Saturday, July 9, 2022, Olivia asked the squad to help them start moving things to the new apartment. They had one week to move all of their things out of both of their apartments and into the new one.
It was the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, both kids were asleep while Rafael and Liv laid in her bed.
"How do you feel?" Rafa's voice came through the dark.
Liv was quiet, so quiet that he worried she'd fallen asleep.
She was awake though, she turned to look at him with the slight light coming through the window from the city lights.
Her mind was full of thoughts, but she wasn't overwhelmed like she thought she would be. Instead it felt like everything was finally falling into place. It felt like several puzzle pieces sliding into place all at once.
"Do you want the long version or the short version?" She whispered in response.
"From you?" There was a breathy laugh mixed with his words, "always the long version."
"It has been four days since Aspen showed up in my squad room. Four days since you came into my office."
"It feels like longer," he breathed.
"It does, but it also feels so impossibly short… and I feel like I should be overwhelmed or worried that we're going too fast with these decisions. I feel like I should be worried in general."
"You're always worried."
"I'm not, though. I'm not worried about this, even a little bit."
"The moving?"
"The moving. You and I. I'm not worried about it at all… and maybe I should be but I'm not… I have never felt so… so secure? And certain? About anything in my life."
Rafael felt as though his heart could burst with the amount of love he felt for her in that moment.
"It's like my entire life I was searching for answers, for a family, for comfort and safety. For love…" She continued, "and a home and after… after Lewis…"
His arm around her waist tightened slightly before he went to pull it away, afraid of the mention and him touching her would cause an adverse reaction.
She moved a hand to hold his in place, "it's okay, I'm okay," she brought his hand up to press a soft kiss to his knuckles before she replaced it where it had been.
"Okay," his voice was riddled with indecipherable emotion.
"After him I didn't think I'd ever find peace or any of the things I'd been searching for for so long. I was certain I'd be afraid of everything for the rest of my life."
Rafael felt a pang in his chest and he was angry because he still blamed himself for Lewis, even these years later.
"But then I found Noah and he saved me and you and I grew even closer… when you left I felt like a rug had been ripped from under me, Rafa. It felt like, almost like my house burned down?"
"How do you mean?"
"I don't know how to word it," she admitted, "as if I had built this home in you and your departure took it from me? And then the phone calls became fewer and then COVID, and then the Davis trial, and then the Wheatley trial… it felt like that home I'd built truly didn't exist anymore. I think that's part of why I felt so betrayed even though you'd said you were doing it to protect me. It felt like you weren't my Rafa anymore…"
He understood, he always understood Liv's uncertain ramblings even when she didn't, "you found peace with me and when I left I took it away and I didn't make it any easier each time we spoke or saw each other."
"Yeah," she replied lamely.
"And now?"
"That peace is stronger and more apparent now. As if it never truly left but like it was a caterpillar and had hidden away to grow into a butterfly."
"Liv."
"Hm?" She hummed.
"That peace? That home?"
"Yeah?"
"It was always just my love for you."
"I know that now."
"All I ever wanted to be was someone you could rely on," he mumbled, his fingers playing with the fabric of her shirt that rested at her hip, "I wanted to be a rock and a port in the storm. Maybe even a safe haven? Even if we never got together, even if all we ever were was best friends, that was okay with me because I loved you so unconditionally and I knew you were it for me. Even if you never felt the same, being in your life was enough for me."
"And now?"
"Now? Now I am fully aware that I am in fact the luckiest man in New York, if not the world," he replied simply.
Olivia was quiet for a long moment, she didn't know what to say or how to express just how much she loved him. She never did, even before this change in their relationship.
Rafael didn't say anything, he gave her a moment to process what he'd said and to process just how comfortable he was with her. Never in his life, in any relationship romantic or otherwise, had he felt comfortable enough to speak whatever came to mind. Comfortable enough to share feelings he had never voiced to anyone. That was just another thing about Olivia, though. She was so incredibly trustworthy and loyal almost to a fault for those that she loved.
