eggs! Yowzah! I don't even think there is a name for how bad that stinks!"
"What…what are…urp…how are you…ugh…what…"
"Oh, that's right!" laughed Harry, leaping up onto the dining room table, if only to avoid the river of foul-smelling diarrhoea that was now filling the kitchen, covering the floors, while he went on. "I almost forgot that I'd wiped your memories and made you think you were nice and normal all those years ago; but, since I'm not pretending to be…well…me, anymore, I suppose there's no reason for you freaks to do the same, is there?"
"How dare…"
Another snap from Harry's fingers silenced Petunia, as well as Vernon, both of whom suddenly went whiter than white, while their eyes widened in almost-synchronised horror, reminiscing and disbelief. At the same time, Harry waved his hand over the brown raging rapids forming beneath them, which seemed to be the cue for the rivers of shit to reverse direction and flow back to Vernon.
As for said fat fucker, he barely had a moment to breathe before a look of abject discomfort and terror crossed his face when the river of sloppy shit and overflowing diarrhoea suddenly flowed upstream, as in flowing back into Vernon's body, making him swell up like a water balloon while his eyes bled tears of discomfort and horror.
Harry, meanwhile, sniffed once as he wafted a hand in front of his face mockingly, "Damn! That's much better…so…tell me…are we awake yet, my old favourite toys?"
"N-N-N-N-No…" gasped Petunia, falling to her knees while she actually began clawing at her face, leaving red streaks where her nails cut into her as she cried, "No more…please…not again…you…you said you were bored of it! You…you let us go…you let us live!"
"Meh…more, paused the game and saved my progress for a later playtime," drawled Harry, kicking his legs aimlessly as he explained, "And, as for letting you live, you stupid, overgrown horse's ass droppings: I let you think I'd let you live when, in actuality, I simply made sure that the old fucker and his sheep's flock thought they could keep me on a short leash. Unfortunately, as with all things, a God can only take so much and…well…I think I have your precious little doughnut to thank for giving me a reason to un-pause my game and resume my fun."
"D…D…Dudley?" squeaked Vernon, though his usually-gruff, bass voice was now high-pitched and squeaky, reaching a pitch that, to Harry's amusement, actually received a reply in the form of a dog howling out the back.
"Sure hope that's not my godfather's ears you're hurting with how high your voice has gone, Vernon," drawled Harry, before he pointed upwards as he added, "Now, be a good, ugly, overgrown Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon and go follow your sister into the sky, would you? My former family and I have a few things to discuss and, frankly, I don't know or care what happens to the leftovers, so…ciao!"
Suddenly, Vernon let out a shrill, high-pitched scream that could have put even Hurricane Howler Weasley to shame as his body let out a loud, wet, rancid-smelling, but hilariously-sounding farting noise as he flew up and out of the house, spiralling through the air while, like a skywriter, he seemed to leave a trail of noxious, green-and-brown-coloured gasses as he flew off into the stratosphere.
No More BWL
How unfortunate it was that, at that exact same moment, a random jumbo jet crossed the path of the ugly fat deflating balloon, catching him in its tailwinds until, to the alarm of the passengers onboard, an engine blew and the propellers inside shattered and smashed up, sending the plane plummeting down into the forests of Dartmoor.
Right where an equally-random, seemingly-conveniently-placed werewolf pack suddenly found themselves offering thanks to their creators for the bountiful feast of flesh that had just been delivered to them.
As for Vernon Dursley, by some sheer dumb luck, he managed to crawl out of the wreckage, one of his hands hanging limply and bleeding profusely while he'd lost a leg to the propellers.
Seconds later, a flash of fangs and baying howls of delight saw him lose so much more…
No More BWL
"Now then, where were we?"
"You…what did…what did you…why did you…"
"You're surprised I didn't show mercy, Petunia?" asked Harry, leaping off the table, which caused Petunia to scuttle back in terror, like a cockroach running from the light, while Harry smiled coldly as he explained, "After the cupboard, the lack of truths, the mountains of letters you let that roach destroy because you couldn't stand someone being better than you? How about the bars on the window, the locks on the door, the lock on my beautiful owl's cage, the way you tried to keep my things from me, the lies about my family, about me? The way you allowed that drunken bitch, Large Marge the Garbage Barge, to abuse me with her vile tongue and lack of brain cells? And you dare to question me on why I'm not being kind or generous with all my powers?"
