A/N - PLEASE READ - this chapter covers a very sensitive and difficult topic for many people. September 11th 2001. In terms of this story it's 2008 but Elliot would have worked through September 11th and it comes up as the anniversary approaches. Elliot talks about his experience. I understand and respect that this could be very triggering for many people and I wanted to make that clear first. If you need to skip it for your own mental health, I 100% support that and wanted to be up front from the beginning. Thank you.

We will never forget.

The rest of the summer passed quickly, quicker than any of them would have liked. But, as it always does, September came and school started again. Today was September 10th and Olivia felt it like she had every year since 2001, that overwhelming sadness that filled her and the world, but especially this city she called home. It was hard to explain to a six-year-old, about to be seven years old. He had heard some things, but others she felt he wasn't quite ready to hear just yet. Noah had been born 2 days after 9/11, and in fact, she had gone into labor early most likely from the stress caused by the day.

Today as she walked with her son from school to their house, she passed groups of people, gathering, looking somber. She was still in her uniform, and a few whispered words of thanks, a common occurrence around this time of year. She had not been a cop yet when the attacks happened, but still, people felt a sense of solidarity. As they walked, she thought about Elliot, about his friends, his coworkers, the men and women who had gone up into those burning buildings knowing damn well they would probably never return. And she wondered…had Elliot been one of them?

She knew he was older than her and it was likely that he had been working by then. They'd spent time together, with Noah on and off since the drive-in, but were still keeping things slow, there were a lot of important things that hadn't been discussed. But as she passed the local fire station, she wondered how he was doing and hoped that he was okay.

"Mom?" Noah called to her as they walked down the sidewalk.

Olivia snapped out of her daze and looked down at him, "Yeah hon?"

"At school…someone said that there used to be buildings called the two towers. But that planes crashed into them and a lot of people died. They said it was on purpose. Is that true?" His voice was soft, and she heard the hint of fear in it.

Such a big topic for such a young boy. Sighing, they turned onto their block and she guided him towards the front steps of their building. "Well…" He sat down first and she knew that she couldn't really lie, not anymore, "Yeah Noah. That is true."

Noah frowned, looking down at his dirty sneakers, "But why would someone do that? Why would someone want to hurt people like that?"

Leaning down, she ran her fingers through his hair and frowned, "I wish I had an answer to that kid. But I don't…it's something I will never understand."

Noah stared up at her, still confused and feeling sad, "Do you remember it?" Olivia nodded slowly, "Where were you?"

Clearing her throat she sat down beside him and reached for his hand, "Well…I was at Auntie A's parents' house. I'd been staying with them because I was pregnant with you."

Noah looked at her, "My Birthday is September 13th, so that means I was born right after?"

Olivia smiled though her eyes burned with tears. Reaching out she touched his face, "You were. In fact…you were a bright spot amongst all the darkness. And for that and so many other reasons I am very thankful for you."

Noah was quiet as he thought for a moment and then said, "The kids at school said a lot of police officers and firefighters died that day too…trying to protect people."

Her heart beat a little faster and she nodded, "That's true too…"

Noah frowned, "You weren't working yet…so you were safe. But…was Elliot working?"

"I…don't know." She answered, "He very well could have been."

Noah looked ahead and saw a man hanging a sign that said WE REMEMBER with the American flag on it, "Do you think it makes him sad too?"

"I bet it does." Olivia whispered, "It makes a lot of people sad babe…always will."

Noah sighed and pushed himself up off the steps, turning towards their building, "I hope Ember helps cheer him up. I don't want him to be sad. Because then I would be sad…"

Olivia smiled and watched him go, thinking once again that her son had the biggest heart and she wished she could be as open as he was. She just hoped that life didn't break him the way it had broken her. She wanted him to feel willing to make friends and to receive love because he deserved that. Pushing herself up off the steps to follow him, she realized despite what she'd been through, she deserved it too. She just wasn't sure she was ready to accept that. And as she walked into the building out front, she wondered if she should check on her friend Elliot…

The following day, Elliot was at work feeling the same sadness as his brothers and sisters. It was the same every year and he knew it would never go away. He'd only been a firefighter for two months when 9/11 had happened. And at the time he'd questioned if he had made the right choice, but seeing the bravery, the strength of his colleagues, he knew he was exactly where he was meant to be and he'd never been more proud.

That didn't mean there weren't nights where he didn't wake up in a cold sweat thinking about being trapped in those buildings. He'd gone in but had not made it far before his Captain had turned around and given him and some newer additions to the staff a group of people to look after and told him to get them out. Elliot was half a block away when the first tower collapsed but he still felt the shake of the ground, heard the deafening rumble, the terrified screams. It was something he would never ever forget. He'd spent the following weeks and months helping to look for survivors, losing more hope as they went. And still now all these years later, it still felt like a bad dream that he'd wake up from, that they'd all wake up from.

That morning they'd gone to pay their respects to the fallen just as they always did. Their former Captain was among the many they mourned. Now they sat out front and it was quiet. Eerily quiet as it always was on this day. Turning to his left, he saw Ashton rubbing a spot subconsciously on his leg. There, Elliot knew was a scar. Ashton had spent two days trapped in that building and he had never been quite the same after. Elliot was the one that found him, a hand shooting out amongst the rubble, desperate and when he'd uncovered his friend, he'd cried tears of joy, calling Gina to let her know he was in fact still alive.

