The next few weeks sped by as they always did. December always seemed to be the busiest month of the year. They hadn't been able to spend as much time as they would have liked together, but when they did, both Elliot and Olivia treasured every second of it. It was just days before Christmas now and Elliot was coming over to help them decorate their tree. Noah was running around having eaten way too many cookies from Alex's Mom, hopped up on sugar and the Christmas excitement. Olivia had been able to get a few gifts for Noah, things he'd mentioned and written down. He still believed in Santa and she knew she had to hold onto this because it was more than likely that the magic would be gone in a few year's time.

"I can't wait for Christmas!" Noah yelled, "Santa will bring my new Rock Band game and I'll be just like all the kids at school."

Olivia froze in her spot. Rock Band. She had not heard about that gift. "What?"

Noah looked over at her jumping up and down in front of the tree, "The new Rock Band game! Everyone has it! It's the coolest game of the year. Liam has it and I love it. I want to play it with Elliot!"

Olivia's heart was pounding as she listened to him, "I haven't heard anything about Rock Band until now…"

Noah reached for another cookie and sat down in front of the tree, rifling through the box of decorations, "I forgot to put it on my letter to Santa but I know he'll know."

Olivia opened her mouth to respond when she heard a knock on the door. Her mind was reeling as she walked over to it, pulling at the door knob. She was so lost in thought, that she barely said hello to Elliot and he took notice. Ember took off, as usual, running straight to Noah. Elliot said his hello's to the young boy and then walked toward Olivia in the kitchen. "Hey…" She looked at him quickly and he frowned, placing his hand on her back, "You okay?"

She sighed and looked at him, trying to smile, "Yeah. Yeah. Sorry…you caught me at a weird time. I was just thinking about something but everything is fine."

She turned her back on him, pretending to clean the kitchen. Elliot glanced at Noah and saw that he was preoccupied with Ember. Quickly, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards her bedroom which up until this point he'd never entered. He saw the look of shock on her face as he closed the door slightly, "What are you doing?"

He shook his head, "You're upset and you can't hide it from me. So spill it, Benson."

She let out a shaky breath and shrugged before whispering, "I just…I thought I had everything set for Christmas and Noah just threw a curveball at me. And now it's just days before Christmas morning and I don't even know if I'll be able to get the one thing he wants. And that will break my damn heart. Not to mention his."

Elliot shoved his hands in his pocket and shrugged, "What is it?"

"Rock band?" The look on Elliot's face told her she was the only one in the world who hadn't heard of it, "Yes…I've been living under a rock apparently."

Elliot cleared his throat, "Yeah…it's a big deal these days. I tried to get one myself the other day but…"

She nodded slowly knowing where this was going, "But everywhere was sold out. Great. Wonderful." She groaned and put her face in her hands, "How the hell did I miss this one? I'm usually so good about this. But works been crazy and-"

"Liv, hey." He put his hand on her shoulder, "Calm down. Everything is fine."

She felt the tears coming again and she did not want to cry in front of him. Not again. "I just…I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick ya know? And I try so fucking hard to make everything perfect but I keep screwing it up and-"

"Liv. Look at me." The tone of his voice caught her attention and she looked up quickly, "You have tomorrow off, right?" She nodded slowly, "Well so do I. And Noah has school…so you and I will go to every damn store we have to until we find one. Okay?"

She frowned and felt her shoulders slump, "Elliot…"

"We're getting that game, Benson. One way or another we're getting that game. I'll pick you up at 8:15 after Noah leaves for school and then we'll go." He said with a nod, "We'll get it. I know we will."

She looked through the crack to see Noah playing with Ember, still completely oblivious to her panic, "I just want him to be happy."

"And he is." He whispered his love for her growing by the second. She turned back to him and he smiled, "And he will be."

Taking a deep breath she sighed, "You really wanna spend your day doing this?"

"Course." He said with a smile, "I get to spend the day with you right?" She blushed and he smiled, "I could think of much worse ways to spend my day." He gave her a wink as Noah called for them, "Come on. Let's not worry about this now…we've got other things to do."

He pushed past her and she saw him walk over to Noah and immediately start looking through the ornament box. Could they pull this off? God she hoped so. One thing was for sure, she knew that Elliot would stop at nothing to make it happen. And it was one more reason why she knew she was a goner.

The following day, Olivia got Noah off to school and hopped on the subway to meet Elliot at his apartment. He was already waiting outside when she got there. She shivered and hopped in the truck, "God it's cold."

Elliot looked at her and frowned, "Maybe if you wore a damn hat or something you wouldn't be freezing."

She shot him a look and ran a hand through her hair, "And get hat head? Hell no."

Elliot rolled his eyes and turned the heat up higher, "Liv, you can't be serious. Who cares about hat head?"

"I care." She said putting a hand on her chest as they drove, "And that's all that matters."

He smirked and turned down the road towards the highway, "You have no reason to be concerned Liv. There is nothing you could do to your hair that would still not make you drop-dead gorgeous."

Her cheeks flushed and she slid her hands under her thighs, fighting the urge to reach for him, "It's easier for guys…your hair is short. You can roll out of bed and do nothing to it."