"Rafa," her voice came softly.
He hummed.
"I am so grateful to have you here," the words carried an edge of emotion, "to be sharing this life with you."
"I am, too, Liv," he pulled her closer, "and what you said before, that concern about moving too fast?"
She curled against his chest, "yeah?"
"I don't think we are. I think, maybe, if we'd just met for the first time the day you texted me to come to your office, maybe we would be. We've known each other ten years now, Liv, and we've been best friends and now we're…"
Neither of them spoke for a moment, they hadn't labeled what they were doing.
"Partners," Liv supplied, "in love, in life, in parenthood…"
"Partners," Rafael smiled to himself, he liked the way that sounded.
They were both quiet for a few minutes, letting this new title for what they were doing settle in.
"The arraignment is Monday, right?" He asked.
"Yes, both siblings are being arraigned Monday."
"And where are we on the twins?"
"Carisi is trying to work out a deal with the man who is legally their parent."
"Does he have any idea what he's going to do?"
"Apparently the DA's office wants to get this guy to testify against the siblings, since his actions were nearly a direct result of their actions. He told Carisi that the siblings insisted that the twins were their children but it sounds like they don't look anything like them."
"They gaslit him?"
Liv nodded, "that's what it sounds like. The doctors there told him not to worry because the twins were definitely theirs and his wife was insisting it was the IVF but he was convinced she'd cheated or was cheating and he snapped. So, like, he's still guilty obviously and paranoid, but they mentioned possibly lightening his sentence from life to like twenty-five years."
"Was he a bad guy before that?" Rafa inquired.
"They won't let me see too much, I already know more than we should, but it seems like the DV didn't start until the twins were born and didn't look like them."
"I wonder what it is. Even with Aspen, I wonder what her parents looked like and what it was that gave it away."
"Well, she has your very green eyes and green eyes are rare. I imagine that's the case with Aspen, but who knows?"
"Have they decided if they're going to pursue Aspen's original parents?"
"I honestly don't know," Liv shrugged, "I don't think they want me to know about that one. I think if they do pursue, they're going to have to call me as the person who took her original statement and they're not going to be happy about it."
He nodded.
"We should sleep," she said softly.
"We should," he agreed, "I'm still taking Aspen to my place tomorrow, right?"
"Yes, Carisi and Amanda are going to come help you."
"And Fin is coming here?"
"Yeah, he and Phoebe. I'm not sure he's quite ready to be left in a space with you alone, yet."
"That's fair."
"He'll come back around, don't worry."
"I'm not worried. I know how loyal and protective he is of you."
"He tries to play off most things as not caring too much, but he is an incredibly passionate and strong willed man. It'll all work out."
Rafael leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her head, "I know it will."
"I love you, Raf," she mumbled as she felt the edges of sleep creeping in.
"I love you, darling," and he hummed softly to her until she fell asleep.
He could hear a church bell in the distance, alerting him that it was three in the morning as he let her rhythmic breathing lull him to sleep.
"I hate the train," Aspen said as she sat practically in Rafael's lap in the packed subway early the next morning.
"I'm sorry, kiddo," he frowned, "we'll be there soon, only two more stops."
She challenged him to a thumb war to distract herself from the amount of people that were there.
When it was their stop, he took her hand and led her from the subway car. They climbed the stairs and walked the two blocks to his apartment.
"This is your building?" Aspen looked up at the towering structure.
"It was, yeah. We're here to pack, remember?" He smiled down at her and then led her into the building.
"Can I hit the button in the elevator?" She asked as they approached.
"Of course," he chuckled, "we have to go to the ninth floor."
She happily pressed the "9" and then looked at the mirror in the elevator, "your building was fancy."
"It's not bad. My apartment was great for just me," he said softly, "but it's not really the space for a family."
"Why?" She asked.
"Well," he pursed his lips, "you'll see."
They exited at the ninth floor and made their way to apartment "927".
Rafa slid his key in the door and let her into the apartment.