Clearing his throat, Elliot walked over to him and pulled his chair next to him, "You good?"

Ashton tried to smile, but he couldn't hide the truth, "Yeah…yeah I'm fine."

A car passed, honking its horn in a gesture of thanks and both of them waved back, "How was Gina this morning?"

"Same as every year." He whispered, "Didn't want to let me go…"

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat, "That's understandable…"

His hand stopped and he whispered, "She's pregnant." Elliot looked right at him, "She told me this morning. And…it's a boy." He paused, "I wanna name him after Captain Conners."

Elliot's heart ached and he nodded, knowing how much their former Captain had meant to Ashton. He'd been his mentor just as Ashton was his. Ashton was a Lieutenant now, and Elliot knew someday he'd be their Captain too. He would be proud to work under his command. Captain Conners had died beside Ashton that day, and it was something that Ashton had never been able to shake. "Congratulations Ash…that's…" His voice cracked, "An incredible way to honor his memory…"

Taking a deep breath Ashton whispered, "I don't think I ever told you what the last thing he said to me was…"

Elliot's heart was pounding as he watched his friend, "No…I don't think you did."

Ashton sat up a little straighter and looked over at the large picture of him hanging in the garage, "He said… 'Someday they'll forget about me. And that's okay. I just hope…the world by then will be a better place."

Elliot looked down, wishing that the world had learned a lesson that day, but he knew they hadn't. At least not long-term, "Ashton…"

Licking his lips, Ashton stood up and said, "I'm gonna hit the cribs for a bit. I'm tired…"

Elliot knew he needed some space and he respected that, "Yeah. Sure."

Ashton patted him on the back and whispered, "Life's short Stabler…remember that."

Elliot watched him walk away and wished he could make it better for him, but he knew he couldn't. A moment later, he felt something heavy resting on his knee. He smiled and looked down at Ember who he'd brought to work today. And she'd made the rounds, sitting by each member of the crew during their time of need.

She whimpered softly and he lifted his hand, running his fingers through her fur, "You did good today Em…real good." Bending forward he pressed his lips to the top of her head and sighed, "Thank you."

Ember helped, she always did. But he had to admit he wished he could see someone else. Someone who always made him smile. Today though, he just didn't have the heart to call her.

Later that afternoon, he'd left work because he had worked the two days leading up to today and his shift was over. He wasn't quite ready to go home, the thought of being alone in his apartment (even with Ember) felt more depressing than anything else. He walked aimlessly by the Brooklyn Bridge. It was an overcast kind of day, the haze reminding him of that smoke that lingered for so long.

Leaning against the railing of the bridge, he looked out at the forever changed skyline of his city. A moment later, his phone pinged in his pocket. Taking it out, he almost stopped breathing when he saw her name across the front. Opening the message from Olivia he read:

Hey. Thinking of you today. Here if you need me. -Liv.

His fingers lingered over the screen, wondering what to type back, wanting to say so much. But then he found himself writing: Can I call you?

Instead of a reply, she called him and he was grateful for it. Lifting it to his ear, he closed his eyes and whispered, "Hey…"

He heard bells from wherever she was and he assumed it was in honor of the day, "Hey…you okay?"

He opened his mouth to respond and said, "I'm…" But he suddenly didn't really feel like lying, "No…actually. I'm not."

Her heart ached for him just as it did for so many. Since they'd met, he'd been the strong one. The supportive one. And if they really were going to try and make this friendship mean something, didn't she owe it to him to be there for him too, "Where are you?"

He looked down at Ember who lay by his feet, waiting patiently and loyally as always, "Brooklyn Bridge…didn't have the heart to go home."

She looked at her watch and saw that she had two hours before Noah would be home from school and her shift was over today, "Want some company?"

Biting down hard on his lip he knew that was exactly what he wanted and needed, "Yeah…that would be…" He paused and felt a rush of emotion course through him, "That would be really nice…"

Quickly flagging down a taxi, Olivia responded, "I'll be there soon."

He couldn't quite seem to find the words to respond somehow he knew she didn't expect him to. And for that he was grateful.

He sensed her before he saw her, and instantly he relaxed. Walking over to him, Ember greeted her first and Olivia smiled, running her hands along the back of her neck, "Hey Em…how you doing girl?"

Ember whimpered and she knew that she was feeling the sadness of her owner. She smiled and pressed a kiss to her nose before pushing herself up to greet him. She smiled at him and he just stood there staring at her, "Hey…"

He took a rattling breath and whispered, "Hey…"

Without thinking twice, she leaned forward, pressed up on her toes, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. They hadn't had much if any physical contact since that first night, but right now it was clear he needed it. He didn't hesitate as his strong arms wrapped around her waist, holding her against him. "Thanks for meeting me here…"

She gave him another quick squeeze and pulled back, "Of course."

The wind whipped around them and again the both noticed how quiet the city was tonight, so much quieter than usual. She pointed down the path, "Wanna walk?"