"So could you." He said with a nod, "Society just told you otherwise."

"Hm." She just shook her head and reached for her phone, "Look, I was thinking about today. I know you said that you don't mind and I appreciate that…but if we try a few stores and they're out I-"

"Then we'll keep trying." He said ignoring her, "We're getting this game Liv."

She rested her head on the back of the seat and frowned, "Don't you have other things you need to be doing?"

"Not really." He said with a shrug, "I got everything I need for Christmas. Ember is fine and if she's not my neighbor said she'd let her out if we're running late. She usually does if I can't take her to work."

She watched him carefully as he drove, "You're still going to your Mom's right?"

"I am." He said with a nod, "My Aunt and Uncle will come too and I think my cousin will drop by briefly with his wife and kids."

She smiled, "That will be nice. I'm sure your Mom will love having you there."

"She will." He said with a smile, he glanced over at her quickly, "You're definitely going to Alex's right? Her parents I mean?"

Olivia nodded, "Oh yes, they wouldn't have it any other way. We'll do Christmas morning at our house and then have dinner with all of them."

He wished he could be with her but he knew, for now, this was the way it had to be. But there was one thing that had been running through his mind lately. She never talked about her Mother or her Father. He knew that her Mother was alive but that was about it. "No chance you'll see your Mom then?"

She cleared her throat and looked out the window beside her, "No. And it's better that way. Trust me."

He'd asked about her Father once and she all but bit his head off and so he knew better than to go down that road, "Liv…"

She smiled at him and whispered, "El…please don't. I just…I don't want to talk about it."

Sighing he squeezed the steering wheel in front of him, "Okay. I get it." He paused and then continued, "But you know if you ever do want to talk about it…"

"I know." She whispered, reaching out she squeezed his arm gently, "I know El. And I appreciate it. And someday…someday maybe I will. Just…not today."

Knowing that she understood she could come to him for anything when and if she was ready was enough for him. At least for now. He just hoped that someday she'd open up and he could be the person that helped her through whatever it was she'd been through.

They'd lost count of how many stores they'd gone to. And everyone was the same. Either a mad dash to get the game or they were sold out. And so far, they'd had no luck. They currently sat in the truck eating lunch and he knew she was getting frustrated. Truth be told, so was he. But he didn't want to give up. He wouldn't give up. Not for her, not for Noah. "Look we have another hour or so before we have to head back so you can get Noah. We can't give up yet."

Sighing, she looked over at him and said, "I just don't want him to be disappointed…I don't want him to stop believing. I know he's seven but he's still a little kid. And I never believed…I don't want that for him."

He frowned and reached for his drink, "You never believed?"

She smiled sadly realizing she'd opened up without even realizing it, "I tried…but somehow Santa always seemed to skip our house. So it was either Santa thought I was a terrible kid or he wasn't real…and eventually I just decided he wasn't real."

His heart broke for her, thinking about her as a child waiting up at night and hoping to find something under her tree from Santa. Then he wondered if she ever even had a tree. "Liv…"

She grimaced slightly and folded up the paper in her hand, "It's fine El. All in the past. What matters right now is making sure Noah still has a shot at believing…so." She looked at her phone, "Let's go down to the Target we were talking about and see if they have it."

And so they did just that, but like all the stores before it, they were out. On and on they went, finally finding a store that claimed to have a lot in stock. They'd been standing in line for the last thirty minutes and Elliot desperately had to pee. He was fidgeting beside her, looking around the store and Olivia looked at him quickly, "Are you okay?"

He cleared his throat, "I should have listened to you and not ordered the large coke…"

She couldn't help but laugh as they moved forward in the line, "Someday you'll listen to me." He grimaced and moved his weight from side to side, "Elliot, just go."

He gave her a look, "We're so close to the front."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "You really wanna pee your pants here in the middle of this store like a child?"

He groaned and turned left, "I'll be right back."

She laughed and moved ahead again, feeling a little more hopeful this time around. And then when it was finally her turn up front she smiled, "Hi. I'm looking for rock band? I'm hoping you have it."

The woman pulled it out and said, "For the Wii?" Olivia nodded and she slid it across to her, "That'll be $250."

Olivia's heart dropped as she pulled out her credit card, "What?"

The woman smiled sadly, "Sorry ma'am…it's gone up in price closer to the Holiday since it's in such high demand."

Olivia sighed and slid the card across the counter, "It's..it's fine. I'll take it."

The woman took her card and went to scan it, immediately her face fell, "Um…I'm sorry but this card was declined."

Olivia grimaced knowing she'd spent more than she had anticipated already and had used this card to pay off some bills, "Oh…um." She rifled through her wallet again and pulled out another one, "Can you try this please?"

The woman took the second card and tried once again, "I'm…I'm sorry maybe it's the computer. We've been so busy and-"

"No." Olivia reached for both cards, feeling the rush of embarrassment course through her body. This had happened before, and every time it did, she wanted to crawl into a hole and die, "It's…it's fine." She cleared her throat and stepped back, "I…I'll try another time. I'm sorry to have wasted your time."

