[ssyffix: for early chapters, follow 'One Piece Offline' on webnovel]
Coldwater splashed on the regal spacesuits of Saint Lauren and Saint Lazlo.
"Bah! Wha? Who dares-" Saint Lazlo blurted as he woke.
"Apologies. I thought you wouldn't want to miss this, but waking you up proved difficult."
James Shelby's words quickly defused the wrath of the celestial dragons.
"Oh, if it was Mr. Shelby, I suppose it's fine."
"Hmm." James Shelby sat back in his chair with a fresh cigarette and glass of whiskey, "Looks like we have an eclectic bunch."
That's when Saint Lazlo noticed Admiral Strife sitting casually at the top of the ladder with the Devil Fruit within his grasp.
"Hey! What are you doing? I told you to win me that fruit!" Saint Lazlo barked.
"Huh? Do you guys hear that? Some kind of buzzing noise?" Admiral Strife said as he used his pinkie to clean his ear.
"Trololol. And here I thought he was a government bum boy."
Swiss hiccuped as he walked forward. He was awaiting an inevitable challenge.
"Yarr harrr! We meet again, you laughing scum!"
Captain King-Hit unsheathed his cutlass and came face to face with Swiss.
"*Hic*. Well well wel- *Burp*. If it is-*hic*.. If it isn't Captain Dick-shit." Swiss replied.
"It's KING-HIT! Captain King-Hit sama!" the 40-year-old pirate captain retorted.
"And who's your mom? Mrs. Wide-Slit? TROLOLOL!"
"Oh my!" Jinzo covered his mouth.
Swiss company tried their best to hold back their snickering giggles.
"Hahaha, it's funny because he thinks he's funny," Raito said.
"I think the term that applies is 'self-amusement'. It's considered quite the charming quality." Jinzo added with that certain voice he uses when he cites information he read.
"More like self embarrassment.." Grit went on to say.
"Wow! Whatever, bastards. How about you find an opponent already?" Swiss retorted.
"Kukuku, well ahead of you. +"
Kimagure Joka moved with a pep in his step. It was as if he was a kid in a candy store.
His excitement would have been endearing were it not for the source of it..
"You wanted to take me on, Furio-san?~"
"Hmph!" Furio reached for his shoulder and took off his dark hood, throwing it in the air and revealing his outfit.
He wore pink slacks and jester shoes held up by pink suspenders. He had no shirt on, revealing his curly chest hair.
"Uhh..?" Swiss felt it was a look less intrinsic of a circus performer and more that of a male gigolo.
"You may have caught my knife once. But it's a different thing altogether when it's in combat!" Furio declared, mysteriously holding many throwing knives in his hands as if they were poker cards.
Furio gave Kimagure Joka a stern expression. There was nothing but conviction in Furio's eyes.
"Oooh! 3"
The tingling feeling in Kimagure Joka's loins returned, 'that look! I can't get enough of it! That spirit, that determination! +'
Kimagure Joka extended his arm out and beckoned Furio, "Bring it on, Furio-san. 3"
["Looks like we have Furio vs. Kimagure Joka! Who will come out on top?!"]
Despite there being only a handful of audience members still conscious, Jinx continued announcing like the poised showman that he was.
Though without the massive cheers from the crowd, the whole thing was quite awkward, much like how it feels when you remove the laughing track from a sitcom.
"Hmm. Now for me to contribute." Raito said as he strode forward with his hands behind his head in a relaxed manner.
He was walking towards a dynamic duo of passionate proportions.
"Stop right there, ninja boy!" Clyde pointed her Tommy gun at Raito.
"Well said, my love. He needs to know who he's dealing with."
["Would you look at that! The bank-robbing pirate duo of Bonnie and Clyde managed to survive Admiral Strife's kings haki? How was that possible?!"]
"Nothing can overpower our love!" Bonnie said proudly as he and his partner came back-to-back, holding their guns up in a pose.
["Amazing! We should have expected no less!"]
[WANTED
DEAD OR ALIVE
BONNIE
$22,000,000]
[WANTED
DEAD OR ALIVE
CLYDE
$18,000,000]
"Nothing can overpower your love, huh? I like that.."
Raito reached into his ninja pouch and took out a kunai.
"My name is Musashi Raito! If your love can kill me, I'd like to see it try!"
["And now we have the well-dressed ninja Raito taking on the famed Bonnie and Clyde! Can he overcome their firepower?!"]
"It doesn't matter. No firepower can overcome our connection!"
Saha and his seven dwarfs confidently strode forward.
The chains on their belts which connected the seven of them dragged on the ground.
Then Saha, the leader of the dwarfs situated in the middle of the chain, took in a hearty breath.
"Hooah!" he shouted, raising his arms and bringing them down to his hips.
At that moment, a light materialized around the body of Saha.
This light was like an aura of yellow haze. For a moment, the body of Saha shined brightly.
And then something extraordinary happened.
From the hips of Saha, the shroud of light spread along the chain belt that connected the seven dwarfs.
Now all of them were shrouded in that same light.