"Sure." He pulled on Ember and they fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before he spoke up, "Did you work today?"

"I did. Just a short shift though." She whispered, "It was pretty quiet so they cut me. Did the rounds this morning…went to a few services as security."

He nodded, "So you'll be able to get Noah from school?"

"I will." She whispered, "He'll…probably have a lot of questions. He did yesterday." Elliot looked over at her, "Kids at school were talking about it all…and he was curious. Hard to explain to a kid…"

"Hard to explain to an adult too." He said with a huff, "I still don't understand it. Never will."

"Me either." She whispered, she looked over the water to the empty space where the towers had once stood, "Sometimes I swear I still expect to just see them there…and I get shocked all over again when there is just an empty skyline…"

"Yeah. Me too." He said with a sigh, "But if I close my eyes..they are still there." He frowned and said, "But the problem is…when I close my eyes I see them falling too."

She paused and turned to look at him, "You were working…"

He licked his lips nervously, he never talked about this to anyone that hadn't been there with him other than his therapist. A command that had come down from the higher-ups knowing they all needed it, "I was…I'd only been on the job about two months. And never in a million years did I think that would happen. Not that anyone could have anticipated that happening."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, "You don't have to…tell me. But if you need to talk about it…I'm a good listener."

Elliot cleared his throat, "Can I ask you something first?"

She nodded slowly, staring up at him, "Sure."

He shifted from side to side before whispering, "Where were you? I mean…I know you're younger than me. And I guess…I just wondered…"

She took a deep breath and turned to her left, "I was about ten miles that way. Staying with Alex's parents. I was very pregnant and ended up leaving school but I had nowhere to go. So they took me in because they are…just as incredible as their daughter. I was lying on the couch feeling sorry for myself because…well…because I did." She laughed nervously, "And then…I heard Alex's Mom scream. I turned towards the TV and I saw it all happening and…I didn't believe it. It felt like it was a movie we were watching or something. And then the second plane hit and I knew it was real…"

Elliot tried to envision her, young and pregnant, watching it all unfold on the TV. He'd lived it, literally at ground zero but he'd often wondered what it was like for others, "And then what happened?"

"Well we spent the next hour trying to get in contact with people. Alex's Dad worked at the world trade center…but he thankfully was at a meeting in Queens that day. We tracked down Alex and anyone else we could think of and then…" She put a hand to her belly and frowned, "My water broke…"

Elliot's eyes went wide, "Noah was born on September 11th?"

She shook her head, "It was…a long process. He didn't come until a little after midnight on September 13th. But…as you can imagine it was a bit chaotic trying to get me to a hospital."

Elliot leaned against the railing, "You're not kidding…"

She stood there remembering it all like it was yesterday, "I ended up giving birth to him in the hallway at the hospital…and there were so many things going on around us. All the rooms were filled. People were screaming, crying, begging to find out information about loved ones. And I just remember lying there with Alex and her Mom beside me wondering how the hell I'd gotten there. He was a month and a half early and I was terrified but I felt selfish…thinking I was so much better off than so many people that day. And then…part of me worried about bringing him into a world that was clearly so screwed up."

Elliot watched her in awe as she spoke, thinking about how she'd gone through her own emotional rollercoaster that day, "But he was okay?"

She smiled softly and nodded, "He was okay…small. Barely 6lbs but he was strong and a fighter…and when they finally placed him in my arms I felt like despite all the darkness…at least there was a bright spot in the world."

Elliot licked his lips, "And his…I mean I know you said…"

"He came." She said with a nod, "The day after he was born…he held him. He'd been working…he was a cop." She held her breath, "And at first when we couldn't get a hold of him I thought the worst but…he came." She narrowed her eyes on the water beside them and whispered, "Came back the day I was going to be released…checked on us, said he was getting the car, and then…" She shrugged and shook her head, "He never came back."

There was more to the story, more that she wasn't ready to tell him. But for now, it was enough, "Jesus Liv…"

She smiled sadly and shook her head, "Like I said, it is what it is. And it's okay. Alex and her parents were incredible and I never would have been able to do it without them. I lived with them for six months until I got on my feet again. And even then, Alex and I moved in together. She was my rock. And Noah helped us both heal and start to believe in good again."

Elliot once again wondered about his Father and how he could have possibly turned his back on his son and this incredible woman, "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "Don't be El. It was a long time ago…and I'm right where I should be. So is Noah." He nodded slowly and then moved toward a bench, feeling the need to sit. She followed close behind and Ember once again placed her head on his knee, watching him carefully, "I meant it when I said you don't have to tell me…"

He shook his head, "It's been a long time since I talked about it…and if it's okay with you…I think it would help me. But only if it's okay."

She found herself turning towards him, wanting to reach for his hand but she waited, "It's okay with me."