Something in Olivia's demeanor must have been telling and the woman felt terrible. Instead of placing it back on the shelf behind her, she placed it under the counter and watched as Olivia walked away. Then she saw a man approach her and she decided she'd hold onto it, just in case. Turning to the next customer she wished she could have done something for her.

Elliot was surprised to see her not in line, even more, surprised to see her empty-handed, "What happened?"

She looked up at him and shrugged, "Sold out."

There was no way in hell she was going to tell him the truth. The embarrassment alone would make her crumble. Elliot frowned, "Seriously? I had a good feeling about this one."

She shook her head, "El, it's fine. I need to get back though and pick up Noah. So…I think we should call it a day."

He sighed and moved with her towards the door, "Alright…"

But as they walked to the truck, he saw a man walking towards his car and he knew for a fact he'd been behind them in line. In his hand was the very game they'd been trying to get. And then he knew what had really happened. If he were to ask again, he knew she'd get defensive. She was so strong, so determined to be the best Mother she could be and she took pride in being able to provide for her son all on her own. She'd never ask for help. Especially financial help. But he also knew this was going to break her heart. So he made a choice.

"Shit." Olivia looked over at him with a frown on her face, "I think I dropped my wallet inside."

Olivia looked back at the store, "Oh no…I'll go with you and-"

"No. No." He pointed towards the truck, "You get in the truck. Warm it up. I'll be back in a second. It's probably in the bathroom. No need for both of us to go…"

Olivia frowned and reached for the door handle, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Will only take a minute." He replied, "Be right back…"

She seemed too sad to protest which is how he knew his assumption was correct. He waited until she was in the truck before quickly turning back towards the store. He jogged across the street and made a beeline to the front where they'd been in line. By some stroke of luck, there was only one other individual waiting. And then, when it was finally his turn, he opened his mouth to respond but the same woman pulled something from under the counter, "How'd you know?"

She smiled and shrugged, "Just had a hunch…"

Elliot looked down at the game, "What happened?"

The woman smiled, "Her cards were declined…" She saw Elliot sigh and she shrugged, "I'm a single Mother…I've been there."

Elliot reached for his wallet, "I'll take it." The woman started to smile and he blushed, "Please."

She started to ring him up and took his card, "She's lucky…"

Elliot took the bag with the box in it and took his card back, "No. I'm the lucky one." He tapped the top of the counter, "Thank you. Merry Christmas."

She smiled and gave him a wave, "Merry Christmas."

As he walked back outside, he just hoped she was too distracted to notice what he had in his hand. He knew she'd fight him on this and his only hope was to make it a surprise for both Noah and Olivia. Glad he'd put the cover over the trunk, he knew he had a way to hide this. Opening the back gate, he slid the item into place in one of the compartments and then slammed it shut. That caught Olivia's attention and she turned to look at him.

He smiled and climbed into the truck, "The back gate was open."

Olivia was too tired to question it and nodded, "Oh. Okay."

Reaching for his seat belt he asked, "You sure you don't want to try one more-"

"No." She said quickly, "I don't want to be late getting Noah. He'll…he'll just have to understand. It's just a game…he has more than most. It's good. Everything is fine." She was rambling, she knew she was but she just wanted to get out of here, "Thank you…thank you though. For…for being here with me. For spending your day on this…it means a lot."

Elliot reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, "Liv…" She bit her lip and he whispered, "I shouldn't have to say this…but I'm gonna keep saying it." He saw her hold her breath, "You are an incredible Mother. Okay?"

She relaxed slightly and whispered, "Thanks El…"

They drove off, both thinking very different things. One dreading Christmas morning. The other hoping it would make her start to believe in the magic of Christmas for once…

Christmas morning came quickly and Olivia was more depressed than ever. She'd been up half the night dreading the disappointed look on her son's face when he realized he wouldn't be getting exactly what he wanted. She heard the familiar pitter-patter of feet and a moment later, her bedroom door whipped open and Noah came running, launching himself onto her bed, "Mom! Wake up!"

Slowly, she rolled to her side and tried to smile, "Morning baby…"

Noah was practically jumping up and down, "He came. He came. He came!"

Sitting up slowly, she reached for him and whispered teasingly, "Who came?"

Noah squirmed in her embrace, "Moooom! Santa! Santa came!"

She smiled and leaned back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, "Told you you were a good boy this year."

He smiled up at her and started to tug on her arm, "Can we go open them?"

She knew she couldn't put this off any longer and slowly nodded, "Sure. Let's go…"

Noah threw himself off the bed and ran out into the living room again. He didn't hesitate to run straight to the tree, quickly rifling through gifts to see which ones were for him. Walking into the living room, she sat down beside him and smiled, "Slow down babe…they're not going anywhere."

Noah smiled at her and opened the first gift, a new pair of snow boots and he smiled, "Blue! My favorite color!"

She smiled at his sheer excitement and knew that he'd be okay without the game, but God he deserved it, "We're supposed to get snow tomorrow so that will be perfect."

Noah continued to go through the handful of presents by the tree, overjoyed by each item, no matter how small they may be. He gave Olivia a few gifts of her own, an ornament he'd made at school and a frame he'd painted with Elliot with a picture of him and his Mother. "Do you like them?"