As Petunia flinched at the iciness and lack of mortal caring that was present in her nephew's voice, her eyes widened and her heart turned colder than cold when she remembered something that Vernon had asked before Harry had launched him off back to whatever planet he came from.
"Where…where's Dudley? What…what did you do to…to my son? Where is my precious Popkin?"
"Dead," said Harry, earning a high-pitched moan of loss and fear from Petunia, before Harry added, "Or as good as; you see, dear auntie, about thirty minutes ago now, me and the Michelin Man's illegitimate bastard were casually strolling back here to lovely Durzkaban when, would you believe it, this corner of Hell lives up to its name…thanks to the appearance of Dementors!"
As Harry saw Petunia's eyes widen in horror, the young sorcerer hummed amusingly as he asked, "Oh? You're familiar with those malevolent seal-breakers, are you? Odd; I certainly don't remember introducing you to them back when I first had my fun with you and your…zoo…which, between you and me, is an insult to zoos everywhere, even the worst-run ones…but I digress."
Thrusting a hand out to Petunia, Harry watched as she became slack-jawed and gormless-looking – well, moreso than usual – before he hummed thoughtfully as he asked, "So, my dear auntie, how, exactly, do you know about Dementors?"
"Lily," replied Petunia, her voice dazed and distant, suggesting she was under her nephew's thrall, though her choice of words did earn her a frown of apparent confusion from Harry.
"What about her?"
"She once talked about them," replied Petunia, earning another frown from Harry, while the thin freak went on. "She said they were far worse than any nightmare, and could make you experience your darkest nightmares. When she did, I called her a liar and told her to stop talking nonsense, since we didn't want anything to do with her world."
"And yet, from the single, gross, but also-inspiring moment that your Mum and Dad put my Mum in old Gramsies' belly, you were part of my world, Muggle bitch," argued Harry, snapping his hand back, which not only snapped Petunia out of her trance, but also sent the thin woman falling to the ground, as Harry sighed softly. "All these years, you were adamant that you had nothing to do with me…and yet, it was there, deep inside you, always…I don't know whether to call that sick irony or just plain hilarious."
"Where is Dudley?"
"I just told you," drawled Harry, jerking his head towards the front door as he explained, "He's where the Dementor left him…well, left his flesh; his soul, on the other hand, is sitting ugly and, apparently, as poisonous as hemlock and mercury mixed with arsenic and absinthe in the belly of the Dementor…if they even have bellies, anyway. And, before you ask why I didn't bother to protect the fat idiot, I think you ought to know that your darling Diddykins decided it'd be easier to smash up my wand and leave us both defenceless. But then, once he was Dementor Dinner, and choking the life out of them in being such, they were perfectly content leaving yours truly alone…and, in the process, they helped me realise that playtime was coming back."
Here, Harry walked past Petunia, before he opened the fridge – which now had a particularly-sizable dent of a hole from where Vernon's hand had been ripped out of the door when Harry sent him away – and retrieved the cake that Vernon had been eating.
As he helped himself to the remaining pieces, humming contentedly at the taste, Harry cleared his throat as he went on, "Mm…this is actually quite delicious; then again, I should know, since you had me buy it for your fat freaks, even though school and medical experts demanded they go on a strict diet…but I digress…"
After serving himself a particularly-sizable bite, Harry gulped hard and licked his lips as he continued, "Yummy…anyway, with my wand smashed and the craziness factor of this summer reaching new heights, I took a little walk deep inside myself and, when I did, I found my long-lost True Soul. You remember him, don't you, Petunia? How could you not? After all, back in the good old days, he strung up Diddykins like the longpig he was, and invited all the local kitty-cats to come and feast…oh, and the puppies too…and I dimly recall a snake or two and…huh…a snowy owl? I wonder…anyway, apart from that fun boy-barbecue, I also showed you exactly what a fucked-up freak you were, and how did I do that? Go on…tell me, Muggle slimeball; how did I make you learn your place?"
"You…you had…had me…"
"Yes," said Harry, taking another bite of the cake before he asked, "Go on, Petunia: what did I do?"
Petunia pulled a face as she answered him, "You…you had me…clean out each and every one of…of the…the drains…and the…the toilet…and Vernon's car…and the windows…"
"Basically the whole house, but go on."
"With…with my…tongue!"