"Hahaha! I ate the Jara-Jara-No-Mi, Model: Link! I'm a chain man. With my power, I can create a 'spirit link'. As long as we seven are spirit linked, the damage we sustain is shared between us. What's more, the damage is never fatal! It is us who will be the last ones standing!"
"Pfft. Just looks like a pack of midgets sharing the same fate to me."
Grit unbuckled the Demon Slayer from his back, revealing its mortifying presence and pointing it towards Saha.
"How dare you call us midgets! You'll pay for that! What's your name, so we can put it on your grave?"
"The name's Grit. And easy there, pal. Or I won't hold back.."
["The cloaked swordsman, Grit, takes on Saha and the Seven Dwarfs! And would you look at that sword? How will it fare against the Spirit Link?!]
"Trololol. Okay then, what's say we finish this once and for all, Captain Nit-Wit?"
The words of Swiss caused the veteran pirate captain of the South Blue to erupt in anger.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S KING-HIT!"
[Captain King-Hit vs. Swiss! The dispute over the name will end here tonight, ladies and gentlemen!"]
"Hmm. Then that means I'm taking on these guys.."
Jinzo made his way towards the Roller Twins, stopping just before he reached them.
"Tahi, would you look at that? This pipsqueak thinks he can take us on!" Rua said.
"Haha, I don't know if he's crazy or has a death wish," Tahi replied.
"Both?" Jinzo calmly stated, "And I have a name you know. Ken Jinzo."
He unsheathed his crimson katana. It reflected the cool shimmer of the full moon stunningly.
"!"
Jinx peered at Jinzo through his Greek comedy mask from his special position in the announcer's booth.
More specifically, he focused on the weapon in Jinzo's hands.
"Ken? How interesting.." Jinx muttered to himself. He widened his nostrils and smelled the air with great scrutiny before declaring in the microphone-
["The nameless Ken Jinzo takes on the infamous Roller Twins! How will one man fare against the combined might of an $80,000,000 bounty?]
The stage had been set.
Kimagure Joka and Furio locked eyes.
Raito dismissively confronted Bonnie and Clyde.
Grit faced Saha and the seven Chain Linked dwarfs.
Swiss stood against Captain King-Hit; a clash of scalawags to be sure.
And Jinzo prepared himself to take on the Elvis Presley-looking twins who skipped leg day.
Or so it seemed.
"You're forgetting about me!"
In between the epic face-off between Jinzo and the much-taller-much-bigger Roller Twins, came the the timid-looking man wearing the black beanie and thick brown jacket.
Jinzo and the Roller Twins averted their gazes from each other and checked out the man that had interjected himself between them.
"Who are you?" Jinzo asked.
"Bleugh! Another pipsqueak!" Rua shouted.
"Watch this, brother! I'll beat him to a pulp!" Tahi declared.
But before Tahi could make his move, Aleven had suddenly discarded his timid demeanor.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you!"
Upon these words, Aleven opened his brown jacket.
Strapped to him was a vest normally worn by terrorists.
"Oh shit, it's a bomb!" Swiss shouted.
"That's right! So if you don't want to die, I suggest you let me speak!"
Tahi halted in his tracks. He was just about to raise his legs and crush Aleven with his ball and chain.
Jinzo stood frozen. He and the Roller Twins were in too close a proximity to Aleven.
'Shit!' Jinzo cursed his luck.
"Now you're all gonna listen to me! NOBODY EVER LISTENS!" Aleven hysterically declared.
"Okay, okay! Chill out bro! We listening. Say your piece, yo." Swiss said like a hostage negotiator on his first day on the job.
"This is all James Shelby's fault!" Aleven said, "You have no idea the kind of fucked up depraved shit that goes on in this country!"
Admiral Strife let out a big yawn, "Uh oh. Should I be stopping this?"
"…" James Shelby said nothing and watched the events unfold.
"That's why I'm doing this!" Aleven concluded, "I was going to blow myself up while in the crowd. But now that no one's awake, I may as well blow myself up here alongside The Roller Twins! They have done the dirty work of James Shelby in the past!"
Aleven readied his thumb on the button that would prompt the explosion.
"Baka! That logic is retarded as fuck! How did you even survive that Kings Haki blast anyway?!" Swiss shouted.
"Nothing can overcome the will of a man who has discarded his life!" Aleven answered.
"This guy is nuts!" Raito said fearfully.
"Tch!" Grit tensed.
Grit was too far away from Jinzo's location to be of any assistance.
An all too familiar feeling of helplessness engulfed Grit's heart.
Jinzo watched Aleven's actions with widened eyes.
He could hear Aleven's frantic breathing.
He could see the beads of sweat roll down the skin of Tahi and Rua.
He swallowed back the dry taste of imminent death.
There was nothing anyone could do to stop Aleven from clicking that button.
Aleven, alongside the Roller Twins and Jinzo, were going to die.
["!"]
A pair of deathly rubies gleamed through the eye holes of Jinx's Greek comedy mask.
Swiss gulped as he saw Aleven press the button.
What followed was an ominous *CLICK!*, and the rippling scream of Swiss' voice.
"JINZO!"
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
[ssyffix: thx for reading!]