Olivia reached for him and pulled him into her lap, "I love them, Noah. Thank you."

Noah smiled and looked down at all the gifts he'd been given. "Santa did good this year."

He said not one word about the game but somehow, she still saw the disappointment on his face even if he tried to hide it, "Yeah I-"

"Wait." Noah frowned and crawled to the left of the tree, "There's one more under here. And it has my name on it!"

Olivia frowned as he pulled it out, not recognizing it at all, "What?"

Noah moved back towards her and sat down, "It has my name on it!"

Olivia stared at it in disbelief, "I…well…it does."

He looked up at her hopefully, "Can I open it?"

Still confused but curious, Olivia nodded, "Of course…it's your gift kid. Open it."

Noah started pulling at the wrapping paper, tearing it excitedly. And there it was. The one thing he wanted. The one thing Olivia had been unable to get. The smile that erupted on his face, and the sound he made was enough to make her never feel sad again. He jumped up, holding it above his head, "He brought it! Santa brought it! I forgot it on the list but he still brought it!"

Tears brimmed in Olivia's eyes because she knew that Santa had a different name. Elliot Stabler. "He…he did."

Noah looked back at her, saw the tears in her eyes, and frowned, "Mom? Why are you sad?"

Lifting herself up onto her knees she shook her head quickly, "I'm not sad babe…I'm just…I'm sorry I didn't sleep well last night. I'm…I'm super excited for you." She smiled and whispered, "I can't wait to play it with you!"

Noah beamed at her, "Elliot too!"

She smiled and reached up to tap his nose, "Elliot too…"

Noah picked up the box again and shouted, "Best Christmas ever!"

And she knew he was right about that…

Olivia knew that Elliot had gone to church with his Mom and would be back later. She was settled at the Cabot's house, Noah telling Alex's parents all about his gifts, raving the most about the new game he couldn't wait to play with Elliot. From the corner, Olivia stood with her glass of wine, the smile never leaving her face as she listened to him. Alex walked up beside her and smiled, "Now that's the face of a kid who had a hell of a Christmas…"

Olivia looked over at her friend and smiled, "Yes. It is."

Alex watched her carefully and then whispered, "I thought you said you couldn't get the game…that you looked everywhere."

Olivia licked her lips nervously and shrugged, "And that was the truth…"

Alex's face softened, "Oh my God…Did E-"

"Shhh…" Olivia grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the kitchen, "I don't want Noah to hear you. He still thinks Santa brought it to him."

Alex covered her mouth with her hand, "Wow."

"I know." She whispered softly, "I have to call him…I can't believe he would do this." She stopped and then laughed, shaking her head, "Actually…I can I just…" She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "I just don't know why…"

Alex smiled sadly at her and leaned closer, "Yes, you do."

Tears burned in Olivia's eyes and she leaned back against the counter behind her, "I just don't know how to let him in Alex. But the more time I spend with him…I know I can't lose him. And Noah won't survive it either. Besides you, he's the best friend I've ever had and it scares me to think that someone could be that important to be that quickly. This isn't supposed to happen…"

"Says who?" Alex asked softly, "People fall in love all the time, Liv. Look at me and Matt…my parents. Look at the millions of people who do it every day and are happy. Why can't you let yourself have that?"

"Because." She whispered, "Because I'm not even supposed to be here. I wasn't wanted. So how the hell could someone as amazing as him want me?"

"Oh, Olivia…" She reached for her friend's hand and pulled her in for a hug, "Liv, you need to realize that what happened to your Mother was not your fault. And you can't punish yourself forever. I won't let you." She heard her best friend crying and pulled back, "Does he know?"

Olivia shook her head, "No. He's asked about my Mom before I just…I can't tell him. Every time I've gone to say it I just…I freeze. I can't stand the thought of him knowing the truth. It will change the way he looks at me. I know it will."

"No it won't." She said, shaking her head, "How could it? You are not your Mother and you sure as hell aren't your…" She frowned, "Well I won't even call him your Father because he doesn't deserve that title. Just like Noah's doesn't deserve that title either."

Olivia looked right at her, "I'm not ready…"

"Okay." She said with a sigh, "But…does that mean you won't ever be ready?"

"I don't know." She whispered softly, "I just don't know Alex…"

They both heard Noah laughing at something in the living room and Alex whispered, "You deserve happiness Olivia Benson. And so does your son…and I think Elliot is the key to that." She pulled back and squeezed her arm, "But take all the time you need. I know he knows you're worth it."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched her friend walk away. She moved towards the sink, letting herself be distracted by the need to clean, to keep her hands moving. But after a while, she knew she had to call him. She needed to hear his voice and thank him for what he had done. Excusing herself to one of the back rooms, she dialed the familiar number and waited.

He answered after the third ring, "Merry Christmas Ms. Benson."

Olivia held her breath and closed her eyes, "Merry Christmas Mr. Stabler."

She could hear people talking in the background as he moved towards a quieter area, "Hang on a second…my Mom is telling a story I've heard about a thousand times. And she loves this one. I want to be able to hear all about Noah's morning." She heard a door close and then, "Alright, so…did he have a good Christmas?"

