Olivia stood in the kitchen working on breakfast fifteen minutes later.

The shower in her en suite could be heard, as well as distant, beautiful singing while Rafael showered.

She was certain he'd requested it to calm down following their conversation and agreement for tonight but she wasn't upset that she was cooking alone.

Soft footsteps appeared in the hall behind her as she was serving pancakes onto a plate that already had fruit on it.

Olivia turned, expecting to see Noah, but found Aspen looking at her nervously.

"Rafa has a wonderful singing voice," the young girl said quietly.

Olivia's face broke into a smile, "he does. He's taking a shower but he'll be out soon if you want to tell him."

Aspen nodded and looked back toward the bedroom door she'd closed behind her.

"How did you sleep?" Olivia asked as she moved to put the now empty pan in the sink.

"Good. Did you know Noah talks in his sleep?"

Smiling, Liv nodded some, "I do know that he does."

"I was scared at first because I didn't know who he was talking to but once I found out he was asleep it wasn't so scary and I was able to sleep again."

"Good, I'm glad you were able to get some sleep. I'm sorry we don't have a bed for you yet but we'll get it all figured out, okay?"

"The camping bed was okay. I've always wanted to go camping."

"Noah has too, maybe we can sometime," Liv's face was beginning to hurt from the smiling but she was happy, talking to Aspen.

"Why was that man mad at you last night?" Aspen asked as she and Liv moved toward the living room to sit and wait for the boys.

The older woman considered for a long moment, "well, do you know what expectations are?"

"Like when my teacher expects us to be quiet in the hall?"

Nodding, Olivia said, "the man, he's my friend. His name is Elliot."

"Friends shouldn't yell at you like that."

"You're right, they shouldn't. But, Elliot expected something and I told him that his expectations were wrong and that upset him."

"He still shouldn't yell at you."

"I agree. Elliot and Rafa aren't friends, though. So Elliot thinks I'm being a bad friend for spending time with Rafa."

"But you're friends with Rafa and Elliot shouldn't be mad at you for spending time with your other friends even if they aren't friends."

Olivia looked at the little girl, she was bright beyond her years and it was very clear, "you're right."

"One time my friend Amanda was mad at me because I had a sleepover with my friend Ruby because Amanda and Ruby don't like each other very much because they think I can't be best friends with both of them."

Liv nodded, urging the girl to continue.

"And Amanda didn't talk to me for two whole weeks because she thought I liked Ruby more. But that's not true, they're both my friends and when I told Amanda that they're both important to me she forgave me. So, I think you should tell Elliot that him and Rafa are important to you and that you have to spend time with all your friends sometimes and he'll forgive you."

Olivia was quiet for a long minute, considering what Aspen had said. She wished it would be that simple, but she knew it wouldn't be since there were more feelings involved.

"Can I ask you something?" Liv looked at Aspen again.

"Okay."

"What would you do if, say, Ruby had a friend that you don't like very much but you knew that the other friend made her really happy?"

"If Ruby is happy then just because I don't like the other friend that doesn't mean I can be mean to them, Olivia. I want my friends to be happy and just because I don't like someone that doesn't mean I should tell Ruby that she can't hang out with them."

Olivia nodded, she looked at the floor and then back to Aspen, "you're very smart, you know that?"

"I won the spelling bee," Aspen smiled.

Liv laughed because that was the first thing the young girl had said in the last ten minutes that made her sound like a six year old.

"My dad didn't like my mommy's friend Martin and he used to get mad at her when she would hang out with Martin and I tried to tell him that Martin made mommy happy but that made dad upset. He said mommy was going to leave us for Martin but that's silly because Martin and his husband Billy don't have a guest room. So I think maybe it's just boys think that girls shouldn't be friends with other boys sometimes."

Taking mental note of the names in case she needed to search them later, Liv smiled, "I think so too."

"Is it girl time? Should I come back later?" Rafael's voice came from the kitchen.

"No, it's okay, Rafa. We're talking about how Olivia's friend Elliot shouldn't be mean to her," Aspen reported diligently.

Rafael gave a small, amused smile, "that's right. He shouldn't be."

"He shouldn't be mean because you make her happy and if he was really her friend then he wouldn't be mad because we want our friends to be happy. Right, Olivia?"

"Right," Liv couldn't help the smile that took her face.

"You're very smart," Rafael tapped Aspen's nose as he came to sit with them.

"Olivia said that, too," she giggled, "I told her she should call Elliot and tell him that both of you are important to her."

