A hiss broke from his lips when the cotton cloth caressed his burns with the cleansing ointment. He couldn't help but wince when similar, soothing substances, were rubbed gently upon his bruises: he was a mixed bag of damaged skin of all qualities, marred by every injury he had sustained over the course of the last week. He knew he had to be a sorry spectacle right now: he didn't even want to see himself in a mirror anytime soon.
Yet the fact that he could, indeed, see himself in one if he chose to do so was a privilege he hadn't expected to still have. He had expected to die merely a few hours ago, and he had assumed there would be no future for him beyond that final moment.
In some ways, he hadn't quite come to terms with his current situation: his eyes scarcely focused on the metal walls of the familiar ship. The stinging pain with every new treatment Jianghuo applied upon his skin awakened him, jolt by jolt, from some strange, dreamlike state… from the place his heart and mind had last been in as that swirling, uncontrollable inferno of his own making rose into the sky, overcoming his senses, stealing away every hope of survival he'd ever clung to…
Truthfully, he barely felt alive, even now. As though this weren't real, as though it were an afterlife of some sort and his soul was so stuck on his previous life he couldn't make sense of his current situation. A thick fog clouded his mind and he couldn't wade through it, for it consumed him when he needed to have his wits about him… but he was so tired, his body weighed a thousand tons, his heart was twice as heavy. He couldn't bring himself to snap out of his daze, he lacked the strength to do even that…
He had been teetering in this strange state of unconsciousness when Xin Long descended on the Barge's deck – he had the feeling the dragon had flown carefully, delicately, for his sake. Azula has given orders, her voice trembled as she conveyed them, and then strong hands had hoisted him off the saddle, bringing reality back into focus – to a fault – as they did. He had winced when they touched his wounds, cried out a few times as they carried his battered body inside the ship… but nothing had registered in his head quite as vividly, as painfully, as letting go of her hand had.
"Azula… Azula, don't…" he whimpered, reaching for her, his heart shattering over separating from her even if just for an instant.
"Calm down, Sokka… it's okay. You'll be safe"
He wouldn't have believed those words if they had been uttered by any voice but hers.
He had complied, quietly, meekly, though still unwilling to be away from her. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so scared of not having someone beside him… perhaps when he was a child, crawling into his parents' sleeping bag when a nightmare had filled him with fear. He hadn't done it anymore after his mother died.
Almost six years ago, he had been loaded aboard this ship, far weaker and less wounded, but still in dreadful shape. He had spent days in the ship's cellblock, fed and tended to by apathetic guards, under the orders of a Princess who only had wanted him to live long enough to punish his insurrection harshly. Today, she had put her life on the line to save his. Today, she had ordered her men to tend to his wounds, to keep him alive… this time, his life mattered so much she'd risk everything for him.
It was a noble gesture, a natural one, when you loved someone as deeply as Azula loved him… yet, just as she had once told him to love her less if that would save his life, now it was his turn to wish she would be less willing to immolate herself for his sake. Had Rhone's incident not happened at all, perhaps he would have demanded that Azula left him to die when she visited him in prison. He might even have been outraged upon learning she had told Ozai the truth about their relationship. He would have been willing to take the fall alone, even if his name would be besmirched for eternity by Ozai's self-comforting lies… as long as she could be safe.
Yet, after experiencing first-hand that desolation when it seemed he might lose Azula forever… after understanding that no future, no nations, no balance or harmony were worth Azula's many sacrifices, he'd certainly changed his views. Maybe he was more selfish now than he had been before – no, he definitely was more selfish now, no contest –, but protecting Azula was his life's guiding purpose, even if that meant their many dreams and hopes for the world would go unfulfilled. As things stood, the one thought that could appease him anymore was the knowledge that Azula was far away from her father's reach. Sokka would endure every injury, whatever agony destiny sent his way, if he could make sure that man would never hurt her again.
Jianghuo spoke to him on occasion, explaining the procedures so Sokka could brace himself against the pain, but while he heard the man's voice, he barely could process the meaning of the words until well after half the healing session was done. He sat in his smallclothes, letting his temporary, novice physician take care of the dark injuries across his ribcage and abdomen.
His eyes settled on the armor he'd shed earlier, his weapons accompanying it. The bloodied Space Sword would need to be cleaned soon to keep the coating of blood from dulling its otherworldly edges. But he couldn't quite move just yet: maybe in another minute, or maybe an hour. He just needed to breathe for now, although each intake of air pained his ribs, his muscles, his burned skin, his very heart. He wondered, wistfully, if the pain would never go away… whether that which tormented his body, or the one dwelling and laying roots in the deepest crevices of his battered heart.
"Alright, that's the last of those nasty bruises" Jianghuo announced, rising from tending to Sokka's shins. He offered him a weak smile, one that Sokka couldn't reciprocate, but the guard took no offense to that "Time to bandage you up. Let me know if the bandages are too tight, okay?"
"Hmm" Sokka replied half-heartedly, as Jianghuo rose to his feet, collecting the set of bandages on the emergency kit "Guess I need those… everywhere?"
"Well, there may be a few places you won't have to wear any on" Jianghuo said, smiling awkwardly "Like… your right eye"
"Ah. It's the other one that got hit, that's right" Sokka answered with surprising humor. Jianghuo smiled awkwardly as he started his work.
"You will recover very soon, I know you will" he said, rolling the first set of bandages over his head wound "You've seen worse wounds than many of these and that's made your body very strong. So don't worry, Sokka. You'll be alright, just like the Princess said"
Hearing the words from a man he'd never been particularly close to stung Sokka unpleasantly. He flinched as Jianghuo wrapped the set of bandages around his left arm, then he moved to the right: regardless of his reluctance to part with it even for an instant, Sokka had been forced to let go of Azula's necklace for this healing session. It was among his filthy armor and the rags left of his old clothes, nestling neatly, perfect, amid the piling evidence of so much misery.
"Don't you… don't you hold this against me?"
Sokka's voice came out before he even managed to formulate his full thoughts in his head. Jianghuo continued working diligently, though he shot Sokka a confused glance.
"You mean… these wounds? Or this whole situation?" Jianghuo asked.
"Well… everything" Sokka decided, closing his eyes "I thought… I thought you guys only put up with this… for her sake. Can't say I mind if that's the case, I… I understand if you think I'm not worth all these efforts. Not a lot of people would be…"
"Hmm, it's almost like you think we're completely unaffected by whatever happens to you," Jianghuo said. Sokka flinched: whether it was because of the man's words or because of the bandages that now would crisscross over his wounded torso, he didn't know "You and I may not be all that close, gladiator… but I know you're good people. I've seen the way you've grown… the way she has grown with you, too. You'd never know, of course, what she was like before you came along…"
"I have a few ideas" Sokka mumbled "When she first found me, she was ruthless. She wanted to prove herself. But most of all… she was lonely"
"Exactly" said Jianghuo, rolling more of the bandage over Sokka's body "We were all with her by then, you know? Well, except Han, he arrived later… Bao's replacement, you might remember him"
"Azula… was badly affected when he was killed" Sokka whispered.
"She was. She probably would have been just as affected if any other of us had been the Rough Rhinos' delivered casualty, but you see… she valued us because we were her men, handpicked by her, at her orders. She felt responsible for us… she always has. She protects us more than we've been able to protect her, fancy that…"
Sokka smiled weakly at those words, knowing them to be true. For someone ever so willing to call herself a bad person, Azula always had been kind in ways she'd never want to acknowledge.
"But, heh… even Rui Shi wasn't close to her before you came along" Jianghuo continued. Sokka raised an eyebrow "I can't even say that she respected him. He would contest her wildest orders, and she'd always ensure he'd do as she demanded of him regardless. Truthfully… when she took off to find you, in Hui Yi? Did you ever ask yourself why we didn't go with her?"
"I… I guess it was odd, in retrospect, but I figured she didn't want to draw much attention to herself" Sokka mumbled.