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat and then saw the day flash before his eyes, "Started out like any other day really. I was working on day two of a 48-hour shift. I was still a newbie. We were all sitting around and they were making me wash the truck when the call came in. I remember this really serious look on my Captain's face…one I hadn't seen from any call. We all went to get dressed and he stopped us. We waited and he said, 'The twin towers are on fire…I don't know what's going to happen. But…if any of you aren't sure…"

His voice cracked and she reached for him, placing her hand gently over his, "But you all went…"

He nodded slowly, looking down at her hand on his, "We all went…"

She held his hand tightly and whispered, "You lost friends…"

"Many." He said with a heavy sigh, "Everything happened so quickly. When we got down there…the second plane hit and somehow we knew…this wasn't an accident. I remember just standing there in shock thinking that no matter what happened next…nothing would ever be the same. And we just…we went into action mode. People started shouting out orders. We were grabbing as many people as we could to try and get them to safety. I was in the first tower…only a few floors up trying to calm people down as they all came rushing out. I was supposed to go up…" He paused, "I should have gone up higher but…"

She heard sadness, and regret in his voice, "Elliot…"

"My Captain turned around..and he looked right at me and some of the younger crew and gave us strict instructions. We were to take the group out and get them somewhere safe. And somehow looking back on it…I think he knew. That if we stayed…we probably wouldn't have made it."

Tears burned in her eyes and she scooted closer to him, "Elliot…"

"I remember I tried to fight him on it. Said I was going to go up with him no matter what. But he grabbed me and he said, 'I'm your superior kid and I'm telling you to go…these people need your help and I'm trusting you.'" He sighed and shook his head, "I looked at Ashton…and he gave me a nod, telling me to go and so I turned around and started ushering people out and I never looked back."

"You were doing your job." She whispered, "You saved those people…you know you did."

"We made it about a block away when everything started shaking and I swear Liv…it was like the world stopped. I turned around and looked up and I just saw it crumbling to the ground. We all started ducking into little alcoves, and shops to try and stay safe but no matter where we went we were covered in dirt, dust, and ash. I couldn't breathe. No one could. I gave a woman my oxygen mask…tried to cover myself as best I could but everything was in a daze. I just kept moving, shouting orders and I don't think I processed a damn thing for at least a week."

She stared at him, imagined a younger version of this man fighting for his life, for the lives of the people around him and she thanked a God she didn't often believe in that he'd survived. Even in a short time, she knew he was important. And she was so damn glad she'd met him, "What happened to Ashton? Your Captain?"

Elliot swallowed hard, "They both got trapped…Captain Conners was hurt more severely and he…he didn't make it. But," He sniffled wiping at his eyes, "I found Ashton…how I don't know. But on one of our sweeps, I was just yelling his name hoping that he could hear me somehow…and as I stepped over a pile of rubble, a hand shot out, reaching out and I just started throwing everything off of the person not knowing who it was. Not caring. Just in shock, someone was still living. And then I saw it was Ashton…and beside him was Cap but I knew he was gone…"

She pressed her fingers to her lips, "Oh my God…"

"He was just gasping for air, shaking and he just kept saying his wife's name over and over and I told him she was safe. That she was waiting for him…and he passed out." He frowned, "Me and another guy carried him out, got him to an ambulance, and I told him I'd meet him there. And then…we carried our Captain out. We were all so silent…we knew he was gone but to see him…to see so much destruction I didn't know what the hell to do with myself."

He bent forward slightly, his chest beginning to rise and fall rapidly but he was afraid to cry, "It's okay…" She leaned towards him, wrapping an arm around him, "It's okay El…let it out."

His shoulders slumped and he started to cry, deep hard, gut-wrenching sobs left his body that he hadn't let out since that day, "I can still smell it…feel the heat of it…sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up screaming and Ember has to get me to calm down. It's like I never left…but I did. I got to leave…I got to walk away when so many didn't."

Her hand slid up and down his back and she rested her chin on his shoulder, "I will never understand any of it Elliot…but you're still here for a reason. That I believe." She squeezed him close, "And for that…I'm grateful."

Taking a shaky breath he looked at her and whispered, "I never talk to anyone about this. It's too hard…they made us all go to therapy after but I stopped after a few years. I felt…guilty going. Like I didn't have it as bad as so many others. Told myself I just had to get over it and move on…I didn't lose a parent, a spouse…a child."

"But you lost friends." She whispered, "And you were there…right there in the middle of it. Anyone would struggle." She smiled sadly at him as he looked at her, "You can't be strong all the time, Stabler…"

He laughed nervously and wiped at his eyes, "Well there goes my last shot at making you like me…you won't want a blubbering excuse for a man…"

"Hey." She reached out, tilting his head towards her she whispered, "Elliot, to be honest…seeing you like this makes me respect you more than I already did."

His eyes narrowed at her in disbelief, "What?"

"It takes a hell of a man to express emotions like that. I have a hard time myself but anyone, and I mean anyone who experienced what you did would react the same. So if you need to cry…then cry. But I'm not going to think any less of you." He just stared at her, "And…" Her cheeks flushed red before she whispered, "I'm sorry I made you feel otherwise…but that's my own insecurities coming out. I do like you Elliot…I just…I have a hard time opening up. Trauma will do that. We all show it in different ways I guess."

Leaning back he frowned, "So this…friendship thing…you don't hate it?"