"Did you now?" Rafael asked, glancing at Liv.

"I did."

As if to be saved by the bell, Olivia's phone rang in the kitchen. She stood and walked that direction, scooping it up. She glanced at it.

Elliot Stabler.

Rafa was looking at her as she stared at the phone.

Glancing toward him, she held the phone up, "as if he could hear."

"Answer it," Aspen said.

Rafael nodded in agreement.

Olivia answered the call, "Benson."

Aspen giggled, "it's funny how she says her last name when she answers the phone."

Rafael hushed her and then they ducked down behind the back of the couch and giggled as they whispered to each other.

"Liv? You answered."

"I did."

She saw Aspen peek over and then giggle harder as she ducked back down.

"I owe you a huge apology."

"You do."

"I had a couple of beers and I was upset and hurt and I shouldn't have done any of that and I'm sorry, Liv."

"It's a lot more than that, El," she caught Rafa peeking and had to choke back a laugh as his eyes widened at being caught.

"Please, meet me for lunch today. I'll explain everything."

"I'm actually not coming in today," she replied.

"Fin said that…"

"You spoke to Fin."

"I did. I… couldn't remember everything from last night and I knew he was there and could clear things up."

"Okay."

"Liv, please. Meet me."

"I can't. I have things going on, Elliot."

"With him?"

Aspen peeked up, "you have to tell him that both of them are important."

"Who's that?" Elliot asked.

"Her name is Aspen."

"Is that the little girl from yesterday?"

"Yes."

"Why is she at your apartment?"

"Hang on one second, El?" Liv clicked the mute button before he could respond.

"What's up?" Rafa stood up.

"He heard Aspen and is asking why she's here."

"Sorry," Aspen said in a small voice.

"No, honey. It's okay. You don't have to apologize at all."

"It's up to you," Rafael said.

She looked at him, "you're sure?"

He nodded, "I'll be here whatever the outcome and I'm sure Aspen here will beat him up if he's mean to you."

"I won't beat him up but I'll tell him that he's not being a very good friend," Aspen said confidently.

Liv smiled and gave a small nod, "I'm going to go to the other room. If you guys wanna wake Noah up, you could start breakfast before it gets too cold?"

"Pancakes!" Aspen cheered and there was a soft thudding as she ran back to Noah's room.

Rafael moved to follow her but paused by Liv, pulling her for a kiss, "whatever the outcome. I'll be right here. I know this is a big deal for you."

Liv nodded and followed them to the back of the apartment and then slipped into her room.

The soft thudding of both Noah and Aspen running back to the kitchen, followed by the sound of Rafael's relaxed steps made her smile.

"Sorry," she said as she unmuted, "I had to excuse myself."

"In your own apartment?" Elliot's voice was demanding and confused.

"Yes, there have been… a lot of changes in the last twenty-four hours."

"Yeah, you agreed to dinner with me and then an hour later Barba's there and you've been acting weird ever since."

"Well, Elliot. I have an explanation and you're not going to like it, but first I have to tell you that you're important to me and we're friends."

"Friends."

"We are. We're friends and we were partners and we've been through a lot together."

"Okay."

"But, I'm not the detective you left behind. I'm a Captain now. I've had a lot of experiences and changes and decisions in my life since you disappeared."

"I didn't dis-"

"You did disappear. You left without a word to me and I know your reasoning and that's okay. It is, but I need you to listen to me and I don't mean only to the parts that you can yell about and be mad about and blame on other people because that's not what this is."

"I'm listening."

"Aspen, the little girl, I told you that I knew her family and that's why I had to recuse myself. Which isn't entirely untrue. I don't know the family that raised her for the first years of her life, but I know her biological parents."

"So she was adopted."

"No. No, she was conceived with IVF."

"Well wouldn't her- oh. Oh, her parents…"

"Were given someone else's embryo, yeah."

Elliot remained silent.

"She's my daughter, Elliot."

The silence continues for a long moment.

Liv's admission hung in the air as she gave him time to process.

"With Barba," he said finally.

"Yes. Do you remember that case we had? With the embryos that were stolen by the religious group?" Liv inquired.

"Yeah."

"Well, that conversation that you and I had… I took it to heart. And I had some of my eggs frozen not long after and then… Rafa came along-"

"Rafa," he snorted.

"El."

"Sorry."

"And he became my best friend and one night it was a joke and then there were embryos and samples in case we ever needed them or decided to just have a kid as best friends. But then…"

"You adopted Noah."

"Right."