"Perhaps. But she didn't want Rui Shi to oppose her wishes either. She also didn't want to give any explanations, seeing as she didn't have the Fire Lord's permission to act yet, as far as I know. She probably expected that, had we been aware of her intentions, we would have reported her movements to the Fire Lord. She didn't truly trust us, she probably saw us as a symbol of status, a responsibility, a backup plan she never intended to resort to, for she'd handle all her problems by herself. It was only after you came along that things started to change. She stopped thinking of us as a burden, I'd say… and started treating us as useful assets in the field when we helped her chase down the Rhinos – well, not that we were that much help, you two caught them on your own. My point is, however… you have had a much bigger impact on her than you could know. And because of that impact, she changed in how she treated us, as well. Maybe… because she learned to trust, to rely on someone, thanks to her bond with you. And you said it yourself, didn't you? She was lonely, even if she wasn't literally alone more often than not. The one who changed that… well, it was you, without a doubt."
Sokka heard those words quietly, feeling a knot forming in his throat. He was undoubtedly proud of having broken through Azula's shell as he had, of having opened her eyes, and those of many others, to her true value, to how extraordinary she was. But her happiness, the fulfillment of her many dreams, even those she had never intended to dream at all, should have never cost her all she'd had to sacrifice in the past month.
"I guess you'd think we'd begrudge you for a lot of reasons, and I can't blame you for fearing that" Jianghuo said, still covering Sokka's damaged skin with bandages "But as far as I know, most of us are only upset on your behalf"
"Hers, you'll mean…"
"Yours and hers both, of course. Your relationship was that serious, wasn't it? At least, that's what most of us thought."
"I… I'm surprised you felt that way. I mean, I'm glad to hear it, but surprised too. I thought, since Fire Nation culture is so unforgiving with these sorts of things…"
"Eh, if she were a commoner, you wouldn't have had to lose nearly as much as you have. Which tells you enough about how important this cultural value is, eh?"
"What… what do you mean?" Sokka asked, eyeing Jianghuo with restrained curiosity.
"Well, you see… my mother was a commoner" Jianghuo said "And when she was with child, out of wedlock, the man responsible paid no price for it a tall. He wasn't pressured to marry her to salvage her allegedly tainted honor… none of that mattered at all because she was a nobody. He was of higher birth than her, he found someone of his station to marry. Someone who, unlike him, was probably pure and untainted. In the end, Sokka… it's not a matter of honor for nobles, it never was. It's a matter of control, of crafting the rules of their world to their liking, all else be damned. It's but a way to keep the greatness of our Princess in check, of making sure she won't ever play to a tune that isn't theirs. The Fire Lord can say what he will… but any man of true honor knows he's acted with none of his own, not when it comes to you and the Princess"
"I… I'm sorry your mom went through anything like this" Sokka said, grimacing "I hope people didn't torment her much for it…"
"Oh, they did in their own way, make no mistake" Jianghuo said "I never needed a father: I was happy with her, our family was kind. But outside the safety of our home's walls… people would judge her, look down on her, as though they had any right to do so. As though they saw her as lesser than them for having taken any lovers out of wedlock. It never mattered to me if it was just my father or if there were others aside from him: all that mattered to me was that my mother was a smart, kind-hearted, amazing woman who raised me as best she could. Whatever mistakes she might have made, she faced them without shying away from the painful truths others would have run away from. She was braver than any of them could hope to be… just as the Princess is. Their courage… it takes so much more strength to muster that kind of bravery than any of those faultfinders could ever understand. Hell, even more of it than I'd ever understand, and I lived alongside my mother for most of it. She has passed away by now, and I'm sure she's been blessed in the afterlife with all the kindness she hardly saw in this world. But even then… she had her family. She had a father, my grandfather, who would always be ready to break the nose of any fool who dared speak ill of his daughter. The Princess… her very worst and most dangerous accuser is none other than her own father. I can't begin to imagine how much that anguishes her"
Sokka's hand clenched, and he closed his eyes. The pain on the outside of his body was difficult to withstand, but by now there was no comparison between it and the overwhelming one that dwelled in his heart, squeezing it mercilessly. How could he have cost Azula so much? How could their love result in such a nefarious outcome when it had been the brightest, most beautiful part of their lives for as long as they'd given themselves to each other completely? Azula had sacrificed so much to save him and he couldn't do a damn thing to make it up to her, not that he could think of, at least…
Jianghuo had knelt before him, taking care of Sokka's legs and feet now. The gladiator remained silent until the last of the bandages were tied safely around his calf, and Jianghuo rose to his feet again after that.
"Well… you're bandaged up" he said, breathing deeply "We'll have to change the bandages a lot, but for now, I hope it's enough. There's one other thing I can offer, though…"
Sokka followed Jianghuo with his gaze as the guard moved to a cabinet: he returned from it with a bottle, and Sokka arched an eyebrow at the sight of it.
"It's not alcohol" Jianghuo explained "It's called midnight nectar and it's… well, not the best thing for these cases, but it helps to keep the injured person functional, so to speak. It chases away the pain: it doesn't help the healing process, however, it just… numbs your perception of your injuries. It's a double-edged weapon, you'd say… but it can be very helpful in early stages of recovering from nasty wounds"
"Double-edged…?" Sokka said, reaching awkwardly for the bottle "You mean, if the injuries take a turn for the worse…"
"Even the injured might not take notice of the symptoms because it won't hurt" said Jianghuo, sighing "That's why you shouldn't take more than one mouthful at a time, any more than that could damage your body. Be careful with it"
"Thanks" Sokka said, nodding weakly.
"No worries, no worries. I was told this would be my main duty if you guys arrived safely… I'm glad I could do it at all" Jianghuo said, smiling "Now… the clothes Shuren brought a while ago are right here, so dress in them whenever you're ready"
Sokka glanced at a stool in the small, metal cabin: he hadn't quite noticed Shuren's visit, for he had still been mostly out of it. He felt more lucid after talking with Jianghuo as he had.
"You should probably get something light to eat soon, too. Your body's very strained, so I'd say food, and rest…" Jianghuo was reciting as Sokka pulled the maroon trousers to himself: Fire Nation clothes. His own garments were utterly useless by now, most of them burned beyond much hope by Combustion Man's attacks.
"I'll do my best" Sokka said, rising to his feet with difficulty to pull up the trousers: his body ached terribly after this brief period of rest, regardless of the ointments and treatments Jianghuo had given him.
He gritted his teeth and reached for the bottle the man had offered him: without asking for a cup to pour the liquid, Sokka brought it to his lips and drained one mouthful, without thinking twice of it. He grimaced at the pasty taste of the liquid and took his seat again after fastening the sash around his waist. He breathed slowly, waiting for the substance to affect his body: a slight, tingling warmth spread from his stomach slowly, a deceit of calmness and health that he wouldn't believe in blindly. It was, without a doubt, a potent trick… one he suspected was often given to soldiers who were about to pass away rather than survive dangerous wounds.
He had only just reached for the sleeveless shirt he had been brought when the sound of familiar footsteps in the metal corridor alerted him: he raised his head immediately towards the door, even moments before she came into view.
What an unsightly mess he'd be, covered in bandages, hair singed, struggling to clad himself in the simplest of attires… he'd never have wanted to present himself like this in front of her despite having no other choice at the moment. Just laying eyes upon her, however, felt like a more effective version of that pain-diluting substance he'd just ingested: as stricken as her expression might be, she was the most beautiful sight he knew he would ever lay eyes upon.
"Azula…" he called her name immediately, and he thought he'd seen her flinch lightly underneath that black armor upon hearing his voice.
She stopped at the cabin's threshold and took in the sight of him: the disorderly hair, the open shirt he had only just clad himself in, the countless bandages that covered the skin she had ever been beckoned by, that she knew was covered in a myriad of gut-wrenching wounds. He was more conscious now… but he still looked so broken, so fragile that she could barely breathe at the sight of her stalwart defender in such shape. But she could still help him in many ways, and she intended to do so right now:
"Here" Azula said, curtly, stepping inside the room, offering him a bowl of rice, and a set of chopsticks.
Sokka blinked a few times at the sight of the sudden, necessary meal: it felt like it had been forever since he'd eaten anything at all.