She smiled and reached up, brushing away a tear mark on his face, "Nah. I don't hate it…"

He sighed and watched carefully, "Neither do I…"

Ember whined again, feeling like she wasn't getting enough of Elliot's attention. Olivia looked down and smiled, "I think your number one girl is feeling a little territorial…"

Elliot sighed and scratched the top of her head, "Sorry Em…you know I love you. But…you're gonna have to learn to share me." He looked over at Olivia, "At least I hope so…"

Olivia smirked, "She just might…"

Elliot took a breath, looked at the skyline again, and whispered, "Can we walk again? Or do you need to get back to Noah?"

Olivia stood up and looked down at him softly, "I've got time…"

He let out a relieved breath, glad to not have to say goodbye just yet and stood up, pulling Ember along once more, "I'm glad." They took a few steps together and he whispered, "Thanks for checking in friend…"

She tapped his shoulder with hers and whispered, "Anytime…"

They walked together along the bridge, back and forth until Olivia had to start heading back. Though it would have made more sense for Elliot to head back towards Brooklyn, he insisted on walking Olivia to the subway station. And this time, she didn't even try to protest. That had to mean they were making progress, right?

"Well…" Olivia whispered, she nervously pet Ember and then looked at him, "Thanks for getting me here safely."

He smiled and wrapped his hand around Ember's leash tighter, "Of course."

She looked at him and felt her heart ache slightly, and then she asked, "Are you gonna be okay? I mean…I don't want you to be alone but I have to get Noah. Maybe you-"

"No." He said, shaking his head, "No, I don't want him to worry. I'm good. I'm actually meeting some friends…we do it every year to honor our friends. I'll be alright. I promise. I'm good…I think I just needed to get a lot of that out. And…and I felt safe enough around you to do that."

Clasping her hands in front of her she whispered, "Well…I'm glad. But…if you need me, you can call. Okay?"

He nodded slowly and whispered, "Okay. Thank you…"

"Don't mention it." She turned and walked towards the steps when he called to her once more, "Yeah?"

"I just realized…" He smiled, "That means it's the little guy's birthday in two days…"

Olivia smiled at him, "It is…he'll be seven. How I don't know…but he will be."

"Well…tell him I said Happy Birthday in case I don't get to see him. And…let me know what he's into so I can pick up a gift." She went to protest and he shook his head, "Don't start. I'm getting the kid a present whether you like it or not. And I'd like to get something he'll actually enjoy. So…help me out, okay?"

She blushed and stepped back again, "I'll text you, okay?"

"I'll look forward to it." He whispered as he stepped back, "See ya around Liv. Get home safe."

"You too." She whispered and turned to walk down the steps away from him.

As confusing as her feelings were, she was glad she'd called. Even more glad that she'd been able to offer him some support. And she hoped she could do it again someday.

Olivia picked Noah up and once again they walked back to the apartment. Noah had more questions and she did the best she could to answer them in what she felt was an appropriate manner for his age. They'd had dinner together and she let him pick a favorite movie to put on before bed when the phone rang.

Excusing herself, she stood up to answer, "Hello?"

"Hey. Olivia…" She immediately recognized the voice as Alyssa, Liam's Mom. She also recognized the tone of her voice as bad news.

"Hey Alyssa. Is everything okay?" She asked, looking over at her son.

"Yeah. We're fine…" She said with a sigh, "But unfortunately…Liam got sent home from school today. And I took him to the Doctor. He has a pretty awful double ear infection and is just miserable. With all the meds they put him on, I don't see how he'll feel better by Noah's birthday."

Olivia grimaced slightly, knowing how much her son had been looking forward to their trip to Coney Island. He'd asked months ago if they could go. Every year he got to pick the plan for their day and this year he was dead set on Coney Island. Liam always came with them on these adventures and she hated to think he would miss it now. But she also knew that life sometimes got in the way, "Poor guy."

Alyssa sighed again, "He already cried himself to sleep feeling like he's going to disappoint his best friend…I feel terrible."

"Oh Alyssa, tell him it's okay. We'll do something else for his birthday whenever he feels better. It's okay. The most important thing is making sure he gets better." She whispered.

"I knew you'd understand. Still just a bummer…" She replied, "Tell Noah we'll make it up to him."

"Like I said, we'll all do something whenever he is feeling better." Olivia replied, "Give him a hug from both of us and let us know if you need anything."

"We will. Give the birthday boy a hug from me too." She said and then she hung up.

Putting down the phone, she turned and saw Noah looking at her, "Do you have to go to work?"

She smiled sadly and walked over to him, "No. But that was Liam's Mom…did you know he went home sick today?"

Noah nodded, "After lunch, yeah. Is he okay?"

"He's alright…but he's not feeling the best. Pretty bad ear infection and his Mom isn't sure he's going to be feeling better by Saturday." She whispered.

Noah's face fell and he looked down at his lap, "Oh…"

"Honey…" She pulled him closer but his body was quite stiff, "I'm so sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to it. We can do whatever you want. We can still go just us, or we can wait. Or…we can invite someone else if you'd prefer. It's totally your call. You know I'll do whatever you want."

Noah frowned and leaned against her, "I don't know…"

"Well, then why don't you think about it. We have time." She kissed the side of his face, "No matter what you decide I promise we'll have the best day."

"Okay." He pulled away slightly, "I'm kinda tired…I think I'll go to bed."