Her voice cracked as she spoke, "Elliot…why'd you do it?" She heard him shifting nervously on the other end of the phone, "You shouldn't have done that…you didn't need to do that. I-"

"Liv…" He heard her sniffle slightly and he sighed, "Was he happy? I mean…did he look happy?"

She looked down at her lap and whispered, "Happier than I've ever seen him…"

"Well alright then. That's all that matters. Okay?" She didn't say anything and he wished he was there beside her, "I'd do it again you know. Even if you told me not to."

She held her breath as she spoke again, "I know…"

Elliot heard someone calling to him and he sighed, "Look, I gotta go. But…I was wondering…" He paused and she knew whatever he had to say was important, "Ashton and Gina always have this New Years party…and I know you said Noah was going skiing with Liam and his family. So I was wondering…if you want to go with me. As friends of course."

As friends. Of course.

God, he was a good man.

Clenching and unclenching her hands she whispered, "As friends."

He smiled, not expecting a damn thing and knowing that as long as he got to spend the last few hours of this year, and the first of the new one, that would be enough. "As friends."

She knew there was nowhere else she'd rather be, he was the only one she wanted to spend the time with, "Yes."

He smiled softly to himself and whispered, "We'll talk when I get home?"

She smiled and said, "You might as well just come over…Noah's already dying to play with you. I just wish I could tell him-"

"But you won't." Elliot said quickly, "Because that would ruin the magic of Christmas. And then…what's the point of all this?"

She sighed and then whispered, "You're a good man Elliot Stabler…"

He smiled, closing his eyes, envisioning her in his mind just as he always did, "And you…are a hell of a woman. And even better Mom. Merry Christmas Liv."

She wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye and replied, "Merry Christmas El…"

The next few days were a blur of holiday activity and work for Olivia. The day before New Years Eve, she came home to find Elliot and Noah playing Rock Band in the living room. Elliot on drums and Noah on guitar. She'd gotten held up at work and Lucy had called Elliot to see if he could fill in for the last hour as she had a plane to catch. He of course didn't hesitate to come by. From the doorway, Olivia smiled at the two of them not being able to tell who was having more fun.

As they finished up the song and received their highest score, the two of them jumped up and did a celebratory dance they had not shown anyone. Not even Olivia. But they both froze when they saw her, "Mom." "Liv."

She put a hand over her mouth and smiled, "Well that was…something."

Both of them blushed but Noah ran to her and gave her a hug, "How was work?"

"Good." She said, running her hands through his hair, "Did you eat?"

"Lucy made pasta before she left. There is plenty." Noah said, "In fact…I think I want some more."

She smiled as he ran off towards the fridge, Ember following close behind. Elliot cleaned up the game as best he could and walked over to her, "Hey…sorry about the mess."

She shook her head, "No need for apologies. It's good to see him smile like that. And thank you…for taking over for Lucy. I really appreciate it."

He shrugged and whispered, "Anytime." He cleared his throat and looked at Noah as he got himself a bowl, "So…you still want to come tomorrow night?"

"Yeah…if you still want me to come of course." She said with a little shrug and a nervous smile.

He rolled his eyes, "Do you have to ask?"

She blushed and looked down, "Are you sure there isn't anything I can bring? I called Gina but she said they were all set. And I feel bad bringing wine since she's pregnant but…"

"No need to bring anything. The twins will be with Ashton's parents and it will just be a group of our friends. People I'd like you to meet. But it will be pretty casual."

"So…what should I wear then?" She asked curiously, "I mean is this casual in the sense of I can wear jeans and a shirt or should I wear a dress?"

"I'm probably gonna wear some slacks and a button-down. The girls usually wear dresses. But nothing over the top. Whatever you're comfortable in is fine." He said before adding, "Besides, you'll look stunning in whatever you choose."

Olivia laughed nervously and pointed at him, "Oh you're gonna be trouble…aren't you?"

He smiled and reached for his coat since he had to go to work soon, "Good trouble, I swear."

She rolled her eyes playfully and pushed him back, "Doubtful." She looked over at Noah, "Say goodbye to Elliot hon. You won't see him again until you get back."

Noah ran over to him and high-fived him and then quickly hugged him, "See ya later Elliot."

Elliot smiled and hugged him back, "See ya bud. Have an awesome time skiing. Can't wait to hear all about it." He gave Liv a wink and said, "Pick you up at 9?"

"Sounds good." She whispered and then pet Ember as she walked past her to meet Elliot in the hallway.

After she closed the door, she turned to see her son staring at her with a huge smile, "What's that look for?"

Noah shrugged and asked, "Are you going on a date with Elliot tomorrow night?"

Her mouth hung open slightly and she scoffed, "What? No. It's not a date. We're just friends Noah. You know that."

Noah shrugged again, "But do you want to be more than friends?"

She sighed and walked over to him, tilting his head back slightly, 'How old are you again? Seven or seventeen?" Noah laughed, "Why are you suddenly so interested in my dating life?"

Noah stared at her, "Well you've never dated anyone…at least not as long as I've been alive."