"Oh, I'd just told him he should eat something. Thank you, Princess" said Jianghuo, trying to smile encouragingly "Though make sure to eat slowly, Sokka. I know you must be starving, but…"
"It's okay. I will" Sokka said: maybe he was starving, but he couldn't even tell. Whether it was because of the stress of the situation, the pain that had been muffled by the liquid he'd drained moments ago or the relief over seeing Azula again, he had no idea. Perhaps it was the combination of all factors, instead.
He reached for the bowl slowly: Azula swallowed hard as their fingers brushed, and she seemed reluctant to release the meal into his hands in fear that he might not be able to hold the bowl properly, but Sokka succeeded at pulling the food close to himself with both his hands.
"Thank you" he said, with a small smile. Azula nodded.
"You're all treated now?" she asked, before glancing at Jianghuo "How severe are the wounds?"
"Some of the burns will take a fair amount of time to heal" Jianghuo confessed "And… well, the bruises of his torso worried me a lot, but he's not coughing blood, or throwing up blood, either way… I think, if he had any internal bleeding, he, w-well…"
"I understand" Azula said, closing her eyes before glancing at Sokka again. He was eating slowly by now, bringing grains of rice to his lips at a paused rhythm most unlike him "The injury to his head?"
"It appeared alarming, but not as serious as it may have seemed. Headwounds bleed heavily, but…"
"But I'm thickheaded… so I guess it didn't break through my skull or anything" Sokka finished. Jianghuo nodded.
"It looks ugly, but I suspect the impact was, perhaps, partly broken by his armor?" Jianghuo guessed "His back probably took a worse hit than his head, but as he was armored, it's just another bruise…"
"If so, that's fortunate" Azula said, still gazing at Sokka remorsefully, but with a hint of relief as well "I know you don't feel all that qualified to diagnose anything, Jianghuo, but… do you expect a full recovery?"
"I hope so, yes" said Jianghuo, nodding. Azula breathed out slowly "It's possible some of the damaged skin won't return to full normality, but as long as the burns are treated, they shouldn't be as severe as, well… as your brother's, for instance. Sokka didn't receive any of the firebending at close range, did he?"
"Fortunately not" Azula whispered. She didn't want to think of what the fight's outcome would have been if his agility had been even more hindered than it was.
"Thus, the burns aren't life-threatening" Jianghuo said, smiling at Sokka "You'll be okay. It'll take a while, but you will be"
"I hope so" Sokka smiled weakly: his appetite was opening up gradually, though he suspected it was only because Azula was here again.
"Thanks for your hard work" Azula said to Jianghuo, who nodded positively as he returned to putting away the implements he'd used, and the many cloths with which he had wiped and cleaned the blood off Sokka's wounds.
The red stains over the fabrics couldn't be hidden before Azula's insidious gaze spotted them. She closed her eyes tightly, turning towards Sokka anew and finding him smiling in that heartbreaking way once she finally dared open her eyes anew.
"Are you… feeling any better just yet?" Azula asked. Sokka nodded weakly.
"Though… mostly because he gave me a drink so I won't feel the pain. It's… weird" Sokka said, biting his lip but smiling a little "I bet I look worse than I feel, though. No need to worry too much anymore, Azula…"
"I always worry. You know as much" Azula whispered, breathing deeply and nodding "Make sure you finish eating. I'll come back to check on you after the others land on deck…"
"The… the other guards?" Sokka asked, eyeing Azula with uncertainty. Azula swallowed hard and nodded "They… got a hot-air balloon, right? I… I barely remember, but…"
"Yeah, they did. I… I think it's yours, actually" Azula admitted. Sokka raised his eyebrows "Hopefully they'll arrive shortly"
"Have we been… pursued at all?" Sokka asked, uneasy "Are they chasing us, or…?"
"Not yet. I don't expect that to remain unchanged for good, though" Azula admitted, but she shook her head "This isn't for you to worry about. You should focus on healing and recovering instead"
"I… I'll try, I guess" Sokka mumbled, eyeing Azula almost shyly as she breathed deeply and made for the door "It's just hard not to think of… of a lot of things right now, but I guess you'll tell me what's going on later, right? When we get to wherever it is we're going?"
That Azula froze on the spot, just as she was about to leave the room, gave Sokka pause just as well. The rigid stance, the tightness with which her hand clawed into the threshold's metal frame, the obvious panic that shot through her eyes… none of it made any sense to him.
"Azula?"
"I said you shouldn't worry about any of this" Azula said, her tone a warning Sokka thought to heed at first… until he found himself puzzled by how defensive she was acting, for no apparent reason. At least, none he could understand "I'll check on you later"
"Wait!" Sokka exclaimed, with more strength than he realized he had inside him, as he set aside the half-eaten bowl of rice "Azula, what's going on? Are we in any danger already and…?"
"If we were, it wouldn't be your place to deal with it, and no, that's… that's not the case. So finish your food, and don't cause unnecessary trouble" Azula said, bluntly.
Sokka's blue eyes bore into hers… but not in an accusatory way, despite his stare certainly was charged with a strange hint of confused betrayal. No… it was pain. He was hurt… hurt that she'd shut him out when he knew she needed him most direly. Her own eyes reflected no small measure of similar pain as they gazed at him… but she couldn't let that sway her. She stepped past that threshold and walked away, her footsteps echoing down the corridor as she put distance between herself and the injured gladiator.
Sokka sat in place for a moment, unable to process the implications in Azula's behavior. It had been a very long time since he had seen her like this… since she had rejected his offers to hear her out, since she had blocked his attempts to help her. It made no sense… it especially made no sense that she would intend to keep him in the dark about something, whatever it was, right now… they weren't in immediate danger, she had said so. Was she simply panicking over what would happen once they were? Was she upset that things had come this far, and she simply didn't want Jianghuo to see how afflicted she was?
Or were her reactions concealing something much bigger, much darker, than any of those possibilities, instead?
Sokka gritted his teeth and pushed himself up forcefully. Jianghuo gasped upon noticing what Sokka was doing but the gladiator, even if he could only limp, rose to the door and strode out of the cabin. Azula's shape shrank in the corridor, likely intending to head for the stairs that would either lead her to her tower, or down below to the engine room.
"Azula!"
His voice was more than unwelcome, it was utterly infuriating right now: Azula turned on her heels, outrage apparent across her face as she glared at the man who stood down that corridor, a hand on the wall, helping him support the weight of his injured, weakened body.
"Are you mad?!" she shouted, taking two steps towards him "Can't you do as you're told for once in your life, Sokka?! Get back in there, eat your damn rice…!"
"You're hiding something" Sokka said, and to Azula's surprise, his blue eyes were narrow with purpose, with understanding shrouded by his furrowed brow "There's something going on… something you don't want me to know about. And I don't understand why"
"Well, you won't understand a damn thing until I feel like sharing it, so turn around now or I'll drag you back myself and tell Jianghuo to tie you to a chair if that's what it takes…" Azula hissed, stepping towards him still. Sokka gritted his teeth.
"Where are we going?"
Azula's footsteps slowed at that: again, a strong sign Sokka didn't want to see in his lover's behavior. A sign that he was honing close to the core of Azula's current troubles, inexplicable as it might be.
"Why does that question bother you so much?" Sokka asked, eyeing her with confusion "I understand… I understand the future is uncertain now, that a lot of the things we were counting on and taking for granted are now, well, a mess. But whatever's next, Azula, we can get through it together. We have the guards too, don't we? So, it's not like we have to deal with everything on our own. I may be a burden for a while because I'm like this, but once I've recovered… we can start figuring out how to fix things. It's looking bad right now because… well, we've literally only just survived and escaped, so it's going to be a while before either of us can shake off all that fear. It's not something to be ashamed of, okay? And even if we have no goal yet, nowhere to go, it's fine to just say it, Azula. We can work out a destination together later on, I can give you ideas, there's bound to be some people who would harbor us if we…"
"Stop talking" Azula said, shaking her head. Sokka breathed out slowly as Azula stopped in front of him "Turn around, and go back into that cabin now, Sokka, or…"
"Azula, please" Sokka said, eyeing her in disbelief "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, and we'll fix it. It's how we've done things for as long as we've known how to work together, so how about we do it now, too? Is… is it you don't want to see me right now because I'm a mess? I mean, I don't blame you, but…"
"Of course that's not the problem, Sokka, who do you even think you're talking to?" Azula asked, exasperated.