"You sure?" She asked softly, "The movie's not over…"

Noah stood up and frowned, "Can we finish it in your room? I'll probably fall asleep but…"

"Sure." She stood up with him and started to clean up the mess around them, "Go brush your teeth and go on in. I'll be there in a minute."

Noah did as he was told, finding his favorite pajamas and going through his night routine. Then he walked into his Mother's room, climbed onto her bed and lay down. He was disappointed. He couldn't deny that. He was really excited about Coney Island, especially about going with his best friend and his Mom. A few minutes later, Olivia came into the room and crawled up beside him. He turned, resting his head in her lap as she caressed his head in the way she knew always calmed him.

And then he knew exactly who he wanted to invite if his best friend couldn't come. And it wasn't just because he wanted his Mom to like him, it was because he wanted to spend more time with him too. "What about Elliot?"

Olivia looked down at her son and frowned, "What about him?"

Noah rolled on to his back to look up at her, "For my birthday…can we ask Elliot to come?"

She realized she should be less surprised than she was but sighed, running her hands through his hair again, "I…I mean is that what you really want?"

Noah nodded slowly and snuggled further into her, "If I can't have Liam there…I'd like it to be you and Elliot. If he can go."

She licked her lips nervously and saw his eyes flutter shut, "He may have to work…"

Noah yawned again and whispered, "I know. But…you'll ask, right?"

Her heart jumped in her chest knowing damn well she could never say no to her son, especially on his birthday. "I'll ask babe, okay? I'll call him and ask…"

Noah nodded slowly and pulled the blanket around himself tighter, "I love you Mom."

Leaning down, she pressed her lips to the top of his head, "I love you too babe. More than anything."

She knew he was asleep a few moments later but she waited before moving him. He snuggled further into her pillows and she smiled. He was growing up so fast and she wanted to hold onto these moments as long as possible. She puttered around the apartment, cleaning and getting Noah's lunch ready for tomorrow. But every so often her eyes went to the phone and she wondered if she should call him. If he was out with his friends, she also didn't want to interrupt him. But she also didn't want to disappoint her son.

Deciding the best option would be to text him and he could go from there. And then she went back to her routine cleaning up the apartment, not so patiently waiting for his response.

Elliot was finishing up at the bar with his friends. They'd all met as usual, swapped stories, talked through as much of their emotions as they could and then began to go their separate ways. He'd turned his phone on silent not wanting to be rude and take time away from his friends who needed him. When he got back to his apartment, he walked in and quickly let Ember out before checking his phone.

That rush of excitement coursed through him when he saw her name again. Hey. Just wanted to check in. Let me know when you get home. Call if you need me or…want to talk more. - Liv

It took him less than thirty seconds to make the choice. He settled on the couch with Ember once more and dialed her number, hoping it wasn't too late to call. She answered after the second ring and he smiled, leaning back he rested his hand on his chest as he spoke to her, feeling the steady beating of his heart. "Hey…just got home."

He heard her turning off the water from wherever she was in her apartment, "How did it go?"

He sighed and closed his eyes, "It went as well as it always does…but it's nice to keep our friends' memories alive."

He heard her sigh before whispering, "I'm glad…"

He swallowed the lump in his throat and felt Ember snuggle in closer to him, "Thank you for wanting to check in again…means a lot."

She fidgeted nervously on the other end of the phone, "Of course…um there was a second reason I called too."

"Oh really?" His interest was spiked, hoping he had something to look forward to help pull him from this sadness, "What's up?"

"Well…as you know it's Noah's birthday coming up. And we were planning on going to Coney Island. I always let him pick what we want to do and who we go with. His friend Liam usually comes…but he's sick. I asked if he wanted to wait…or if he'd like to invite someone else and he said…" She paused for a moment and whispered, "He'd like you to come."

Elliot sat up slowly, feeling a rush of love for this kid and his Mother he couldn't quite tamper, "He picked me?"

She heard the emotion in his voice and she couldn't help but smile. It should make her nervous that her son was already so invested in this man (and she was). But she felt it too. And she wanted to get to know him better, "He chose you."

He was floored and the emotions of the day got the better of him, "I…I don't know what to say."

Nervous energy ran through her and she whispered, "I don't want you to feel pressured. It's totally okay if you can't go or if you don't want to go. A seven year old's birthday isn't always the most fun event…and he may be a little wild. Actually he'll probably be a lot wild and so-"

"Well you've never seen me at an amusement park either, Benson. I turn into a little kid again too. So as long as you can put up with the two of us…I'd absolutely love to go."

She pulled her pillow into her lap, "Yeah?"

"Of course. Besides, that is in my neck of the woods so I can show you around. It'll be fun. We'll make a day of it." He paused, "If you want…of course. And he wants to. Whatever he wants since it's his birthday."

Pressing her cheek against her knees she bit her lip hard to keep from squealing, "Well then I think you're about to make one kid who was pretty devastated…quite happy on his birthday Elliot Stabler. Thank you."

He closed his eyes again, already envisioning the entire day ahead of them, "And thank you for making my day much better…more than once." He waited and then asked, "You have to rush off?"

She sighed and lay back down on the couch, "No. Noah's already asleep…and I have
nothing else going on."