"And some other people got one of the embryos and you don't know how many more are out there."

That thought hadn't dawned on her.

"And you hadn't even considered how many Benson-Barba babies might actually be out there. Had you?"

"No."

"You trusted some facility even after seeing that they can be broken into and manipulated."

"I fully vetted it, El."

"Clearly not."

"Elliot."

"Look, Liv. I don't like the guy. I don't think I ever will. He let the man who killed my wife walk free and to be honest with you, I don't think I can ever forgive him for that."

"And that's fine."

"Is it? Because I want you and it seems like this guy got you."

"I'm not a trophy, Elliot."

"No, Liv. You're the fucking grand prize and he won."

"El-"

"Stop. I'm not gonna fight anymore. He won. He's the dad of your kid and that's what you always wanted. I can't beat that. And you're right we're friends. We are. And I want you to be happy. Am I pissed? A little. Mostly I'm hurt. I'm hurt for a lot of reasons. I know that when you chose to do that you didn't know what he would end up doing but I'm hurt that you forgave him and I'm hurt that you think you shouldn't have been involved because even if you hadn't taken the case, I would've needed you. No one else could've held me up and made sure I didn't fall apart the way you do. It was never about using you for your status and it was never about gaining anything. It was needing my friend Olivia, my partner."

"I'm not the same person I was."

"No. You're better. You went from a spit fire detective to an advocate for the victims captain and I fell for you all over again even though I knew it was wrong the first time and I knew it was too late the second time."

"Too late?"

"I could tell how broken you were after he became defense on the case. I could tell how you felt every time you looked at him and said his name. It was the way you once looked at me and introduced me. I knew. I thought I had a chance of winning you over. Maybe eventually I still could, but I'm not gonna fight. I'm not gonna support it, but I'm not gonna fight either. You can call me if you need me, Liv. I'll leave you to your family, now."

And he was gone.

She sat down on the end of the bed and stared at the blank screened phone in her hand.

There was a gentle knock on the door a few minutes later and it creaked slightly as it opened.

"I brought your breakfast. The kids finished and are playing with Legos."

Liv looked at Rafael with a blank look on her face like she heard him speaking but nothing registered.

"You okay?" He asked as he placed the plate on the dresser.

She blinked a few times and then shook her head.

"Was it bad?"

She shook her head a little again and took a slow deep breath, trying to remember the breathing exercises Dr Lindstrom had taught her.

Rafael approached, kneeling before her. Briefly his mind strayed to praying for absolution the way he was kneeled, but now wasn't the time for that. He looked up at her.

She was frozen there, unsure of what to do or say because it hadn't gone badly. It went better than she'd expected but something inside her felt like it had shattered when she'd heard Elliot say 'I'll leave you to your family, now.' Maybe it was because part of her had thought that she'd end up part of his family and recently she thought maybe Noah would grow up the youngest Stabler child. Maybe it was because she really did have a family now and that's all she'd wanted for so long.

"What can I do?" Rafael whispered.

He didn't ask questions or press for an explanation. He didn't push her to snap out of it. He didn't threaten to go find Stabler and kill him. His attention was solely on her and supporting her and whatever she needed in this moment. He didn't particularly care to know what Stabler had said unless Liv wanted to share and needed to talk it out.

"I don't know," she breathed in response.

"Can I touch you?" He asked carefully.

Her eyes looked at him but he could tell that she wasn't really seeing him fully. She nodded, but it was sort of disconnected, like she wasn't fully there.

He was nervous, he was scared, and he could count the number of times he'd felt like this as an adult on one hand and nearly all of them included Olivia.

Slowly, Rafael moved to sit beside her. He carefully draped one arm over her shoulders and pulled her against his chest, similarly to the way he'd held her the day Noah was taken. And again, he felt just as helpless and uncertain and afraid for her as he had then. He held her and was silent.

She didn't cry, not yet. She just stayed there in his arms. Letting herself listen to his heartbeat and feel the rhythm of his breathing. She worked to match it.

After a couple long minutes of silence, Rafael started to hum quietly. He didn't want to disrupt anything that she may be thinking, but he didn't want to leave the silence that he knew would be deafening if she wasn't thinking about anything, either.

It was then that she sobbed and clung to him.

That's when he realized that Stabler had surrendered. He realized that this was Olivia not knowing how to handle what may be a complete loss and that this time, it wasn't an open-ended disappearance with potential for return. And he just held her as she sobbed into his chest.