"I'm talking to the woman I love" Sokka said, directly, without holding back any of his words, unconcerned that anyone might have overheard him – such as Jianghuo, who was likely grimacing inside the cabin right now upon hearing their argument "To my partner. You know I'll go wherever you'll take me, so I… I don't understand why you're keeping our destination from me. If you already have someplace in mind, and you don't want to answer my other questions until we get there… just tell me where we're going, and I can just wait until we arrive to hear all your answers. Simple, isn't it?"
Azula gritted her teeth, shaking her head. Sokka breathed out, rubbing his brow with his fingertips: it truly had been a long time since he'd had this much trouble communicating with her.
"Look, unless you're taking us right back to your father's doorstep, I can't see what's so bad about wherever we're going next" Sokka said, breathing out in frustration "Anything other than that is bound to be an improvement over our latest circumstances, so…"
"We're not headed back to the Capital" Azula said. Sokka breathed out and placed his free hand on his hip.
"Then whatever's next is already better for us than what we're leaving behind" Sokka said. His concern had actually decreased visibly… as though he genuinely believed those words. Azula's chest tightened, and a knot formed in her throat for it "I doubt we'll be able to stay within the Fire Nation, but I guess if we're off to someplace in the Earth Kingdom we'll be fine too. We have a few friends there, could be they'll give us a hand and your dad won't find out, so…"
"We're not going to the Earth Kingdom either"
His relief froze over, giving way to utter cluelessness again. This time he did fall silent for a moment: this time, he had the gall to look worried, perhaps even scared, of whatever Azula's new answer would be. But at this point, his ill-fated curiosity was too strong to disregard, an impulse Azula could only begrudge him for.
"Then… where are we going?" Sokka asked, again. Azula seemed unwilling to answer at first… unwilling to meet his eyes at all. She was ashamed, somehow, of whatever conclusion she had reached… and his confusion only increased when, at long last, she gave him the answer he had been waiting for.
"We've set course for the South Pole"
It took more than ten seconds of silence for Azula to finally meet Sokka's utterly perplexed stare again. He seemed to brace himself with even more strength against the wall, and Azula snarled as she berated herself mentally for telling him the truth. She shouldn't have, she knew as much… but he had a right to know, even if she would have rather told him later. If he had meant to drag her anywhere without her awareness, without her consent, she would be no less outraged than he was now, no matter if he had intended to take her to a place she had longed to return to for years.
"The… the South Pole" Sokka repeated at last, his eyes shifting quickly from side to side "Well, that's… that's not what I expected, but I guess… yeah, we can work with that, we can gather our strength there, then figure out what to do about your dad and everything else. Might be a little tough for you, Xin and the guards down there, the weather's not going to be easy for you guys to cope with, but…"
But why had she hidden that? After so many years of promising she'd take him home, of reassuring him that she could take him to his family without needing him to win it all in the Gladiator League… why would she be ashamed or unwilling to convey their future destination if it was simply the Water Tribe? The answers to those questions arrived shortly after he had managed to sense there was a strange disconnection between Azula's actions, behavior and words.
"Azula…?" he called her name, frowning with uncertainty.
"We… are taking you there" Azula finally said "It doesn't mean we're staying too"
The finality with which she said those words caught Sokka unawares. The firmness in her voice, however, sounded as strong as a lone, thin pillar holding up a massive mountain. His mouth opened at first, but he didn't dare speak immediately as he looked at her, searching her face for answers she had already given him, and he was incapable of assimilating yet.
"W-wait, that… that doesn't make any sense" Sokka said, breathlessly "That doesn't make any sense, Azula, why would you…? Y-you're telling me you… you're going to drop me off at my Tribe's doorstep and then you'll just leave?! Why on earth would you do that?!"
"Oh, why? You have to ask why, truly?" Azula said, eyes wide. The lump in her throat hadn't receded, but it was easier to ignore for now, at least "Do you think we can afford the luxury of picking a retirement spot to waste away there without any risks, without any consequences?"
"That's not what I meant and you know it" Sokka said: his voice, his body, trembled now. Azula gritted her teeth: this was what she had wanted to avoid, but this stubborn fool had no self-restraint… and clearly, neither did she "You…! You're going to drop me off? That's it? You're leaving me in the South Pole and then…? Then you'll just go elsewhere, without me?!"
"You've had very little time to reason with any of what's going on, haven't you?" Azula asked, breathing deeply "This is exactly why I didn't want to talk about this right now, but you just had to push it, as you always do…"
"Azula, you…! You can't be seriously planning on doing something like this" Sokka said, shaking his head "Look, I get it, things are bad. Things are very, very bad, and we're not looking at the bright future we once were anymore. I understand that perfectly, but there's got to be a more logical solution than for you to toss me off the Barge in the South Pole just to leave afterwards…!"
"Logic? That's what you're asking for? Well, then, riddle me this" Azula said, folding her arms over her chest "What do you think my father will do when the dust settles? When he realizes not only that we escaped, but that Xin Long and I broke you out of the Arena on time for you to survive when his damn plan was to execute you?"
"He'll… he'll want revenge again" Sokka said, frowning.
"He'll be even more furious than he already was, and who will he want to take out his wrath on?" Azula asked. Sokka gritted his teeth.
"Us!" he said, immediately "And the only way we'll be able to fight back is together, as far as I can tell…!"
"Ah, against the full brunt of his armed forces?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows "The navy, the airships, even the occupation troops, you actually expect you and I will be able to stand against all of those soldiers and defeat them? Didn't you acknowledge ages ago that, if you had captured me back when we first met, my father would've annihilated your people in retaliation for your slight?"
"Which begs the question of why on earth you'd want me to go there now" Sokka said, looking at her in disbelief "If anything, you've just made the perfect case for going anywhere but…!"
"Where will he think I'll take you, Sokka?" Azula asked, cutting off his words "Will he think I'll drag you to the Earth Kingdom, to roam those lands that are largely occupied by Fire Nation forces, where we'll be risking capture constantly, or will he think I'll take you to the South Pole, the only place he has no claim in anymore? Evidently, the second option will make more sense! And do you actually think it'll matter to him, whether you're there or not? He'll send his troops anyway! He'll destroy the entire Southern Water Tribe if he has the chance, your family and mine as well, not only in a fruitless attempt to smoke you out, but also because it'll be part of his revenge against you! Do you seriously think he'd stop anywhere short of that, just because you happen to be elsewhere?"
"That…" Sokka said, grimacing as she spoke. He gritted his teeth and shook his head "Then… we should just… there has to be something we can do to…"
"To protect your people? Yes. There is" Azula said, firmly "For starters… if you're there, they'll be warned. They'll know what to expect, they'll understand the Fire Nation's movements better because you'll be leading them. But beyond that… the magnitude of that kind of military incursion can be mitigated in some ways. It's possible… that my father might not send quite as many troops to strike if… if I go back to the Fire Nation"
Sokka's jaw dropped. Azula, again, refused to meet his eyes, though she did glimpse movement from the corner of her eyes when he shook his head, almost violently.
"Fuck, no. Hell, no, Azula…!" Sokka shouted, his voice deep and stern.
"I don't have a damn choice, Sokka…!"
"There HAS to be another choice! That's suicide, curses, you can't just go back to the Fire Nation!" Sokka exclaimed, breathing heavily as he stared at her in disbelief "T-the hell is this plan, Azula?! You're telling me you'll drop me off and then turn yourself in?!"
"If it's within my power, I can do my best to mislead him about your location, to convince him or coerce him into not attacking your people" Azula said, gritting her teeth "If he gets me back, then he won't be able to rile up the army or the navy with pathetic propaganda about how you and your people somehow kidnapped me when it's obvious to anyone with common sense that I'm the one who has made all the choices I have so far…"
"Azula, your father is a fucking hazard to you!" Sokka shouted, looking at her in disbelieving frustration "He's already hurt you! He's already given the worst orders he can, just…! Just to punish you for your alleged crimes! If you turn yourself in, he's only going to make it worse…!"
"And I'll bear with it, if that's what happens" Azula cut him off, and Sokka scoffed.