Smiling to himself he whispered, "Wanna talk?" He smiled when he heard her laugh, "I mean I know we're already talking…but I meant keep talking?"

Lifting her hand, she covered her eyes knowing it was getting harder and harder to deny what she felt for this man, "I'd like that…"

And so they did, continuing to build that friendship, one step at a time.

The moment Elliot met them at Coney Island, Noah lit up like a Christmas Tree. He grabbed Elliot's hand barely letting him say hello to Olivia before they were off and running to start the day. Elliot had looked back at her and she gave him a look that seemed to say I warned you but he just smiled letting her know he was more than ready for whatever was to come.

Halfway through the day, they sat at a picnic table and Noah was practically stuffing the giant piece of pizza down his throat, "Noah, slow down!" Olivia lagged, "You're going to make yourself sick!"

Noah bounced up and down slightly, 'But the sooner I eat the sooner I can make Elliot go back on that roller coaster with me."

Elliot chuckled and lowered Noah's hand, "It'll still be there when you're done kid. I'd rather not have to give you the heimlich on your birthday."

Noah sighed and allowed himself to slow down, only because Elliot had asked it seemed. Olivia gave him a look of thanks and Elliot took a sip of his soda, "So kid…how's it feel to be seven?"

Noah shrugged, reaching for a french fry from his Mother's plate, "Not much different than six?"

Elliot and Olivia both laughed and he rested his elbows on the table, "Yeah…sounds about right."

Noah shifted back and forth and then asked, "Well how old are you?"

Olivia looked at her son and frowned, "Honey, that's not really something you're supposed to ask someone."

"It's okay." Elliot assured her, "But for future reference kid…never ask a girl that. It'll save you some trouble." Noah giggled and then he answered, "I'm 31. Will be 32 next month."

"When's your Birthday?" Noah asked softly, "We'll have to celebrate!"

Elliot smiled, "October 20th. And if I'm lucky I'll get to spend it with you. And your Mom."

Noah kicked his legs back and forth, "My Mom's 27." He heard his Mother sigh and he smiled, "She'll be 28 on February 7th."

Elliot smiled and tapped his forehead, "Making a mental note of that…"

Olivia shot Elliot a look this time and he couldn't help but wink, "I'm not big on birthdays." She looked at her son who smirked at her, "At least not my own. But Noah's…Noah's is the best day."

Noah rolled his eyes, "Never let me celebrate her birthday…or at least she tries not to. But Auntie A and I usually get something for her even if she doesn't like it."

"Well maybe this year I can help you change her mind about her birthday. I think it's a day to celebrate too." He whispered.

Noah smiled and looked to the left, "Mom, can I watch the dancers over there?"

Olivia nodded slowly, "Sure. But don't go far, okay?" Noah hopped down, taking his pizza with him as he ran off to see the show. Olivia didn't take her eyes off of him but she felt Elliot looking at her, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Maybe I like looking at you." He said, feeling a little bold and he smiled when he saw her cheeks flush nervously, "But…I was wondering why you aren't big on birthdays. At least your own."

She looked at him quickly, "Does it really matter?"

"To me it does." He answered, "My Mom always made birthdays a big deal…said we should celebrate. And I tend to agree. At least when it comes to my friends."

She took a deep breath and looked at him, "You told Noah not to ask a girl her age. Maybe…I just don't like the concept of getting older."

Leaning closer to her he smirked, "No…you're not vain enough for that. You're beautiful and you know it. And quite frankly I'm sure you will just get better with age Benson." She laughed and shook her head before he continued, "So it has to be something else." She didn't respond and he pushed a little, "So what is it then?"

She looked back at Noah, all her birthdays before Noah flashing before her eyes. All the birthdays her Mother had spent berating her, screaming at her, making her wish she'd never been born. She swore she'd never make her son feel that way, even if he had been unexpected. Slowly, she pushed herself up off the table and shook her head, "It's not important."

He quickly reached for the trash with her and followed, "Or it's the most important thing which means-"

"Which means." She tossed the items into the trashcan in front of her and turned to him, "I more than likely won't give you an answer."

Something in her tone told him that he needed to stop. That whatever it was, was difficult enough without him prying. And when and if she was ready, she'd tell him someday. He just had to be patient, "Okay."

She frowned, glancing at him, clearly she had expected more push back, "Okay?"

Elliot nodded slowly and tossed his own trash in the bin before turning back to look for Noah. "Okay."

She stood there, confused and then she said the same words she'd said the first night, "I can't figure you out…"

He turned back to her and laughed, "Now where have I heard that before?"

She narrowed her eyes on him and repeated herself, "I can't figure you out…either you're full of shit and just playing with me…or you are a decent guy. And I just haven't met one of those yet."

"Well…there's a first time for everything, right?" He asked softly, hopefully.

Walking towards him she whispered, "You aren't going to push me? Make me tell you why I hate my birthday?"

Lifting his shoulders he said, "It's clearly something important…or hard for you. So no. I'm not going to push you. But…if and when you want to tell me…I'll be ready to listen. And hopefully…" He stepped back again and whispered, "Find a way to make you change your mind." Lifting his shoulder he whispered, "Like I said, I think your birth is a day to celebrate."