It's not very big. One bedroom and one bathroom. Dark wood and gold detailing and exposed brick on one wall. Floor to ceiling windows. It was the sort of bachelor pad that a hardworking man would have. There was a practically brand new, leather couch pushed against one wall, but the most out of place piece of furniture was a large, mahogany desk cluttered with files and notes.
"This just looks like a very fancy office with a kitchen," Aspen said, looking at him.
"That's why I said it's not really a family sort of apartment," he smiled, "when I worked with your m- with Liv, I was barely ever here."
"Why?"
"We worked so much. I was in my office at work practically always, I would come home and sleep for a few hours and then headed right back in."
She saw a picture frame on one of the side tables, the only really personal and sentimental item in the apartment, and ran right toward it. She picked it up and looked at it and then looked over it at him.
"What?"
"Noah is so little in this picture," she smiled.
The photo was from the night they'd all gathered at Liv's after his safe return from the kidnapping.
Amanda took the photo of the three of them, once everyone had settled in to watch a movie. Carisi and Jesse were on the floor on a blanket. Fin sat in the chair. Amanda had gotten up to get a drink and saw the way the three of them were and snapped the photo. Liv on one side of Noah and Rafa on the other. The boy was curled up between them.
No one had known he'd asked Amanda for the photo. He printed it when he got home the next morning. He was the only one that stayed overnight. He didn't want to leave Liv alone and "accidentally fell asleep" during the end of the movie. Everyone else left and Liv tucked Noah in and then brought a blanket to cover him up. He'd pretended to be asleep until after Liv had gone to her room, then he adjusted to actually rest but he just wanted to be there in case she needed someone. To this day, no one knew he'd done that.
"That was taken, I think, four years ago?" He told her.
"It's a nice picture," she smiled as she ran her little fingers over it.
"It is," Rafael agreed.
"Let's get to work," she said quietly.
"Where would you like to start?" He inquired.
She looked around, "we need boxes."
There was a knock on the door.
Rafael opened it.
There stood Carisi holding a stack of folded boxes and Amanda with a pastry bag.
"Does that fix your predicament?" Rafa turned to Aspen.
"It does," she laughed, "hi, Amanda!"
"Hey, kiddo!" Amanda smiled, "do you want a donut?"
Aspen looked at Rafa, "is that okay?"
"Of course," Rafael smiled and gestures for the couple to enter.
"I think we should start with the books and probably your clothes."
"You want me to put my suits in boxes?" Rafael realized.
"No," Carisi shook his head, "you can leave them on the hangers and hang them on the garment hooks in the back of the car."
"Oh, good."
Carisi smiled, "I would never ask you to put your incredibly expensive wardrobe in boxes, Rafael."
Amanda looked over from where she'd sat on the couch with Aspen, "that'd be sacrilegious."
Rafael rolled his eyes slightly, "keep teasing. I'm going to clean up the files."
And once the donuts had been finished, they began packing the smaller things.
Amanda worked on wrapping and packing dishes, Carisi got books from higher shelves and Aspen from lower shelves into boxes, and Rafael worked on his clothes and personal belongings from his bedroom.
At Olivia's, Fin was helping Noah sort toys and clothes into boxes while Phoebe worked on dishes. Liv was in her room packing clothes and picking out what she wanted to donate.
"Momma," Noah's head peaked into the room, "I have my donation box finished."
"Okay, sweet boy," she smiled, "Uncle Fin and I have finished moving all of my boxes to the car. Do you have any boxes ready to go?"
She nodded and pointed out the ones she was finished filling.
Fin came in and helped carry the heavier ones out.
"We're gettin' kinda full out there," Fin said as he came for one more box, "you want me and the kid to take it over?"
"That would be great, Fin."
"We can drop the donation boxes off, too. Get them outta the way."
"That sounds perfect."
"You doing alright?"
She looked at him and smiled, "I am. I'm really happy, Fin."
"You'll be happier to know that I got a call ten minutes ago from Carisi," Fin grinned.
"Are they done over there already?"
"Work related."
She sat down the jacket she'd been preparing to pack, "what is it?"