"That's right," chuckled Harry, before he bent down and tousled Petunia's hair mockingly as he asked, "Good little bitch; you remember! And when you were naughty and defied your God…what did I tell you to do next? Hmm? Can you remember that, my selfish, delusional, overcompensating little toy?"
Petunia's breath shuddered as she gasped out, "You…you had me…you made me…"
"Yes?"
Tears of horror, disbelief and nightmares above and beyond anything that a Boggart or Dementor could cook up flooded Petunia's broken mind as she wept, "You…you had me poison Vernon, who…who you'd made…baste his…his own son and…and prepare to…to cook him!"
"Ah, don't you love Shakespeare?" asked Harry, chuckling mercilessly as he looked around the kitchen before he tapped his nose. "You know, now I'm not pretending anymore, I can actually smell how yummy wickle Popkin was as Daddy basted him for me. And when you poisoned him…what did I do to reward you for being a good servant for your Master?"
"You…you put…put it all back," said Petunia.
Harry, however, waggled his finger like he was scolding a naughty child, "Wrong-o! I mean, yeah, I did put it all back, but only because I was thinking about the most-important thing in my life…namely me, myself and I; but, before I did that, what did I do to reward your obedience, mutt?"
"You…you…you…"
"I let you forget," said Harry, before he kicked Petunia hard, sending her sliding across the kitchen floor, before he added, "And, when I did, I had half a mind to just go ahead and finish the job. You see, I was a ravenous little boy with an appetite to rival the Magical Dudley, aka Ronald Weasley, and, more-importantly, I wanted you to know that you only had me in your life…but then, I thought to myself: Harry, don't have too much fun too quickly. Savour it, play a nice, long game and have a few laughs…and so, apart from my self-preserving reason for doing it, I let the game begin…and now, nearly eight years later, here we are again, Petunia…shame I didn't drag Diddykins' corpse back with me: it has been such a long time since I had a good meal, after all."
As Petunia broke down on the floor, Harry smiled wolfishly as he continued, "Of course, just because I didn't drag him back, it doesn't mean he can't be useful to me…as you'll soon see."
When Harry snapped his fingers again, Petunia flinched, half-terrified and half-broken in her soul at the thought of what Harry might do.
When nothing happened, however, the destroyed ruin of a woman thought she was safe and that he had actually failed to do anything…
If only she knew.
No More BWL
/Master!/
Tom Marvolo Riddle, alias the Dark Lord Voldemort, suddenly looked up in alarm, as well as disbelief, when he heard none other than his faithful pet and servant, Nagini, hissing in shock.
When he looked up from his plans, however, only to find a trussed-up, naked and very fat teenage boy lying in the middle of his snake's nest, the Dark Lord stared in abject disbelief, which turned into wonder, shock and no small amount of horror and amazement when he heard Nagini hiss at him again.
/There's a message…it's for you, Master./
Summoning the message from Nagini's coils, Tom's eyes widened when he read a style of handwriting he'd come to recognise, mostly because of how he'd once spent a year masquerading as a Professor.
The soul is in the belly of a Dementor.
The flesh, I offer to that super-sexy beastie of a friend of yours.
If you want to know more, come and find me.
See you soon.
Harry
"What is this?"
/Can I eat it?/
Looking from Nagini to the note and back again, Voldemort, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, shrugged ruefully, "I suppose so…"
As Nagini began swallowing the fat boy's corpse, however, the Dark Lord couldn't help but look back to the note in his hand, a look of curiosity, wonder and a hint of amusement in his expression as he smiled thinly.
'Well now…what could have happened to you, Harry Potter? And how is it I don't sense it, when our connection feels as strong as ever?'
Chapter 2 and, once again, it looks like the True Harry is definitely worthy of calling himself a God in a Teenager's Body, but, even so, what might his next act of 'playtime' look like as he enjoys himself more and more?
Also, what will the God-Who-Lived have to say to the Dark Lord, if anything at all, should Tom accept this very meaty olive branch?
Keep Reading to Find Out
Next Chapter: With a Pet broken, a waste of space now serving a better purpose – snake food – and a third idiot having finally fulfilled his destiny – fattened up to serve to wolves and monsters – Harry decides it's time he get some more answers about things that don't seem to add up, starting with why Sirius thought he was dead…but first…damn: he horny! If only there was someone he could scratch his itch with…then again…he does have the power of a God now, right? Time for some more-intimate fun…and Harry's got a good idea where to start scratching the itch;
Please Read and Review