Noah ran up to him then and tugged on his arm, "Can we ride it again now? Please? Please Elliot?"

Elliot bent down, picked Noah up and placed him on his shoulders, "What the birthday boy wants…the birthday boy gets."

Noah waved down at her, "See you in a bit Mom."

Elliot laughed and quickly went back into teasing mode, "Yeah, see you in a bit Mom!"

She laughed, shaking her head as she watched them head off towards Noah's favorite roller coaster. And for a moment, she forgot all the reasons why she felt sad on her birthday because she had a feeling…Elliot Stabler would make that day a good day. As long as she didn't screw this up before he had the chance…

They'd gotten home much later than expected but none of them seemed to mind. Elliot had asked Ashton to check on Ember and then gone back to the apartment with them for cake and ice cream per Noah's request. When he'd finally fallen asleep, Olivia had picked him up and taken him to bed on her own. And even though he was halfway to dreamland, Noah mumbled from his Mother's arms, "Thanks for a great birthday Elliot…"

Elliot's heart squeezed in his chest as he watched the boy, "Thanks for inviting me kid…"

"I'll be back in a minute…" She saw him start to pick up and she whispered, "Leave that. I can do it." He just stared at her and she knew he wouldn't listen, "You truly are stubborn."

"Like you wouldn't believe." He replied with a little laugh.

Five minutes later, she came out to see that he had cleaned the entire kitchen and she sighed. Pouring herself a glass of wine and one for him, she handed it to him and pulled herself up onto the counter, "You made one birthday boy very happy today Elliot Stabler…and for that I thank you."

Elliot smiled and leaned against the counter beside her, "Just the birthday boy?"

Taking a sip of her wine she sighed, "Hm…"

Again, he knew not to push so he smiled, "You know it wasn't just me…that kid adores you Liv. He lights up when you talk to him. As he should. You're a hell of a Mother."

She placed the wine down beside her, "Well…I do my best. Try and make up for the fact that all he has is me. I know someday…it won't be enough but for now…it seems to be okay."

Elliot watched her, saw the sadness again and once more wondered about the boy's Father, "You're…you're sure that nothing happened to him? That he wasn't hurt or-"

"Noah's Father?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, "No." She clenched the counter, "I mean I did for a while…more because I didn't want to believe he'd actually do that to me. And then…I learned the truth. The whole ugly truth and I realized…I was much better off. We were both better off." Elliot just stared at her and she frowned, looking down at the floor below her, "But I'm afraid if I tell you you'll…look at me differently."

Elliot frowned and whispered, "Olivia…I highly doubt that I could look at you differently. No matter what you found out."

She was quiet as she thought it over, and then she said, "Alex…was pissed. Really pissed and she did a little digging. A week after Noah was born she found him…in his penthouse apartment. The one he never brought me too. I was only good enough for the studio by the college. But there he was…with his wife in their perfect little home. And I realized…in the nearly two years we were together…I never knew him at all."

Elliot had never hated a man more, not to mention a man he'd never met. He stepped back, pressing his lower back into the counter, welcoming the pain, "He was married?"

"Yes. And I had no idea." She said with a sigh, "And silly old me thought…" She sighed and hopped down from the counter, "I don't know what I thought actually. I guess I just wanted…someone. And he showed interest. Made me feel special and I fell for all of it…and it turned out it was all a lie."

He frowned, "But even when he found out you were pregnant…he didn't say anything?"

She shook her head, "Just that he would take care of me…take care of the baby. I honestly expected him to tell me to get rid of it. He was-" Her face flushed and then she held back, clearly not reading to share that last little piece of information, "But…I had decided that I wanted to keep it. No matter what. Even if he didn't want to be a part of his life. But when he said he would be there…I guess I just believed him. Blindly. And then…Noah was here…and it all came crashing down. That illusion."

Elliot frowned and watched her carefully, "Liv, I'm sorry."

She felt tears prickling in her eyes but she shook her head, not wanting to cry over the ghost of a man that had broken her, only one of them, "It's been seven years…and Noah and I have never needed him. And as far as I'm concerned…we never will."

Elliot stepped closer to her, "Like I said before…it's his damn loss Liv. All of that…it's on him. He knew what he was doing. And he doesn't fucking deserve either of you."

Looking at a picture on the table of her and Noah just after he was born, she saw her younger self. Remembered how terrified she had been. Remembered how she'd wondered if she'd made the right choice. Not because she didn't love her son, oh she loved him more than anything. She just didn't know if she could give him all that he deserved.

Olivia took a deep breath and then looked back at Elliot, "I spent a lot of time hating him…but then I realized…he gave me Noah. And if that's the price I had to pay for all that…pain…I'd do it all again."

"See?" Elliot whispered, "A hell of a Mother…"

"Yeah well…" She smiled and reached for her wine glass again, "For the record…someday you'll make a hell of a Father…"

She turned away from him, knowing it was likely that he'd see the look on her face and know just how badly she wanted him. Little did she know as she walked away, they were both thinking the same thing. If and when he got to be a Father, they both hoped Noah could be his son, and maybe, just maybe someone else could come along too.