"You're kidding me. You're seriously kidding me, you can't even pretend this is a reasonable outcome…!" Sokka exclaimed, and Azula released a frustrated breath.
"Sokka, it's too damn late!" she stated, bluntly "We had it all, alright? We did. And we were stupid, and reckless, and careless. And yes, you told me not to blame myself, not to blame us, but the truth is, we absolutely broke our vows to maintain balance between us, our duties and our nations since a very long time ago! The two of us have prioritized our relationship more and more over the course of the years, and that's how we lowered our guard to the point where we wound up where we are now!"
"Azula…!"
"There's no getting away with this without consequences, even if we don't deserve to face them!" Azula said "I won't ever be ashamed of loving you, damn it, but this rotten world of ours has made it so we have no choice but to choose whether to die together in a matter of weeks, or live a little longer by… by parting ways"
"And you think parting ways is the right solution. The only bearable outcome" Sokka said, scornful even in his anger… in his pain "Azula, none of this makes the slightest sense to me. This can't be the way things have to turn out between us, it's impossible! I understand you want me to help protect the Water Tribe, but what if Ozai just sends his troops south anyway, once you're in his grasp? How will I lead anyone to war against your father's full navy? It's going to be suicide either way!"
"Without me in the way, he'll be less motivated to send the bulk of his forces" Azula said, shaking her head "And if I'm not simply obedient and compliant as soon as I'm back, he will obsess over breaking me and he'll never succeed at it. His revenge against you… it might not be as severe if I can make him focus on me. That way…"
"No"
"Sokka, just…"
"You're trying to take the whole world on your shoulders, Azula!" Sokka shouted, looking at her pleadingly "You're saying we couldn't get away with this without consequences, and you're right! We got caught, we were careless, we shouldn't have been… but we're two people, Azula! If you're supposed to suffer under your father's cruelty for this, there's no sense in you going through it alone! I'm every bit as guilty as you are! We should face this together…!"
"He'll kill you, damn it…!"
"I'll fight back as many times as it takes…!"
"He nearly succeeded today, Sokka!" Azula roared. Sokka fell silent, biting back his retaliation when Azula's voice nearly rose into a shriek "I nearly saw you die today, damn it! Do you really expect me to endure that hell over and over again?! There's nothing, NOTHING, he could do to me that would be worse than forcing me to watch you die! You can't be within his reach, damn it, because the second you are, he will have you killed! And then all we've done so far will be for nothing!"
"You returning to him, when you know he'll go to any extremes to kill me, sounds like everything's for nothing just as well" Sokka hissed "Azula, do you seriously think he'll stop himself? That he'll have compassion, that he'll remember you're his faithful daughter, the most amazing leader his nation ever saw? Do you really think any of that is going to matter anymore?"
"No, I know it won't" Azula said, simply, and Sokka raised a hand in utter confusion "But I'm his only heir. And as cruel as he may be… as long as that's the case, he can't hurt me beyond measure"
"Azula…?" Sokka said, shaking his head "You just said…! You just said what he wanted to do to me would be the worst punishment of all, but even if that were true, the second-worst punishment isn't going to be child's play either! He's… he's already given orders against you that he should fucking die painfully for! Even if… if he only sees you as his lawful heir, what makes you think he won't hurt you in every other way he can?"
"By ruining everything I've ever cared about? By destroying all I worked for, by hurting my friends, by attacking anything I held dear besides yourself?" Azula said, raising her eyebrows. Sokka gritted his teeth "Yes, Sokka. I've already thought about it. And you know what? He'll do that even if I'm not there to see it. So, if I go back… at least I can count on him not using our friends as hostages to flush me out of hiding. He wouldn't have enough time for it, I'd expect…"
"You're still trying to put up with the full wrath of that mad Fire Lord without anyone there to help you" Sokka said, shaking his head "Your guards, sure, but he'll do no less to them than he'd do to me! In the end, he'll punish everyone he can get his hands on and even then, he's bound to be pissed enough to unleash his fury upon people who had nothing to do with it: he already has by shutting down the League as he did! You can't face him alone, Azula. You can't trust that man knows any boundaries, that he'll think twice before causing you more pain just because you dared rebel against him…"
"If anyone can face him alone… it's me" Azula said. Sokka snarled and shook his head "And no, I didn't expect you'd like this. I didn't say you should. Hate me for this all you want, but it changes nothing. This is the only outcome that will minimize the damage…"
"By making you pay for everything!" Sokka exclaimed, looking at her in disbelief "You're sacrificing yourself, shielding the rest of us, even those like me who are every bit as guilty as you, of crimes that shouldn't be crimes at all! We always… we always went at things evenly, Azula. We've always fought side by side, we've been as equal as we could be: you can't face this alone. It's not right. It's not fair"
"None of this is fair" Azula said, looking at him matter-of-factly, despite her eyes were charged with emotion "It wasn't any fairer when you thought you'd sacrifice your life for me. It wasn't any fairer when my father decided I was unworthy of fighting him myself in an Agni Kai. It won't get any fairer in the future either, no matter what my father chooses to do, going forward. Unless… unless he somehow burned to death in the Arena too, he'll be chasing us wherever we may go until he finally finds us, and you're just as aware as I am that he won't hold anything back by then. If you're to survive…"
"Why am I the one who has to survive no matter what?!" Sokka asked, looking at her in chagrin "My life isn't more valuable than yours, it never could be! You're trading my survival for your freedom?!"
"It's worth it" Azula said, softly. Sokka's jaw dropped, his lips trembling as he failed to find the words to answer her.
"That's… no, Azula. You can't just…!"
"I can indeed!" Azula shouted, her eyes blazing painfully "I already have, in case you failed to notice! We swore forever ago that we wouldn't be each other's highest priorities, well, we absolutely went back on that vow! You've chosen me over going home! You'd do it now too, if I were giving you a choice! I've chosen you over my people, over my allegiances, and if I had to, I'd do it again as many times as I must! Our balance, Sokka, is broken! The balance we said we'd work for is gone! We can't even pretend otherwise, you know as much, as do I! We'd let ourselves even dream of running off together, of just living life and forgetting everything else…! By now, that's impossible! We can't turn away and pretend nothing is happening, hide away from the consequences while my father lays waste to everything we ever cared for! If I don't go back, Sokka, if I make it so he has to even kill me alongside you once he sends all his forces after us, what do you think the fate of this world will amount to, huh?! Have you given that any thought so far?!"
Sokka gritted his teeth, tightening a fist painfully. He couldn't retaliate this time before Azula continued, though:
"If he loses all his heirs, if he has no one left to perpetuate his cursed legacy, he'll have no choice but to find a woman, any woman, and sire one more child with her" Azula said "Even if he won't want to, he'll be pressured into doing so, and he is absolutely not going to raise that child the way he raised me: he will be merciless, a nightmare of a father as he takes out all his frustrations over me and Zuko on this new child, whoever it might be. He'll raise them into becoming true monsters this time, and every positive influence, every chance that child might have to become anything other than my father's ideological successor, will be destroyed immediately. He will be unyielding, merciless, and he will do it all for power: that's what we're condemning the world to, if we do nothing! If we just run away and don't face him: I refuse to do that! I refuse to let him destroy another child's life, I refuse to let him continue steering the Fire Nation down the path of hatred that has turned us into the monsters you always saw us as! And the only way I can actually do something about any of those things is by going back and facing him myself!"
"So he can be that unyielding, merciless, power-hungry bastard at your expenses?" Sokka asked, eyes wide "So he can continue doing every dreadful thing he can to hurt you, just to punish you? Of all people in this damn world, you're the last one who should ever be at your father's mercy! You're sure he won't kill you because you're valuable, but there's no telling just how far he's willing to go to make sure you never oppose him again! You say he could use our friends as hostages, what makes you think he wouldn't do that once you're there?! Azula…"
"What other alternative is there, then?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows "Tell me. What other possibility is there ahead of us, what chance do we have to survive, stay together, live the rest of our days happily and carelessly, without condemning either your nation, my own, or both at the same time to my father's wrath? What alternative is there with the least casualties involved? Please, enlighten me! Maybe I am completely emotionally distraught, and I can't even see sense anymore, so that means it's up to you to find another way out! Where I fail, you succeed. That's how it always has been, so if you can figure out something else that makes sense, I'm all ears! Tell me!"