There'd been Brian Cassidy of course but she wouldn't exactly call that dating. More like random hookups whenever she didn't want to be alone. But that fizzled out sooner than even she'd expected and after that, she decided it was better to keep her dating life and her home life separate. But boy did it get lonely sometimes. Not to mention…frustrating. But her son did not need to know that. "Alright, enough questions for one night mister. Let's go make sure you're all packed. You're leaving early tomorrow."

Noah watched her as she moved towards his bedroom, "Hey Mom?" She turned to look at him expectantly before adding, "You know I just want you to be happy…right?"

She smiled softly, "I know baby. And I am…don't worry about me. Okay? I have you. What else do I need?"

She turned again and walked back towards his bedroom. He let out a heavy sigh and knew that for now, the conversation was over. He just hoped that maybe tomorrow would mean more to this Mom than she realized. Because if it were up to him, Elliot would live here permanently. Right where he belonged.

The following day, Olivia got Noah off to the Martin's, ran errands, and came home pretending like she'd be able to take a nap to be ready for tonight. In reality, she lay in bed thinking about what tonight would bring and what the hell it would mean. The more she thought of Elliot these days, the more she realized how desperately she wanted him. Especially in bed…

She had about an hour before she had to start getting ready for the night and her mind kept wandering. To him and only him. What was under those henley shirts and perfectly fitting jeans? She'd seen him without a shirt that first day they met and she knew there were muscles galore. But she didn't have to see him fully naked to know he'd be the sexiest man she'd ever seen. Not to mention…there was no way the man wasn't incredibly endowed. She'd been with three men in her life. And all of them had been…a bit disappointing.

Her first had been in High School, both of them virgins, fumbling as they went. They'd only slept together a handful of times and she'd hoped it would get better with time but it never quite did. The second…was Noah's Father. Looking back on it, she realized he was all talk and not a lot of action. He was good-looking enough from what she remembered and at the time she just wanted to be loved. He'd shown interest and even if it was wrong because he was her superior, she'd jumped (quite literally) into his bed. With him…it felt good. Or so she thought. But it was usually rushed and she realized now it was because he always had somewhere else he needed to be…home with his wife.

And then after him, there was Brian. Noah had been two the first time they'd fooled around. She'd gone to a party with Alex and had a little too much wine and one thing led to another. And then it kept happening but each time was no more than a few minutes and she swore sometimes she didn't even realize they were actually doing it. Which wasn't surprising since Brian Cassidy wasn't all that big…so to speak.

She was jealous of all those women who boasted about their sex lives. About the men (or women for that matter) that worked their bodies in ways she could only dream of. She'd never even had a man go down on her. Here she was, about to be 28 years old and she was like a horny teenager. Before she knew what she was doing, her hands were inching their way down her body, caressing her skin softly. Lower and lower her fingers crept, teasing herself through her sweatpants. And then, she couldn't take it anymore.

Quickly, she slipped her hand under her clothes, finding herself already warm and wet and all she was doing was imagining him. Imagining him standing in front of her, taking his clothes off, taking her clothes off, that stupid grin on his face that made her knees buckle. He was so fucking strong, she knew he'd have no problem lifting her, laying her down on the bed, holding her up against a wall, doing all sorts of things she'd only dreamed of. Her finger swirled around her clit as she imagined him holding her, pinning her down on the bed, touching her in all the most intimate of places, everywhere she wanted him to touch her. Where she'd assumed he'd touch her that first night and yet he didn't.

It had been six months now but he hadn't so much as mentioned it, never pressured her. Sure he flirted but still, he waited and God she loved him for that. Her fingers stopped when she realized what she'd thought of. Love. Biting her lip she groaned and kept moving her fingers. Slowly she slipped one inside of her pussy, and she imagined his fingers instead, so much longer, thicker and she whimpered and slipped in a second finger, pumping hard and fast. She was sweating now, eyes shut tight, her second hand reaching up to the front of her body, cupping her breast through the rough material of her t-shirt. She was so close, right there. If she just kept moving, kept imagining him, the look on his face while he fucked her she could-

Ring. Ring. Ring.

She groaned and looked to her left to see her phone beside her. It was Alex. She could ignore it. She should ignore it. The phone stopped and she sighed, going back to what she was doing, not a care in the world. And then it started again and she growled knowing that if her friend was calling a second time it was important. Trying to sound calm, she grabbed the phone and pressed it to her ear, realizing she was slightly out of breath.

"Hi Alex." She panted, grimacing when she heard herself.

"Oh thank God you answered!" Alex paused, "Wait…why do you sound like that? Are you okay?"

She blushed and lay back on the bed again, "I…I was working out. I'm fine." Clearing her throat she asked, "So-sorry I missed your first call. Is everything okay?"

"Matt proposed!" She yelled quickly and Olivia smiled, realizing he hadn't been able to wait after all, "We were standing on the top of the mountain and he just…he dropped down to one knee and said he couldn't wait any longer. He didn't even have a ring but I don't care! He said we can go together and pick one out. And…and I said yes!"

A huge smile erupted on her face and she whispered, "Alex…I'm so happy for you!"

"I can't believe it." She could hear the emotion in her voice, "I had to call you first. I just couldn't wait and…and you'll be my maid of honor, right?"