"The father agreed to the conditions of his deal. Signing off on parental rights and testifying in exchange for the lighter sentence."
"So, we can meet the boys?"
"Well, Carisi has to get everything finished up and I'll get in touch with ACS tomorrow but the ball's rolling."
Liv smiled, things were falling into place.
"We're gonna do that run now, though," Fin moved to squeeze her shoulder.
"Thank you, Fin."
"Of course," he smiled at her before scooping up the last box and leaving the room.
Liv finished packing her clothes and sat down to just process for a few minutes.
Under the pile of clothes she had begun sorting on her bed, she heard her phone go off with a text message. She dug around for a minute and then saw the text was from Rafa.
Rafa to Liv;
Carisi just told me the news.
Liv to Rafa;
How you feeling?
Rafa to Liv;
I'm alright. I was wondering the same about you.
Liv;
I'm good. It feels like things are falling into place and I think that it's really good.
Rafa;
Me too. We're just about done packing up here. The movers will be here in an hour to get all of the furniture.
Liv;
They're coming here after, right?
Rafa;
Yeah, they'll be there. Do you know if you're going into the office tomorrow?
Liv;
Not sure yet, why?
Rafa;
I know we plan to take Aspen shopping for some clothes here soon, but I was considering letting Amanda take her for some essentials while we finish moving that way her room isn't entirely empty until we can get her some furniture and things.
Liv;
I think that would be alright. We can work on furniture and clothes for she and the twins this week. I'll see what Fin thinks about if I should come back tomorrow.
Rafa;
I have to be in court tomorrow morning but… hang on.
Her phone started ringing.
"Hello?" She laughed.
"I don't know why I didn't just call in the first place. I thought you'd be too busy to call so a quick text was going to be easier and then, well..." Rafa's voice made it easy to tell he was smiling.
"Actually you're distracting me with texting. A call would've been quicker."
"Anyway, I have to be in court tomorrow morning but we could go pick up some clothes tomorrow and shop around for furniture Tuesday?"
"And if I do go in to the office?" Liv inquired as she put her phone on speaker to continue packing.
"Lucy could watch them in the morning and I could take both of them shopping in the afternoon?"
"You're sure you want to have your first outing alone with both of them to be clothes shopping?"
"They're both good kids, I think they'd go easy on me."
"We'd be good!" Noah said as he came into Liv's room, "we're back."
"How'd it go?" Liv asked Noah.
"I think I'm going to ask Aspen if she wants to take turns sleeping on the camping bed until we can get her a good bed," he told Liv as he moved to sit on the end of her bed.
"That would be very sweet of you, Noah," she felt her heart swell with pride once again.
"Do you want help packing?" He asked, gesturing at the piles she'd made.
"Sure," she smiled.
Neither of them could see it but Rafa was also beaming with pride over how sweet Noah was.
"We'll be finished really soon," Noah said as he started to help.
"Alright, well, I'll let you get back to it," Rafael said.
"Talk soon," Liv responded.
"I'm going to send Amanda and Aspen after the next run and Carisi and I will wait for the movers."
"Sounds good, love," Liv smiled, though he couldn't see it.
And then he was gone.
"You seem really happy, momma."
"I am," she smiled at him, "you never stop making me proud with how sweet you are, Noah."
He smiled a little.
"Kitchen is all packed," Fin said as he poked his head in, "all that's left is your clothes, slow poke."
"We're almost done," Noah informed him.
"I'm just teasing," Fin grinned at the boy.
Noah grinned back, "I know."
They finished packing everything up and Fin carried the last few boxes out to the car.
The only things left in the apartment was furniture items now and it looked so empty.
Author's Note;
hey pals! thanks for all the wonderful feedback! i'm so glad you're liking the story.
i started a twitter account where i've posted the spotify playlist i listen to while i'm writing, new songs will probably be added over time. feel free to give me a follow @silverdracolich - i also intend to add story updates and announcements if i ever fall behind on daily updates.
thanks for being here, i appreciate you. 3