Sokka gritted his teeth, knowing this was a golden chance to persuade her… knowing too, though, that by her disposition, she was unwilling to listen to alternatives just as well. But he had been able to persuade her of many things in the past: he had to be able to figure out a way to do it now, just as well. He just had to think. He just had to think. Maybe he wasn't in the best of shapes, but he had to think…
"If we go to the South Pole… we can find reinforcements there, and once we gather ourselves we can figure out a plan to fight back against your father" Sokka said. Azula scoffed and shook her head.
"You'd immolate us, and your people, all the same" Azula said "That we would ever be able to gather the forces needed to fight him is beyond debatable, that we'd have the mobility to leave the Pole and strike at anything of note is just as questionable, and my father will have enough forces to wipe us out no matter how quickly we gather our strength to attack"
"That can be said for just about every possible choice we make, Azula" Sokka said, shaking his head "You can't be sure that just by returning to him willingly he'll hold back when he remembers he wants me dead! If he sends his troops to the South Pole, my people won't be equipped to deal with it…!"
"And he's likely going to send them, even without confirmation that you're there" Azula said, curtly "We've already established this"
"And you expect I'll be able to help keep them alive at all, if that happens?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows "Azula, I'm just one guy, and I'm not in the best of shapes. I'll be even worse off if you're not around, so…"
"You are the brightest man I've ever known" Azula said, shaking her head "I'd gladly offer you assurances, a whole army, every encouragement I can to ensure your success and survival, but the best I can do is attempt to prevent the deployment of the whole navy while hoping you'll find your own ways to protect your people. Is it enough? I… I doubt it. I wish it were. But Sokka… we're stuck. We're not in a good place. Every outcome will mean sacrificing something, and I don't think I'm ready to live with the absolute annihilation of your tribe if we turn our backs on everything and go rogue. And I'm just as unwilling to live with the permanent corruption of my nation when we were finally making true progress towards a better future, so…!"
"So this is it, then?" Sokka said, his voice strained, the lump in his throat apparent to Azula now. Her heart broke just to hear him speak that way "This is how it ends? This is how your father succeeds at driving us apart? You're telling me this is… the last trip we ever take? The last we'll see of each other, altogether?"
Azula's fists tightened: again, she couldn't hold his gaze anymore. Her eyes were visibly tearful, and Sokka's chest ached with each breath he dared take.
He couldn't accept this. He wouldn't accept this.
"It's wrong. This is… this is beyond wrong" Sokka said, shaking his head "I belong by your side, I know I do, and you know it too. Even if we can't see it right now, there's got to be another way, Azula. I can't accept it, I refuse…"
"It's wrong, no doubt…" Azula said, gritting her teeth "Just as it's wrong to leave thousands, millions, to die because we loved each other. Or are you going to disagree with that notion?"
Sokka gritted his teeth: how could he? No, it wasn't fair that their love would cost them so much, let alone that it could cost so many others their very lives when they had nothing to do with this… but Azula was right. He knew she was right. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, unwilling to comply with her plan at all… but letting the world die because of their love wasn't right either.
"I'm trying to do the right thing. The only thing I can do to feel like I'm worthy of… of everything we had, of everything we've lost" Azula said, gritting her teeth.
"By jumping headfirst into the erupting volcano, alone" Sokka said, looking at her in chagrin "You… you did everything you just did, you defied your father, you've turned your back on him… all to save my life, Azula. You can't ask me to sit by and watch as you give up yours for everyone else…"
"I'm not asking you to watch" Azula said, swallowing hard "I'm asking you… to go home and spend your days with people who love you. I'm asking you to make the most of your life, and to fight to preserve it no matter if my father tries to take it from you. I'm asking you to live on, Sokka: I'm asking you to understand that I selfishly saved you and intend to take you home because I can't fathom existing in a world where your life has been extinguished…"
"But you can fathom existing in a world where we might never see each other again?" Sokka asked, tears burning in his eyes, his voice breaking as he uttered the words "You expect you can live with that, Azula?"
"It's… it's better than the alternative" Azula said, looking at him earnestly. Sokka shook his head.
"You, of all people, don't deserve to face this hell alone, Azula…"
"And you, of all people, deserve to live your life in peace" she retaliated, firmly, even if her heart was breaking as she spoke "I'm… fulfilling my very first vow to you by taking you home now. See it that way, if it makes you feel any better…"
"It doesn't"
"Well, that's too bad. I guess we'll both be miserable enough about doing the right thing, no matter what comes next" Azula said, rolling her eyes as she gestured at the cabin Sokka had been sitting in earlier "Go back and finish your food. This is getting us nowhere, you're not going to listen to me anyway…"
"I've listened, Azula. I just… can't believe this is our only choice, let alone our best choice" Sokka said, gritting his teeth "You say you're taking me home, but you're clearly forgetting that you, Azula, are my home now. You have been… for longer than either of us has known or accepted it. If it's home you want to take me to… then it means my home will drop me off at the South Pole, and sail away from me just the same. That's all it means"
"Don't… Sokka, please" Azula said, shaking her head as he stepped closer to her.
"I can't live out my life not knowing if I'll never see you again. I know you feel the same way" Sokka said, trembling as he reached for her hands: she winced at the contact, despite the one who was wounded was him "I'd rather… I'd rather jump into the volcano with you. I'd rather face the wrath of the worst man in the planet a thousand times. As long as I'm with you… who stands a chance? Aren't we the greatest team there ever was, Azula? Haven't we done the unthinkable ever since we first joined forces? Aren't we strong enough to face whatever's ahead…?"
Azula closed her eyes, listening to his words, or so Sokka hoped…
Slowly, gently, she pulled her hands out of his own.
She had listened to his words and rejected them.
"Azula…"
"You won't listen to reason" she whispered.
"Neither will you" Sokka said, almost pleadingly now "You can't want this, Azula, you know this is only…"
"It's no longer about what either of us wants, damn it!" Azula snarled, glaring at him "We are past the point where we can be fickle, where we can act on whims, where we can prioritize ourselves, our needs, above anything else!"
"Then why did you save me?" Sokka asked, frowning "Why did you sweep down and snatched me out of that Arena? If what matters is the greater good, I should've died today! Your father would've been less furious than he will be after he finds out we escaped, maybe he wouldn't have even tried to strike the Water Tribe in retaliation! You could've protected the world better if you hadn't fought as hard as you did to save me, so don't ask me to give up on you, to let you go, when you never gave up on me! When you were the one who reached for my hand in that fire and refused to let go!"
Azula gritted her teeth and shook her head repeatedly, disregarding the pain of her shoulder as she turned on her heels and walked away. Sokka snarled, raising a hand towards her, but she was faster than him, and he caught nothing but air.
"Azula!" he shouted.
"You're in no condition for this shouting match, damn you!" Azula said, turning again once she was near the stairs again "Get back to your food, to your rest…!"
"And then what?!" Sokka asked "You'll avoid me for the rest of the trip, so your resolve stops wavering? Is that the plan, Azula?! Because I'm not going anywhere! If you get to save me, I get to save you too! If you will throw yourself in the fire, I'll hold you and make sure it gets me first! There's no point in my survival if you don't live on as well! There's no reason I would waste away until I'm old and broken if you're not there, growing old with me! My life wasn't worth more than yours, it never has been, and it never will be! I was born to fight beside you, to be your partner, to be your gladiator! If I can't be any of those things anymore… it means I have nothing to live for"
Azula cast him a dark glance, standing in silence as his miserable tirade ended. Perhaps he had gone too far… perhaps he shouldn't put this weight upon her shoulders. But it was the truth: across the last years, he had grown certain of what his role in this world would be. He had believed, firmly, in standing beside her and helping her change the world indeed, in being her firmest ally, fighting every battle she couldn't fight for herself. Returning to the Water Tribe was a worthy goal, of course it was, but then what? How would he ever feel that was his home again if Azula wasn't there to share it with him?