"I better be!" Olivia said with a laugh, "If you asked anyone else I'd be insulted!"

Olivia could hear Matt calling to her friend and she smiled, "Listen…I have to go. We're going out but…but I had to call you. And…and I'll call tomorrow and tell you everything?"

Olivia sat up, "You better! Or I'm gonna track you down."

Alex sighed, "And I will want to hear about your night too. All about it! And…" She started to laugh and then whispered, "Liv…I'm getting married."

"You're getting married." She said softly, "This is huge. This is good. Really good. Tell Matt I said congratulations. Go celebrate!"

She heard her friend laugh, "I will! And have fun tonight Liv! We can plan my wedding…and then who knows…maybe yours!"

Olivia blushed and couldn't help but laugh, "One at a time…okay? Happy New Year Alex."

"Happy New Year! I think it's going to be our best year yet!" She called and quickly hung up.

Olivia lay back on the bed, a huge smile on her face. Her earlier dreams were forgotten. Her best friend was getting married to the man of her dreams. She'd never been happier for her. Looking down at her body she laughed, God help her she thought. She could wait a little longer…or so she thought.

Olivia stood at Ashton and Gina's Brooklyn home smiling at the pictures of them as a family, the twins were adorable. She hoped she could meet them someday soon. Elliot had gone to help Ashton with something and she was left alone which was fine with her. She was wearing a black dress, a bit tighter than she normally wore and shiny silver shoes. She'd curled her hair a bit and done her make-up more than usual. As she stood there with a drink in her hand, she thought back to Elliot's reaction upon seeing her.

"Damn Benson…" She'd laughed nervously and he sighed, "Just when I think you can't get more beautiful…"

She was smiling against her glass, remembering what it felt like to have his hand on her lower back as she walked into the house. How he'd looked at her as he introduced her to all of his friends. No one had ever looked at her like that. Men had looked at her letting her know they thought she was attractive. That they wanted her in bed. But Elliot, Elliot looked at her like she was the most important thing in the world like she could do no wrong. And, that was a hell of a lot of pressure.

"Elliot should be back in a minute." Olivia turned to see Gina standing there, a hand on her growing bump. "You need anything?"

Olivia lowered her glass and shook her head, "Oh no. I'm fine. Thank you though. You have a beautiful home. Thank you for inviting me…"

Gina smiled and reached for a water for herself on the table, "Of course! I've been telling Ashton I wanted to meet you for ages. I've known Elliot a long time and he has never talked about a girl the way he talks about you." She smiled when she saw the nervous look on Olivia's face, "So…I knew you must be important."

Olivia looked down at the ground in front of them, "He talks about you and Ash a lot too. And your kids. I know he adores them."

Gina's face lit up when she thought of her two children, "Jessie and Luca absolutely love their Uncle Elliot. Jessie has him wrapped around her finger and Luca looks at him like he is a Superhero. And quite frankly he is…he brought my husband back to me. And for that…I'll forever be grateful."

Olivia saw the sadness on her face, even all these years later. She couldn't imagine the fear she'd felt that day thinking she'd never see her husband again. "Must be hard…letting him go sometimes."

Gina smiled, "Well you're a cop yourself…so you know that life is unpredictable. Something I've always known." She shrugged, "My Father was a firefighter too…he passed away when I was 15. Building collapse…" Olivia's breath caught in her throat, "And yet…I married one." She sighed, "But lord knows I tried to deny him. I must have said no a dozen times before I finally said yes."

Olivia laughed, "You did?" Gina nodded, "And he just…he waited?"

Gina smiled, knowing her own situation with Elliot was quite similar, "He waited." To the left, they both saw the men coming towards them and Gina leaned in, "And so will he…" She squeezed her shoulder and pointed toward a group of her friends, "I should make the rounds…"

"Sure. Sure." Olivia said emotionally, "See you around."

Elliot caught her eye and smiled, pointed at the drink table and she nodded letting him know she'd have another one. And then he smiled wider and moved towards the bar to get her another drink. Olivia watched him and moved a little closer, just as a petite blonde woman sidled up to him and her heart started pounding harder. She slipped around the corner so she could listen but not be seen. She had no right to feel jealous, but the way the woman reached out to touch him sent a bolt of rage through her belly.

"Elliot!" The woman wrapped herself around him and he looked over at her, recognizing her but not able to put a finger on her name, "I was hoping you'd be here tonight."

Elliot fidgeted nervously and tried to smile politely, "Hey…" For some reason, the letter D seemed right and he frowned, "D…"

She placed a hand on her chest, "Dani. Dani Beck. We met at Gina's birthday party last year."

Elliot nodded slowly and reached for two drinks, "Right. Right…Dani. Good to see you again." But of course, that was a lie, he couldn't have cared less if he never saw her again, "How are you?"

"Better now that you're here." She smiled and leaned in closer, "You know…I'm newly single these days. Broke it off with my boyfriend before Christmas."

Elliot narrowed his eyes at her and nodded, "Oh. Sorry to hear that…"

She leaned into him all the way until her body was touching his, "Don't be. He wasn't…fulfilling my needs if you know what I mean."