She was afraid she was hurting him. Not physically. Not from how she was clinging to him. But by being hurt over Elliot, by caring about what Elliot thought or said.

She was afraid that Rafa would think that she was sobbing because she regretted the decision she'd made. She didn't. She knew in the way that he was holding her, in the way that he wasn't pushing her, or threatening to break someone's face that this was the right decision. This was what she needed. She needed someone who would let her go at her own pace and find her own path before following her onto it. She knew Rafael was the one, she knew in this moment.

Once she started calming down, Rafa loosened his grip just barely, giving her the option to sit up if she wanted. He continued humming, he was going to until she decided to speak.

"I'm sorry," she breathed out a few moments later.

"You don't have to apologize for anything," he assured her as his humming halted.

She pulled back some, moving to lean her shoulder against his, "it just…"

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, you know me. I'm never going to push you, I'll be here when you're ready to talk."

She weakly smiled over at him, her eyes were red and her face tear stained.

He turned, bringing both hands to rest on either side of her face and very carefully brushed the stains and the final few tears away with his thumbs. He then leaned and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"The kids are okay?" She asked quietly.

He nodded, "they're playing with Legos and you know Noah can do that for hours on end and Aspen specifically asked about Legos yesterday so I'm sure they'll be okay."

"Okay," she mirrored his nod and her eyes searched his face.

"I'm not going to push, I just want to know… if I'm still who you-"

"Yes. It's you. That's not going to change, Raf. It's not a competition and it's not a war."

He nodded, there was something in her tone that told him this was something she was upset about.

"I told him I wasn't going to be a trophy," she tore her eyes from his gaze and looked at the floor in front of them.

"I take it he wasn't fond of that."

"He said I was 'the grand prize,' like that was any better?!" Her tone was sharp.

"I don't think that you're a prize and I don't think I ever saw this as a competition," he started, "my goal was never to win you. I did hope you would make a decision but I would've supported you either was because, while I love you, I just want you to be happy and if he was able to make you happier than I could, then I would've respected it."

Olivia looked at him for a long minute, soaking in what he'd said.

"I do… think you're a gift, a prize to the world…" he stumbled over his words as, in her silence, he worried he'd offended her.

Liv laughed.

Rafael just stared at her as she did, entirely entranced by the sound momentarily.

"I wasn't upset," she laughed a bit more before taking a long breath to calm herself, "I was wondering how I got so lucky."

He took a deep breath and shook his head at her, "well, I'm glad you found it funny."

"I did, I needed that."

He smiled and looked away. This was the most he'd truly smiled in a long time, Liv was the only one who pulled such genuine smiles from him.

"He did make one comment… I'm sure eventually more of that conversation will come up. But, the one comment he made that I need to bring up now is…" she grabbed his hand and held it in both of hers, "he pointed out that we don't know if any other embryos were implanted. We don't know if any other babies are out there."

Rafael seemed to freeze, the smile stuck to his face for several seconds before it slipped away. He turned to her, just looking at her.

Liv looked back, she didn't know what else to say. Very rarely does Olivia Benson find herself lost for words, but in this moment she was.

It was silent between them for a few months. The sounds of Noah and Aspen cheering over something could be heard and then laughter followed.

It broke Olivia's heart to know that out there somewhere there could be more children of their's, like Aspen, who's lives were unhappy because they didn't look like the parents they'd been given to or any number of reasons. She knew it was likely that there were parents out there who were okay with not having an explanation, she knew it was likely that there were parents who were just happy to have a child. But how many children are suffering because one facility decided they wanted more money, or whatever their reason.

Rafael on the other hand was angry, not with Liv for bringing this up. Not with Elliot for planting the seed. Not even with himself for giving the chance for this piece of him to be out there. He was angry that someone had broken their trust in this way, he was angry that someone took their safety net and turned it into profit. He was angry that he didn't know the reason.

"Raf?" Liv whispered after a minute or two of silence between them.

He hummed in response, his green eyes flicking back to her, "sorry. He's right. We don't know but we also don't know. It's possible we never will and I'm angry but there's not much we can do about it."

She nodded.

He was right, there wasn't much they could do. Had Aspen's parents not had the fallout that they did, they may never have known. Not only would they not have known, but they also likely wouldn't be together.

"I'm glad you're here, Rafa."

His expression softened and he turned fully to face her, "I'm glad, too."

She gave another small nod and looked over his face, taking in his relaxed brow and his gentle eyes, the small half smile on his face.

"Let's go take the kids to the park and lunch," he smiled at her.