He let himself hope she'd change her mind, if just for a moment. That his words had finally sunken in, and brought her to reconsider her thoughts, her hasty decisions…
"But you will live"
Sokka's eyes widened as they met hers at a distance: somehow, she managed to stand firm, despite speaking these words was destroying her.
"Azula…" he said, his voice faint. The Princess raised her head in his direction.
"You will live. As long as you're alive… I can face anything, if I know you're still breathing" Azula finished "I'm… I'm selfish that way"
"No, Azula…"
"It's enough. We'll… we'll talk this through later" Azula said, shaking her head before finally starting up the stairs.
"Azula…!" he called for her… but this time, she didn't stop. This time, her footsteps echoed across the metal hallway until he couldn't hear them anymore.
He snarled, tightening his trembling hand into a fist. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe her. This couldn't be happening…
She would leave him. She'd drop him off, and then she'd leave. If she had at least said she'd go elsewhere, he might have simply been affronted to be left behind. But she intended to return to the very damn place they were getting away from… and for what? She was aware of how dangerous and unhinged her father could be. His actions had already caused her a world of pain in all senses, and she still intended to return? Just as he had been thinking he could no longer blame her for wanting to save his life, at whatever cost it might have come, he now found himself facing the same predicament he had before: again, he felt like he had that day, standing outside the physicians' wing, not knowing whether she'd live or die.
That was what every day of his life would be like if he stood by and allowed Azula's plan to proceed, unchallenged.
There had to be another way. There was no chance this was the only way out, Sokka refused to believe it. But perhaps he did need food… perhaps he did need rest to unravel an answer. Right now, nothing came to mind that Azula wouldn't be able to counter. Maybe, after he'd slept off the nightmarish battle in the Dome, after he'd rested to make up for all the days he'd been in too much pain to truly rest in prison, he'd figure something out. It was his only hope, at this point… but whatever came next, he had no intentions of being left behind in the South Pole while Azula ran to fight without him. He couldn't bear that thought. He wouldn't stand for it.
He returned to the cabin, knowing his obvious displeasure wouldn't sit well with the guard who had looked after him. Sokka walked quietly, glaring at the bowl of rice he was almost unwilling to eat, furious as he was, despite knowing he direly needed it.
"Uh…" Jianghuo grimaced, as Sokka breathed out and took his seat again, his brow furrowed "I didn't want to overhear but… try to give her some time. Tempers are flaring now because this is all very fresh… or so I hope, anyway. Just… be patient if you can"
"I… I'll try" Sokka said, narrowing his eyes.
But patience wouldn't resolve this. Patience wouldn't give them a better answer. Patience meant letting time slip away until they found themselves saying goodbye… a notion he couldn't even stomach. He wouldn't. It was unthinkable, no matter what Azula might say.
"Did you… did you know where we were headed?" Sokka asked. Jianghuo shook his head promptly.
"No, we… I only knew we would travel past the Great Gates of Azulon. Everything else… everything else was up to her to decide, I suppose" Jianghuo admitted, lowering his gaze "I'm sorry, though. I… I'm sure you'll figure something out. The two of you…"
Sokka nodded weakly, before bringing another mouthful of rice to his lips. He hoped Jianghuo's confidence and trust in their ability to resolve this conflict wasn't misplaced… for, if it was, he had no idea what he'd do. Nothing came to mind yet as he ate halfheartedly, dreading his body wouldn't be able to digest any of this food when his frustrations had taken hold of him.
But he did know he couldn't let go. He couldn't let everything end this way. They hadn't fought so hard, for so long, just to let Ozai shatter what they'd worked for, tearing down the world they had done their best to build during the years of their partnership. Sokka's eyes returned to the pile of armor he'd discarded earlier: to the blue stone of Azula's necklace, crowing the pile, that belonged fastened around her neck: he wouldn't say goodbye. This wasn't the end, it could never be the end… not as long as they were willing to fight for their love, just as they had been so far: he was ready to fight indeed, no matter if the thousand bandages across his body said otherwise. The only question left to be answered was whether Azula intended to fight alongside him… or if, for the first time since he'd known her, she intended to surrender when the odds were against her.
He breathed deeply, seeing the bottom of the bowl at last.
No solution had come to mind.
The red sky didn't clear, and it wouldn't for hours. Perhaps it wouldn't until a storm finally poured upon the land, forcing all the smoke and ashes to fall upon the earth, washing away the blazes that had burned the air itself, leaving nothing but a blackened husk of a structure where a magnificent building had stood, merely ten hours earlier.
The fire had poured out, burning some nearby buildings. Fortunately, the flames had become more manageable by then: all available benders had worked together to stifle the fire until it could be controlled again… but the flames that had consumed the Grand Royal Dome had taken much longer to subdue than anything else. Until the last of its fuel had been spent, until the last of the condensed, highly volatile gas had burned completely, it had been impossible to approach the building altogether.
By now, Domestic Forces officials were trudging through the wreckage, intending to find trapped survivors or confirm the number of casualties. As the building had been mostly empty, and the bulk of the Imperial Guards had already been accounted for, a search for survivors seemed to serve little purpose… but three people were still unaccounted for, one of whom the Fire Lord had demanded was found at once, namely after hearing of how she had leapt into the fire he had been entranced by until the gravity of the spreading flames had finally sunken in.
Ozai was irrational, though his fury seemed to be touched by a hint of despair: if his orders, his demands, had caused his own daughter's death, then Zhao hoped he'd at least have enough sense to regret his actions. He knew, however, that Ozai would merely deflect responsibility, claim Azula herself was to blame for this outcome, rejecting any notions of personal shame even when his most valuable asset had potentially leapt to her death rather than continue to serve him, enduring the relentless torment he intended to force upon her.
Zhao didn't want to believe she had killed herself with her gladiator, he hoped Azula wasn't quite so blind to her own value as to discard her life that easily… let alone the life of her dragon as well: he had seen that shadow crossing the balcony right when Azula had jumped, just before the flames had burst powerfully and overtaken the entire building in a matter of minutes. If they hadn't made it… then there would be four casualties in the ring, one of whom would be the Princess's own dragon, the last one left, as far as any of them knew.
And Ozai would claim to regret none of it.
He had been eager to get away from his unreasonable friend: Ozai's mood shifted often, going from utter shock and disbelief, perhaps when it dawned on him that his hubris had led to such a nefarious outcome… instants later, it would swing to nothing but prideful wrath and he'd give out reckless orders, spewing vitriol with his every word, overcome by an irrational fury that daunted even those who knew him best. Ozai was dangerous on any given day: no one had expected, however, to see him as furious as he was right now. The perceived betrayal of his daughter pained him in places where he had never been hurt before. Where Zuko had been a source of frustration, Azula had always been the opposite thing. He wanted nothing to do with his son, and he had waited for the best opportunity to do away with him for good: meanwhile, he had expected everything from his daughter. He had sought perfection and she had delivered more than that… until she turned against him. The one person he had been sure would never betray him, the one he had built into his perfect heir, had been the one to topple his world and set him on a mad spree of wild, vengeful wrath Zhao suspected he'd never be dissuaded from…
For as Zhao followed the Domestic Forces officers through the debris and the acrid stench of the fully destroyed Grand Royal Dome, he had the stark feeling that, instead of four corpses in the Arena, they'd only find one. The officers who had reached the source of the fire hadn't revealed their discoveries yet, no doubt terrified of conveying anything the Fire Lord wouldn't want to hear. Zhao didn't want to convey it either… but he determined he would see the scene of the crime for himself.
The fighting pit was completely unrecognizable: the scorched sand, the wrecked stands, the balconies that had collapsed upon them… all of it was dark, burned to a crisp, consumed and left to its very last shreds of decayed, consumed matter. Zhao flinched away from the unnerving stench, covering his nose with a hand and stepped into the blackened fighting ring for the first time in his life.
It was easy to tell where the worst of the fire had started– though even now, when the flames had been stifled, no one dared light a small flame of their own just to shed further light upon their surroundings, in fear that they might reignite the air somehow. Zhao breathed out slowly as he stepped closer to the source of the fire… to the carcass at its center, consumed to the bone, easily identifiable by the metal arm and leg that had withstood more resiliently against the merciless fire than that blackened skeleton they had been attached to.