Elliot cleared his throat and glanced around, wondering if Olivia was nearby. Little did he know she was very close, listening to every word. Her heart was pounding harder than ever before. Elliot tried to smile again but it was forced, "Well…I hope you find what you're looking for Dani. I actually-"

"Who's that girl you came in with?" She asked, her tone suddenly changing, "Your girlfriend?"

Elliot huffed and leaned back, "She's my friend. A very, very good friend. And I'd like to go make sure she's okay because she doesn't know a lot of people here."

Her eyes lit up and she whispered, "So…you're not sleeping together."

He frowned, feeling more and more irritated by the second, "Not that it's any of your business…but no. Now if you'll excuse me-"

He went to move again but she grabbed his arm, "Well if you need a kiss at midnight or need someone to go home with…"

"I won't. And even if I did…" He said, leering at her, "I wouldn't be asking you. Bye Dani."

Her face fell and Olivia slipped off again knowing she had nothing to worry about. Dani glared at him as he slipped off before calling, "You're wasting your time."

He sighed and turned back to her again, "Excuse me?"

"With that girl." She said arms crossed, "I know who she is. Everyone knows Olivia Benson…and she'll never let anyone in. You're wasting your time."

Taking a deep breath, he stepped closer to her again and said, "You don't know a damn thing about Olivia Benson or my feelings for her. I'm not wasting my time…because even if she only ever sees me as a friend…I'd still be one lucky bastard to have her in my life. Now…have a great night Beck."

Quickly he turned, realizing it was close to midnight and he didn't want to be with anyone else but Olivia, even if there was no chance of a New Year's kiss. It didn't matter. She was the only one he wanted to ring in the New Year with. He moved around the house saying hello to people as he passed, more and more anxious as he went. And then he found her. She was outside, her coat wrapped around her, a light snow falling. She was looking up at the dark sky above her.

God, she was so beautiful.

Pushing the back door open, he walked up to her and held out a new glass of champagne, "Almost midnight."

Olivia smiled and took the glass from him, "So it is. Another year come and gone…hard to believe."

"I know." He leaned against the brick wall beside him and shrugged, "Although…I'd say so far this may be my favorite year yet."

She blushed and looked down at the glass in front of her, knowing where he was going with this, "Oh yeah?"

"Uh huh." He sighed and looked around, "Careers going great. Me and Ember are settled in the apartment…and…" He looked over at her and smiled, "I met two of the best people in the world…"

She bit her lip and heard someone shout there was one minute to midnight, "Elliot…"

"Listen…" He paused and said, "I just…I want you to know that I care about you. A lot. More than I expected…that goes for you and Noah." He saw her breathing hard and fast, "I never expected either of you…but you seem to have come into my life right when I needed you most."

She felt tears burning in her eyes and she wished it could just be simple. But the fear of losing him outweighed the possibility of how good it could be. "I just…"

"I know." He whispered though it hurt, "I know Liv…and so I'm just…I'm just telling you that I'm still here. And that…this is still whatever you want and need it to be."

She looked up at him, in complete awe of this man, "I…I don't know what to say."

"So don't say anything." He said with a shrug and a soft smile, "Just…let me know that you heard me."

She took a deep breath and nodded, "I heard you."

"Alright then. Good." He looked up at the sky as the snow fell lightly around them, "That's all I needed to hear."

People started getting louder around them and she whispered, "Noah and I have this tradition…" He glanced down at her, "At midnight…we make a wish. But we both have to close our eyes and not say it out loud. Otherwise, it won't come true. And then…you have to count to 100 before you open your eyes again. He says it makes the wish come true…I don't know if that's true or not but…he's the boss so…"

He laughed and looked right at her, "So he is…"

She turned to look at him, "Close your eyes…and make a wish." The official countdown started and she smiled, "Count to 100 and don't open them again until you reach that number. No matter what, okay?"

He smiled and quickly closed his eyes, his heart racing as he did so, "You're the boss…"

10, 9, 8, 7, 6

He made his wish loud and clear in his mind. I want her. All of her. Forever. And then he started counting just as she'd said.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

"Happy New Year!" Everyone shouted from the house.

Pressing herself up on her toes, Olivia felt like she'd stopped breathing. She wasn't sure if she should even do this but she had to let him know. Had to make him understand. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to his gently for the first time since that first night. And still, that spark was there, even stronger than before. She heard his breath hitch in his throat but he didn't open his eyes, and she knew he was still counting, just like she'd hoped.

Leaning in once more, she kissed his lips again and then his cheek, whispering in his ear, "I care too El. More than I can explain…I just need more time…" She sighed and felt his hand reach for her hip, "Please just give me a little more time…"

Still, his eyes stayed shut as he felt her pull away, now at 60, wanting to open his eyes but he didn't. Because somehow he knew she didn't want him to, "Take as long as you need Liv…"

She squeezed his arm and stepped back, turning as she walked quickly back towards the house. Still he counted. And when he got to 100, he opened his eyes, still feeling her kiss lingering on his lips. When he looked up, he saw her through the window talking to his friends and he smiled, knowing there was hope. And that…that was enough for him. He'd wait as long as she needed because God she was worth it. And he knew they would be t