"Hakkai…" Zhao had said, breathing out slowly as he gazed at the remains of his associate.
He wouldn't have called him a friend: he was sure Hakkai had no friends during his lifetime, and he wouldn't have called Zhao a friend either. He hadn't been prepared for this unexpected loss, however: Hakkai was invulnerable, undefeatable. Even the strongest foes he'd faced had scarcely ever delivered any damage that couldn't be amended… but not the Blue Wolf. Not that fearsome man who wielded a blade sharper than any other Zhao had ever seen before. Not the man who had somehow acquired impossibly dangerous igneous bombs that had caused Hakkai's own fire to consume him.
He had underestimated Sokka, absolutely. He had felt sorry for him, certainly: both him and the Princess had seemed but a pair of reckless lovers, almost like teenagers, with very little sense, no self-restraint, steered by their emotions without considering how dangerous their actions would be…
Now he was faced with the possibility of having misread them entirely. The possibility that the pair might have been completely aware of their actions, completely prepared to pay any price for them… as well as to destroy whoever tried to destroy them, in turn.
They weren't children or teenagers who had been playing a dangerous game that had backfired on them: the two of them were the dangerous ones. They were ruthless, they were deadly, and underestimating them would come at a steep price that Zhao was most unwilling to pay with his own life.
He cast a glance towards the place where he was certain Sokka had been standing on… to find nothing. He let his eyes travel across the Arena slowly, to take in the sight of this once-glorious building turned into ruins… and there was no sign of a dragon's consumed corpse, or two more human bodies scorched to death. Only Combustion Man.
Zhao breathed again, letting his eyes fall upon his defunct associate: was this good or bad? Should he be relieved or displeased to confirm they had survived? It was hard to say, even now. His heart was conflicted by the mixed emotions… unpleasant ones, far worse than those Combustion Man's corpse could evoke within him. He gritted his teeth, cringing away from him as another instance of a burned husk of a body came to mind when, in a fit of youthful fury, he had burned the very soldiers attempting to help him after his parents had been killed…
He shook his head: those weren't thoughts he wanted to reminisce on, though it was no surprise they'd come to mind now. His hand trembled as he turned away from Hakkai, glancing at the soldiers nearby: their cluelessness only worsened Zhao's discomfort.
"You have touched nothing, have you?" Zhao asked the closest one "This one… was the only corpse in the Arena?"
"We've… we've located no others" said the officer, lowering his head "F-from my understanding, there should be… two dead? Rather than just the one…"
Two… or four. Perhaps, if there were four, Zhao might actually still have it in him to pity the pair at the center of this debacle and continue to think of them as he had so far: as young fools overcome by their hormones and their childish affection for each other, to the point where they even had been willing to die together. But by now… by now he couldn't continue seeing them that way. Who knew if they had even planned all this beforehand, regardless of Sokka's brokenhearted pleas in prison…?
"There should be two indeed. Continue searching, and report back whether you find something or not" Zhao sighed.
"Yes, sir"
Zhao breathed out slowly, closing his eyes, knowing the coming days would be no easier yet. How long would it be before he could go home to Rei again? He only hoped she would cope well with his prolonged absence… considering how long he'd been away from her in the past, for how long she had lived without his presence, he certainly expected she'd get by well enough. Still, knowing he wouldn't see her again just yet meant there would be no recovered normalcy, no regained tranquility, for as long as Ozai continued to see red and behave as a furious beast might…
Many footsteps in the scorched sand behind him startled Zhao from his thoughts. He tried to ignore his pounding headache as he turned quickly and scowled at the Fire Lord, whose eyes narrowed as he took in the wreckage his actions had resulted in.
"Ozai… get back outside" Zhao warned him "The area isn't secure yet. You shouldn't be here"
"This is my nation… I will be wherever I please" Ozai hissed, his eyes traveling past Zhao… settling on Combustion Man's corpse "Your gladiator?"
"Evidently" Zhao said, bitterly.
Ozai's displeasure couldn't be more apparent… though not because he grieved for Combustion Man's loss. No… it was because Combustion Man had failed him. Because the undefeatable man had fallen against the most important foe he was supposed to make short work of.
He wanted to believe Combustion Man hadn't failed… he truly did. But when his eyes shifted across the sand, the dread that nestled in his heart only surged and strengthened: there were no other corpses. Oh, it was certainly a relief that his daughter hadn't actually killed herself with her damned lover… but the Blue Wolf had survived. Unless he somehow died of his wounds, which should be excruciating and painful – and yet they weren't bad or numerous enough for Ozai to be sated –, the bastard would survive.
"Ozai…"
"He's alive" Ozai hissed, glaring at Zhao "He's alive"
"It seems so" Zhao admitted. He might have tried to make excuses for them somehow, under any other circumstances. Yet now that he had seen just how destructive the Blue Wolf could be, he wasn't sure his sympathy for their struggles could outdo his survival instincts…
"He… he got away. She… she escaped with him" Ozai said, breathing slowly as his eyes focused on Combustion Man's corpse again "She is alive as well"
"As well as her dragon. It must be how they escaped" Zhao finished.
"Then…" Ozai whispered, his voice toned, his poorly contained fury at war with complicated emotions he certainly had no intentions to acknowledge "Then we will find them. Wherever they've gone… wherever she's gone. We will find them"
"They shouldn't be able to go far. The dragon can't be so resilient" Zhao sighed "They wouldn't be outside the Fire Nation's territories yet"
"I will issue out orders to search for them, if so. To all armed forces" Ozai said "The gladiator may be killed on sight, but she must be brought back, to me, at all costs"
Zhao almost huffed: Ozai's pride had been overcome by fear, then. After seeing what Sokka was capable of, he was no longer chasing a ridiculous catharsis that would never arrive by killing the gladiator personally. Now he saw the man for the threat he was… now, he simply wanted him dead, no matter how it was done.
Well… perhaps that was for the better. It meant perhaps Ozai was slightly more rational now… if only slightly. Perhaps confirmation that his daughter had survived had given him some perspective…
Or perhaps this was but the eye of the hurricane, right before the storm worsened anew.
"You do know… that she won't come back willingly, don't you?" Zhao asked. Ozai scowled, leveling a harsh glare at him "Even if we find her… even if he's killed on sight. In fact… if he's killed on sight, it's entirely possible she'll decide to follow him into…"
"Silence" Ozai hissed. Zhao narrowed his eyes.
"Face the truth, or you won't be able to plan for it" he said, harshly "I'm not demanding for you to throw him a feast, forgive and forget, damn it, Ozai. I'm saying… they're trying to escape. You can't capture an runaway beast through violent means. You need… to be smart about this"
"Smart?" Ozai said, frowning "To… to draw them out. To ensure, once we've found them… that she won't be able to escape again?"
Zhao nodded, and Ozai breathed deeply.
For starters, that the damn dragon had somehow been on the loose made no sense: he had ordered for him to be locked in his refuge days ago. How had he broken out of the sturdy building, deliberately crafted to endure any flames the dragon dared unleash upon it? How had he gotten away without anyone's awareness, too? He had disregarded tasking anyone to keep watch on him, so furious over Azula's insolences that he had focused only on the gladiator's situation… taking for granted that the dragon was out of commission and no longer a factor to be concerned about.
Well, he certainly wouldn't make that mistake a second time around.
"Very well… very well" Ozai said, looking at Zhao pointedly "I suppose… a thorough plan is in order"
Zhao's chest tightened, but again, he nodded. His days of interceding for the Princess were over, clearly enough: when two cornered lovers managed to fight back to this extent, with weapons so destructive they could consume one of the strongest firebenders ever seen, it was only a matter of self-preservation to seek to stop them before they found a way to turn such deadly weapons against the Fire Lord and his associates next, somehow.
He would have hoped Azula would understand, that she might forgive him for whatever his next actions might be… but he knew he was well past that point now. She had long decided he was Ozai's faithful hound… and perhaps that was what he should be. As things stood, the moment when Princess Azula would be branded a full-blown traitor couldn't be too far away, the moment when she'd be persecuted with the unbridled strength of Ozai's armies: Zhao's sense of self-preservation spoke, quite loudly, to say he'd be best served by standing by the Fire Lord's side once said moment arrived.